Question: Hello Dr. Jen, I heard that doing a sugar detox is great for losing weight, increasing energy, and burning fat. Is that true, and if so how would I go about it? Because I crave sugar all the time!
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Question: Hello Dr. Jen, I heard that doing a sugar detox is great for losing weight, increasing energy, and burning fat. Is that true, and if so how would I go about it? Because I crave sugar all the time!
I’d like to know your rules for having a friends with benefits arrangement. I’m not looking to be in a relationship right now, but I’m only human and I have needs. I want something that’s dependable enough that I can take care of my needs without having to jump from guy to guy or pick some guy up at a bar or club. Yes, I understand that this isn’t what women say they typically want, but I just got out of a long, difficult relationship and I don’t want to dive right back into commitment again.
Can you tell me the best friends with benefits rules so I can make this happen without drama or complication?
Dreaming is good.
In America, “dream big” is often the mantra of success. It’s not uncommon to hear actors, entrepreneurs, politicians, musicians, and athletes attribute their accomplishments to an undying commitment to never abandoning their dreams, no matter how bleak the path ahead may have appeared. In the words of Jim Carrey, “It is better to risk starving to death than surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what’s left?”
It is indeed inspiring to hear tales of perseverance: stories about people who held onto optimism and the hope that somehow, someday, the life they were living would match the life they could only imagine. That the wait would be over, and the finish line would make the whole journey—all the pain, the disappointment, the rejection—finally worth it.
But does dreaming big work well for your love life?
Question: Hello Dr. Jen, I have a two-part question. The first is I’m wondering what I can do to get a thigh gap. Also, is it true that it’s impossible for some people to ever have a thigh gap?
When you’re single, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that everything will be perfect when you find the right guy. I’ll admit that I was once guilty of this line of thinking. It can seem like a relationship is that one missing piece and once you have it, you will finally have it all. Then maybe you meet a guy, you click, you start dating, and all seems to be running smoothly until certain unpleasant realities of being in a relationship start to creep in, either slowly and by degrees or quickly and all at once.
Relationships take work; there is no way around that. You can be totally perfect for one another, you can love each other like crazy, you can be wildly attracted to one another, you can even be soul mates, and you will still have to work at it. When you’re in a relationship, it isn’t just about you anymore. Your choices, your actions, your behavior, your tone of voice, your mood, and so forth all affect someone else (and vice versa). A relationship is a partnership, and having a partner is amazing in many ways, but it also means there is someone else in the picture who matters. And like you, he also comes with a fair amount of baggage, issues, unresolved pain from the past, etc.
When a relationship starts to get real, it can be confusing and overwhelming. You may wonder if you’ve made a mistake, if maybe this isn’t the right relationship. You may feel wronged because this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. All relationships will hit points where you struggle, and actually, the struggles are a good thing. When handled right, they can make you even stronger as a couple. But when dealt with improperly, they can cause irreparable harm (to both you and the relationship).
Here are five not-so-fun facts you must face about being in a relationship:
The Beatles sang, “All You Need is Love” and it’s true, we do need love…if only it could be easier to find.
Love is a small word with a big meaning, a meaning that is a unique experience for everyone and can mean very different things from one person to the next. A man might say he loves a woman and not feel it…or he might feel it strongly but be unable to say it. Knowing how he feels is a lot more complicated than just hearing the words. Fortunately, how much he loves you is something that can be measured and quantified which is why we’ve created this quiz.
Take this super easy, super quick quiz to find out if this guy really loves you and wants to commit to you for life.
The quiz will ask you 9 questions about your relationship. As long as you answer honestly, you will get startlingly (even shockingly) accurate results and will know for sure whether he loves you or not.
Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)
You meet a guy, sparks ignite, you spend time together, you’re into him, he’s really into you, you can’t help but think of the amazing future that lies ahead….and then something shifts.
Suddenly he’s not as attentive, he doesn’t pursue you with the same level of enthusiasm, he doesn’t text in the middle of the day just to say he’s thinking about you, he doesn’t go above and beyond. He’s still there…but something seems to have changed.
Sometimes this doesn’t mean anything. The guy just got busy or wrapped up in other areas of his life and the girl gets herself into a panic over nothing. Other times, he is over the relationship, he just doesn’t quite know how to break it to you.
No matter what, that sense of panic and dread can cause a real hindrance to your life and happiness. It can also put an unnecessary dent in your relationship.
