I developed an habit of snooping around in my relationship of almost two years and I finally got caught snooping through his phone the the other night (up until this point he didn’t know how I knew things that I called him out on).
Is there anything I can do for damage control? Do men get over such behavior? Help! [continue reading…]
So you’ve got a guy you’re friends with and somewhere along the line you develop feelings for him. Unfortunately, he only sees you as a friend.
Tough situation. It happens to guys and it happens to girls and oftentimes, it can cause more heartbreak than an actual breakup.
Why?
Well maybe one (or all) of these scenarios apply to your situation. You get along better with him than anyone else. You “get” each other. He’s the only guy that you’ve ever felt truly understands you and with whom you can truly be yourself. He’s cute, he’s funny, and when he’s around you, he completely let’s his guard down. You get to see him as the man he truly is – an unguarded version of himself that he hides from the world and only seems to let you see.
You trust each other. You might even say that you love each other. And you love every little thing about him… you can talk for hours or even just be with each other in silence… and you know exactly what the other person is thinking.
So why, in the midst of this seemingly perfect situation, aren’t you any more than friends? Or worse, why (when you told him how you felt about him) does he say, “I really love you. You’re the most important girl in the world to me and I’ll always be there for you but I can’t be in a relationship with you – we need to just be friends.”
Well, I’ll give you a few reasons and I’ll also give you the ultimate pull-no-punches guide to getting out of the friend zone.
[noinsert]
My boyfriend dumped me and says that he wants to stay single forever and wants to give up everything we had together. He said it’s his choice and told me not to bring it up again. I asked if we could still be good friends and he said yes. I asked him if he still loved me but he went offline.
I don’t know what to do because I really want him back. Is there a way to get him to give it a second chance? I have really strong feelings for him and just wish we could start over and make it work.
My boyfriend and I are currently in a long distance relationship and my issue, whether we are together or apart, is that I don’t know how to express what I need from him in a way that doesn’t come across as being needy. For example, I need more contact than he is giving me, like a regular phone call once a week and a few more texts than he sends.
His work and my work make it difficult but it is not impossible. How do I tell him that without contact the connection between us fades for me and makes me feel unloved even though in reality I know he loves me very much? I just want to be able to tell him what I want without sounding needy. Is this possible?
It’s time to have a frank discussion about lying and deceit. I see a lot of fears floating around in the the dating world and it can be disheartening.
In order to have a truly fulfilling relationship (or even start a healthy relationship) with a great guy, you need to come from a place of strength, confidence, and fulfillment.
Whenever a relationship goes sour (or fails to launch), it’s almost always caused by some tiny fear, doubt, worry or insecurity that grows and festers until you feel overwhelmed by the whole ordeal.
And what happens? Your fears and worries compel you to confirm whether they’re real or imaginary. You stop enjoying the relationship for what it is and start craving validation and confirmation that it’s “the real deal.”
And there’s only one thing that manifests from that place… neediness.
QUIZ: Are You Accidentally Destroying Your Love Life?
These days, people are quick to throw the concept of neediness around without actually looking at what it is. I’ve had some of my female readers complain that the term neediness makes it sound like I’m framing women as weak, fragile, insecure creatures that just cling to men (and stress them out).
Nothing could be further from the truth. I think women bring a tremendous strength and power to the table in relationships… when they have access to it and are free of their own fears.
Men and women have fears. Those fears are greater now more than ever really since there’s an entire industry devoted to making sure men and women are wrought with insecurities so they buy products (sowing in and agitating tiny insecurities is the bread and butter of the marketing world).
A major fear is being lied to deceived which brings me to the main question of this article: Why do men lie?
I have noticed that you guys (and most dating advice sites, actually) focus a lot on things women do, but do you send men emails to help them with things? It just seems like women are somehow always the problem. It should go both ways to help a relationship, shouldn’t it?
Why is it that women are the ones who have to work on making the relationship better? [continue reading…]
I’ve had a “casual” thing going with a guy for 6 months, mostly sexual. Two months ago, I told him I couldn’t do the casual thing anymore and since then things have been heading downhill fast. Today was my birthday and he didn’t even wish me a happy birthday!
I don’t want this anymore but I’m getting mixed advice from people. Some tell me that I should text him and tell him that I don’t want to do it anymore and others tell me that I should just stop texting and just ignore him if he reaches out, which I find particularly cruel.
What should I do?
There was a guy who seemed interested in me, but at the time I was pursuing another guy. Things have changed and I’m interested in this guy now, but a mutual friend told me that I “missed my chance and he’s moved on.”
