The first question most women ask after a breakup is: can I get my ex back? It can be hard to think of anything else when your emotions are running high and you feel like you’re still in love. But the first question you should really be asking yourself is: do I want to?

The answer to the first question is maybe. There is always a chance, but missing him isn’t enough. You can’t get back together without doing any inner work and expect things to be different. Nothing has changed on the inside, so nothing has changed on the outside, either. If you get back together just because you miss him, you’re in serious danger of getting into an endless on/off cycle, driven entirely on emotions, and you could waste years of your life.

Assuming it is a good idea to try to get him back, is it even possible? It is, and here are 12 good signs you have a shot.

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After a breakup, one of your first questions will probably be: Does he still love me?

Love doesn’t usually just evaporate because you broke up. Yes, sometimes a breakup happens because one or both partners fell out of love (the classic, I love you but I’m not in love with you scenario), but more often people break up not because they don’t love each other, but because that love just wasn’t enough and they couldn’t make it work.

If there is any chance of you and your ex getting back together, that love still needs to be there. But other elements also need to be in place, and we’ll discuss those as well in this article.

I will also give you a list of definitive signs that your ex does still love you, and that there still is a chance to make it work.

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It’s a scary feeling when a guy you’re seeing seems to be pulling away. You aren’t sure if he’s actually withdrawing or if your own insecurities are acting up and making you paranoid. Even worse, if he is withdrawing you don’t know why, let alone what you should do about it.

Often, a woman prematurely panics when she thinks a guy is pulling away and assumes it means he’s lost interest in her … when his behavior is actually perfectly normal or caused by something totally unrelated to his feelings for her.

The problem is that panicking can create a problem where there wasn’t one in the first place. He may not have been pulling away at first because of anything to do with you, but he’ll probably start pulling away for real as a result of your behavior.

MORE: The Top 3 Reasons Why Men Pull Away 

We’re going to look at the things men do that cause women to panic and think men are withdrawing and losing interest. These behaviors are usually signs that he’s pulling away, but pulling away doesn’t always mean losing interest—there can also be other explanations.

We’ll talk about some of those explanations, and then we’ll tell you what you can do about it.

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How do you spot an emotionally unavailable guy? If only they wore signs around the neck, that would certainly make things a lot easier!

An emotionally unavailable guy isn’t the same as an emotionally abusive guy. He isn’t a bad guy, he doesn’t do things to intentionally hurt you. He just is the way he is, and his closed-off demeanor can make you crazy sometimes because you don’t quite know where he stands. He never seems to be fully in it, there always seems to be a distance between the two of you, even during the most intimate moments.

Essentially, it feels like he has a wall that you just can’t break through.

A guy can be emotionally unavailable for many different reasons. Maybe his parents had a nasty divorce when he was a kid, maybe he just went through a nasty divorce himself, maybe he’s focused solely on work right now, maybe he has deeply rooted emotional issues that never got dealt with, maybe he’s been hurt one too many times before.

No matter what the issue, you can’t fix it for him. That’s just not possible. He can’t be your little pet project and you are not his therapist. It’s not up to you to save him. You might think if you just stick it out and love him hard enough he’ll come around and change his mind. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t (most likely won’t).

Every situation is different and it’s up to you to assess the situation and decide what the best move is. But first, you need to identify exactly what you’re dealing with.

So here are the signs that you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man.

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You are ready to commit … but is your man on the same page?

It’s a very common question that plagues many women so let’s get into it and talk about the signs a man is ready to commit because no one wants to waste their time, right?

There is this idea that men are commitment-phobes. The second a guy hesitates about his feelings for a girl, he’s branded a “phobe.” But that’s not true. Most guys aren’t commitment-phobes, they’re bad relationship-phobes. Is that a thing? I think we should make it one!

Guys aren’t afraid of relationships, we’re afraid of bad relationships. Most guys don’t go out seeking commitment. We’re not usually on a quest to find a relationship. We date around and then when we meet a girl who just makes everything better… we want to be around her more and more. And before we even realize it, we’re in it. We’re committed and can’t imagine life without her. It’s as simple as that.

