What does it take to get a man to truly commit and want only you? It’s a question I’ve been asked more times than I could count.

What men desire most is a woman who inspires them to be their best self. Being that woman is a much different mindset than what most women typically do these days.

So what’s the major error that trips women up? It’s their focus. Instead of focusing on the feelings and experience they create for the man, the woman fixates on her own wants, her own worries, her own fears.

And amidst this completely self-absorbed mindset consumed by what she wants, it’s no wonder that she’s unable to hook a man’s interest in a significant way, one that goes beyond just hooking up.

Sure, that woman might cook him dinners, perform in bed, and tell him how much she likes him, but none of that stuff penetrates a man’s psychology on a deep and meaningful level.

Forget about just getting commitment. When you understand and master the art of tapping into the deep parts of a man’s psyche, he will want to move mountains to possess you.

MORE: 5 Signs He’ll Never Commit to You

Men don’t start out there when they first meet a woman, though. She needs to reach him at that level by recognizing his ambitions, his fears, his motivations, his “mission” in life and where he ultimately wants to “win.”

Here are four ways to reach a man deeply and make him want to commit and devote himself fully to you. [continue reading…]

I know I am a woman of high value, worth and integrity. However, I tend to attract emotionally unavailable men and struggling what to do about this issue.

I have been told I am an alpha female and have toned down a bit since re-entering the dating scene. I think men are now attracted to me due to my recent career success, yet I think the right men are intimidated by me. Any insight?

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Why do men look at other women? It’s a question plaguing countless women.

I understand how hurtful it can be. You’re out with your guy, you’re having a nice time, and suddenly you notice his attention has shifted. You look around and see his eyes are fixed on a gorgeous girl walking nearby. And with that, the entire mood shifts.

You suddenly feel unattractive and low. You’re no longer having an enjoyable time with him, you just want to ring his neck. You may tell him outright that you’re upset, or you may go the passive-aggressive route and insist nothing is wrong when clearly something is. And with that, the evening takes a swift turn downhill.

MORE: Telltale Signs He’s Losing Interest In You

So is he just a big jerk who can’t control himself? Is he a sex-crazed deviant? Or maybe you’re just not hot enough for him, is that it?

No. None of these are the case.

Here is the truth about why men look at other women:

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So I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now. At first, everything was amazing. We hit it off right away and during the first few weeks, he seemed super into me. He would text me things like, ‘I miss you’ and ‘Can’t wait to see you’ and on our second date he said he ‘never liked a girl so much after only two dates’. He was also super attentive and super sweet.

All this was great, but then he started to shift and lately has been acting really shady- he cancels on me last minute, he’s been acting distant, and I’m just getting weird vibes. At first, I thought he was just trying to end things, but then from time to time, he’ll text me something really sweet, like about how much he wants to see me, or that he’s been thinking about me, so obviously, he’s still interested or why would he do that?

Anyway, I’m really confused by his behavior, my friends say I should just forget him but I really feel like we could have something great and I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet.

Am I deluding myself? Please help! Why are guys like this!?

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The purpose of this article is to show you how you can quickly and easily see if you’re in a toxic relationship.

The term itself is interchangeable. I could just as easily refer to these relationships as unhealthy relationships or emotionally abusive relationships.

After years of talking to women from all over the world, I wanted to talk about this subject because I observed that these destructive and heartbreaking relationships all had one factor that ultimately made them turn toxic… even if the relationship started out well.
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My boyfriend has become withdrawn lately. He’s really stressed with not working, his dog dying, best friend’s dad having lung cancer, and everything just adding up.

He’s been pulling away for a couple weeks and has recently started going a day or two without texting me.

Should I stop texting him all together, or will that be showing that I don’t care and that I’m not supportive? I want him to know I’m here for him and that I’m not going anywhere, even though it’s tough. What should I do? 

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Long distance relationships (LDRs) are more common than ever in today’s world, thanks to the internet, social media, and Skype.

While we might have more modern ways to keep in touch, that doesn’t necessarily mean making a long distance relationship work has become easier for most people.

When you’re in an long distance relationship, most people will tell you that LDRs don’t last, that they’re a bad idea and that you shouldn’t get your hopes up.

For most of us, the inside of your head isn’t much better: Your mind is constantly worrying if the relationship will last, wondering if the other person is as committed as you are, fearing that it could all end suddenly and you’ll be left to pick up the pieces.

Yes, they say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but when you don’t have a clear, easy, and effective approach to LDRs, it’s more like, “Absence makes the heart grow more fearful about the relationship.”

