If Taylor Swift keeps going on the same track in the love department, she may want to consider naming her next album: “Maybe It’s Me.” Seriously, girlfriend is gorgeous, rich, talented, sweet, and yet she can’t–for the life of her—seem to hang onto a man for more than a few months.

I don’t know Taylor personally. I do know people who have met and interviewed her  though and by all accounts, she’s an incredibly kind and genuine person, which is not something you find too often in Hollywood. The purpose of this article is not to bash her, but rather, to learn from her. I don’t really pay close attention to pop culture these days, but Taylor is one famous face who I can’t seem to escape, and who’s troubles in the love department have captured my attention (and sympathy!).

All I know is this is a girl who gives her all to relationships, usually gets burned as a result, then makes millions writing songs about it. It doesn’t sound like such a bad deal, but I’ll bet that Taylor would happily exchange a lot of those millions to find true love.

So where exactly is she going wrong? [continue reading…]

Whenever I tell people that I write about relationships, the first thing they want to know is the most commonly asked questions we receive. Next, of course, they want to know what my answers are to said questions. When it first started happening, I would get kind of nervous, especially if I was being put on the spot by a bunch of guys who didn’t think I could possibly know anything about the male mind. Let me tell you, proving them wrong is one of the best feelings ever!

In time, however, I got it down and could quickly rattle off brief, yet on-point, answers to even the most seemingly tricky relationship dilemmas.  After getting grilled for what felt like the trillionth time the other week, I decided that I should make an article out of my “bite sized” answers to the most common relationship questions.

On ANM, we got into a lot of depth about relationships, in our articles, our newsletter, and of course, in our book. However, it’s always nice to have a refresher course. Even though you might know something, it’s very easy for that knowledge to get knocked out by your emotions, and nothing gets the emotions going quite like boy drama.

Anyway, here is your handy guide to get your relationship questions answered on-the-go. [continue reading…]

Women frequently ask me what guys are looking for in their relationships with the women in their lives. And although they may realize how uncomplicated guys are, they are still usually surprised by the simplicity of my answer.

In general, men are looking for three things when they become involved romantically with a woman.

Click over to our friends at Your Tango to find out the 3 things men are looking for in a relationship.

With more than a third of Americans classified as obese, everyone from first lady Michelle Obama to TV news anchor Katie Couric is advocating exercise to maintain a healthy weight.

That’s great, says Dr. Eudene Harry, author of “Live Younger in 8 Simple Steps,” but the benefits of exercise go far beyond fitting into those skinny jeans. In fact, they extend to everything from your complexion to your mood to your digestive health.

To get you motivated to break a sweat, Dr. Harry has revealed five major (but less publicized) benefits of exercise.

[continue reading…]

There was once a time when women’s sole initiative role in the human mating ritual involved nothing more than dropping a silken handkerchief in the presence of her objet d’amour – an olden day version of the “bend and snap” – thereby prompting him to retrieve it and engage her in some polite conversation.

Today we play a much more proactive part in the dating world. This evolution is, for the most part, a positive improvement. We can now go after what – or rather whom – we want, rather than resorting to passive aggressive Victorian “subtleties” involving superfluous floor-bound accessories.  On the other hand, it is on us to handle those situations in which we wish to extricate ourselves from the reach of gentlemen showing us unwanted attention… Preferably while still maintaining the grace and decorum befitting a twenty first century lady.

So here it is. The quick ‘n easy exit strategy. How to escape from an insufferable first date. [continue reading…]

So you wanna understand men? Well you’re in luck, because we wrote the book on it (or at least a book on it, a really good one!)

The book, “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want,” covers everything you’ve ever wanted to know about men.

How do we know? Because we’ve spent years answering thousands upon thousands of questions from women of all ages from all over the world. It didn’t take long to see some very clear patterns emerge in the kinds of questions we were getting and it became clear very quickly that a book which contained all the answers to these burning questions was essential.

Our mission with this book was to help you understand exactly how men think and exactly why they do the things they do.

We hope that after reading it you will have complete clarity over your current relationship issues as well as past relationships that left you devastated and thoroughly confused. You will also gain confidence in yourself, you will learn to see what it is you have to offer and how to use those assets to their fullest potential so you can get everything you’ve ever wanted out of life, not to mention, out of your relationships.

