When my boyfriend and I broke up, he gave the reason that he’s not sure he can make me happy, because he’s not happy and he doesn’t want to bring that into the relationship if he can’t make the girl as happy as he is.
What does this all mean? What do you think he’s going through and how can I help him get through this phase?
I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and I do not understand why he won’t stop flirting with other girls. I give him everything that he needs sexually, emotionally, physically and mentally, but still he flirts with other girls and has sexy conversations with them. He never meets up with them, though.
I know he loves me because he told me first and he is a genuine person, but I hate feeling like I’m sharing him. What should I do?
I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months and aside from a few ups and downs, we have a happy relationship. However, there is one unresolved issue which has caused a lot of fights. He has this close girl friend who he used to have a crush on, but then decided was better off as a friend after getting to know her. In the beginning of our relationship, he would talk a lot about her and how “cute” she is but he stopped when he realized I was getting jealous.
Now the main problem. I was using his laptop and saw she had written to him on Skype and couldn’t help but check. Their previous conversation showed up with phrases like “love you” from her and “miss you so much” from him. I was shocked but could not really say anything about it.
I know saying those kinds of things with friends isn’t such a big deal, but my boyfriend is not the kind of person who says I miss you easily. I know that I can get jealous easily which is why I wanted a second opinion. Do I react? If so, what do I say? Will he not be able to trust me if I say something?
So many of us strive to lead healthier, happier lives – in a variety of ways. We modify our diets, take supplements, join the gym and spend a phenomenal amount of money each year on products and services that make us feel better. But unless you’re getting a good night’s rest, it can all be for nothing. It’s no secret that sleep deprivation can cause irritability, poor judgment, premature aging of the skin… but it can lead to much worse things. Several studies have shown that long term it can cause illness, both physical and mental. A proper night’s sleep is the cornerstone around which you should build the rest of your healthy lifestyle. [continue reading…]
I know that guys view life like a game. Their mind is very stimulated and if they beat the game at level 1 and discover all the hidden gems then they won’t be interested in the game anymore, they’ll move on to the next.
So how do you keep mystery when you are dating someone? When he asks questions about your life do you tell him everything? And when he asks about your plans are you descriptive ? How can you balance between being mysterious yet captivating?
We’ve all heard the same old song and dance about how beauty takes work and of course that famous little rhyme- ‘no pain no gain.’ Okay in some regards this is correct, like waxing for instance. In other areas, however, you don’t need to kill yourself or break the bank to look amazing. Looking great doesn’t only come down to what you wear or the products you use, it’s also about your attitude and the way you treat yourself.
Read on for 4 life-changing perils of advice guaranteed to deliver a more beautiful, confident, radiant YOU.
Whenever I engage in conversations with single men and women about dating and relationships, all I hear is whining and complaining directed at the behavior of the opposite sex.
Many women in today’s society will say, “I don’t need a man; I am fine just by myself.” To them I say: No, you are not. We were not given the opportunity to experience life on earth to be happy at home by ourselves. Men in today’s society will say, “I am never getting married. Marriage is for losers.” But no, marriage is not for losers. I know many winners who love being married and have been married for many years.
So, why is there so much animosity and resentment among singles today? Click over to YourTango to find out the answer plus the main reason you’re still single.
I developed an habit of snooping around in my relationship of almost two years and I finally got caught snooping through his phone the the other night (up until this point he didn’t know how I knew things that I called him out on).
Is there anything I can do for damage control? Do men get over such behavior? Help! [continue reading…]
So you’ve got a guy you’re friends with and somewhere along the line you develop feelings for him. Unfortunately, he only sees you as a friend.
Tough situation. It happens to guys and it happens to girls and oftentimes, it can cause more heartbreak than an actual breakup.
Why?
