Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Feedback from a guy
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 4 years, 6 months ago by
A.
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anon
I dated a guy last Spring and it seemed to be going really well. He was pursuing me, no sex, mutual attraction, great conversation and chemistry. After our 6th date he mentioned that “there was no spark”. I was a little surprised, but I was like, OK, I respect your opinion. Keep in touch you are good company.
We have texted a little and in the past year he has made a really big life transition. We were texting last night and the subject of dating came up and he mentioned that he had not met anyone since me.I mentioned that he put the kibosh on a romantic relationship. He explained that he felt like I was very withdrawn, not present and guarded and that he interpreted that as low interest.
I felt like I was polite, matching his interest, I initiated a date and occasionally initiated texting. On dates, while we did not have sex, I was certainly physically interested. We made out etc.
I feel like I know this guy pretty well and he is not just trying to get sex. Part of me knows I am guarded ( he is too….). And I also know that when we dated, he was going through a major life transition, so I get the impression he was not sure of his direction.
Long story short, he asked me out again. He is a man I can see myself in a relationship with. However, I am at a point where casual is working for me and I do not want to get emotionally involved in bad bet. I have also been round with guys who circle back – however, I actually believe in this case, I am not a second choice or a booty call.
Thoughts?
Khadija
Just be upfront about what you want.
Hs
Tell hin straight up you’re keen on either friends, or dating. Nothing in between. Let him choose
Kathy
I agree with Hs, except “I” would be the one telling him what I wanted.. dating or friendship…
Ianthe
So Anon, out of interest what was your response when he told you why he ended things? If you like the guy I see no reason not to give it another shot.
From direct experience and from reading other sites, where there is equal input from males and females, I’ve no doubt at all people end things because they assume the other party isn’t interested so there’s little point in taking things further.Very rarely would they give the true reason.
In the past, I, too have had this happen to me. I remember at uni when I later caught up with one or two guys I briefly dated a year or two before, they told me the same thing! And from knowing them I’ve no reason not to believe them. A friend of an ex of mine also told me how hurt he was when we split up, something I had no idea of until that day. I’m not saying, necessarily it happens a lot, just that it’s a very definite possibility and something we should consider more. It’s not always a case of him/her not being interested, which can often be the default response.
Dangerouse
Gosh, I don’t like this at all. He dropped you because he wasn’t interested. Now he says it was your fault.
Personally, I would be concerned hes asked you out from boredom.
Just guard your heart. And don’t text him a lot.
A
Yeah, I agree with dangerouse. If a guy was truly into you, he wouldn’t drop you because of your “low interest”. He would push harder to try to win you over. I don’t buy this lame excuse.
Be honest with your intentions and like others have said, let him take the lead.
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