So what else might you learn if you read the book? For starters… [continue reading…]

As some of you know, Eric and I are going to be publishing our first book. “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want,” very shortly. (We will be releasing the book to the members of our Dating Decoder e-mail list within the next few days and then doing a worldwide launch within a month or so. If you want to be the first to have it, sign up for the list today!). There have been numerous setbacks (including my hard drive crashing and taking with it the most up to date version of the book!), but we  emerged triumphant. The book is ready and we are beyond eager to share it with all of you.

As a little appetizer, we’ve decided to share a small excerpt from the book. I decided to share the section on infatuation since I’m sure it will resonate with most of you. Read on to check it out and please share your thoughts in comments! [continue reading…]

Ok, now that everyone has taken on a positive attitude towards being a healthy, mindful eater, it’s time to start thinking about the small food or fitness changes you could start implementing into your daily life. If you have an “all or nothing” mentality, it’s time to get rid of it, starting….now.

Want to hop off the yo-yo diet and weight loss bandwagon? Read on! [continue reading…]

The vast majority of us spend most of our days in our office.  And just like anything else (home, closet, car) it can get cluttered easily.

However, since we spend so much of our everyday life in our workspace, it should definitely be an area that is not only comfortable, but also an extension of your style and personality. Cleaning up your office space can also do wonders for your head space by helping you be more productive, organized and focused. Ever notice how you feel stressed and scattered when your home or office is a disaster, and how calm and centered you feel when everything is in it’s right place?

With spring is still in the air, it’s not too late to maintain your “spring cleaning” vow and give your office a little face-lift. Whether it’s home or off site, bring some color and cheer with you to the job.

Here are my favorite office accessories to not only keep you organized, but also looking super stylish: [continue reading…]

EDITORS NOTE: A little while back, I saw a friend who I hadn’t seen in months and was stunned by what I saw. In a few short months, my petite friend lost an enormous amount of weight.  Naturally, my first question was how she did it and I have to say, I was even more stunned by her response: Weight Watchers. I knew she had been struggling with her weight for quite some time and had tried everything to get rid of the excess baggage on her small frame to no avail. Not only was she able to surpass her weight loss goal by following the Weight Watchers system, she did it without depriving herself and while still eating all the foods she enjoys (in moderation, of course). I know many women face the same struggles as my friend,  so I asked her to write about her experience with the program.

I have been trying to get back my old body since my sudden 30-pound college weight gain. I am very short and it used to be that I was always small, so when I gained all that weight it was a shock to my system, as well as my family and friends.

I gained that weight five years ago, and though I was able to lose some of it after college, most of it decided to stay with me. During these years I was always trying to lose weight but never actually losing or keeping off a substantial amount. I constantly worried about what I was eating and my need for exercise. When I did exercise or diet, I could not stick to a routine and did not see motivating results. [continue reading…]

So many of us strive to lead healthier, happier lives – in a variety of ways.  We modify our diets, take supplements, join the gym and spend a phenomenal amount of money each year on products and services that make us feel better.  But unless you’re getting a good night’s rest, it can all be for nothing.  It’s no secret that sleep deprivation can cause irritability, poor judgment, premature aging of the skin… but it can lead to much worse things.  Several studies have shown that long term it can cause illness, both physical and mental.  A proper night’s sleep is the cornerstone around which you should build the rest of your healthy lifestyle. [continue reading…]

We’ve all heard the same old song and dance about how beauty takes work and of course that famous little rhyme- ‘no pain no gain.’ Okay in some regards this is correct, like waxing for instance. In other areas, however, you don’t need to kill yourself or break the bank to look amazing. Looking great doesn’t only come down to what you wear or the products you use, it’s also about your attitude and the way you treat yourself.

Read on for 4 life-changing perils of advice guaranteed to deliver a more beautiful, confident, radiant YOU.

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Whenever I engage in conversations with single men and women about dating and relationships, all I hear is whining and complaining directed at the behavior of the opposite sex.

Many women in today’s society will say, “I don’t need a man; I am fine just by myself.” To them I say: No, you are not. We were not given the opportunity to experience life on earth to be happy at home by ourselves. Men in today’s society will say, “I am never getting married. Marriage is for losers.”  But no, marriage is not for losers. I know many winners who love being married and have been married for many years.

So, why is there so much animosity and resentment among singles today?  Click over to YourTango to find out the answer plus the main reason you’re still single.