The good news is, long distance relationships can be easy if you know the right way to approach an LDR. I’m going to share 8 powerful tips that lead to having a successful long distance relationship.

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Do you have any advice on how to tell if a guy loves you?

I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year know and though he says he loves me, I just can’t tell if he’s just saying what I want to hear or if he really does love me.

He’s not the type of guy to gush with lots “romantic talk”, but it’s more than what he says that makes me worried… sometimes I feel like if I didn’t text him or set up dates, he’d disappear or forget I even existed at all.  Is it possible for a man to say he loves you and not actually be that into you?  How do you know if a guy loves you?

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I think  most women run into issues and confusion in their love lives because they don’t know what a truly healthy relationship looks like, and is supposed to feel like. And it’s not surprising given the very unrealistic portrayals of love in movies, TV, and music. There is this idea that we have one soul mate and that real love stories are supposed to be filled with obstacles and drama. While this makes for good entertainment, it isn’t real life.

Most of the love stories we see in pop culture are rooted in infatuation…not real love. Some degree of infatuation is fine, but a relationship entirely rooted in infatuation is usually doomed. It’s usually based on an obsession, or idealization, more than a genuine appreciation and acceptance of who the other person is.

There is a tremendous difference between real, true love and unhealthy obsession or fixation… but it doesn’t always feel like that.

What do I mean by love and fixation?

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“There’s a guy at work that I’ve been interested in for a while.  The problem is, he sends mixed signals and I can’t tell if he really is interested in me and flirting or if he’s just being friendly.

What do guys like in a girl?  What makes a guy want to date a girl versus not seeing her as “girlfriend material”?  What do men want in a woman that makes them see them as a catch?”

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My ex broke up with me last month after being together for over a year. The last few months were rough because his grandmother passed away after being in the hospital for a few months. I tried to be there for him but he totally withdrew and would reject my advances and we started fighting a lot because of it.

He told me he loves me, but felt like I was smothering him and he needed to find himself. I told him I would give him space while he figured things out but he said he couldn’t ask me to do that. I asked if there was a chance for us once he got things sorted and he said he isn’t sure if he sees a future. He said he worships the ground I walk on and should never change because I was perfect in the relationship and will go far in life whereas he feels like he has nothing to offer since he is grieving and stuck in a job he doesn’t like.

He suggested we stay friends but I told him that would be too hard on me and he said I can contact him anytime. I know I came across needy over the last couple of months and am wondering if there’s anything I can do to get him back. Should I text him? Try to stay friends? Is there any hope of getting him back?

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I’m at a place in my life where I want to find true love – not another fling, not another dead end relationship, not another man who just wants something casual.

How do you find love?  I want real love, the kind of love that lasts with a man who loves me for who I really am and wants to be with me forever.  Where can I find love and how do I know when I really have it?

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I’ve been with my boyfriend for four months and he’s been acting more and more jealous.  At first, I found it sweet, but this weekend he snooped through my phone and accused me of talking to other men.

I can tell you with complete honesty that I haven’t talked to any other guys… the thought doesn’t even cross my mind.  I kept telling my boyfriend that I’m only interested in him, but he seems cold and withdrawn now. It’s like I’m being punished for a crime I didn’t commit.

Is this normal jealousy or is this something beyond? Can you tell me what to do when a guy is jealous?

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Toxic relationships are tricky things because they rarely start out toxic. They usually start out nice and fun and exciting, giving you just enough happy memories to hold onto when the toxicity starts to creep in. It usually starts out slowly, and before you know it, you are stuck in a toxic relationship that you can’t seem to leave even though you feel totally miserable.

In my last Ask a Guy article, I discussed the defining features and signs of a toxic relationship.

Please, before you begin reading this article, make sure that you have read and understood the previous article entirely.  In this article I want to go a little deeper into how to repair a toxic relationship, and how to know if it even can be repaired, or if it’s time to walk away.

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I’ve been in my relationship for over 2 years. We started out great. He was attentive, sweet, caring and I felt on top of the world with him. However, looking back I can see that after 3 months, the relationship dynamic started to change and I started to change. He started to put me down, get cold emotionally or get really angry from time to time… It wasn’t over-the-top or out of the ordinary and I would just let it go since I just wanted the relationship to fall back into harmony.

Now, after 2 years into the relationship, I’m starting to question if I’m in a toxic relationship. I have felt for a long time that I have to walk on eggshells around him… I’m afraid to say or do the wrong thing around him because I never know what will trigger his anger or harsh criticism.