But what are the signs he’s ready? How do you know if you’re dating a guy who is ready to commit, or if you’re wasting time on a dead end?

Here is how to know:

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So he said he never wants to get married … ouch! Now what?

I recently wrote an article on the signs a man is never going to marry you. And they are all true. But you don’t need a list of signs if a man flat out tells you he never wants to get married (the same applies if he says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship), you need to just believe him and take it at face value.

So why is it so confusing then? Why do women stay in these dead-end relationships?

The reasons vary. Maybe she doesn’t want to end this relationship and start all over with someone new because that’s just exhausting. Maybe she thinks there’s a chance she can change his mind … that if she sticks it out a little longer he’ll realize he absolutely can’t live without her (hate to break it to you, but that only happens in the movies).

She thinks maybe he’s just saying he doesn’t believe in marriage, but he doesn’t really mean it. She thinks maybe his ex really did a number on him and now he’s all messed up and he needs her love in order to heal, and then he’ll give her the commitment she wants.

MORE: 5 Signs He’ll Never Commit

The fact is, the human mind is a master at coming up with rationalizations when presented with a reality we don’t quite want to accept. It can convince you of anything. And so you stay.

Maybe part of you knows this is the wrong call. And maybe that’s how you landed on this article.

So let’s dive in a little deeper and talk about exactly what to do when he says he never wants to get married.

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Breakups are never easy. Never clean-cut. Never painless. Even in the most amicable situations, there is healing to do, whether you get back together in the end or not.

A lot of the pain we experience when a relationship ends is the result of our own illusions about the relationship, about our ex, and about ourselves. Sometimes, it’s hard to let go of the self-image you created as part of a couple. And you can feel like a break-up is not only severing the relationship but also dismantling your own image of who you are as a person.

When we see relationships as a part of our identity and as something to be gained or lost, it is inevitable we will suffer when it comes to an end.

Right now, however, you might not be in a place where you can start true healing. Maybe you’re confused. Maybe you are questioning your own feelings for your ex. Maybe you are second guessing the breakup itself – thinking of scenarios where things could have gone differently.

Believe me, I get it. I’ve been there enough times – somewhere stuck between wanting him back, wanting him to want me back, and hoping for us to get back together in the future.

And it doesn’t help when your ex is sending you mixed signals.

MORE: Hidden Signs Your Ex Still Loves You 

If you are in the same scenario, the first step towards ultimate healing could just be getting clarity on what’s happening on his side of the street.

Does he actually miss you or are your own desires or confusion clouding your judgment?

If you want to know for sure that your ex misses you and get the information you need to move forward, read the following surefire ways to tell you are still on his mind. If he checks several items on this list, he is definitely still thinking about you.

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When a guy likes you, it’s obvious. It will be clear to you and everyone else around you. But if a guy likes you at work … it’s going to be just a little less obvious.

And the reason for this is pretty obvious: getting involved with someone you work with isn’t always the best idea. Well, it is if the relationship works out … but if it doesn’t, things can get ugly and incredibly uncomfortable.

At the same time, your workplace might be a great place to meet men, a definite step up from bars and clubs and so much easier than sifting through an endless sea of faces on dating apps.

MORE: How to Know If He Likes You for SURE 

And when you meet a guy at work who you click with, you may be tempted to throw caution to the wind and start a relationship. But does he feel the same? Now, this is where it gets tricky.

Your work may even have a policy that prohibits coworkers from dating, which is an extra hurdle. Or maybe the guy just has a personal

If you’ve decided that the pros outweigh the cons and you’re interested in someone at work, how can you tell if he likes you?

The bottom line is, a guy may hesitate to start anything because if it ends, it can impact not just his romantic life but his professional life as well.

The signs a coworker likes you are similar to signs a guy likes you in general, with the caveat that he may hesitate to act on his feelings, or he may be less clear about his feelings because you’re coworkers and he doesn’t know where you stand and doesn’t want to make things awkward or uncomfortable.

