There is no pain quite like that which follows a breakup. The pain isn’t just emotional, it can turn physical and you literally ache everywhere. When you’re going through it, it feels like you’ll be in it forever, like there is no way you will ever be able to go back to normal. You almost can’t remember a time when things did feel normal because now you feel nothing but despair.
Even though heartbreak is pretty ubiquitous and an inevitable part of life for most of us, it can be the loneliest feeling in the world. You feel like this pain is yours and yours alone and no one could ever possibly understand the depths of your suffering.
Part of the reason why I started writing about relationships was because of this lonely post-breakup feeling. I wanted others to know that there is a light at the end, that the pain does subside, that you can make it through the darkness and come out shinier and brighter than before. One thing that has always helped me, whether I was getting over a breakup or just a tough time, is my extensive quote collection which I started at the age of 14. I always found solace in reading a short line that perfectly encapsulated what I was going through and gave me a shot of wisdom in addition to making me feel a little less alone.
I read through my very, very long list of quotes and these are my favorites about getting over a breakup:
Something I, and unfortunately many other women, know a lot about is toxic relationships. A toxic substance is something that causes damage to you, drains you, and depletes you. A toxic relationship can irrevocably damage your sense of self.
There are toxic relationships and then there are toxic relationships, and I found myself in the latter when I was a junior in college and head over heels in love with a guy who was all sorts of wrong. Like most relationships, this one got off to a relatively problem-free start. The chemistry was electric, the attraction was strong, conversation flowed effortlessly, and we couldn’t get enough of each other. I felt a pull toward him unlike anything I had ever felt before. I saw some signs of trouble early on, but convinced myself that it would all work out because it simply had to. But it didn’t.
As time went on things only got worse, and throughout the course of our year-long relationship I turned into a dark shadow of my former self. I was no longer fun, outgoing, optimistic, confident, and full of light. Instead I felt constantly on edge, painfully insecure, drained, and sad. I lived under a dark cloud of fear … fear that it would end, that he would leave. I may have been miserable with him, but I believed that without him I would be beyond repair, so I stayed. I stayed far longer than I should have. I stayed even though he gave me every reason not to. In the end, he was the one who left, and as expected I felt gutted.
Here’s a situation I’ve definitely found myself in and I’m sure you can relate. You meet someone, something clicks, and suddenly a force takes you over.
After this encounter you can’t–for the life of you–get this guy out of your head. You try to think about other things, but nothing works. You ruminate over every detail of your interaction with him–what he said, what you said, what his body language said. You think about the things you wish you had said.
You check your phone constantly to see if he called or texted. If he does, your stomach drops, your heart races, you want to leap off your seat and scream for joy. And then of course you need to figure out the exact right thing to say back to him, the perfect quip to show him that you’re perfect for each other.
The high continues as you venture into a relationship and becomes even more intense. You never quite know where you stand with him. The uncertainty keeps you on your toes, constantly on alert for something that looks like a bad sign or an ominous foreshadow. This emotional rollercoaster is as exhausting as it is thrilling. You’re hooked. The worst possible thing that could happen is him leaving. It’s a fear you can’t quite shake no matter how promising the situation looks, a fear that drives everything you say and do.
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One key difference I’ve observed between men and women is that women seem to be much more aware of what they want and need in a relationship…and aren’t afraid to express it. Men, for various reasons, aren’t always so in tune with what they really need in order to feel loved and fulfilled in a relationship, and the ones who are aware will seldom come right out and say it.
It makes sense from an intellectual standpoint. From an early age women learn to cultivate close, intimate relationships and they learn what makes them feel cared for and understood. Male friendships don’t usually have the same depth and level of closeness, so men typically enter the realm of emotional awareness later in life, usually when they form relationships with women.
A guy generally won’t ask for what he needs because a lot of the time, he doesn’t even know what it is. But then when you give it to him, it feels amazing. He feels appreciated and loved, and he comes to love you even more.
And with that, here are the top five things guys secretly love and want from you, but will seldom ask for.