Well maybe one (or all) of these scenarios apply to your situation. You get along better with him than anyone else. You “get” each other. He’s the only guy that you’ve ever felt truly understands you and with whom you can truly be yourself. He’s cute, he’s funny, and when he’s around you, he completely let’s his guard down. You get to see him as the man he truly is – an unguarded version of himself that he hides from the world and only seems to let you see.
You trust each other. You might even say that you love each other. And you love every little thing about him… you can talk for hours or even just be with each other in silence… and you know exactly what the other person is thinking.
So why, in the midst of this seemingly perfect situation, aren’t you any more than friends? Or worse, why (when you told him how you felt about him) does he say, “I really love you. You’re the most important girl in the world to me and I’ll always be there for you but I can’t be in a relationship with you – we need to just be friends.”
Well, I’ll give you a few reasons and I’ll also give you the ultimate pull-no-punches guide to getting out of the friend zone.
[noinsert]
My boyfriend dumped me and says that he wants to stay single forever and wants to give up everything we had together. He said it’s his choice and told me not to bring it up again. I asked if we could still be good friends and he said yes. I asked him if he still loved me but he went offline.
I don’t know what to do because I really want him back. Is there a way to get him to give it a second chance? I have really strong feelings for him and just wish we could start over and make it work.
At ANM, we are always trying ti encourage our reader’s to find fulfillment and happiness in all areas of their lives. If you read our Relationship or Lifestyle sections, you’ve learned how important it is to fill your life with meaningful activities, especially when it comes to finding happiness, building confidence and having the kind of relationship you want.
One of my main outlets is writing (even though it’s also what I do for work). Writing has enormous therapeutic benefits and can also get your creative juices flowing (always an awesome feeling). Whether you have aspirations of becoming a writer or not, I definitely think you should take the time to check out Voices In Space, a free literary forum on which writers—no matter how experienced– may post their work and get feedback from a wide array of impartial critics, i.e., the community of users.
Authors also have the ability to workshop their writing on the site, track the evolution of their writing, and gauge how changes to a work are received by their audience. [continue reading…]
My boyfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship and my issue, whether we are together or apart, is that I don’t know how to express what I need from him in a way that doesn’t come across as being needy. For example, I need more contact than he is giving me, like a regular phone call once a week and a few more texts than he sends.
His work and my work make it difficult but it is not impossible. How do I tell him that without contact the connection between us fades for me and makes me feel unloved even though in reality I know he loves me very much? I just want to be able to tell him what I want without sounding needy. Is this possible?
It’s time to have a frank discussion about lying and deceit. I see a lot of fears floating around in the the dating world and it can be disheartening.
In order to have a truly fulfilling relationship (or even start a healthy relationship) with a great guy, you need to come from a place of strength, confidence, and fulfillment.
Whenever a relationship goes sour (or fails to launch), it’s almost always caused by some tiny fear, doubt, worry or insecurity that grows and festers until you feel overwhelmed by the whole ordeal.
And what happens? Your fears and worries compel you to confirm whether they’re real or imaginary. You stop enjoying the relationship for what it is and start craving validation and confirmation that it’s “the real deal.”
And there’s only one thing that manifests from that place… neediness.
QUIZ: Are You Accidentally Destroying Your Love Life?
These days, people are quick to throw the concept of neediness around without actually looking at what it is. I’ve had some of my female readers complain that the term neediness makes it sound like I’m framing women as weak, fragile, insecure creatures that just cling to men (and stress them out).
Nothing could be further from the truth. I think women bring a tremendous strength and power to the table in relationships… when they have access to it and are free of their own fears.
Men and women have fears. Those fears are greater now more than ever really since there’s an entire industry devoted to making sure men and women are wrought with insecurities so they buy products (sowing in and agitating tiny insecurities is the bread and butter of the marketing world).
A major fear is being lied to deceived which brings me to the main question of this article: Why do men lie?