So is he just being a good coworker, or does he really like you? If you’re not sure, look for these subtle signs that he’s into you. [continue reading…]

We’ve talked a lot on A New Mode about how to tell if a guy likes you and how to tell if he doesn’t. We’ve also fielded tons of questions from you about how to tell if he’s losing interest or has lost interest completely.

But what can you do if he seems to be losing interest? Can you regain it if it seems to be slipping? And can you get it back if it’s totally lost?

If you’ve been paying attention and can identify the signs your man is losing interest, it’s possible to salvage things and re-route from the negative direction you’re headed in. Maybe you need to make changes in the way you relate to him, or maybe you need to make changes in your approach to your own life. Most likely you need to do a little bit of both.

It may seem counterintuitive, but what you want to do is usually exactly what you shouldn’t do.

These six steps are actually things you should integrate into your life all the time. If you do them consistently, you’ll have happier, healthier, overall better relationships.

If a man you’ve been seeing seems to be losing interest, review this list to make sure you’re on the right track and adjust as needed.

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The end of a relationship can stir up a variety of emotions, doubts, and fears. It can have us question our ability to find love again or even our worthiness of love in the first place.

That’s why it can be so hard to let go. We fear that the relationship we had was our one shot at true love. So, we over-analyze things. We put our ex on a pedestal. And sometimes, we hold onto “what-ifs” as an escape from the reality of what’s in front of us. I know; I’ve been there.

The truth is, the only way to get the relationship you want is to let go of the past; put down the shoulda…coulda…wouldas and trust that you have everything you need to generate love in your life in a powerful way. You can only do this, however, if you are willing to drop the stories you’ve created about how things should have happened and open yourself to the possibility of what could be next.

MORE: Hidden Signs Your Ex Still Loves You (Even If He Says He Doesn’t)

The most important thing is to be honest with yourself first. Are you ready to move on or are you still holding onto something you no longer have? After my last relationship, this was one of the hardest questions for me to answer because I knew I had to face the fact that things were over, and it was time to move on. And fortunately, that realization was exactly what ushered new love into my life.

In order to have the relationship you desire, you must make room in your heart to receive it. When you’re filled up with thoughts, wishes, and fantasies about your last relationship, there’s little space for new love to enter.

If you are not sure if you are still hung up on your ex or if you’re ready to move on, these next 15 signs will definitely help you get clarity.

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I know it can be heartbreaking when you feel like the guy you’re with no longer loves you and doesn’t want to be with you anymore.

He hasn’t said this to you outright, but you know in your heart something’s off.

You might have even asked yourself, why doesn’t he just break up with me instead of lingering and dragging things out?

The truth is break-ups are hard, even if you are the one who wants to leave the relationship. Inevitably, feelings get hurt and he may genuinely not want to hurt you.

MORE: 11 Definite Signs He Doesn’t Like You 

Knowing for sure where the relationship stands will give you what you need to take the next best step.

Oftentimes when we want a particular outcome in our relationships, it’s easy to overlook the glaring red flags. Instead, we hold onto signs that indicate that the relationship is the way we want it to be, no matter how minor those signs are. I’ve fallen into this trap too often in my relationships until I was finally able to see that wanting a fantasy led to all the heartache I’d been facing.

Seeing things clearly, for what they are, prevents us from wasting time chasing fantasies and gives us the clarity to see the paths that will lead us to the love we want.

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“Does he like me?” I think we’ve all asked ourselves this question at one point or another!

It’s not always so straightforward. There will be times when you’re positive he likes you… and other times where it seems like maybe he doesn’t like you, maybe he’s just being friendly, or maybe he’s just shy or insecure. Maybe maybe maybe, the maybes can drive you nuts!

Though it can seem confusing, there are several ways to tell if a guy likes you for sure. When you know what to look for, answering “does he like me?” will be a snap. [continue reading…]

It’s not always easy to tell if a guy is flirting or just being friendly. When someone flirts with you, it’s an amazing feeling. It makes you feel attractive and desirable. It can send a warm jolt of electricity through your body. Whether it’s verbal flirting, like playful banter, or physical flirting such as playful touches, flirting is fun!

But what if you don’t know if he’s flirting with you? It’s not always easy to tell if he’s attracted to you or if he’s just being nice.

