Toxic relationships are tricky things because they rarely start out toxic. They usually start out nice and fun and exciting, giving you just enough happy memories to hold onto when the toxicity starts to creep in. It usually starts out slowly, and before you know it, you are stuck in a toxic relationship that you can’t seem to leave even though you feel totally miserable.

In my last Ask a Guy article, I discussed the defining features and signs of a toxic relationship.

Please, before you begin reading this article, make sure that you have read and understood the previous article entirely.  In this article I want to go a little deeper into how to repair a toxic relationship, and how to know if it even can be repaired, or if it’s time to walk away.

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I’ve been in my relationship for over 2 years. We started out great. He was attentive, sweet, caring and I felt on top of the world with him. However, looking back I can see that after 3 months, the relationship dynamic started to change and I started to change. He started to put me down, get cold emotionally or get really angry from time to time… It wasn’t over-the-top or out of the ordinary and I would just let it go since I just wanted the relationship to fall back into harmony.

Now, after 2 years into the relationship, I’m starting to question if I’m in a toxic relationship. I have felt for a long time that I have to walk on eggshells around him… I’m afraid to say or do the wrong thing around him because I never know what will trigger his anger or harsh criticism.

On the other hand, though, when things are good, they’re really good. Our sexual chemistry is amazing, I have never connected with a man the way I connect with him and when he’s happy with me I feel like I’m on top of the world. I still love him very much and despite the negative ways he acts sometimes, I believe he loves me very much too. He’s always been faithful to me, he pays all my bills and we live together now.

I feel so conflicted: Am I in a toxic relationship? Are toxic relationships repairable? Is what I’m experiencing normal in a relationship from time to time?

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I’d like to know specific things I can do to turn on a man.  I read your last article about the having the right mindset to seduce men, but I’d like to know what behaviors, tactics, and actions a woman can take to make a guy really turned on and hot to pursue me.

Can you talk about how to turn a guy on through specific actions?

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I’d like to know your rules for having a friends with benefits arrangement.  I’m not looking to be in a relationship right now, but I’m only human and I have needs.  I want something that’s dependable enough that I can take care of my needs without having to jump from guy to guy or pick some guy up at a bar or club.  Yes, I understand that this isn’t what women say they typically want, but I just got out of a long, difficult relationship and I don’t want to dive right back into commitment again.  

Can you tell me the best friends with benefits rules so I can make this happen without drama or complication?

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The Beatles sang, “All You Need is Love” and it’s true, we do need love…if only it could be easier to find.

Love is a small word with a big meaning, a meaning that is a unique experience for everyone and can mean very different things from one person to the next. A man might say he loves a woman and not feel it…or he might feel it strongly but be unable to say it. Knowing how he feels is a lot more complicated than just hearing the words. Fortunately, how much he loves you is something that can be measured and quantified which is why we’ve created this quiz.

Take this super easy, super quick quiz to find out if this guy really loves you and wants to commit to you for life.

The quiz will ask you 9 questions about your relationship. As long as you answer honestly, you will get startlingly (even shockingly) accurate results and will know for sure whether he loves you or not.

Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)

You meet a guy, sparks ignite, you spend time together, you’re into him, he’s really into you, you can’t help but think of the amazing future that lies ahead….and then something shifts.

Suddenly he’s not as attentive, he doesn’t pursue you with the same level of enthusiasm, he doesn’t text in the middle of the day just to say he’s thinking about you, he doesn’t go above and beyond. He’s still there…but something seems to have changed.

Sometimes this doesn’t mean anything. The guy just got busy or wrapped up in other areas of his life and the girl gets herself into a panic over nothing. Other times, he is over the relationship, he just doesn’t quite know how to break it to you.

No matter what, that sense of panic and dread can cause a real hindrance to your life and happiness. It can also put an unnecessary dent in your relationship.

To help you find out what’s going on and where he stands, take this super easy, super quick quiz to find out if he’s losing interest….or if you’re just being paranoid and everything is fine.