He seemed like he liked me before and I think he might now, but I can’t tell if he’s into me or one of the other girls that he hangs out with. How can I tell if I still have a chance with him? How do I know if he still likes me?
[continue reading…]
Meeting guys and having guys interested in me is not a problem. I don’t want to sound arrogant, but I’m in good shape and everyone tells me how pretty I am so I don’t doubt my physical attractiveness.
Here’s the thing: There is a guy I see a lot (he’s a friend of a friend) and I’ve developed a crush on him. I was trying to find out if he was into me and a friend of mine quoted him saying that I was a “cool girl, but not his type”.
I really like this guy – I want to understand why he doesn’t like me and if there’s anything I can do to get him to like me and see me as a romantic interest.
I’ve been dating this guy for about a month and a half now, and I ended up losing my virginity to him.
We’ve had sex twice now, and the going’s been good, but he’s under the impression that he wasn’t my first even though I told him well otherwise, and he was shocked when I’d originally told him I was still a virgin.
I’m 25 years old (shocking in itself, but I feel his shock had less to do with my age and more to do with my looks), and I’m no idiot about sex– very well-read and informed girl here!– but I was definitely a stranger to it before him, which he thinks is a lie.
It’s really bothering me that he refuses to believe me and has even said he doesn’t know what he can trust about me, especially with the virginity. I don’t think he would have cared whatsoever if I wasn’t a virgin, but he really was my first! Why can’t he just believe me?
Ok, I am confused…I thought guys were totally into the text versus actually talking on the phone. But there is one guy who I am interested in who seems to not fit that mold. Help! He takes hours to answer a text message when we all KNOW that our phones are glued to our face. I don’t understand…we will be texting back and forth for a few, then nothing…air silence! I told him it bothers me but he keeps doing it!
What is the deal? I am so OVER the four hour response time…especially when we don’t talk over any other media.
I’ve been talking to a guy for a little over a month but we have not officially met up (I actually met him about 5 years ago through a friend but we were seeing other people at the time). We have talked about getting together, but have yet to actually set a date.
Our main form of communication is via text message, and we’re skirting on the border of friends and more than friends. About 2 weeks ago, I straight up asked the guy I’ve been talking to/flirting with if he just wanted to sleep with me. I’ve noticed that any time I’m very direct, his answers are kind of vague.
I’m guessing he is unsure of what he wants but I’m just wondering if being direct is a bad thing? Don’t men usually think women are overly complicated?
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and I love him so much. I think our relationship is really great and he is everything that I could ever ask for. We have almost everything in common and I know he loves me too.
I’ve always known that he’s not the romantic type but in the beginning of the relationship, he always used to say sweet things at unexpected times to give me butterflies, he used to take me out to romantic dinners, etc.
I feel like he’s just not putting as much of an effort anymore into being romantic. I feel like he’s so comfortable with me (which I obviously like), but once in a while it would be nice to feel like he still is trying to reel me in.
I’ve tried everything to keep our relationship exciting. Do you think he’s getting bored?
I was in what I thought was a serious relationship for a year and half with my best friend. He developed a crush on me and after me rejecting him for 6 months we finally started dating. I fell in love fast and hard and he seemed to feel the same way.
However, he cheated on me recently and I’m confused as to why. He apologized and said he loves me no matter what but I’m not sure if I should take him back or if he really means it. He has stopped calling But we have gone on breaks before.
Do u think he really loves me? If so what do u think I should do?
My relationship started out mushy and sweet with tons of texting, but recently slowed way down. I hate to admit it but I did let myself seem a little needy, unintentionally of course. He straight out told me “I don’t know what I want right now.. I just got out of something that was messy.. all I did was work and see her.. but I wasn’t lying about how I feel about you…”
I was a little confused so I played it cool and told him to just relax and not to put pressure on what we are. It’s best if we just go with the flow and see what happens. Two days later he texted me, just seeing what was up, and we had a short, simple, normal conversation.
So my question is, did I save face after being needy by playing it cool? And if so, is it the right move to not contact him…?
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and eight months. I knew he never wanted to get married but assumed we would eventually live together.
He now tells me that he doesn’t want to live together. He likes living alone.
I am so heartbroken. It feels like I don’t have a future together. He seems to put himself and friends first before me. He tells me he loves me always and forever. I am confused. Do I stay with the man I love more than anything in this world? What do I do if my boyfriend doesn’t want to move-in together?
