To quote Taylor Swift, how do you truly know when you are never, ever, ever getting back together? I get so many ex-back questions so we’re going to go over the signs today that your ex is truly not coming back so you can be free to fully move on.

A very important life skill to have is knowing when to gracefully let something go when it’s no longer meant for you. And this is obviously a very difficult thing to do when it comes to an ex, especially if it’s been an on-and-off situation.

Now here’s a frustrating scenario.

You meet a guy, you’re interested, he’s interested, he’s pursuing you, you’re feeling really good about it, and just as you start to let your guard down and let him in … he seems to take a big step back and isn’t really pursuing you anymore.

Let’s talk about how your fear of losing him is pushing him away and ruining everything.

It happens to the best of us. You’re seeing a guy, things are off to a great start, and just as you start to get excited about what’s to come, you are suddenly gripped by the absolute terror and fear of losing him.

MORE: 5 Ways to Ruin a Budding Relationship

Then you may notice the dynamic start to shift. He seems to pull back a little, he’s not as into it or excited by you and now you are fully panic-stricken. All you can think about is how to keep him, how to make him chase you again, and how to get it all back on track.

First, take a breath. Stressing is just going to make everything worse. Now let’s talk about what to do to salvage things.

So you want to get your ex back. You’re not alone. This is one of the most common questions I receive. And I get it, I was once in your exact same shoes.

First, make sure he’s worthy. Really take the time to think about this, meditate about it, talk to your friends and your support system. Some exes are just not worth revisiting. Love isn’t enough, and simply missing him isn’t enough.

MORE: How to Get Your Ex Back For Good

Look at your past relationship and be honest with yourself about whether he’s a person worth even trying to get back. Was he good to you? Did he treat you well? Do the good times far outweigh the bad? Were you fundamentally compatible? Did you make each other better? I really don’t want you following my advice to get back with someone who isn’t good for you. So get really clear on things before you act.

With that said, here are the most common mistakes women make when trying to get an ex back.

Let’s talk about how to make a man fear losing you and why this is important in a relationship.

Here is what a lot of women do – as soon as a guy comes along who shows a little bit of interest she latches on forcefully. She abandons all other options, she deletes her dating apps, and commits herself exclusively to him even though he hasn’t shown anywhere close to that level of commitment or investment in her.

MORE: How to Make a Man Chase You Without Playing Games

He knows that she’s just there, he knows that he can continue this “non-relationship” indefinitely. So why would be want to change things? He’s getting all the benefits of having a girlfriend without any of the responsibility. He knows she’s all in and he has no reason or motivation to change so the relationship doesn’t develop or go anywhere.

In order to get a guy to step it up, he needs to be afraid of losing you. This isn’t about being manipulative, it’s about knowing your worth and knowing that you’ll walk away if something isn’t what you want.

I’m going to tell you exactly how to do it.

We’ve all been there. Even the most confident seeming people struggle with it from time to time. It’s feeling insecure. 

The thing about insecurity is that nothing is fun or enjoyable when you’re insecure and it just robs life of its joy. Not to mention, it will ruin your relationships, your mental health, and everything else really. 

I’ve talked a lot about how to know if you’re in a toxic relationship… but what about if you’re the toxic person?

Eek! Now that’s a truth none of us wants to admit. But sometimes you have to take a good hard look in the mirror, especially if you find yourself having the same problems over and over again without changing anything.

Being confident is the key to success in all areas of your life.

It’s not enough to tell people, “Be confident.” Like OK, we know that. You need to know what confidence means and how to build it. We live in a very image-obsessed world so it’s easy to think that looking good on the outside is all you need to feel good on the inside.

OK, I get flooded with questions from women along the lines of: “I think I totally messed up my relationship- what do I do? How do I fix it?”

Few things are as frightening or nerve-wracking as a man needing space. Maybe he comes right out and tells you he needs some space, or maybe you notice he’s backing away … you haven’t seen him in a while, his texts or calls are shorter and less frequent, and you can just feel it in your gut that something is amiss.

If you ask him what’s going on and why he’s being this way, he might come right out and say he needs some space (which does nothing to assuage your mounting anxiety), or he might say something to indicate it in an indirect way, like he needs to focus on work right now, or he’s really stressed, or he thinks you should be spending some time focusing on yourself. Even worse, he may pretend like everything is totally normal, making you feel crazy, even though you know you’re not crazy and something is just not right here!

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How do we stop obsessively thinking of someone?

This topic is near and dear to my heart because, as a lot of you know, I was once a major obsesser. I have this personality type that always needs to know and understand everything. It serves me well in my career, I mean I analyze and explain human behavior for a living, but it did  not serve me well in dating and actually drove me crazy and drove all the men away.

I get endless messages and DMs from women who are heartbroken, frustrated and confused- they want help with their relationship and they’ve tried everything and nothing works. What’s the issue? They care too much.