To help you find out what’s going on and where he stands, take this super easy, super quick quiz to find out if he’s losing interest….or if you’re just being paranoid and everything is fine.
The quiz will ask you 10 questions about your relationship. As long as you answer honestly, you will get startlingly (even shockingly) accurate results and will know for sure how he feels.
Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)
Looking to tone up your booty for the upcoming short shorts season? There are a variety of Pilates exercises that are perfect not only for glute strength, but for hamstring, back, and ab strength as well. Many of us who spend a lot of time sitting during the day have tight hip flexors. Hip flexors are a group of large muscles that connect the front thigh to the pelvis and are in charge of flexing at the hip joint. Tight hip flexor muscles can pull your pelvis out of whack, which can lead to bad posture and low back pain. Performing exercises that focus on the glutes and hamstrings is perfect for realigning the pelvis and opening up tight hips while also shaping up that booty.
In my last article about toning your abs, I mentioned that Pilates is a full-body workout with an emphasis on the core. Meaning you never just work one muscle group; instead, you use the core to develop a deep connection through your entire body, from head to toe. Strengthening the core connection can help correct posture, heal back pain, prevent injuries, and rehabilitate.
It’s no surprise that Pilates is gaining immense popularity in the fitness world. I truly believe that if done mindfully, it is the healthiest and most efficient form of exercise.
Here are my three favorite exercises to tighten and tone your backside:
I have been seeing this guy for a little while now, it’s a long-distance relationship and we aren’t exclusive. When we’re together, he seems super into me. He talks about me to his friends, engages in PDA, and compliments me all the time. He initiates every conversation, checks up on me if I don’t reply, makes plans in advance, clears his schedule for me, etc., and I know for a fact that he isn’t seeing or hooking up with anyone else.
He tells me he misses me and that distance sucks because we can’t be together, but adds that we should keep our options open in the meantime. I tried ending it, but he begged me not to (although he also said he would understand if that’s what I truly wanted). In the end, we both decided to keep the lines of communication open.
I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he says he genuinely likes me but still wants to play the field when I’m not around and doesn’t mind if another guy snatches me up. Is distance a legitimate reason not to commit, or is he just not that into me?
Cardio workouts are a great way to shed pounds, but my favorite way to tone up is by focusing on deep core muscles. Pilates exercises develop a strong core connection through a full-body workout.
We all hear talk about the core, but many don’t realize the core goes beyond abdominals. As defined in Pilates, specific muscles make up the core: the transversus abdominis, your internal abs; the pelvic floor, at the base of your abs and attached to the pelvis; the diaphragm, which extends across the bottom of the rib cage and is used for breathing; and the multifidus, a small but powerful muscle that supports your spine. Essentially, these muscles are in charge of stabilizing your trunk and pelvis, so a strong core will enhance balance and stability as well as help prevent injuries.
Pilates exercises are a great way to get you to a flat tummy because of their abdominal focus and overall core challenge. In addition to all the core muscles already mentioned, Pilates exercises can challenge the rectus abdominis, your superficial abs, and the obliques, your lateral abs. When engaging your core, imagine a corset around your waistline hugging your abs in towards your spine.
Want to give your abs a run for their money? Here are three of my favorite ultra-challenging Pilates exercises. As you work through them, pay attention to detail by beginning with a slow and steady pace.
After my ex-husband and I divorced, I dated a lot. You could say I was sowing my wild oats, or the twenties I didn’t have a chance to experience. I had missed out on figuring out who I was, but also figuring out what I wanted in a partner. So, suddenly single in my mid-thirties, I had a lot of learning to do. I had two boyfriends during those six years of healing, and a few quasi-relationships in between. That time was strewn with breakups – some of which stuck, and some which did not. There were a multitude of reasons why this happened.
So if you’re nursing your breakup wounds and contemplating getting back together with your ex, before you do, make sure you’re not doing it for any of these ten reasons:
So your friend is dating this guy and you’re thinking he’s bad news. It’s the kind of situation where you can feel stuck: On the one hand, you love your friend and want her to be in a healthy relationship. On the other hand, you know that if you say something to her, she may not take it well and it may ruin your friendship. What’s a girl to do?
Every situation is different, but here are some points that may apply to your situation and can be helpful to explore as you figure out the next right step:
I don’t know what the biggest relationship issue was before the invention of cell phones, but in this digital day and age the culprit behind most issues and confusions is texting.
Women can’t seem to understand why guys take so long to text back and men are either oblivious to all the turmoil their texts (or lack thereof) cause, or they just don’t get what the big freakin deal is!