Let’s talk about exactly how to get over a breakup.
When I was 17, I experienced an important rite of passage…my very first heartbreak. And it was more brutal and agonizing than anything I could ever have imagined. He was a boy I met at a party who stirred me in a way I can’t quite articulate. I felt something that no one else had ever made me feel before, and no one has since.
We talked every day, hung out on weekends, and he had this way of just making me feel alive, of making me feel like everything was OK. It ended because I wanted things to be more serious and he was a freshman in college and wanted to be young, stupid, and free, not tied to a relationship.
I was absolutely devastated, crushed, gutted from the inside out. I was interning at US Weekly magazine at the time and what I most remember from that period was replaying everything about our relationship on loop every morning as I took the train into the city, and every evening on my way back home. I couldn’t stop, no matter how much it hurt.
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A lot of women write to us begging to understand why their relationships always fail… why guys treat them badly…why they always get hurt…why they can’t get a guy to commit. The common thread in most of these cases is these women are choosing men who clearly are not husband–or even relationship– material and hoping by some chance he’ll suddenly transform and be the knight in shining armor she wants. This type of situation doesn’t exist anywhere aside from cheesy romantic comedies. If you choose to pursue a relationship with a guy who clearly isn’t relationship material, then you’re setting yourself up to fail before you even begin.
Trust me, I know all too well how enticing those damage cases can be. Sure, he’s has emotional issues, he’s jaded, he’s struggling at work, he has no direction, he still acts like a frat boy even though his acting like a drunk idiot and getting away with it days expired years ago, but there’s a really great guy underneath all that and as soon as we deal with all this other stuff, then we’ll have an amazing relationship. I’m sorry but no.
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When you’re single, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that everything will be perfect when you find the right guy. I’ll admit that I was once guilty of this line of thinking. It can seem like a relationship is that one missing piece and once you have it, you will finally have it all. Then maybe you meet a guy, you click, you start dating, and all seems to be running smoothly until certain unpleasant realities of being in a relationship start to creep in, either slowly and by degrees or quickly and all at once.
Relationships take work; there is no way around that. You can be totally perfect for one another, you can love each other like crazy, you can be wildly attracted to one another, you can even be soul mates, and you will still have to work at it. When you’re in a relationship, it isn’t just about you anymore. Your choices, your actions, your behavior, your tone of voice, your mood, and so forth all affect someone else (and vice versa). A relationship is a partnership, and having a partner is amazing in many ways, but it also means there is someone else in the picture who matters. And like you, he also comes with a fair amount of baggage, issues, unresolved pain from the past, etc.
When a relationship starts to get real, it can be confusing and overwhelming. You may wonder if you’ve made a mistake, if maybe this isn’t the right relationship. You may feel wronged because this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. All relationships will hit points where you struggle, and actually, the struggles are a good thing. When handled right, they can make you even stronger as a couple. But when dealt with improperly, they can cause irreparable harm (to both you and the relationship).
Here are five not-so-fun facts you must face about being in a relationship:
I don’t know what the biggest relationship issue was before the invention of cell phones, but in this digital day and age the culprit behind most issues and confusions is texting.
Women can’t seem to understand why guys take so long to text back and men are either oblivious to all the turmoil their texts (or lack thereof) cause, or they just don’t get what the big freakin deal is!
Trust me, I get it. I’ve been guilty of waiting with baited breath for my phone to make that beloved ding, I’ve played Text Detective, I’ve endured the agonizing pain of a stomach twisted in knots and a mind demanding to know: Why is he taking so long to write back?… Why haven’t I heard from him today, isn’t he thinking about me?… Why are his answers so short and vague, is he not into me anymore?…. Why did he initiate a conversation and then just disappear?
I’ve asked all the questions and have experienced the roller coaster of emotions that they produce. But why? Why do we get so wound up and stressed and anxious?
I’ve given this topic a lot of thought and narrowed it down to three main reasons why us ladies work ourselves into such a tizzy over a guy’s texting habits. Here they are:
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Being cheated on is one of the most painful, shattering experiences, one that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. I unfortunately know first hand how brutal it is. You feel betrayed, your trust is destroyed, your self-esteem is ravaged, and you can’t stop questioning what you did wrong and what signs you must have missed.