If you’re struggling to find love for the first time or finding love again, maybe after having your heart broken, you’ve come to the right place. There’s a lot of misconceptions out there about how you will find love but no one ever talks about what it takes to have a lasting relationship.

Do you feel like guys always treat you like a last priority? When someone treats you like an option, it can really make a dent in your self-esteem.

You think, “I don’t feel important” and that can begin to influence your behaviors, leading to a negative cycle of not feeling good enough and then being treated as such.

Not to worry though. Stick with me to the end and I will reveal what makes a guy really invest in you and treat you like a priority vs an option.

I get a lot of questions on how to deal with relationship anxiety and believe me, I get it!

Anxiety is a pervasive problem in general, and of course, it’s going to come out in relationships because relationships hit every emotional sore spot inside of us and there is a lot at stake.

MORE: How to Stop Stressing in Dating and Relationships

Your intentions are good, you want the relationship to last and you want to avoid being hurt, but the way it manifests could end up ruining the very thing you want so badly.

So let’s break it down and talk about why it happens and what you can do about it. Keep reading.

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Ever wonder why some guys act like they can’t get enough of you even though you’re not doing anything or even showing interest?

One of the secrets to knowing how to make men want you is understanding what they truly find attractive, even the things that make you go, “Really? That is why you’re chasing me so hard?”

I’ve been doing this for a long time and in summing up all of my experiences, there are definitive common denominators in how women go about trying to win a man over and get him to like her… and usually, these are wrong!

MORE: How to Make Men Chase You Without Playing Games

I get where you’re coming from though because I once thought the same way and did the same things. Society teaches us a lot of things about what we think men find irresistible when it’s oftentimes completely off track.

The traits I’m going to share with you may seem like they go against everything you thought about how to make a man like you, but stick with me and you’ll see it all makes sense. If you can follow these tips, I guarantee you’ll see a dramatic shift in your love life so make sure you follow through until the end and no skipping!

You’re seeing a guy, all seems to be going great… and then you just don’t hear from him. What?!What happened? What did you say or do wrong?

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“I’ve been seeing this guy and he suddenly stopped texting me out of nowhere, now what?!”

Sound familiar? This is such a common situation that there’s actually a term for it — ghosting.

It’s so confusing because everything seemed to be going great, at least in your mind. But then you stop hearing from him. One day goes by. Then another and another. Maybe you shoot him a text but you get crickets in response. What is happening?!?!

MORE: Why Guys Ghost and How to Get Over It

Almost nothing is worse than no response. You thought things were going great, but now you’re wondering if you’re crazy and just made everything up in your head.

Now what? What do you do next? Do you show up where you think he’s going to be? Do you try to track him down through some other means of communication?

No!

I’m going to share the most crucial do’s and don’ts of dealing with ghosting so keep reading.

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“I’ve been seeing this guy for a little while now and it seems like sometimes he’s interested and sometimes he’s not. I feel like I don’t really have him and I feel like I don’t know how to hold his interest and make him want me more.

I notice this the most when we’re texting. Sometimes he’s there texting back and forth with me, sometimes he disappears for hours or days or doesn’t really seem to engage in the conversation.

MORE: Exactly How to Get a Guy to Text You Back

There are all kinds of videos and articles about text messages that make him want you, but a lot of the advice seems unrealistic or ridiculous. Can you tell me what works to make a man interested over text?”

What do men truly find attractive in a woman? What makes a woman stand out from the rest?

These are questions many women ask but few know the real answers to.

A lot of women have false ideas about what men really want. Or they don’t have any ideas at all and are just flying blind.

MORE: 5 Things Men Want In a Woman

Over the years I’ve interview countless men to find out what really captures their eye and more importantly, their heart. What is it that makes a woman a cut above the rest, the type of woman that really inspires him to commit and invest in?

I’m going to share everything with you so keep reading!

So you fired off a text to the guy you’re seeing and now it’s crickets. He’s not texting back and you’re staring at the clock wondering what’s taking him so long. The longer it goes on, the more your mind races with possibilities and you’ve got another text lined up ready to go before hitting send.

Not to fear, I’m going to share examples of texts to never send a guy, unless of course, you want to scare him away for good.

Look, we all have good intentions. The problem is that those good intentions can get lost in translation via text and may make you come across in a way that is negative or doesn’t clearly reflect who you really are as a person.

MORE: How to Get a Guy to Text You Back

Then all of a sudden, a guy who seemed super into you is acting cold and distant and seems to be losing interest. What gives?

I’m going to share the biggest man-repelling texts so make sure you read all the way through to the end.

I’m going to tell you how to build your self-esteem and self-worth so you stop wasting time on losers and chasing damage cases and get the love you truly want!

I talk to you guys a LOT about how important it is to be a high-value woman, so I figured it was time to talk about what that means and what it looks like and how to do it.

When you know how to show up as a high-value woman, your relationships flow, you don’t worry and stress about “losing” a guy, and you just plain feel great about yourself.