On the other hand, though, when things are good, they’re really good. Our sexual chemistry is amazing, I have never connected with a man the way I connect with him and when he’s happy with me I feel like I’m on top of the world. I still love him very much and despite the negative ways he acts sometimes, I believe he loves me very much too. He’s always been faithful to me, he pays all my bills and we live together now.

I feel so conflicted: Am I in a toxic relationship? Are toxic relationships repairable? Is what I’m experiencing normal in a relationship from time to time?

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I’d like to know specific things I can do to turn on a man.  I read your last article about the having the right mindset to seduce men, but I’d like to know what behaviors, tactics, and actions a woman can take to make a guy really turned on and hot to pursue me.

Can you talk about how to turn a guy on through specific actions?

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There’s a guy who I’m really interested in, but there are all sorts of women throwing themselves at him and I need to stand out from the crowd.

I am not unattractive, but I don’t feel like I’m necessarily the hottest woman in the room either… I think I can look good if I really put in the effort.  I don’t have trouble with guys in general, but I really want this particular guy and since there’s competition, I really want to know how to seduce a man and how to hook a man’s interest.  Can you tell me what works best?

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I’d like to know your rules for having a friends with benefits arrangement.  I’m not looking to be in a relationship right now, but I’m only human and I have needs.  I want something that’s dependable enough that I can take care of my needs without having to jump from guy to guy or pick some guy up at a bar or club.  Yes, I understand that this isn’t what women say they typically want, but I just got out of a long, difficult relationship and I don’t want to dive right back into commitment again.  

Can you tell me the best friends with benefits rules so I can make this happen without drama or complication?

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The Beatles sang, “All You Need is Love” and it’s true, we do need love…if only it could be easier to find.

Love is a small word with a big meaning, a meaning that is a unique experience for everyone and can mean very different things from one person to the next. A man might say he loves a woman and not feel it…or he might feel it strongly but be unable to say it. Knowing how he feels is a lot more complicated than just hearing the words. Fortunately, how much he loves you is something that can be measured and quantified which is why we’ve created this quiz.

Take this super easy, super quick quiz to find out if this guy really loves you and wants to commit to you for life.

The quiz will ask you 9 questions about your relationship. As long as you answer honestly, you will get startlingly (even shockingly) accurate results and will know for sure whether he loves you or not.

Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)

You meet a guy, sparks ignite, you spend time together, you’re into him, he’s really into you, you can’t help but think of the amazing future that lies ahead….and then something shifts.

Suddenly he’s not as attentive, he doesn’t pursue you with the same level of enthusiasm, he doesn’t text in the middle of the day just to say he’s thinking about you, he doesn’t go above and beyond. He’s still there…but something seems to have changed.

Sometimes this doesn’t mean anything. The guy just got busy or wrapped up in other areas of his life and the girl gets herself into a panic over nothing. Other times, he is over the relationship, he just doesn’t quite know how to break it to you.

No matter what, that sense of panic and dread can cause a real hindrance to your life and happiness. It can also put an unnecessary dent in your relationship.

To help you find out what’s going on and where he stands, take this super easy, super quick quiz to find out if he’s losing interest….or if you’re just being paranoid and everything is fine.

The quiz will ask you 10 questions about your relationship. As long as you answer honestly, you will get startlingly (even shockingly) accurate results and will know for sure how he feels.

Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)

I have been seeing this guy for a little while now, it’s a long-distance relationship and we aren’t exclusive. When we’re together, he seems super into me.  He talks about me to his friends, engages in PDA, and compliments me all the time. He initiates every conversation, checks up on me if I don’t reply, makes plans in advance, clears his schedule for me, etc., and I know for a fact that he isn’t seeing or hooking up with anyone else. 

He tells me he misses me and that distance sucks because we can’t be together, but adds that we should keep our options open in the meantime. I tried ending it, but he begged me not to (although he also said he would understand if that’s what I truly wanted). In the end, we both decided to keep the lines of communication open.

I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he says he genuinely likes me but still wants to play the field when I’m not around and doesn’t mind if another guy snatches me up. Is distance a legitimate reason not to commit, or is he just not that into me?

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Most people don’t realize that stress (and how you relate to your own emotions) is by far the biggest factor in whether your relationships succeed or fail.

Although it’s been said… many times…many ways…

You can’t find love in the world until you can find it within yourself…Your relationships with others are only as good as your relationship with yourself…We can only give love freely when there’s enough within ourselves to give away.

OK – we get it!