At ANM, we are always trying ti encourage our reader’s to find fulfillment and happiness in all areas of their lives. If you read our Relationship or Lifestyle sections, you’ve learned how important it is to fill your life with meaningful activities, especially when it comes to finding happiness, building confidence and having the kind of relationship you want.

One of my main outlets is writing (even though it’s also what I do for work). Writing has enormous therapeutic benefits and can also get your creative juices flowing (always an awesome feeling). Whether you have aspirations of becoming a writer or not, I definitely think you should take the time to check out Voices In Space, a free literary forum on which writers—no matter how experienced– may post their work and get feedback from a wide array of impartial critics, i.e., the community of users.

Authors also have the ability to workshop their writing on the site, track the evolution of their writing, and gauge how changes to a work are received by their audience. [continue reading…]

A New Mode is officially three years old. I honestly can’t believe how fast the time has gone, it seems like only yesterday that Eric and I were sending e-mail blasts about the site to every single person we knew (and begging them to send blasts to everyone they knew!) to spread the word, while refreshing Google Analytics every 30 seconds to see how many visitors hit the site. These days, our readership has happily expanded way beyond our friends and families and instead of being a side project, ANM has turned into our sole project.

My mission in starting the site was to help our readers become the best versions of themselves and in the process, I have undergone a profound transformation of my own. Along the way, I have learned so much about life, love, happiness, health, and– thanks to Ask a Guy–a LOT about men.

The other day I was reflecting upon how much I’ve learned (and how badly I wish I knew all these things sooner!) and realized that sharing these insights would be the perfect way to celebrate our birthday. [continue reading…]

Earlier this year, in Bloomington, Indiana, Adam Sarnecki confronted a man breaking into a parked car. In a panic, the criminal shot and killed Adam.

Imagine the shock, anger and resentment you would feel if a similar injustice happened to one of your friends or family members. Perhaps you already know.

Remarkably, the father of the victim, Ron Sarnecki, responded to this tragedy with profound love and understanding. Although he was extremely upset about losing his son, Ron told reporters that he forgave the killer.

You may find it difficult to identify with this reaction, but there is a critical lesson to be learned here. Despite undergoing the traumatic experience of losing his son, Ron Sarnecki is now on his way toward a peaceful life. He has learned to forgive.

At some point, we’ve all been wronged. Perhaps you were in an abusive relationship or a friend turned her back on you, and you’ve carried bitterness and resentment with you ever since. You likely had no choice in what happened to you, but here’s the good news: you do have a choice in how you react to this adversity and how you will live the rest of your life. Is it time to release the heavy burdens of anger and bitterness that have weighed you down for so long? Is it time to forgive like Ron Sarnecki did?
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“Ugh, I hate my thighs.”

“I really need to go on a diet.”

“I wish I had your arms.”

If those comments sound familiar, then you’re no stranger to fat talk.

Fat talking—the tendency to make negative comments about our bodies—is a tried-and-true staple of female culture. Today, researchers are just beginning to study why we do it and how it affects the way we feel about our bodies and ourselves.

In the early 90s, anthropologist Mimi Nichter, Ph.D., unexpectedly stumbled onto fat talk while she was studying teen girls. During a series of focus groups, she noticed that they all reported a familiar ritual: One girl would say, “I feel so fat,” and the other would respond with, “You’re not fat!” The exchange was a normal part of daily life; the girls repeated it over and over throughout the day.

Once Nichter started listening for fat talk (a term she coined), she realized the ritual was commonplace, peppering many women’s conversations.

Chances are, you’re one of those women. [continue reading…]

We all know the big relationship red flags: Lying, cheating, abuse. These are the obvious signs that your relationship is in trouble. But, these are not the most common causes of broken marriages and failed relationships. More often than not, relationships are distressed little by little over time until both partners feel a complete disconnection.

Click over to our friends at Your Tango for 6 subtle signs your relationship is in trouble.

“Put down the toilet seat!” “Clean the gutters!” “Change the light bulb!” These ‘obvious’ bits of nagging are actually the laziest forms of relationship clichés. [Yawn.] Like love itself, nagging comes many different and sometimes unrecognizable forms. Not all women are naggers, and not all men are the ones who are nagged.  That said, there’s a definite communication gap, and we guys tend to…misinterpret an innocuous comment every now and then.