I have a terrible suspicion that my boyfriend is cheating on me. We’ve been together for a year and a half now and up until recently I’ve never worried. However, over the past two months he’s gone on three business trips for a week at a time. And over the past two weeks, he’s been texting with some girl and we’ve been having much less sex than we used to. His excuse has been that he’s just “too tired” for sex.
This is really worrying me and I want to know how to tell if my boyfriend is cheating on me or signs that my boyfriend is cheating (or about to cheat). I need to know what’s happening and what to do now.
I am married and have been having an affair with a married man for over a month now. We get together about once every week or two, and every visit consists of sex. I told him I want to do something else but he never really acknowledged me. I enjoy the sex, he makes sure I enjoy myself and pleasures first every time, but its hard to figure out if I am a booty call or not.
He texts and calls me in-between visits and we have good conversations. How do I convince him I’m worth more than sex? And should I confront him on my feelings?
I’ve been dating this guy for 8 months, the first 4 were great. When things started to go bad between us, he claimed he needed space because there were situations/demons he was fighting, and it wasn’t fair to drag me in. However, we kept spending time together, texting, etc., just not as frequently.
He constantly tells me he is difficult, crazy and/or complicated. He says we want different things (I want to get married and have kids one day, he doesn’t want to do that again), and when he says that, I calmly tell him that I will walk away. But then he freaks out and says he can’t lose me, he doesn’t want anyone else to have me, why can’t we take our relationship one day at a time (he’s the one who constantly looks into the future, not me), I’m giving up on him, etc. He says I can see other people, but then tells me he doesn’t want me to. He is a total contradiction.
I do love him, and I would like it to work, but is he playing me? And is he crazy enough that I should run screaming, or is this something I can salvage if I’M crazy enough to try?
[continue reading…]
The more distant I act, the more he’s interested! I want to be more “coupley” with him, but the more I do that the more he backs off, and the more I back off the more he comes to me.
How do I gradually get closer and more “coupley” without scaring him off?
I’ve been friends with this guy for nearly two years now and I’ve been completely hung up on him for about eleven months. For the majority of that time he was in a relationship that had been going on for a while, but about three months ago he ended it. A while later, we had a talk about our feelings for each other and he said that he wanted a relationship with me but that he needed a little time to get over what was quite a messy break-up (especially since his ex spread a few not-so-nice rumors about me and him following it).
After the talk we got a lot closer and it felt like we were really going somewhere. However, that all changed when we went on holiday with a group of friends recently and it felt like he started to pull away big time. He acted extremely distant towards me for the whole week and he’s been very flirty with a friend of mine who is actually in a relationship and trying to help me get to the bottom of all this. Everyone on the trip expected something to happen between us whilst away and I don’t know if this freaked him out or something, but since then we haven’t been the same together. And now he’s saying that he doesn’t want a relationship with anyone until the next Uni year, which isn’t until September. He’s also said that I’m free to do as I wish with any other guys since he doesn’t think it’s fair for me to have to ‘stick to any rules’.
The problem I’m having is understanding where he’s coming from. Is he relationship-shy because of his messy break-up? Did things get too real for him on the trip? Or, are all of these excuses his way of telling me that, when it comes down to it, he doesn’t actually want to be in a relationship with me? [continue reading…]
The following is a scenario that will sound familiar to more than a few of you. You’re at a bar, you make eye contact with a cute guy, he has that undeniable ‘I think you’re really hot’ look in his eye, but he doesn’t come over and talk to you. You catch his gaze a few more times throughout the night, but still nada.
There are dozens of reasons why he may not approach but for the most part, it’s probably due to the signals you’re giving out and those signals are probably saying “not interested.” I Personally tend to get a little shy when it comes to guys I’m instantly attracted to and will look away, thinking I’m being cute and coy. In reality, I’m just being confusing.
I can’t imagine it’s easy for guys to muster the strength to go talk to girls. While I’m all for taking the initiative, it’s pretty universally understood that if a guy is interested, he’ll make a move. However, there are a lot of factors that might derail this first move and most of them have nothing to do with the way you look.
Did you ever notice that when you and your girl friends go out looking for guys, everyone usually end up empty handed whereas when you go out casually just to have fun, guys start flocking from every which way? When it comes to being more approachable, factors such as you’re attitude, stance, the company you keep, your expression, your energy and so on can’t be overlooked.
To end the confusion, I asked Eric, our beloved Ask a Guy, to break it down and explain what it is that makes a girl both approachable and attractive to guys.