First and foremost, don’t obsess over it. This never does any good and if anything, may cause him to lose any attraction he felt toward you. Instead, just relax and have fun.

To help guide you a bit, here are the biggest signs that he is definitely flirting with you.

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“I don’t love you anymore.” No matter how this arrangement of words is said, it is absolutely soul-crushing.

Maybe he tries to make you feel better by saying, “It’s not you, it’s me.” This is definitely up there on the list of most commonly used breakup lines. And as polite as this breakup line may be, the truth behind it is a little harder to swallow: “I just don’t myself with someone like you.” Ouch.

When a guy breaks up with you in this way, it can be both painful and confusing. He seemed like he was really into you, like he really loved you…what happened?

MORE: The Real Reasons Why Men Pull Away

One way to spare yourself this pain and anguish is to learn how to spot the signs that he is falling out of love. You may not want to admit it, but when you look for it, the truth is easy to find.

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“The hottest love has the coldest end.” -Socrates.

Breakups are never easy. In fact, knowing you might never hold the person you love again is one of the hardest things a person can do.

After a breakup, you might feel helpless and scared he’s gone forever. You may have realized you made a big mistake or wish you’d done things differently and could rewind the clock to have another chance with him.

As for him? His post-breakup behavior might be confusing. For example, on the one hand, he texts and calls you telling you how much he misses you… and on the other hand, he ignores you and purposefully posts pictures of himself with another woman on social media knowing you will see it. Or he blocks you on Facebook and then sends you an emotional text while he’s drunk one night.

You might ask yourself: “Does he still have feelings for me or not? I just want to know!”

I am going to give you the “hidden” signs that your ex does still have feelings for you.

In addition to giving you the signs, I’m going to give you tips underneath each sign so that you can have the best chance of getting him back (if this is what you want).

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A goodnight text is different than a regular text. There is something extra special about hearing from the person you care about at the end of a long day, as you’re starting to wind down and make your way into bed. It gives you one final smile for the day and a wave of tingly butterflies.

Men aren’t immune to the power of a goodnight text, it has the same dizzying effect on them as it does on us ladies.

I’m going to be honest with you, and I don’t mean to brag, but I’m something of a texting master. I have the do’s and don’ts of texting down pat and always get an eager response. (And if a guy doesn’t text back, here’s why.)

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Love is all you need. Love conquers all. Love will find a way. True love lasts a lifetime. I could go on and on with these sappy, idealized, unrealistic portrayals of love we’ve been fed all our lives.

Let me preface this by saying I’m no cynic. I do believe in true love and soul mates. I truly believe I married my soul mate. But I also know that love isn’t a magical cure-all and also, love isn’t always enough. Every couple who gets divorced once loved each other very much, they just couldn’t make it work.

When a man starts to withdraw or pull away, a lot of women reflexively panic and try to do whatever they can to reel him back in. Although they have good intentions, most women inadvertently end up pushing their guy even further away.

It is a crushing, miserable feeling. You feel powerless and scared and have no idea what the right move is. (MORE: What to Do When He Says He Needs Space)

There is something magical about meeting a guy that you actually click with. It doesn’t come around every day, so when it does you latch on tightly and feel grateful, and at the same time, afraid. But your fears are soon put to rest because things seem to be going so well.

The chemistry is strong, the vibe is good, you spend a lot of time together, you know he cares about you…and just when you’re starting to settle in and relax, he seems to be pulling away a bit.

Maybe he doesn’t text as often… he doesn’t seem as enthusiastic about you or the relationship…or maybe it’s nothing you can put your finger on, just a feeling in the pit of your stomach.

The first question when this happens is always: why?

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No one sets out to sabotage their relationship. Most of us have only the best intentions. We want it to work. We think about it, maybe even obsess over it, we put our heart on the line, we invest ourselves. Since our intentions are pure, it seems like we should get a positive outcome…but this isn’t always the case.

I get a lot of heat when I write about what women are doing wrong. I get accused of blaming women, of defending men. But I’m doing neither.

Why did he lose interest when things seemed to be going so well? This question is all too common.