The one thing I wish I had realized a decade ago, when the guy I considered to be the love of my life cheated on me, is that it really had nothing to do with me, it was the result of his own internal issues. And that’s how it usually goes. The reason I was so confused back then is I didn’t have an understanding of the male psyche, and I didn’t know the internal psychological factors that cause men to cheat.
I am not saying there is an excuse why he did it, but there is a reason. And knowing the reason can be therapeutic in a way. So here is the real reason why men cheat:
How can I find happiness? It’s a questions most of us have asked. Many people spend their lives searching for the answer. Some of us go through life believing the right relationship will open the gateways to eternal happiness. Others believe it’s the perfect job. And there are those who fall victim to western ideals and believe happiness is reserved only for the beautiful and thin.
The idea of a happy and meaningful life has become unnecessarily complicated in some circles, says author and certified positive psychology coach Lynda Wallace, who left a high-powered executive career with Johnson & Johnson to pursue her real passion – helping individuals and groups achieve greater happiness and success.
“Happiness has been appropriately cited as a goal in political debates on issues from taxation to the social safety net to marriage equality, but the debate is often confused,” says Wallace, author of “A Short Course in Happiness: Practical Steps to a Happier Life,” which topped Amazon’s Self-Help Best Seller list.
“Some people claim that happiness is all in your DNA or bank account. The truth is that happiness is largely a matter of everyday choices and actions. There are straightforward, well-researched, and effective things every one of us can do to create greater happiness in our lives and in the lives of those we care about.”
The essential elements of a happy life are not mysterious, she says. Research shows that the happiest people do four basic things that make the difference: they focus on what is good and positive in their lives; cope effectively with life’s inevitable challenges; develop strong relationships; and pursue meaningful goals.
“We can all become happier by putting our efforts into these areas,” Wallace says.
One of the first steps we can take is to get past some of the common misconceptions about happiness that can stand in our way. Wallace offers these four examples: [continue reading…]
Misery, as painful as it is, can be comfortable in its familiarity. It’s easy to sink into despair. Picking yourself up and forging onward is a bit more daunting. The problem is, a lot of us play a passive role in our own lives. We let circumstances and situations dictate who we are and how we feel, and then find solace in the fact that it’s not our fault. In life, we can’t control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to things, and that is oftentimes the difference between feeling free and happy or trapped and miserable.
Happiness doesn’t just happen. It’s not something that shows up at your door one day as a consolation prize for years of pain and suffering. It takes some work, both on the inside and out. Misery is easy because frankly, life is hard. Stress is inevitable, and so is heartbreak, rejection, disappointment, criticism, and feelings of defeat.
Being miserable is a combination of how you live your life and how you process the inevitable things that happen. A lot of us don’t even realize all the ways we’re creating our own misery. And with that, here are six guaranteed ways to be absolutely miserable:
I’ll admit I’ve been afraid of turning 30 pretty much since I turned 22. With every passing year, I’ve felt a tug of fear over being that much closer. Now that I’ve arrived at what I long considered a dreaded destination, I must say….it’s actually pretty amazing. Like most people, my 20’s were replete with bad choices, too many shots, too little sleep, too much worry, valuable life lessons, ignoring of said lessons, repeating the same mistakes, self-doubt interspersed with feeling on top of the world, financial sloppiness, emotional sloppiness, waiting for it all to fall perfectly into place, and grappling with the painful realization that the real world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But now that my days as a 20-something are up, I can’t help but feel grateful, and—dare I say—empowered over how far I’ve come.
Every year on my birthday I like to reflect on lessons learned, defining moments, and whether I’m moving forward or standing still. Since so much of what I write is informed by my experiences, I could think of no better way to say goodbye to my tumultuous 20’s and usher in my (hopefully!) thriving 30’s than with the 30 best lessons I’ve learned on life and love.
