You’re trying everything to make your relationship work. You’re attentive, caring and always there for him. But something’s off. He’s pulling away, and you can’t figure out why.

I’ve seen this scenario play out countless times. Women come to me confused and hurt, wondering why their best efforts seem to backfire. They’re doing what feels right, but it’s pushing their man further away.

Here’s the truth: what many women think will draw a man closer often does the opposite. It’s not your fault – our culture doesn’t teach us how men really think and feel in relationships.

When I talk about ways women push men away, I’m not pointing fingers. I’m sharing insights I’ve gathered from years of coaching and countless real-life examples. This isn’t about making excuses for men or criticizing women. It’s about showing you what works and what doesn’t, so you can have the love life you really want.

In this article, I’ll show you 15 common behaviors that push men away. Some might surprise you. Others might feel uncomfortably familiar. But don’t worry – I’m not just highlighting problems. I’m giving you practical solutions.

15 Mistakes That Push Men Away

1. Overanalyzing

It’s a trap that takes your relationship into a downward spiral – and it’s your own fear that’s at the root of it.

When you’re overanalyzing, it’s fear driving your thoughts. This warps your perspective and puts your relationship in a bad cycle: you start fishing for reassurance that he wants you. This constant need for validation changes your vibe. The carefree, present, happy woman he was drawn to is replaced by a tense, worried and unhappy version who can’t get out of her head. Naturally, his attraction fades because that initial energy is gone.

When he shows less attraction, you worry more, and the cycle feeds itself. At the root of this is caring too much. I’m not saying to be inconsiderate, mean or unkind. But imagine this: right now, the thought of losing him throws you into a panic. What if it didn’t? What if your thought was, “OK, I like this guy, and I want it to work out, but if it doesn’t, I’ll be OK”?

If you honestly believed you’re OK now and you’ll be OK no matter what happens in this relationship, it cuts the fear cycle off at its root. And when fear isn’t driving you, your energy will naturally shift back to being the easygoing, carefree, light, happy woman that attracted him in the first place.

2. Trying to Change Him

If you’re trying to change him, the implication is that he’s not enough or acceptable as he is for you. You want him to be different to serve your own aims. This naturally stirs up anyone’s defenses because it feels like a personal attack on who they are. It signals that they are not valued for their true self.

Imagine how you’d feel if someone constantly tried to change you. It would feel like they’re rejecting the real you, and you’d start to feel defensive and resentful. That’s exactly how he feels.

Here’s the key distinction: when a man wants to change and you see he wants it, and so you support him, that’s encouragement and support.

When you want a man to be different to serve your own desires, that’s manipulation and coercion.

See the difference?

Encouragement and support come from a place of love and acceptance. You’re there to help him grow in ways he wants to grow. But trying to change him for your own reasons is about control, not love.

When he feels accepted and valued, he’s more likely to naturally want to grow and improve, which benefits both of you.

MORE: Why Do Men Pull Away?

3. Committing Too Soon

Women often think that if they show they’re the perfect girlfriend, it will make him want to be in a relationship. It doesn’t. He might enjoy all the nice things you do for him, but that’s not what makes a man want to commit.

Here’s how it typically plays out: you meet a guy, like him and want a relationship. So, you shut down other relationship options and start doing things you think he’ll like because you want him to like you. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s all good. The problem is the belief that acting like his girlfriend will make him want to be your boyfriend. It doesn’t work like that.

Men commit when they feel you bring goodness into their life in ways that are most important to them, not you. This means you need to understand what he values and how you enhance his life in those specific areas.

Additionally, men are more likely to commit when they know they could lose you if they don’t lock down the relationship.

I’m not saying to flaunt that other men want you, but to recognize you’re single until he clearly commits.

MORE: Why He Didn’t Text You Back

4. Not Considering His Feelings

When you’re consumed by your own fears and wants, you become entirely self-focused and lose sight of him.

The root of the problem is that you don’t feel OK within yourself, and you’re trying to “get to” feeling OK through the relationship. This self-focus makes the guy feel disconnected from you. After all, you’re not relating to him, you’re relating to your own emotions: your fears and wants.

In this way, the guy becomes more like an object you hammer away on to try and get rid of the feelings you don’t want and achieve the feelings you do want. It doesn’t work, but it’s a common problem. Often, a woman will show up to a relationship feeling unhappy or empty and want the relationship to fill her up.

Think about it: she hasn’t figured out how to make herself happy, but she wants the relationship to do it. It makes no sense, but it’s a very common root problem in relationships. Relationships can’t work when you are entirely me-focused. But it’s impossible not to be me-focused when you lack well-being, that is, the feeling that you’re OK and that you’ll be OK no matter what happens.

When you have well-being, it’s easy to consider his feelings because you’re already OK inside, so you’re OK with him being as he is. This balance allows you to genuinely connect with him, rather than seeing him as a means to an end.

QUIZ: Is He Losing Interest In You?

5. Not Expressing Your Needs

In order for a man to love you, he has to respect you. But to respect you, he needs to see that you have self-respect. Self-respect means you don’t say yes to things you want to say no to.

When you consistently say yes to things you don’t want, you send the message that your needs don’t matter. Over time, this erodes his respect for you because he senses your lack of self-respect.

Imagine agreeing to plans or activities you dislike just to avoid conflict or make him happy. He might initially appreciate your willingness, but eventually, he’ll sense your underlying dissatisfaction. This disconnect makes him feel like he’s with someone who’s not genuine, leading him to pull away.

The reason women often say yes to what they want to say no to is that they’re afraid if they say no, they might lose the guy.

And the truth is, it’s possible that by saying no to something unworkable for you, he might decide the relationship doesn’t work for him.