This is how it all usually goes down. You meet a guy and feel the proverbial spark. Numbers are exchanged, flirty texting ensues, and eventually, you go on a date … and it’s amazing!

The chemistry is strong, you connect, you have fun. You go out again and it’s another ace in the hole. Now you start to get really excited…could this be it? Maybe you hang out a few more times, but then something changes. Either you notice that he starts to pull away and seems less engaged (commonly known as “the fade away”), or he just vanishes (a phenomenon known as “ghosting”). You feel completely blindsided and shell-shocked.

What went wrong?

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If you’ve read any of my articles or books you know I’m not a fan of rules when it comes to relationships. I think rules treat the symptoms, not the disease, but that’s a tangent for a different time!

The only “rule” you might hear me reference is the “no contact rule.” This is something I’ve discussed when I write about how to get your ex back and is a concept I get asked about frequently, but I noticed it often gets misinterpreted and done completely wrong so I figured it was worth writing an article exclusively on this subject.

The no contact rule is exactly what it sounds like. After a breakup, you resolve to not contact your ex for a determined amount of time. Easy in theory, not always easy in practice.

When done right, the no contact rule can get you the exact relationship you’ve always wanted (and not always with your ex, sometimes you’ll be surprised where it takes you). When done wrong, you just end up wasting even more of your precious time pining away for someone who isn’t meant for you.

So let’s get down to the nitty-gritty and talk about everything you need to know about the no contact rule.

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One of the hardest relationship skills to master is recognizing when a relationship isn’t right and walking away. In theory this is easy, but in reality it can feel almost impossible. You know something is off, that this isn’t what you want, but you can’t quite pull the plug because … what if you’re wrong? What if you’re being overly dramatic? What if you never find better? No one’s perfect, and maybe your expectations are unrealistic.

You can stay stuck in the wrong relationship for months, even years, sitting on the fence, unable to move in one direction or the other. People act as though being alone is the worst possible thing, but I beg to differ. Being stuck in the wrong relationship is a much worse fate, a worse kind of being alone.

I believe the amount of heartbreak you experience when it inevitably ends is in direct proportion to how long you allowed things to drag on. Breakups are hard enough already, but when you add the element of mourning the loss of all the time you wasted, time you can never get back, then getting over a breakup can be unbearable. To help save you time and heartache, here is how to know when a relationship isn’t right for you.

Your relationship isn’t right for you if …

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Wanting to be in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re ready for a relationship. It could mean you’re lonely or that you have some other issue in your life that you’re overlooking, and you believe a relationship will be your cure-all.

As women, we’ve been told for as long as we can remember that love will save us … that a relationship is that missing piece we need to complete our lives. It’s no wonder so many women focus on this so intently and think a relationship is all they need to make them happy.

I’m not denying the power of being in an amazing relationship. It can be transformative, and the benefits are immense. But before you can enjoy those benefits, you need to be in the right place internally. Unfortunately, this sometimes takes work.

I know better than anyone what this is like. During my chronically single years all I could think about was how badly I wanted to be in a relationship. I focused on my wanting, on the lack of decent, available men, on how hard it is to date in New York City, on how unfair the whole thing is … but not so much on whether I was even ready to be in a real relationship. And for most of that time, the answer was no. It took a few years and many epiphanies before I got to the right place internally and sorted through what needed sorting.

So trust me, I’m the last person to pass judgment. But I’m also the first person to give you a dose of honest truth and help you along the sometimes daunting road to get to where you want to go.

And with that, let’s take a look at the most glaring signs that you aren’t ready to be in a relationship.

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The purpose of this article is to show you how you can quickly and easily see if you’re in a toxic relationship.

The term itself is interchangeable. I could just as easily refer to these relationships as unhealthy relationships or emotionally abusive relationships.

After years of talking to women from all over the world, I wanted to talk about this subject because I observed that these destructive and heartbreaking relationships all had one factor that ultimately made them turn toxic… even if the relationship started out well.
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After writing two books devoted to understanding men, “He’s Not That Complicated” and “10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know About Men,” I decided it was time to write a book about you, specifically, everything you want and need to know to have the relationship you’ve always wanted.