Here they are (in no particular order):
A lot of us have grand ideas of what a “good relationship” with the “right man” looks like. If you’re single, you use this vision as fuel to keep you going through the lonely nights and bad dates, telling yourself that one day all the pain will be worth it, that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel and he will be everything you’ve ever wanted and make you happier than you ever thought possible. If you’re in a relationship, you question if you should stay when things get rocky or problems arise. These doubts make you wonder whether he really is the man for you because aren’t you supposed to “just know” when the right one comes along? And if that is the case, then are these moments of uncertainty a sign that it’s not right?
It’s no secret that our society idealizes love. Starting at early childhood, we get inundated with idealized portrayals of eternal love. From Disney movies to Nicholas Sparks novels, we develop expectations of what love should be, how it should feel, what it should look like…and we feel disappointed when reality doesn’t quite align with that vision.
Here’s the thing that no one really tells you: good relationships don’t always feel all that good…but it’s not for the same reason bad relationships don’t feel good.
One of the first life lessons little kids are taught is to always say, “thank you.” When someone does something nice for you, you thank them. It’s a concept that is drummed into our heads starting at the age of about two. But you’ll notice that saying thanks doesn’t come easy. Very rarely does a kid remember to say it – it usually follows a prompt by a parent…now what do you say? And it never gets easier.
Gratitude doesn’t come easily or naturally to most of us; rather, it’s a skill that needs to be honed and crafted. But when you get it down, it can literally change your life. Countless studies have demonstrated that expressing gratitude can vastly increase our physical and emotional well-being.
Gratitude can also have enormous implications for your relationship…and your ability to find love if you aren’t currently in a relationship. When both partners see the good in one another and feel appreciative, the relationship is filled with love, connection, and harmony. When both partners focus on what the other isn’t doing and take each other for granted, the relationship is filled with resentment, frustration, and bitterness.
The truth is, a good relationship starts with you. When you bring positivity and happiness into the relationship, your partner will rise up to match and then your relationship will flourish. I’m not saying the responsibility is on the woman – it goes both ways. But the only person you can control is yourself.
If you want your life and your relationship to improve, you can’t blame circumstances or your partner. Instead, you need to take responsibility and make internal changes that lead to external ones. And the most important lesson is that of giving thanks.
Read on to find out how it’s done and why it’s so important.
In my article on why guys suddenly lose interest, I discussed how caring too much or stressing over your relationship can irreparably damage it. The article sparked an avalanche of e-mails and comments from women who were feeling panicked over the state of their relationship. Most understood the point I was making in the article, but rather than relaxing and just going with the flow, they wanted to know: “How can I fix it if I was stressing too much?” “What should I text him to fix the situation?” “Is it OK if I tell him XYZ?” “Is he gone forever?” “How can I get him back?” OK, full stop. This is exactly the problem Eric and I have been addressing at length, not only on the site, but also in the newsletter and on our Facebook accounts.
But I realized that identifying the problem is only half the battle. The next step is to get to the root of it and figure out how to solve it.
When you eliminate the care (or worry or stress or whatever you want to call it), you are free to really be in the relationship. You can see the other person for who he is and you can give yourself to him freely – no strategy, no game-playing, no manipulation. You won’t feel a need to control anything. You can just be and there is no greater feeling than that.
But how do we do it? How do we stop our minds from spinning into overdrive, sending out waves of unpleasant thoughts and alarm bells?
Read on to find out!
Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. From my personal experiences, and my years spent writing about relationships, I’ve learned that poor self-esteem is the number one cause of unhealthy relationships, as well as the top relationship killer.
Self-esteem isn’t an essential need like food or water, but it’s a supplement that can either dramatically improve your life, or keep you stunted and unfulfilled. The fact is, you can only let in as much love from the outside as you feel on the inside. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you will never truly believe that someone else can love you and you will constantly be on the lookout for the other shoe to drop, for the guy you care about to leave, thus validating the fact that you are unworthy of love.
Poor self-worth is what traps us in bad relationships, what sabotages new relationships, and what causes us to feel so devastated and broken when a relationship ends.