A New Mode is officially three years old. I honestly can’t believe how fast the time has gone, it seems like only yesterday that Eric and I were sending e-mail blasts about the site to every single person we knew (and begging them to send blasts to everyone they knew!) to spread the word, while refreshing Google Analytics every 30 seconds to see how many visitors hit the site. These days, our readership has happily expanded way beyond our friends and families and instead of being a side project, ANM has turned into our sole project.
My mission in starting the site was to help our readers become the best versions of themselves and in the process, I have undergone a profound transformation of my own. Along the way, I have learned so much about life, love, happiness, health, and– thanks to Ask a Guy–a LOT about men.
The other day I was reflecting upon how much I’ve learned (and how badly I wish I knew all these things sooner!) and realized that sharing these insights would be the perfect way to celebrate our birthday. [continue reading…]
Earlier this year, in Bloomington, Indiana, Adam Sarnecki confronted a man breaking into a parked car. In a panic, the criminal shot and killed Adam.
Imagine the shock, anger and resentment you would feel if a similar injustice happened to one of your friends or family members. Perhaps you already know.
Remarkably, the father of the victim, Ron Sarnecki, responded to this tragedy with profound love and understanding. Although he was extremely upset about losing his son, Ron told reporters that he forgave the killer.
You may find it difficult to identify with this reaction, but there is a critical lesson to be learned here. Despite undergoing the traumatic experience of losing his son, Ron Sarnecki is now on his way toward a peaceful life. He has learned to forgive.
At some point, we’ve all been wronged. Perhaps you were in an abusive relationship or a friend turned her back on you, and you’ve carried bitterness and resentment with you ever since. You likely had no choice in what happened to you, but here’s the good news: you do have a choice in how you react to this adversity and how you will live the rest of your life. Is it time to release the heavy burdens of anger and bitterness that have weighed you down for so long? Is it time to forgive like Ron Sarnecki did?
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“Ugh, I hate my thighs.”
“I really need to go on a diet.”
“I wish I had your arms.”
If those comments sound familiar, then you’re no stranger to fat talk.
Fat talking—the tendency to make negative comments about our bodies—is a tried-and-true staple of female culture. Today, researchers are just beginning to study why we do it and how it affects the way we feel about our bodies and ourselves.
In the early 90s, anthropologist Mimi Nichter, Ph.D., unexpectedly stumbled onto fat talk while she was studying teen girls. During a series of focus groups, she noticed that they all reported a familiar ritual: One girl would say, “I feel so fat,” and the other would respond with, “You’re not fat!” The exchange was a normal part of daily life; the girls repeated it over and over throughout the day.
Once Nichter started listening for fat talk (a term she coined), she realized the ritual was commonplace, peppering many women’s conversations.
Chances are, you’re one of those women. [continue reading…]
I have noticed that you guys (and most dating advice sites, actually) focus a lot on things women do, but do you send men emails to help them with things? It just seems like women are somehow always the problem. It should go both ways to help a relationship, shouldn’t it?
Why is it that women are the ones who have to work on making the relationship better? [continue reading…]
We all know the big relationship red flags: Lying, cheating, abuse. These are the obvious signs that your relationship is in trouble. But, these are not the most common causes of broken marriages and failed relationships. More often than not, relationships are distressed little by little over time until both partners feel a complete disconnection.
Click over to our friends at Your Tango for 6 subtle signs your relationship is in trouble.
“Put down the toilet seat!” “Clean the gutters!” “Change the light bulb!” These ‘obvious’ bits of nagging are actually the laziest forms of relationship clichés. [Yawn.] Like love itself, nagging comes many different and sometimes unrecognizable forms. Not all women are naggers, and not all men are the ones who are nagged. That said, there’s a definite communication gap, and we guys tend to…misinterpret an innocuous comment every now and then.
It may be impossible to ever conquer this particular battle of the sexes, but here’s a little insight into what we actually hear when you nag.
Head over to Your Tango to find out how men translate nagging.