Trust me, I get it. I’ve been guilty of waiting with baited breath for my phone to make that beloved ding, I’ve played Text Detective, I’ve endured the agonizing pain of a stomach twisted in knots and a mind demanding to know: Why is he taking so long to write back?… Why haven’t I heard from him today, isn’t he thinking about me?… Why are his answers so short and vague, is he not into me anymore?…. Why did he initiate a conversation and then just disappear?
I’ve asked all the questions and have experienced the roller coaster of emotions that they produce. But why? Why do we get so wound up and stressed and anxious?
I’ve given this topic a lot of thought and narrowed it down to three main reasons why us ladies work ourselves into such a tizzy over a guy’s texting habits. Here they are:
[continue reading…]
Being cheated on is one of the most painful, shattering experiences, one that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. I unfortunately know first hand how brutal it is. You feel betrayed, your trust is destroyed, your self-esteem is ravaged, and you can’t stop questioning what you did wrong and what signs you must have missed.
The one thing I wish I had realized a decade ago, when the guy I considered to be the love of my life cheated on me, is that it really had nothing to do with me, it was the result of his own internal issues. And that’s how it usually goes. The reason I was so confused back then is I didn’t have an understanding of the male psyche, and I didn’t know the internal psychological factors that cause men to cheat.
I am not saying there is an excuse why he did it, but there is a reason. And knowing the reason can be therapeutic in a way. So here is the real reason why men cheat:
How can I find happiness? It’s a questions most of us have asked. Many people spend their lives searching for the answer. Some of us go through life believing the right relationship will open the gateways to eternal happiness. Others believe it’s the perfect job. And there are those who fall victim to western ideals and believe happiness is reserved only for the beautiful and thin.
The idea of a happy and meaningful life has become unnecessarily complicated in some circles, says author and certified positive psychology coach Lynda Wallace, who left a high-powered executive career with Johnson & Johnson to pursue her real passion – helping individuals and groups achieve greater happiness and success.
“Happiness has been appropriately cited as a goal in political debates on issues from taxation to the social safety net to marriage equality, but the debate is often confused,” says Wallace, author of “A Short Course in Happiness: Practical Steps to a Happier Life,” which topped Amazon’s Self-Help Best Seller list.
“Some people claim that happiness is all in your DNA or bank account. The truth is that happiness is largely a matter of everyday choices and actions. There are straightforward, well-researched, and effective things every one of us can do to create greater happiness in our lives and in the lives of those we care about.”
The essential elements of a happy life are not mysterious, she says. Research shows that the happiest people do four basic things that make the difference: they focus on what is good and positive in their lives; cope effectively with life’s inevitable challenges; develop strong relationships; and pursue meaningful goals.
“We can all become happier by putting our efforts into these areas,” Wallace says.
One of the first steps we can take is to get past some of the common misconceptions about happiness that can stand in our way. Wallace offers these four examples: [continue reading…]
If you’re waiting for the day that you’ll wake up and *poof* have the iron-clad willpower of Gywneth Paltrow, then, well…you might be waiting for quite a while. In my opinion, willpower—for the most part—is not a genetic blessing possessed by only the skinny elite. To me, willpower is created through a series of conscious efforts that later help you make good decisions.
Here’s what I mean: [continue reading…]
Misery, as painful as it is, can be comfortable in its familiarity. It’s easy to sink into despair. Picking yourself up and forging onward is a bit more daunting. The problem is, a lot of us play a passive role in our own lives. We let circumstances and situations dictate who we are and how we feel, and then find solace in the fact that it’s not our fault. In life, we can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to things, and that is oftentimes the difference between feeling free and happy or trapped and miserable.
Happiness doesn’t just happen. It’s not something that shows up at your door one day as a consolation prize for years of pain and suffering. It takes some work, both on the inside and out. Misery is easy because frankly, life is hard. Stress is inevitable, and so is heartbreak, rejection, disappointment, criticism, and feelings of defeat.
Being miserable is a combination of how you live your life and how you process the inevitable things that happen. A lot of us don’t even realize all the ways we’re creating our own misery. And with that, here are six guaranteed ways to be absolutely miserable:
Most people don’t realize that stress (and how you relate to your own emotions) is by far the biggest factor in whether your relationships succeed or fail.
Although it’s been said… many times…many ways…
You can’t find love in the world until you can find it within yourself…Your relationships with others are only as good as your relationship with yourself…We can only give love freely when there’s enough within ourselves to give away.