The quiz will ask you 10 questions about your relationship. As long as you answer honestly, you will get startlingly (even shockingly) accurate results and will know for sure how he feels.

Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)

I have been seeing this guy for a little while now, it’s a long-distance relationship and we aren’t exclusive. When we’re together, he seems super into me.  He talks about me to his friends, engages in PDA, and compliments me all the time. He initiates every conversation, checks up on me if I don’t reply, makes plans in advance, clears his schedule for me, etc., and I know for a fact that he isn’t seeing or hooking up with anyone else. 

He tells me he misses me and that distance sucks because we can’t be together, but adds that we should keep our options open in the meantime. I tried ending it, but he begged me not to (although he also said he would understand if that’s what I truly wanted). In the end, we both decided to keep the lines of communication open.

I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he says he genuinely likes me but still wants to play the field when I’m not around and doesn’t mind if another guy snatches me up. Is distance a legitimate reason not to commit, or is he just not that into me?

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Most people don’t realize that stress (and how you relate to your own emotions) is by far the biggest factor in whether your relationships succeed or fail.

Although it’s been said… many times…many ways…

You can’t find love in the world until you can find it within yourself…Your relationships with others are only as good as your relationship with yourself…We can only give love freely when there’s enough within ourselves to give away.

OK – we get it!

But what’s the opposite of love within ourselves, then?  What blocks this “love” within ourselves that would and should flow out into our relationships? I would call it “stress” in general, but here are some common expressions of it:

– fear, worry, insecurity, doubt
– anger, bitterness, cynicism, sarcasm
– jealousy, criticizing, insulting, hatred
– resentment, holding grudges
– feeling unloved, unappreciated, unnoticed

But rather than listing more expressions of stress and explaining how it blocks your potential for love, let me give you a couple of examples that illustrate why you can’t have love in your life when you’re stressed. I will also share ten personal secrets learned to live a stress free life and have better relationships with everyone.

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I’ve been having some issues in my relationship and I’m wondering what is the best way to go about resolving them, instead of making things worse and getting into the same fights over and over.

One issue I’m currently dealing with is my boyfriend has me blocked from some of his social network activity. I discovered it recently and haven’t said anything yet but it’s really bothering me. Should this be raising red flags or am I just overreacting? And what is the best way to bring it up without pushing him away?

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I’m dating a guy that is really hard to understand. It’s like he’s determined to find reasons why things won’t work out, and yet I know he cares about me and doesn’t want to end it.

We are long distance right now so he has legitimate concerns, but what I want to know is this…when do you throw in the towel for a guy who is clearly putting up tons of walls and protecting himself from potential pain, and when do you keep putting up with somewhat ridiculous behavior knowing that once his walls are down, it could be a gold mine under all that fuss?

He’s been acting like a huge jerk lately and I really want to just tell him to get over himself, but I’ve seen very clearly how amazing and loving he is and truly think this is all just a form of protection “in case we don’t work out.”

I want to “crack his code,” but at what cost? Normally I wouldn’t ever put up with this kind of behavior, but something tells me to keep digging and to be patient. Am I wasting my time?

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I dated a guy for two months and everything seemed perfect until he told me that his last relationship was three months ago. That relationship was a year long, so when he started seeing me they had only been broken up a month. Once that was out in the open he started distancing himself and I eventually broke it off because I was over the inconsistency.

I typically don’t like bringing up the past. I feel like the past should be left alone. But after my last experience I think it’s an important thing to know so that I don’t put myself at risk and end up the rebound girl.

So when you should ask a guy when his last relationship/serious dating/fling was? And how can you do it without it coming off in a negative way?

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I wanted to ask for your take on guys who play games in relationships, like the texting game, for instance. I thought people stopped that after college, but recently found out I was wrong.

I hate the whole game of one person sending a text and the other waiting two hours before responding, even if they have their phone and aren’t busy, just so they don’t seem desperate. I really don’t like playing games but this guy I’m involved with is being very confusing and I can’t tell if it’s just a game or not.

Is there a way to break the texting game or is that who that person is by nature and there’s nothing that can be done? How can I beat the texting game?