Even with all we know about relationships these days, there seems to be a lot of confusion when it comes to the “chase” and how that differs from “playing games.” There also seems to be dissent regarding whether or not this chase is necessary or obsolete and how to do it right. Well, confusion be gone – it’s time to end the debate once and for all. Yes, the chase is important, no, it’s not the same as playing games, and there is one basic principle you need to know to understand how it’s done.
Back in the ‘90s, a book came along that revolutionized the dating world. Even if you’ve never read it (which I personally haven’t), you’ve heard about it and you know its contents well. It was called “The Rules” and it was hailed as the ultimate guide to getting a guy, preferably with an engagement ring in hand.
The book was filled with all sorts of silly rules (as the title aptly suggests): always end the date first, don’t accept a Saturday date if he asks after Wednesday, wait at least three dates before having sex, and on and on. This book divided the female population into two groups: those who lived by it (dubbed “Rules Girls”) and those who wanted to see it burned and never spoken of again. (Side note: We cover this topic, and all your other burning questions, in our e-book. Check it out: “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want.”)
It’s the stuff of countless romance films and perfume commercials: An insanely alluring woman walks into a room (almost comically slowly) and all eyes turn to her. The gentlemen present are so compelled by her charms that they immediately abandon their dates and rush to her side. Women want to be her and men want to be with her.
Now let’s get real. While we may idolize aloof Angelinas on the silver screen, in our everyday lives, it’s the friendly, girl-next-door Jennifers who we’re truly drawn to.
So what exactly are those seemingly intangible qualities that make a woman seem to light up a room? Obviously, we can’t deny that beauty is a major factor. But there are plenty of charismatic people that we’re inexplicably drawn to even though they’re not a 10 (or even a 6) in the looks department. Bill Clinton certainly springs to mind as does, say, Lady Gaga.
With that in mind, we wanted to find out what exactly charisma is and why we’re so captivated by the most charming person in the room. More importantly, is charisma something you’re simply born with or can you learn to exude charm?
[continue reading…]
Has this ever happened to you? You meet a new guy for coffee and have a great first date. He was easy to talk to, had a good sense of humor and had good answers to your questions. You feel tentatively positive. The week goes by. He texts once or twice, but does not ask about the weekend.
Then, he finally calls you, on Friday, to talk about the weekend. “Are you free tonight?” he asks. Well, you purposely left the weekend open hoping he would call. So you say, “Yes”. You go out and have another great date. It is so nice to talk to a man who you can have a great conversation. You smile, laugh and share similar ideas about life.
Then, you don’t hear from him all week, except for some texting. This time, you can’t take it. You want to know what is going to happen for the weekend. You can’t stand this waiting game.
So what’s going on? Click over to our friends at YourTango to find out why men keep you waiting by the phone and how to deal with it.
I’ve had a “casual” thing going with a guy for 6 months, mostly sexual. Two months ago, I told him I couldn’t do the casual thing anymore and since then things have been heading downhill fast. Today was my birthday and he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday!
I don’t want this anymore but I’m getting mixed advice from people. Some tell me that I should text him and tell him that I don’t want to do it anymore and others tell me that I should just stop texting and just ignore him if he reaches out, which I find particularly cruel.
What should I do?
There was a guy who seemed interested in me, but at the time I was pursuing another guy. Things have changed and I’m interested in this guy now, but a mutual friend told me that I “missed my chance and he’s moved on.”
He seemed like he liked me before and I think he might now, but I can’t tell if he’s into me or one of the other girls that he hangs out with. How can I tell if I still have a chance with him? How do I know if he still likes me?
[continue reading…]
Meeting guys and having guys interested in me is not a problem. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I’m in good shape and everyone tells me how pretty I am so I don’t doubt my physical attractiveness.
Here’s the thing: There is a guy I see a lot (he’s a friend of a friend) and I’ve developed a crush on him. I was trying to find out if he was into me and a friend of mine quoted him saying that I was a “cool girl, but not his type”.