It may be impossible to ever conquer this particular battle of the sexes, but here’s a little insight into what we actually hear when you nag.

Head over to Your Tango to find out how men translate nagging.

Even with all we know about relationships these days, there seems to be a lot of confusion when it comes to the “chase” and how that differs from “playing games.” There also seems to be dissent regarding whether or not this chase is necessary or obsolete and how to do it right. Well, confusion be gone – it’s time to end the debate once and for all. Yes, the chase is important, no, it’s not the same as playing games, and there is one basic principle you need to know to understand how it’s done.

Back in the ‘90s, a book came along that revolutionized the dating world. Even if you’ve never read it (which I personally haven’t), you’ve heard about it and you know its contents well. It was called “The Rules” and it was hailed as the ultimate guide to getting a guy, preferably with an engagement ring in hand.

The book was filled with all sorts of silly rules (as the title aptly suggests): always end the date first, don’t accept a Saturday date if he asks after Wednesday, wait at least three dates before having sex, and on and on. This book divided the female population into two groups: those who lived by it (dubbed “Rules Girls”) and those who wanted to see it burned and never spoken of again. (Side note: We cover this topic, and all your other burning questions, in our e-book. Check it out: “He’s Not That Complicated: How to Crack a Man’s Romantic Code to Get the Relationship You Want.”)

It’s the stuff of countless romance films and perfume commercials: An insanely alluring woman walks into a room (almost comically slowly) and all eyes turn to her. The gentlemen present are so compelled by her charms that they immediately abandon their dates and rush to her side. Women want to be her and men want to be with her.

Now let’s get real. While we may idolize aloof Angelinas on the silver screen, in our everyday lives, it’s the friendly, girl-next-door Jennifers who we’re truly drawn to.

So what exactly are those seemingly intangible qualities that make a woman seem to light up a room? Obviously, we can’t deny that beauty is a major factor. But there are plenty of charismatic people that we’re inexplicably drawn to even though they’re not a 10 (or even a 6) in the looks department. Bill Clinton certainly springs to mind as does, say, Lady Gaga.

With that in mind, we wanted to find out what exactly charisma is and why we’re so captivated by the most charming person in the room. More importantly, is charisma something you’re simply born with or can you learn to exude charm?
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Has this ever happened to you? You meet a new guy for coffee and have a great first date. He was easy to talk to, had a good sense of humor and had good answers to your questions. You feel tentatively positive. The week goes by. He texts once or twice, but does not ask about the weekend.

Then, he finally calls you, on Friday, to talk about the weekend. “Are you free tonight?” he asks. Well, you purposely left the weekend open hoping he would call. So you say, “Yes”. You go out and have another great date. It is so nice to talk to a man who you can have a great conversation. You smile, laugh and share similar ideas about life.

Then, you don’t hear from him all week, except for some texting. This time, you can’t take it. You want to know what is going to happen for the weekend. You can’t stand this waiting game.

So what’s going on? Click over to our friends at YourTango to find out why men keep you waiting by the phone and how to deal with it.

Jean finally receives the news she has been waiting for. However, she’s immediately disappointed – if she accepts her new promotion, she must move farther north, where the winters are long and frigid. She was hoping her promotion would allow her to stay in a warm climate. Jean can’t imagine being happy in such harsh weather. After much deliberation, Jean decides that she will not accept the promotion.

We all know that our decisions today will impact our happiness in the future. If this is true, what influences our daily decision-making? The answer is our predictions of our future happiness. In the above scenario, Jean decides to not accept her job promotion because she predicts that she won’t enjoy her life in a place with such cold weather. But how will Jean ever know if she made the right decision? What if this promotion would have led to an upper management position? What if she would have acclimated to the harsh weather after just a year or two? Each day we make decisions based on how happy we expect to feel in the future. Let’s take a closer look at how we make such happiness predictions.

QUIZ: How Happy Do You Feel?

It may surprise you to learn that, like Jean, people are not very good at knowing how happy they will feel in future situations. Indeed, many scientific studies suggest that people overestimate how unhappy they will feel if something bad happens1.