OK – we get it!
But what’s the opposite of love within ourselves, then? What blocks this “love” within ourselves that would and should flow out into our relationships? I would call it “stress” in general, but here are some common expressions of it:
– fear, worry, insecurity, doubt
– anger, bitterness, cynicism, sarcasm
– jealousy, criticizing, insulting, hatred
– resentment, holding grudges
– feeling unloved, unappreciated, unnoticed
But rather than listing more expressions of stress and explaining how it blocks your potential for love, let me give you a couple of examples that illustrate why you can’t have love in your life when you’re stressed. I will also share ten personal secrets learned to live a stress free life and have better relationships with everyone.
In today’s non-stop society, it’s hard to find time to workout. It’s even harder to stay motivated when your workouts aren’t producing any results.
Read below to learn how five simple (and very common) mistakes can make your workouts less effective. [continue reading…]
Just when you feel like you survived being single through the holiday season, Valentine’s Day shows up. Hearing peers and colleagues speak about their Valentine’s Day plans and being asked about your own can trigger all sorts of feelings. For some, it can feel like February 14th is Prom Night for grown-ups, and there you are without a date. Sure, you’re looking better now than you did back in your high school days of awkward braces and shoulder pads, but adolescence doesn’t have a monopoly on the experience of feeling inadequate and excluded.
In the movies the leading lady ends up with a prom date at the last minute (and somehow has the perfect dress and a gorgeous updo done in minutes, but I digress), but hoping for that fantasy to be your reality may set you up for disappointment. So here are some helpful tips for getting through Valentine’s Day…sans Ben & Jerry’s.
alone: adjective \?-?l?n\: without anyone or anything else: not involving or including anyone or anything else: separate from other people or things
lone·ly: adjective \?l?n-l?\: sad from being apart from other people: causing sad feelings that come from being apart from other people: not visited by or traveled on by many people
The other day, I was standing in line at Starbucks (I know, I should really just make my own, it’s way cheaper) and I observed a phenomenon you’ve probably seen, too.
All of the tables were occupied by solo patrons sipping their drinks, staring at their laptops and phones, gently nodding to the music being transmitted through bulky headphones. I got my drink and did the necessary hula-hoop walk as I navigated through the sea of tables to find a place to sit. I passed each table, looking for one that seemed relatively welcoming for the silent blind date I was about to initiate, and ended up sitting down with a lovely chap who made room for me at “his” table for two, and we both did our own thing.
As I sat there working, I couldn’t help but notice that many of the patrons around me were engrossed in some type of social media. It was an ironic picture; a room full of people, no one talking to each other, all focused on creating community through a glass screen. Seeing this picture of everyone looking down at their gadgets, smiling at a device that can’t smile back, it got me thinking about relationships and the nuances between being alone and being lonely.
As noted in the above definitions of “alone” and “lonely,” the difference does not solely rest in physical circumstances. In other words, it’s not about what is happening around you, it’s about what’s happening inside of you.
You can be standing in a room full of people—even people who really love and care about you—and still feel lonely. Conversely, you can be alone on a hike and feel absolutely amazing. [continue reading…]
Can you isolate the exact moment on a date or in a relationship when you know–perhaps on a subconscious level–that it’s not going to work out? That the guy is going to vanish into thin air, in a not-so-magical swirl of dust? I call it the moment of “imminent poof.”
The signs are always there for the taking. So why do we ignore them? Does our desire to convey that we are “open” and easygoing, or to be in a relationship, blind us from listening to our gut?
I’ll admit I’ve been afraid of turning 30 pretty much since I turned 22. With every passing year, I’ve felt a tug of fear over being that much closer. Now that I’ve arrived at what I long considered a dreaded destination, I must say….it’s actually pretty amazing. Like most people, my 20’s were replete with bad choices, too many shots, too little sleep, too much worry, valuable life lessons, ignoring of said lessons, repeating the same mistakes, self-doubt interspersed with feeling on top of the world, financial sloppiness, emotional sloppiness, waiting for it all to fall perfectly into place, and grappling with the painful realization that the real world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But now that my days as a 20-something are up, I can’t help but feel grateful, and—dare I say—empowered over how far I’ve come.
Every year on my birthday I like to reflect on lessons learned, defining moments, and whether I’m moving forward or standing still. Since so much of what I write is informed by my experiences, I could think of no better way to say goodbye to my tumultuous 20’s and usher in my (hopefully!) thriving 30’s than with the 30 best lessons I’ve learned on life and love.