MORE: The Top 5 Things Men Want in a Woman

A lot of times, what keeps us in bad relationships is low self-esteem. Deep down, we don’t think we can do any better, so we stay and put up with bad treatment because we think we don’t deserve to be treated well or loved, or maybe it’s the fear that we won’t find anyone better so we have to make this work.

Being a woman of high self-worth and embracing the strong feminine qualities in a woman is what will allow you to get the relationship you truly want and deserve. It also makes you stand out so that you’re attracting high-quality men!

Here is how it’s done:

Let’s talk about the attitudes men love about women because a lot of people get this wrong and it’s important.

Here is some good news: Unlike your physical appearance, your attitude is completely under your control, and it plays a huge role in your overall attractiveness.

I’m sure you’ve experienced this in your own life.  Someone may be only average level when it comes to physical attractiveness, but as you get to know them they can become super attractive. Or someone can be extremely physically attractive but those attributes get decimated the second they open their mouth.

MORE: 5 Things Guys Secretly Want From You (But Will Never Tell You) 

No one wants to be be played with. That’s a major fear that causes people to put up walls, preventing them from getting the love they truly want because love can’t flourish behind a plastic wall.

I want to start off by saying that very few people intentionally seek out playing mind games- most guys aren’t out there just looking to screw with your heads.

Mind games are usually a manifestation of his own ambivalence towards you and the relationship. Maybe he just doesn’t like you enough or maybe he just has issues with relationships in general and can’t commit.

Now on your end, you just feel totally confused. You spend more time trying to understand the relationship than you do actually enjoying it, and hence the term mind games. You feel like you’re trying to solve some intricate puzzle rather than build a relationship and form a connection. You feel like you can’t totally drop your guard because you’re afraid of being blindsided with a breakup.

MORE: 13 Definite Signs He’s Not Serious About You

Well to clear things up, I’m going to share the biggest telltale signs a guy isn’t sure about you and is playing games so keep reading.

Creating a connection comes down to one important thing: questions.

And it seems in this digital age, the art of conversation has been lost and we don’t know how to ask the right questions to really get to know someone. And that’s what dating is … it’s a discovery process. And the best way to discover someone and to assess how compatible you are, is through asking the right questions.

There’s a time and place for the right questions … a time to keep it light and a time to go deep.

MORE: 225 Amazing Questions to Ask a Guy

This doesn’t mean you can’t ask serious questions when you’re first getting to know someone. There aren’t strict rules you have to follow because things like context and tone really matter. But you probably don’t want to pull out “When was the last time you cried?” on a first date (unless it somehow comes up naturally and you really get the vibe that he’s open to talking about it …)

Tone is key. Asking him “What is one thing you’re judgmental about?” can be either lighthearted or serious depending on the context, how it’s asked, and how he chooses to respond.

You know the feeling … it’s that palpable shift that you can’t quite put your finger on, it just hangs in the air sending waves of panic throughout your being. Sometimes you think you’re imagining things… that your insecurities and fears are acting up, and things go back to business as usual.

And just as you’re breathing that delicious sigh of relief, the panic reemerges and jabs you right between the ribs. Something is up, you don’t want to admit it, but you know it.

They say advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer, but wish you didn’t, and I most certainly agree! I get flooded with desperate questions from women wanting to know if their guy is losing interest.

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Being single for a certain amount of time has its benefits. I personally experienced the most growth and self-awareness during my years as a single girl, and while there were some painful and lonely moments, they all led me to a place where I could break through some of my walls and do some necessary inner work.

At the same time, no one makes it a goal to be single forever. We all want love; we all want a partner to share our lives with. Even though that is the goal, a lot of us mistakenly go about attaining the thing we want so much in all the wrong ways. We continue to live life in the same way and hope that it will somehow lead to different results. We know that this doesn’t really make any sense, and yet we continue to operate from a default setting.

Being single isn’t a curse and being in a relationship isn’t a cure-all. No matter what stage you’re in, it’s important to take a personal inventory—to look at the habits and choices that are helping you, and the ones that are hurting you. It’s not a matter of putting yourself out there more, of signing up for every dating site and side-swiping app—finding a truly amazing, healthy relationship is much more about being ready for such a relationship. It’s about identifying faulty patterns and thought processes that may be blocking you from getting what you want.

I have written many articles on how to get the relationship you want. There are also ways to guarantee that you never get what you want. Seeing what they are is the first step in correcting the problem. And with that, here are ten ways to stay single forever:

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Wondering why guys are so confusing? What does it mean when he flirts then backs off?

If you feel like you’re getting mixed messages from a guy you’re interested in, then you’ve come to the right place.

There’s almost nothing more frustrating than wondering if someone likes you and not knowing how to read their mixed signals.

OK, let’s cut right to the chase here … there is no such thing as mixed messages. And if you’re getting “mixed messages,” the message is clear: he doesn’t like you the way you were hoping.

MORE: Definite Signs He Doesn’t Like You

Like I always say, if you have to ask, you already know the answer. But it can’t be that simple, right? If it were, then why is it so confusing?

Keep reading.