Self-esteem doesn’t come from blowing kisses to your reflection in the mirror or repeating “I love myself” over and over. It takes time and it takes work and it isn’t always easy. Everyone’s path will be different, but no matter what, having a picture of what high self-esteem looks like, and how it can play out in relationships, is helpful and can help reveal the areas you may need to work on.
Having high self-esteem doesn’t guarantee a happy relationship, but it does equip you with the skills to identify what you want and realize you deserve to get it, and the strength to walk away if something falls short. Here are ten things people with high self-esteem do differently in their relationships:
[continue reading…]When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to fall in love. I vividly remember getting frozen yogurt with a group of girl friends when we were in middle school and one of my friends saying, “Guys, how excited are you to fall in love?” The rest of us couldn’t help but giggle at the silliness of her statement…but we all felt an undeniable rush of excitement over the prospect, and nodded in agreement.
I didn’t fall in love until many years later, when I was a junior in college. I had some false alarms before that, but it’s only when you experience the real deal that you are able to recognize how far off the mark everything else was.
I loved him with all my heart, with every fiber of my being…and let me tell you, it was nothing like the movies. While he loved me very much, there were too many other variables that stood in our way and the relationship was always strained and on the brink of implosion. We had maybe a month of being drunk on love…and then almost a year of pain and problems. I didn’t understand, this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. The challenges and differences aren’t supposed to matter…it’s supposed to all just work itself out and then you make promises of forever and you keep them and of course, a happily ever after is the expected and rightful reward for making it through the storm.
The last thing in the world I ever anticipated was for my one true love so abruptly fall out of love with me…and in love with someone else. It left me broken, jaded, and utterly confused. Was it not really love? It sure felt like it, but true love is supposed to last forever, isn’t it?
I’d say just about every person on the planet is seeking, or trying to maintain, lasting love. The problem is most of us have longstanding, firmly ingrained, highly unrealistic ideas of what love is supposed to be, and feel frustrated when reality falls short.
No one would deny that love is a beautiful, transformative experience, but at the same time, it’s important to have a realistic understanding of what it actually is. Here are the top five biggest misconceptions about love:
While I am not a health or fitness expert, I am a woman who, like most women, cares about my weight and wants to look my best. I spent some time living overseas and came back with more than just experiences and souvenirs, I was horrified to discover that I had put on 15 pounds! I thought the weight would fly right off as soon as I was back on US soil but that was a bust. I started working out like a fiend, watching my diet…and still, I didn’t shed a pound. After six months of frustration I decided to stop going the traditional diet and exercise route and figure something else out. It took some trial and error but it was worth it. I lost 25 pounds in less than a year and I have kept it off for six months now.
Here is how I did it:
There is so much misinformation out there on what it takes to be a great girlfriend. It’s not about cooking his favorite food or wearing sexy lingerie or mastering some crazy sexual trick (not saying these things don’t help, but they don’t get to the heart of the matter!). Understanding how men think and what they need in a relationship makes an enormous difference in the way you are able to relate to one another.
The top prerequisite for being in a great relationship is to be your best self. A trap that many people in relationships fall into is blaming their partner when problems arise. Rather than seeing what they can do to make things better, they blame him for not being what they want and think that if only he did XYZ, then everything would be fine.
It doesn’t work that way, though. You can’t ever make someone what you want them to be. All you can do is bring your best. When you do this, the other person will usually rise up and match you at this level.
Here are six ways to be the most amazing girlfriend ever:
No matter how toxic (and pointless) it is to continue pining for an ex, most women have a near impossible time letting go and moving forward.
Let’s say you had a job where you felt perpetually stressed, anxious, and miserable. You put in all you could, even if it came at the expense of your ego and sometimes, your sanity. And let’s say you got fired from that job. Yes, being unemployed is scary so at first you’ll feel upset and worried, but you will also probably feel relieved.