And without further adieu, here it is:
I dated a guy for seven months, on and off, never official although we both claimed to be monogamous. He kept saying he needed to get his life sorted out and would only be around when he needed me.
Eventually I gave up and dumped him which blew up into a huge fight where I said plenty that I regret now. I found out he was dating another girl while we were “together” (he lied). A month later now, he sends me text messages like “I wish you weren’t crazy :(“. I made a mistake. I want him back.
But why is he sending me these messages if he seriously thinks I am crazy, when HE is the one who CHEATED and LIED? Does he just want me to beg?
I have been dating this one guy for about two years now, off and on. When we first started dating, he chased after me and took me out to expensive dinners and such. In the beginning, I told him that I didn’t want a relationship and after that its all been downhill.
We do date other people but for some reason we always come back to each other and date off and on. He doesn’t call unless I call him first and then he starts the conversion about us hanging out and making plans. I haven’t talked about a relationship with him for a couple years now but I’m sick and tired of this off and on thing. We don’t break up or anything we just loose touch and then reconnect somehow.
His friends have made comments to my friends like “they are probably gonna end up together.” Does that seem like that he talks about me to his friends? What can I do to take this to another level? Should I just outright talk to the guy? I don’t want to scare him off. And if he says that he doesn’t know how he feels or ‘lets see where this goes,’ does that mean he isn’t interested? After two years a guy should know.. right?
Overall does it seem that the guy is interested in me? Do you think it’s wrong to tell him that either something happens with us or that’s it and we need to go our separate ways? I feel bad because I feel that I’m giving him an ultimatum.
Oh by the way, we haven’t slept together, so its not a booty call, I think!
See our guy’s response after the jump!
I went on my second date with this guy who happens to be a co-worker. Up until that point everything was great: fun conversation, chatting of texts, etc.
On our second date I had nothing to eat that day and we went out for drinks. Long story short, I ended up getting extremely drunk out of the blue, got sick and he ended up having to baby-sit me at his place that night. That morning he poked some fun at me, but was very sweet. I texted him to apologize, but he hasn’t responded yet (it’s been a few hours).
Everything leading up to now has been so good and would indicate he’s into me (holding hands, gazing into my eyes, etc.) Please tell me what I should do next and if I may have lost my chance with him. And if I screwed it up, how do I redeem myself?
My ex and I had a perfect nine months: no fights, some arguments of course, but everything was great.
I was always worried a little about this ex girlfriend. She left him for another guy and he never got over it… or over her I guess.
When she became available again, he left me for her! I don’t understand what happened … I just know I want him back. What should I do?
When I write an Ask a Guy, Sabrina and I will usually discuss the content before it goes live.
Recently the subject of guys and breakups came up and Sabrina and I went back and forth about what guys generally go through when they breakup. It came down to be too much to put into the article I was writing, so we decided that I should throw it all into an installment of “Decoding Male Behavior.”
To start, I wanted to write this article to dispel some of the misconceptions I’ve heard in regards to men and breakups.
I’ve heard things like: “When a guy’s relationship ends, he replaces her. When a woman’s relationship ends, she mourns,” or, “He’s just hooking up with so-and-so to spite the ex-girlfriend,” or “Guys just don’t care” and other nonsense.
To dispel the misconceptions, let’s take a look at some of the universal truths about guys and breakups – some of which may surprise you since they certainly are hidden from the surface.
My boyfriend and I love each other, but he and I have been having more and more fights.
I try my best to be diplomatic, but he keeps pushing until I snap and the conversation turns ugly.
We’re both very strong-minded people and when we disagree it becomes a massive argument and days of “silent treatment”.
How do I break the cycle?
I had a boyfriend for just over a year, we split up about three months ago because of all the arguing and stress. He is quite ignorant and I’m used to having arguments with him and not speaking for days. As per usual I’d be the one to text first and cave in.
Lately we have been meeting up and occasionally sleeping together, it’s really good and we classed ourselves as seeing each other. But now I find myself feeling ignored, I’d normally expect a text a day or so but I’ve received nothing.
I always text him first so today I didn’t bother, and he didn’t bother texting me? Am I overreacting or does he just want the chase or a relationship?
There is this guy who I see often but have never actually spoken to. The only contact has really been him indirectly talking to me. One time he told someone that I was a “good kid”, when I was standing right next to him.
He also stares at me sometimes and then doesn’t look away when I catch his glace. There are other things along those lines as well.
Does he like me or am I overreacting?
[continue reading…]