For example, one study asked participants to predict how unhappy they would feel two months after the end of a romantic relationship. When that time arrived, the study results showed that people had predicted that they would be less happy than they actually were. In another study, women overestimated how unhappy they would be after receiving unwanted results from a pregnancy test. When a negative event occurs, we often end up feeling less upset than we originally expected. Why does this happen? The difficulty is that our happiness predictions are biased. Awareness of these biases allows us to make better decisions on important matters such as our choice of romantic partners, where to live, and how we pursue happiness.
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Summer is a glorious time. The sun is shining, trees are blooming and perpetual cold weather-induced frowns slowly make the climb to blissful smile. However, it’s also a million degrees and feeling sexy and beautiful when you’re sweaty and sticky and icky can be near impossible!

Fear not. You can stay cool and look hot even in the face of the most sweltering conditions. Just follow these top tricks of the trade. [continue reading…]

Over the years I’ve been in my fair share of relationships. I’ve also been what felt like the third party in many of my friends’ relationships as I used my years of wisdom to help them through every step of their relationships. There is one key ingredient that will determine the success, or failure, of a relationship. When I look back at the times when I’ve struggled and felt tortured trying to figure out why guys act the way they do, and when I see my friends in similar predicaments, one major and fundamental issue is invariably at the heart of the matter.

Eric and I dish out a lot of relationship advice on this site. We help you understand why that guy who seemed so into you at first is suddenly acting shady or why the guy that acts like you’re boyfriend won’t just call you his girlfriend. While we’re happy to supply you with these explanations, we’d be remiss if we didn’t cover one fundamental truth about relationships: you will never find love with another until you find it within yourself.

I know, it’s one of those facts that makes you roll your eyes but in truth, it makes all the difference in the world. When you love yourself, you don’t care why he’s being shady and blowing you off or why he won’t just put a label on it because you know your worth and your value. You won’t even need to call up your loyal girlfriends and listen to them tell you that you can do so much better than him because it’s a freakin’ given! [continue reading…]

The days of hiding behind piles of cozy layers are far behind us. Summer is here and the motivation to get killer bikini-worthy abs is at an all-time high. I am a huge yoga proponent and am continually amazed by how noticeably toned I become after only a few sessions. Yoga doesn’t only target superficial abdominals, but the deeper core muscles that are often neglected with traditional exercises.

To help you get sculpted summer abs, YogaWorks instructor Sadie Nardini has shared three quick poses designed to reach all six abdominal muscles and effectively transform and firm your mid-section. [continue reading…]

Do you have a designer satchel filled with Post-its of illegible scribbled notes to yourself on them? Scraps of paper, or napkins (gasp!), with phone numbers jotted? Business cards scattered about? Or, do you have so much on your plate that you feel an impending sense of doom because you barely have time to breath?

You’re overworked, super busy, and plain simple, unorganized. Put your Blackberry down. Take a breath. You know what, maybe even grab a manicure. Then follow my five steps to organization, to go from pull-your-hair-out crazed to experiencing a sense of normalcy. You’ll be surprised by how productive you can be and how much you can do without feeling like, well, a crazy person. [continue reading…]

Super Bowl  Sunday is a day for commercials you actually want to watch, over-hyped halftime performances and unhealthy snacks galore– oh yeah, and football! Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re body doesn’t care if it’s the Super Bowl and those calories will count just as much as they would on any other day.

Fortunately, you can get the best of both worlds and enjoy delicious appetizers without the guilt with the help of celebrity personal trainer and wellness guru David Kirsch. David has committed himself to helping others achieve a balance of mind, body and spirit and is the author of three best-selling books filled with yummy recipes and invigorating workouts.

To help you stay on track this year, David has provided six delicious and nutritious recipes that can seamlessly replace those old Super Bowl standbys. [continue reading…]

I don’t really know how and why I started collecting quotes . It just kind of happened and then soon enough I was carrying around a beaten up notebook with my everywhere in case I read of heard something inspiring. And when the notebook was almost full, I typed up all the quotes and made a nice categorized, color-coded word document to house them all.

The quote-collecting started when I was 14 and over a decade later it continues. My quote collection has helped me get through the bad and learn to really see and appreciate the good- breakups, breakdowns, identity questions, regrets, triumphs, tragedies, you name it and I have a quote that will help you get a better grip on it, some with laughter and others with immense wisdom.

Winter is here, the temperature is frigid, darkness comes way too early and a whopping case of seasonal affective disorder is all but inevitable. To help make these sad days a little shinier, I’ve decided to share some of my all time favorite quotes. Enjoy! [continue reading…]