You’ll realize it was for the best and will be thankful that you are now free to find a job that is better suited for you, one where you will feel valued and appreciated. You won’t spend sleepless nights pining for that old job, wondering what went wrong and what else you could have done. You’ll realize, with perfect clarity, that it wasn’t the right place for you.
Now let’s say you’re in a relationship where you feel perpetually stressed, anxious, worried, and miserable. You put everything you have into making it work, you give it your all, even at the expense of your dignity and emotional well-being. You put up a good fight, but it’s not enough and he breaks up with you. You were miserable with him, and now you’re even more miserable without him. You spend months, maybe even years, pining away.
Unfortunately, a relationship is hard to view through the same objective lens as a job. With relationships, it’s not just our emotions that get involved, it’s our egos, our past pain, our childhood traumas, our insecurities, our fears. Everything gets activated and when the bomb detonates, it can take months or years to clear the wreckage.
He likes me, he likes me not…. now that is the real question.
Eric and I say over and over again that when a man likes you, it’s obvious. (That phrase was even the title of the first chapter of our book “10 Things every Woman Needs to Know About Men.”)
However, given the high volume of questions we receive from readers asking us to decipher whether a guy likes them or not (and the fact that “Does He Like Me?” is the most popular article on the site), it obviously isn’t so obvious to you when a guy likes you.
Even though I write about relationships for a living, I also used to get tripped up back when I was single and would catch myself spinning into analysis mode while trying to figure out how guys felt. You analyze the texts, you replay your interactions with him over and over in your mind, you cling tightly to the compliments and kisses…and are more quick to part with some of the red flags and bad signs. When you add emotions (and a bit of ego) into the mix, it can be hard to see things clearly. Instead, you’re seeing the situation through a lens of wishful thinking and sometimes a bit of self-deception.
Trust me, I know how confusing and frustrating it can be at times but the fact remains that when a guy likes you, it is obvious … especially when you know what signs to look for.
Read on for exactly how to tell if a guy likes you: [continue reading…]
It’s almost that time again, the one every woman holds so dear….swimsuit season! Now don’t shudder, cringe, and berate yourself for not spending more time in the gym because, first of all, I can promise that your body is much better than you think it is, and secondly, a few minor adjustments to your diet can make a huge impact on the way you look and feel.
Kimberly Snyder is a nutritionist to Hollywood’s top celebrities and New York Times bestselling author of the books “The Beauty Detox Solution” and “The Beauty Detox Foods.” She is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to health, beauty and nutrition and whenever I have an issue (from feeling tired to battling bloat to dealing with breakouts) I go to her for the answer!
Read on for Kim’s amazing, and super easy, tips for getting your body bikini ready! [continue reading…]
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine was asking for advice on how to be more flirty. Whenever anyone asks me a relationship question I can usually rattle off an informed answer, almost like a knee-jerk reaction, but this one left me surprisingly stumped. I certainly know how to flirt, but I couldn’t really convey the tricks of the trade. I’m someone with a very naturally flirty personality, and when I meet a guy that I click with, my natural essence just gets enhanced. It never really occurred to me that some women aren’t the best flirts.
After she asked me this question, I started paying more attention to flirting behavior all around me. I also spoke to some guys about it to find out the kind of flirting behavior that really gets their attention.
My “research” also got me thinking of the importance of flirting in general when it comes to courtship. I think us gals overlook the fact that approaching a girl and asking her out is pretty scary and nerve-wracking for most guys. Flirting is a way to convey a level of interest that let’s a guy know he won’t be shut down or humiliated if he asks you out or asks for your number.
Men and women are pretty different when it comes to how they approach relationships and interpret things in general. These fool-proof flirting tips are guaranteed to send the right message and not get lost in translation.
Dear Male Gender,
I have been writing about relationships for several years now with the goal of helping women understand why you act the way you do. First, I want to say that I really do love your gender. I have learned a lot about myself through relationships with some of you. And without you, I wouldn’t have the amazing career that I do, so thanks!
At the same time, I think you should know that some of your actions are really confusing the ladies of the world and causing a large amount of unnecessary pain.