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I know you talk a lot about how men love a happy woman, but I’m having a really hard time being happy with my relationship as is. I always feel like I need to figure out why my boyfriend is acting a certain way, and I can’t help but worry that he’ll leave me for someone else.

I also get really frustrated when he doesn’t do things I ask him to do, like basic chores and stuff. I don’t want to be needy or a nag, but things like that make me feel loved and cared for. I want to enjoy the relationship and bring happiness to it, but it’s hard for me to get there when I feel like he doesn’t care most of the time. I don’t want my relationship to be a constant struggle.

So my question is,  how can I fix my relationship and stop it from falling apart?
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Me and this guy started off as friends but thing quickly turned romantic between us. He was doing an exchange program at my university and after a few months moved back home, but we continued to stay in contact and visited each other several times. Over these last few months we don’t talk as frequently, but we do have occasional lengthy phone calls where we talk about everything.

I don’t know where I stand with him because we never discussed it, plus we are both not very expressive/overtly emotional people, and I never expected (and still don’t) a relationship to blossom from this, but I do have strong feelings for him and want to see him soon. We are both going to be in Vegas next month and he messaged me asking if I want to meet up. Maybe I’m just paranoid, but I feel like he just wants a guaranteed hookup.

I guess my question is, is it normal for an ex-fling whom you were once romantically and sexually involved with to always reach out and initiate long conversations? Is it just to be polite/friendly, does it mean he misses me and still has feelings for  or am I just his “fallback girl”?

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I have been dating a guy for six months, but we’re not official. I like him a lot and really enjoy spending time with him and I know he feels the same about me.  Since we both have busy work schedules and children, we do not see each other often, maybe every other week, and we’ve taken two trips together (including one last weekend). In between seeing each other i person, we text and e-mail sporadically. 

I’m just wondering if this relationship is heading in the right direction, and if it will lead to something lasting. I am also worried about coming across as needy and sometimes I hesitate to initiate texts with him. For instance, is it needy behavior to send the text: “Thank you for yesterday – I like when we see each other, it feels good”?

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When I meet a guy I like, all I can think about is when he will walk away/get tired of me/declare he doesn’t give a hoot about me. I also keep thinking: How soon before he sees I am not that great a catch?

But with the guys I totally don’t want, I am subconsciously aware this person would be in it for the long haul without me constantly having to prove my worth. Perhaps in those situations, I totally relax and give off a different vibe.

Basically, once I like a man, all I can think about is how much time do I have before everything shatters? A day, a week, a month? I immediately start waiting for the end. Maybe some part of me is tensed up the whole time waiting for him to leave. When I meet a guy I like,

How can I fix this? How can I change my vibe so the guys I like will like me back?

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The one type of question women seem to spend the most time trying to answer is: Does he like me? Is he really into me?  Where do I stand in his heart?

So what’s causing all the confusion? Sometimes it’s because a guy is sending mixed signals (which actually is a clear signal he doesn’t like you, he’s just somewhat interested), and other times it’s because your emotions and ego can get involved forcing you to lose your objectivity. That’s why we created this helpful quiz, to give you a non-biased answer based on facts, not feelings.

Take this super easy, super quick quiz to find out if this guy is really interested… or just stringing you along. Make sure to read each question carefully and think before you answer for the most accurate results.

The quiz will ask you 15 questions about your relationship. As long as you answer honestly, you will get startlingly (even shockingly) accurate results and will know for sure whether he likes you or not.

Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)

The first ever question we received for our Ask a Guy column was: “Why do guys take so long to text back?” Clearly it was a hot topic. The article exploded and remains one of the most read and shared articles on the site.

What is it that’s causing so much confusion? For one thing, men and women approach texting (and communicating) in very different ways. Unlike women, men don’t view texting as some sort of barometer for the relationship. Women, not he other hand, tally up texts like they’re plucking petals off a daisy, looking for a way to quantify how he feels with something totally arbitrary.
The reasons guy don’t text back, or take a long time to text back, vary from one man to the next. However, it’s pretty easy to identify what the culprit is.