Do you wonder why your relationships always fall apart? What pushes men away? Are your expectations about love too high…or too low? How can you recognize dead-end relationships and stop wasting time on them? What are the signs he’ll never commit? What are the red flags you should never ignore? What factors decide whether a relationship succeeds or fails? What do men want from a relationship? What are the most common relationship mistakes women make? Why do men lose interest? And most importantly, what are the real reasons you can’t find lasting love?

My new book, “Everything You Need to Know if You Want Love That Lasts” will answer all these questions and more and provide you with everything you need to know to find and keep love that lasts. (The book was just released today and is available here.)

Writing a book is a big learning process and I always come away with many new epiphanies. As a launch day treat, I pulled a selection of my favorite, and what I consider to be the most important, insights from each chapter, the tidbits that would have saved me a lot of heartache and pain had I learned them sooner!

Here you go:

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My boyfriend has become withdrawn lately. He’s really stressed with not working, his dog dying, best friend’s dad having lung cancer, and everything just adding up.

He’s been pulling away for a couple weeks and has recently started going a day or two without texting me.

Should I stop texting him all together, or will that be showing that I don’t care and that I’m not supportive? I want him to know I’m here for him and that I’m not going anywhere, even though it’s tough. What should I do? 

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Almost every woman has experienced the panic and uncertainty that occur when her man starts pulling away or withdrawing. Maybe it happens out of the blue, maybe something sparks it, either way, it’s a miserable feeling, one that leaves you feeling powerless and painfully insecure.

You question what happened, why he’s doing this, and what you may have done to cause this sudden shift. The most common questions we get involve some variation of a guy suddenly backing off and the girl going into a tizzy over it.

I totally get it, I’ve been there. Looking back, all those feelings of worry and confusion were a waste because the answer is surprisingly simple and applies to almost every situation.

So what’s the deal, why do men pull away and what can you do about it? Every guy is different, and every relationship is different, but in general men pull away for three main reasons.  [continue reading…]

One of the most common questions I get asked is some variation of “How can I get my ex-boyfriend back?” In all honesty, I’m very hesitant about this kind of thing because it usually ends in disaster. Well, maybe not a disaster, but definitely another round of heartbreak, often much greater than the first.

The reason is that people usually get back together for the wrong reasons and without addressing the real underlying issues, so it’s not so surprising that history repeats itself. I’ve seen ex-back scenarios unfold in a variety of ways—some that end in utter, massive heartbreak, others that end with a trip down the aisle. I’ve even seen couples get remarried after many years being divorced who are now happier than ever!

It is definitely possible to get your ex back and make the relationship last, but it doesn’t just happen because you want it to. There are important things to consider and a bit of work to be done. Missing each other isn’t enough. Loving each other isn’t enough. Relationships take more than that to survive.

This is a pretty fun topic for me personally because I’m married to my high school ex-boyfriend, and my college ex-boyfriend is my business partner, so I guess you could say I’m a real ex-back success story!

But usually, the rule is: if it didn’t work, it won’t work…unless something significant changes. To increase your chances for success, you need to arm yourself with the right information.

So let’s break it all down: What will it take to get your ex back, and how can you make it last forever this time around?

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Long distance relationships (LDRs) are more common than ever in today’s world, thanks to the internet, social media, and Skype.

While we might have more modern ways to keep in touch, that doesn’t necessarily mean making a long distance relationship work has become easier for most people.

When you’re in an long distance relationship, most people will tell you that LDRs don’t last, that they’re a bad idea and that you shouldn’t get your hopes up.

For most of us, the inside of your head isn’t much better: Your mind is constantly worrying if the relationship will last, wondering if the other person is as committed as you are, fearing that it could all end suddenly and you’ll be left to pick up the pieces.

Yes, they say, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” but when you don’t have a clear, easy, and effective approach to LDRs, it’s more like, “Absence makes the heart grow more fearful about the relationship.”

The good news is, long distance relationships can be easy if you know the right way to approach an LDR. I’m going to share 8 powerful tips that lead to having a successful long distance relationship.

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