A lot of my readers ask: “Why aren’t you giving all this advice to guys? They’re the ones who need it!” This letter is my response to that.
So let’s get right into it.
Many years ago, a guy friend said something that completely changed the way I viewed sex and relationships. He said: “Before a girl sleeps with a guy, she has all the power. Afterward, he has all the power.” I’ve told this to countless friends, both male and female, over the years and have been met with a resounding: “That is so true!.” You can choose to agree or disagree, but there’s no denying that sleeping with a guy has a significant impact on the relationship and can either deepen it or turn it into a physical thing without an emotional leg to stand on.
Most men want sex and most women want a commitment. That’s not to say men don’t want commitment, they do, it’s just not the driving force behind their behavior, getting a lot of sex is. You can blame it on biology and a man’s innate need to spread his seed, or on today’s culture which deems men who sleep with lots of women studs (and women who sleep with lots of men sluts), but it’s just the way it is. As such, women have control when it comes to sex and can decide whether to give in or not, while men have the control when it comes to commitment. [continue reading…]
The first time I had “the talk” turned into more of a ridiculous display of exactly what not to do. I was in college and had been seeing this guy for a little over a month and had never felt so strongly for someone else, ever. We spent a ton of time together and I figured we were heading toward being “official” but it wasn’t a pressing matter on my mind, it just lingered in the depths.
That all changed one night when I introduced him to my friends for the first time. The night started out great, we had some drinks and went to a bar with some of his friends. But it all took a turn when me and my friends went to the bathroom to fix our faces and they started getting in my ear about how strange it was that he and I weren’t official yet, and what a bad sign that was. In addition to a fresh coat of powder and gloss, I left the bathroom with a giant chip on my shoulder.
Relationships are really quite simple when you understand the core dynamics at play. When you don’t, however, you can drive yourself half insane trying to figure it all out.
The beginning of a relationship is often the most confusing time, a time when everything seems precarious and you don’t quite know where you stand or where, if anywhere, the relationship is going.
Men and women are different and as such, the way we experience and process relationships are different. Men tend to be much more in the moment, if the relationship is enjoyable in the here and now, they’re happy. If it’s unpleasant, they either distance themselves or leave.
Women, on the other hand, tend to get stuck in the details, the nuances, the “clues” both real and perceived. In the midst of this quest to figure out what’s going on and where he stands, they often lose sight of what’s important (the actual relationship, and how it is in the here and now).
No one intentionally seeks to sabotage their relationship (at least, not if you really like the guy). Conversely, women usually go in with the best intentions and can be blindsided should the relationship crumble before it really gets going.
Here are five things you might unknowingly be doing that can ruin your relationship:
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Happy Valentine’s Day! I know this day can be a sore subject for some ladies, namely those getting over a guy or those who feel a bit lonely. There really is no need to bash all the happy couples out there. Instead, use this day to appreciate the love you have in your life, there has to be some.
As you may know, I’m an avid quote collector. In honor of this lovely day to celebrate love, here are my favorite quotes on matters of the heart.
Here’s a scenario that might sound familiar. You’re seeing a guy for a little while, it could be weeks or maybe months. You text a lot, hang out, have fun, things seems to be moving along swimmingly and a relationship seems like it’s just around the corner.
Then poof … he’s gone. He disappeared and ]has vanished without a trace.
He might do the slow fade out, meaning he stops initiating contact and when you reach out to him he takes hours or days to reply. This goes on for a while until you take the unfortunate hint. Or he “ghosts” and just disappears. He doesn’t reach out and he doesn’t reply when you contact him. [continue reading…]
What do men want in a woman? It may seem like a loaded question, but really the answer is quite simple.
While every guy has his own preferences when it comes to the physical–some like blondes, some like brunettes; some like petite, some like curvy–there are several fundamental qualities that all men crave in a woman.
The media might lead you to believe that getting a man is all about the physical: what you wear, how you do your makeup, the right push-up bra, the right scent. These things will certainly help you attract a man, but will do little to keep him interested and invested.
This is what it takes to be a man’s ultimate dream girl:
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