Take this super easy, super quick quiz to find out why your guy isn’t texting you back.  If you answer honestly, you will get shockingly accurate results and will know exactly what to do to fix the problem.

Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)

It’s been one month since my boyfriend and I broke up.  The other day I learned that he put up an online dating profile- wth?!  I am still going through the phases of our breakup and I can’t even fathom the idea of meeting and talking to a new guy right now. It may seem the norm that guys will do this to avoid their feelings–get sex, boost ego–but it hurts.

Why do guys do this? Why do they seem to get over breakups so much faster than women?

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When a relationship ends either both parties end up hating each other, they continue to care for one another but acknowledge it will never work and move in their own directions, or one continues to pine for the other. The last scenario is always the most difficult (at least, for the one pining) and can make an already painful process even more brutal. Sometimes, however, these cases do come to a happy conclusion and the other person also decides the relationship is worth fighting for. But how can you know if this is the way your story will unfold?

You can spend years waiting for your ex to change his mind and show up at your doorstep with a bouquet of roses and a rom-com worthy declaration of his undying love. And if that doesn’t happen (which it most likely won’t since Hollywood endings only exist in Hollywood movies), then you’ll have to deal with the pain of having wasted so much time and energy that would have been better served in other areas.

Sometimes hope is not lost and there is hope for a reconciliation. You have to be smart about it though, if you go too far out on a limb the branch will break leaving you badly hurt.

When emotions run high you aren’t always able to see clearly. This is why we’ve created this “Can I Get My Ex Back?” quiz, to give you quantifiable results that will let you know what your odds are.

Take this super easy, super quick quiz to find out if you’re ex is going to come back or if he’s done forever.

As long as you answer honestly, you will get startlingly (even shockingly) accurate results and will know for sure if he is willing to give the relationship another shot.

Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)

I met a guy two weeks ago and we instantly hit it off. We talked on the phone and texted regularly and went out on a few amazing dates. Everything seemed to be going well but then he had to go out of the country for a business trip.

I didn’t expect to hear from him while he was away, but he’s been back for three days now and I haven’t heard a peep!

If he wasn’t interested why not just tell me instead of pulling a vanishing act? This isn’t the first time I dated a guy and things were going great and then he fell off the face of the earth and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. I am a confident, non-needy woman, I didn’t place any expectations or demands on this newest guy.

I just don’t understand, what happened, what changed? How could he go from being so interested in me to gone? And do you think it’s worth it for me to send him a friendly text to see how he responds?

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Women often enter into relationships with the best intentions. They just want to experience true love and they try to make that happen in any way they know how. No one intentionally seeks to sabotage their relationship (unless they want to get out of it!), and yet so many women shoot themselves in the foot by behaving in a way that isn’t true to who they really are.

The problem with relationships is that sometimes you can lose yourself in them, especially when you don’t know where you stand with a guy and let yourself get consumed with worries, fears, and doubts. In an attempt to free yourself from these unpleasant feelings, you may unknowingly act in a way that comes across as needy or insecure, the two greatest turn-offs for me.

Maybe you’re afraid of being hurt, or maybe you don’t have a lot of experience with relationships, or maybe you just don’t understand men and how they approach relationships. It’s not your fault. We’ve all been fed a lot of misinformation about love, relationships, and men and it has caused a lot of confusion.

So how do you know if you’re tripping over a self-imposed stumbling block? Take our super quick, super easy quiz and find out if you’re accidentally ruining your chances at finding and experiencing true love.

Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)

I’ve been in an open relationship for the past two years and lately my boyfriend seems to have lost interest in sex. He is always saying he is too tired or busy. I try to be patient and understanding because we both have stressful jobs, but it has been two months. Whenever I bring up the topic he accuses me of only wanting sex as if that is the only thing that would make me happy. He still tells me he loves me and we still hang out, but I always feel miserable in the end. I don’t know what to do anymore, why isn’t he sexually attracted to me like he used to be and how do I fix it?