I really like this guy – I want to understand why he doesn’t like me and if there’s anything I can do to get him to like me and see me as a romantic interest.
Jean finally receives the news she has been waiting for. However, she’s immediately disappointed – if she accepts her new promotion, she must move farther north, where the winters are long and frigid. She was hoping her promotion would allow her to stay in a warm climate. Jean can’t imagine being happy in such harsh weather. After much deliberation, Jean decides that she will not accept the promotion.
We all know that our decisions today will impact our happiness in the future. If this is true, what influences our daily decision-making? The answer is our predictions of our future happiness. In the above scenario, Jean decides to not accept her job promotion because she predicts that she won’t enjoy her life in a place with such cold weather. But how will Jean ever know if she made the right decision? What if this promotion would have led to an upper management position? What if she would have acclimated to the harsh weather after just a year or two? Each day we make decisions based on how happy we expect to feel in the future. Let’s take a closer look at how we make such happiness predictions.
It may surprise you to learn that, like Jean, people are not very good at knowing how happy they will feel in future situations. Indeed, many scientific studies suggest that people overestimate how unhappy they will feel if something bad happens1.
For example, one study asked participants to predict how unhappy they would feel two months after the end of a romantic relationship. When that time arrived, the study results showed that people had predicted that they would be less happy than they actually were. In another study, women overestimated how unhappy they would be after receiving unwanted results from a pregnancy test. When a negative event occurs, we often end up feeling less upset than we originally expected. Why does this happen? The difficulty is that our happiness predictions are biased. Awareness of these biases allows us to make better decisions on important matters such as our choice of romantic partners, where to live, and how we pursue happiness.
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I’ve been dating this guy for about a month and a half now, and I ended up losing my virginity to him.
We’ve had sex twice now, and the going’s been good, but he’s under the impression that he wasn’t my first even though I told him well otherwise, and he was shocked when I’d originally told him I was still a virgin.
I’m 25 years old (shocking in itself, but I feel his shock had less to do with my age and more to do with my looks), and I’m no idiot about sex– very well-read and informed girl here!– but I was definitely a stranger to it before him, which he thinks is a lie.
It’s really bothering me that he refuses to believe me and has even said he doesn’t know what he can trust about me, especially with the virginity. I don’t think he would have cared whatsoever if I wasn’t a virgin, but he really was my first! Why can’t he just believe me?
Ok, I am confused…I thought guys were totally into the text versus actually talking on the phone. But there is one guy who I am interested in who seems to not fit that mold. Help! He takes hours to answer a text message when we all KNOW that our phones are glued to our face. I don’t understand…we will be texting back and forth for a few, then nothing…air silence! I told him it bothers me but he keeps doing it!
What is the deal? I am so OVER the four hour response time…especially when we don’t talk over any other media.
I’ve been talking to a guy for a little over a month but we have not officially met up (I actually met him about 5 years ago through a friend but we were seeing other people at the time). We have talked about getting together, but have yet to actually set a date.
Our main form of communication is via text message, and we’re skirting on the border of friends and more than friends. About 2 weeks ago, I straight up asked the guy I’ve been talking to/flirting with if he just wanted to sleep with me. I’ve noticed that any time I’m very direct, his answers are kind of vague.
I’m guessing he is unsure of what he wants but I’m just wondering if being direct is a bad thing? Don’t men usually think women are overly complicated?
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and I love him so much. I think our relationship is really great and he is everything that I could ever ask for. We have almost everything in common and I know he loves me too.
I’ve always known that he’s not the romantic type but in the beginning of the relationship, he always used to say sweet things at unexpected times to give me butterflies, he used to take me out to romantic dinners, etc.
I feel like he’s just not putting as much of an effort anymore into being romantic. I feel like he’s so comfortable with me (which I obviously like), but once in a while it would be nice to feel like he still is trying to reel me in.
I’ve tried everything to keep our relationship exciting. Do you think he’s getting bored?