Here they are (in no particular order):
I’ve been having some issues in my relationship and I’m wondering what is the best way to go about resolving them, instead of making things worse and getting into the same fights over and over.
One issue I’m currently dealing with is my boyfriend has me blocked from some of his social network activity. I discovered it recently and haven’t said anything yet but it’s really bothering me. Should this be raising red flags or am I just overreacting? And what is the best way to bring it up without pushing him away?
While every guy has his quirks and preferences, when it comes down to it we aren’t that complicated. When we’re in a relationship, what we really want is respect, appreciation, admiration, and love.
Problems persist in relationships because guys have different ways of expressing these desires than women do. So how can a girl ensure she’s giving her guy what he needs so he’ll stick around for the long term?
Here’s a list of ten actions every woman needs to take in order to make sure her beau stays crazy about her.
I’m dating a guy that is really hard to understand. It’s like he’s determined to find reasons why things won’t work out, and yet I know he cares about me and doesn’t want to end it.
We are long distance right now so he has legitimate concerns, but what I want to know is this…when do you throw in the towel for a guy who is clearly putting up tons of walls and protecting himself from potential pain, and when do you keep putting up with somewhat ridiculous behavior knowing that once his walls are down, it could be a gold mine under all that fuss?
He’s been acting like a huge jerk lately and I really want to just tell him to get over himself, but I’ve seen very clearly how amazing and loving he is and truly think this is all just a form of protection “in case we don’t work out.”
I want to “crack his code,” but at what cost? Normally I wouldn’t ever put up with this kind of behavior, but something tells me to keep digging and to be patient. Am I wasting my time?
Have any of you gotten to that place, where you’ve woken up one morning in your apartment alone, an empty space beside you where your former spouse used to be, and you realize, “I’m over it?”
Somehow — slowly and yet suddenly — the heavy cloud of mourning, the knots of anguish in your stomach are gone. You never thought they’d go away. In fact, you might have learned to live with that feeling, accepting it as an inevitable imprint of divorce trauma. You’ve stopped fighting it.
And that’s when it goes away.
There is no way to predict when it will happen. The aftermath of a divorce is composed of many painful stages, and each time you think you’ve graduated past one phase, you enter into another one. I suspect it is different for everyone. It is a function of who we are and how long we were married for, not to mention the nature of our relationship and the manner in which it fell apart.
Whenever this time of year rolls around and people are in “change mode,” it can feel confusing and unclear where to start. Many people have the same New Year’s Resolutions each year and feel disappointed in themselves that yet again, they feel back to square one in not making the changes they had hoped for. An action plan is good, but if you don’t examine the overarching message system in your head, you may find yourself continuing to be mystified by your lack of success.
We live in a culture that focuses on doing, not being, and New Years Resolutions tend to be about what you’re going to do. So perhaps this year you can include some aspirations of what you’re going to be.
Here are some things to consider:
A lot of us have grand ideas of what a “good relationship” with the “right man” looks like. If you’re single, you use this vision as fuel to keep you going through the lonely nights and bad dates, telling yourself that one day all the pain will be worth it, that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and he will be everything you’ve ever wanted and make you happier than you ever thought possible. If you’re in a relationship, you question if you should stay when things get rocky or problems arise. These doubts make you wonder whether he really is the man for you because aren’t you supposed to “just know” when the right one comes along? And if that is the case, then are these moments of uncertainty a sign that it’s not right?
It’s no secret that our society idealizes love. Starting at early childhood, we get inundated with idealized portrayals of eternal love. From Disney movies to Nicholas Sparks novels, we develop expectations of what love should be, how it should feel, what it should look like…and we feel disappointed when reality doesn’t quite align with that vision.
Here’s the thing that no one really tells you: good relationships don’t always feel all that good…but it’s not for the same reason bad relationships don’t feel good.
I dated a guy for two months and everything seemed perfect until he told me that his last relationship was three months ago. That relationship was a year long, so when he started seeing me they had only been broken up a month. Once that was out in the open he started distancing himself and I eventually broke it off because I was over the inconsistency.
I typically don’t like bringing up the past. I feel like the past should be left alone. But after my last experience I think it’s an important thing to know so that I don’t put myself at risk and end up the rebound girl.
So when you should ask a guy when his last relationship/serious dating/fling was? And how can you do it without it coming off in a negative way?