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I met this guy through some friends and started liking him. He liked the girl that introduced us and she also liked him. One night we were hanging out and  he and I almost hooked up. He told her so they are no longer friends due to her lack of trust in him, but now several months later he and I have been getting together almost every night. I finally told him that I like him and wanted it to be more and his response was reasonably better than I hoped for and he said he “kinda likes” me. I told him that I didn’t want to be just a “booty call” and he said he’s not like that, but he won’t make it more.

Now he won’t talk to me– no calls, texts, facebook messages, or emails.  How do I get him to make it more than just “friends-with-benefits” or even go back to being just friends?

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I have known this guy for two years now. We started off as friends, had a bit of a romance, then broke up and we are now starting to be friends again.

I feel like I was always the one who was more invested in the relationship. He is very guarded and emotionally unavailable and has past issues that he doesn’t want to confront. So my question is, how do I support him with that kind of a baggage as a friend now? How can I make him understand that even though we are starting fresh, we still have a past and some things could come back to us in the future unless we solve them now? And how can I maintain my confidence and self-respect now and not get emotionally swept away again, like I did before?

We have come far and I never thought it would be possible to try and be friends again after a romantic history, but I also want to avoid making the same mistakes I did before. What should I do?

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I was dating this guy for a few months and things were great. He was fresh out of a relationship when we met and told me off the bat he wasn’t looking for anything serious. After three months, I got sick of this arrangement and called things off. A few days later, I asked if he wanted to hang out as friends. We had an amazing time and he ended up apologizing and asking to date me again.

Things were even better this time around. He opened up even more and talked to me about his issues and insecurities. Then he ended it again saying things were only going to get more serious and he couldn’t handle it.  After that we would hook up here and there but I wasn’t comfortable with the situation and said we should stop being friends with benefits and just be friends.

We still hang out here and there and text periodically. Every time we see each other we have an amazing time and I feel like we really connect. The problem is he tries to hook up with me when we hang out and I don’t want to do that unless we’re back together.

I was hoping that by staying friends he would be reminded of how well we click and was hoping he’d get over his issues. This plan doesn’t seem to be working, though. Part of me feels like he senses on some level that we’d be great together, but I also feel like if he was going to come back he would have done it by now. Will he ever come back and commit or am I wasting my time?

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I really like this guy who I met through mutual friends. Since we’re in similar social circles, we see each other kind of often. I feel like I’ve been a bit stand-offish with him because I get nervous around him and I’m afraid he’s gonna think it means I’m not interested.

I just want to know how to show him enough interest so he asks me out, but not so much that it’s obvious because I know that’s a turn-off. Any advice??

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There is a lot of information out these about how to properly “seduce” a guy and most of it brings a huge risk of embarrassment for you because it’s just plain wrong. Seduction is similar to most things in life. When you try too hard, you look awkward and desperate and it creates a vibe that’s anything but sexy. When you understand what it actually takes to seduce a man and incorporate this knowledge into your normal way of being, you naturally and effortlessly seduce people through your mindset alone. When you combine this with the right moves, then you’ll become an unstoppable force.

Properly seducing a man starts with first understanding yourself and knowing what your most seductive traits are. Then it’s about bringing out those qualities even further. We’ve made it even easier for you by creating this quiz which will help you discover how seductive you truly are. You might find that you are way better at seducing than you thought. Or maybe you discover that there is room for improvement. Either way, this quiz is a valuable tool to help you tap into your powers of seduction.

Take the quiz now and discover how seductive you are!

Note: In order to receive your quiz results, we collect your email at the end of the quiz. Just wanted to give you a heads up so you know what to expect. :)

You guys talk a lot about being the prize and while I agree with the idea, I find it really difficult when it comes to guys I really like. I’m not much into rules and seriously hate any type of action that is not authentically me. But exactly HOW do you remain the prize when the fear takes hold?

And to be the prize, does he have to feel like he’s in competition with other men? Everyone says men love the chase, is this true? If so, how can I get him to chase me without being obvious?

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