But what’s the opposite of love within ourselves, then?  What blocks this “love” within ourselves that would and should flow out into our relationships? I would call it “stress” in general, but here are some common expressions of it:

– fear, worry, insecurity, doubt
– anger, bitterness, cynicism, sarcasm
– jealousy, criticizing, insulting, hatred
– resentment, holding grudges
– feeling unloved, unappreciated, unnoticed

But rather than listing more expressions of stress and explaining how it blocks your potential for love, let me give you a couple of examples that illustrate why you can’t have love in your life when you’re stressed. I will also share ten personal secrets learned to live a stress free life and have better relationships with everyone.

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I’ve been having some issues in my relationship and I’m wondering what is the best way to go about resolving them, instead of making things worse and getting into the same fights over and over.

One issue I’m currently dealing with is my boyfriend has me blocked from some of his social network activity. I discovered it recently and haven’t said anything yet but it’s really bothering me. Should this be raising red flags or am I just overreacting? And what is the best way to bring it up without pushing him away?

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I’m dating a guy that is really hard to understand. It’s like he’s determined to find reasons why things won’t work out, and yet I know he cares about me and doesn’t want to end it.

We are long distance right now so he has legitimate concerns, but what I want to know is this…when do you throw in the towel for a guy who is clearly putting up tons of walls and protecting himself from potential pain, and when do you keep putting up with somewhat ridiculous behavior knowing that once his walls are down, it could be a gold mine under all that fuss?

He’s been acting like a huge jerk lately and I really want to just tell him to get over himself, but I’ve seen very clearly how amazing and loving he is and truly think this is all just a form of protection “in case we don’t work out.”

I want to “crack his code,” but at what cost? Normally I wouldn’t ever put up with this kind of behavior, but something tells me to keep digging and to be patient. Am I wasting my time?

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I dated a guy for two months and everything seemed perfect until he told me that his last relationship was three months ago. That relationship was a year long, so when he started seeing me they had only been broken up a month. Once that was out in the open he started distancing himself and I eventually broke it off because I was over the inconsistency.

I typically don’t like bringing up the past. I feel like the past should be left alone. But after my last experience I think it’s an important thing to know so that I don’t put myself at risk and end up the rebound girl.

So when you should ask a guy when his last relationship/serious dating/fling was? And how can you do it without it coming off in a negative way?

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I wanted to ask for your take on guys who play games in relationships, like the texting game, for instance. I thought people stopped that after college, but recently found out I was wrong.

I hate the whole game of one person sending a text and the other waiting two hours before responding, even if they have their phone and aren’t busy, just so they don’t seem desperate. I really don’t like playing games but this guy I’m involved with is being very confusing and I can’t tell if it’s just a game or not.

Is there a way to break the texting game or is that who that person is by nature and there’s nothing that can be done? How can I beat the texting game?

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I know you talk a lot about how men love a happy woman, but I’m having a really hard time being happy with my relationship as is. I always feel like I need to figure out why my boyfriend is acting a certain way, and I can’t help but worry that he’ll leave me for someone else.

I also get really frustrated when he doesn’t do things I ask him to do, like basic chores and stuff. I don’t want to be needy or a nag, but things like that make me feel loved and cared for. I want to enjoy the relationship and bring happiness to it, but it’s hard for me to get there when I feel like he doesn’t care most of the time. I don’t want my relationship to be a constant struggle.

So my question is,  how can I fix my relationship and stop it from falling apart?
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Me and this guy started off as friends but thing quickly turned romantic between us. He was doing an exchange program at my university and after a few months moved back home, but we continued to stay in contact and visited each other several times. Over these last few months we don’t talk as frequently, but we do have occasional lengthy phone calls where we talk about everything.

I don’t know where I stand with him because we never discussed it, plus we are both not very expressive/overtly emotional people, and I never expected (and still don’t) a relationship to blossom from this, but I do have strong feelings for him and want to see him soon. We are both going to be in Vegas next month and he messaged me asking if I want to meet up. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but I feel like he just wants a guaranteed hookup.

I guess my question is, is it normal for an ex-fling whom you were once romantically and sexually involved with to always reach out and initiate long conversations? Is it just to be polite/friendly, does it mean he misses me and still has feelings for  or am I just his “fallback girl”?

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I have been dating a guy for six months, but we’re not official. I like him a lot and really enjoy spending time with him and I know he feels the same about me.  Since we both have busy work schedules and children, we do not see each other often, maybe every other week, and we’ve taken two trips together (including one last weekend). In between seeing each other i person, we text and e-mail sporadically. 

I’m just wondering if this relationship is heading in the right direction, and if it will lead to something lasting. I am also worried about coming across as needy and sometimes I hesitate to initiate texts with him. For instance, is it needy behavior to send the text: “Thank you for yesterday – I like when we see each other, it feels good”?

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