But it’s also possible that if you say no to what doesn’t work for you, he will shift his behavior in a way that does work for you. You might actually get what you want.

On the other hand, if you say yes to what you don’t want, you’re guaranteed not to get what you want. Why? Because you’re agreeing to it. So why would he change?

When you say yes to what you don’t want, you feel relief in the immediate moment, but you set the relationship down a bad path.

You don’t realize it, but the real choice is either to possibly get what you want (and things end if that’s impossible with him) or to guarantee the relationship won’t be how you want but it continues anyway.

Plus, by saying yes to what you don’t want, you sacrifice your self-respect, which makes it impossible for him to respect you—a requirement for him to love you.

MORE: When a Guy Withdraws After Sex

6. Not Giving Enough Space

Guys need space in the relationship sometimes. There are two major times when you need to give him space: when he’s concentrating and when he’s frustrated.

Physiologically speaking, a man’s brain functions differently than a woman’s brain, especially while concentrating on a task. Under brain scans while concentrating, women maintain more of a global activity in their brain while blood flow in a man’s brain becomes super concentrated in a single area.

This is why it’s often said that women are better at multi-tasking; physiologically speaking, there’s evidence to support this idea. But in terms of a man’s experience, all he knows is that when he’s concentrating on something, he doesn’t want to be interrupted.

Women are often frustrated with how a text message could take 10 seconds to respond to, yet the guy doesn’t reply. It’s not about how fast it would be to respond; it’s about not having his concentration interrupted.

When a man’s concentration is interrupted, it can take up to 30 minutes for him to regain it at full momentum. So it’s common for men to stay in “the zone” and not text until they’re done concentrating on whatever has their attention.

If you know this, it’s easy to give a guy space because you understand it’s just how men are wired and there’s no problem. Plus, a man appreciates a woman who understands this about him, which makes your relationship stronger.

The other time you want to give a guy space is when he’s frustrated. Men experience life through a lens of wins and losses. If he feels like things are moving in the wrong direction, it can affect him emotionally in ways far beyond what you’d assume. When a man feels like he’s losing, he’s irritable, stressed, sulky and pessimistic. He doesn’t want to be seen this way or interact because he knows it’s easy for him to lash out when he’s in this state and he doesn’t want to accidentally take his anger out on you.

Men know when they’re feeling this way it’s best for them to go into their “man cave,” figure out the way forward and re-center themselves. If you understand that this is a man’s typical process, you know you don’t have to worry and can easily give him that space while you focus on enjoying your own life.

MORE: The Top 3 Reasons Why Men Pull Away

7. Not Having Your Own Life

Think of your relationship like a savings account at the bank, but instead of money, you’re depositing happiness, and it earns interest.

One major mistake that can run your happiness bank balance down to zero is abandoning your own life. You want to have your own happy life that you love and then bring your happy self into the relationship, bringing fresh, happy energy from the outside.

If you abandon your life, the relationship becomes your sole source of happiness. This puts pressure on the relationship to make you happy and stops you from bringing that freshness into the relationship.

Women fall into this trap when they get so excited about the new relationship that they want to spend all their time with the guy. It feels good at first, but eventually, things get stale, and the fun drains out of the relationship. The root cause is that you abandoned all your other sources of happiness and exhausted the relationship as a result.

It’s also difficult to restart drawing happiness from your life from a cold stop with no momentum.

The wrong idea is to think of the relationship as something to make you happy. The right idea is to think of the relationship as something you bring happiness into, and it reflects your happiness back to you. The source of your happiness should be your life that you love.

MORE: Why Men Lose Interest

8. Stressing Over the Relationship

When you stress over the relationship, you’re constantly worried about where things are going, what he’s thinking or if he’s going to leave. This creates a tense and anxious environment that drains the fun and spontaneity out of the relationship.

The big idea here is that relationships aren’t about making the other person love you or making them commit. They’re about discovering the other person and seeing what’s possible between you and him.

Maybe you have a best friend. Did that friendship happen because you stressed over it, worried that you weren’t enough or feared saying the wrong thing?

No, it likely happened because you spent time together and discovered you got along well. That’s the essence of discovery in relationships.

When you stress over the relationship, your fear takes you out of the moment.

Instead of enjoying your time together and getting to know each other, you’re preoccupied with trying to control the outcome.

It blocks genuine connection from taking place because you’re not with him, you’re caught up in your head.

MORE: What to Do When He Says He Needs Space

9. Being Negative

Negativity can push a man away faster than almost anything else. When your outlook on life is consistently negative, it creates an atmosphere that is draining and unpleasant. Men, like everyone, are drawn to positivity and joy. If he feels that he can’t make you happy, he won’t want to be around you.

Your mood sets the tone for the relationship. If you’re often complaining, pessimistic or focusing on what’s wrong, it brings down the energy between you two.

Imagine if you’re constantly highlighting what’s wrong or what could go wrong. Over time, this negativity can make him feel like he’s walking on eggshells, afraid to say or do anything that might be perceived negatively. This stress can make him want to pull away to avoid the constant emotional drain.

In the same way you want to look at your relationship like a bank you bring happiness into, you want to be careful not to treat your relationship as a dumping ground for negativity. It drains the happiness out of your relationship and will make the guy want to get away from you.

MORE: How to Tell He’s Losing Interest

10. Being Overly Critical

Being overly critical is a sure way to push a man away. Criticism, especially when constant, feels like a series of small rejections. This creates a negative dynamic where he feels constantly judged and not appreciated.

Men often interpret criticism as a sign of failure. Remember earlier when I said men experience life through a lens of wins and losses?

When they feel like they’re consistently “losing” in the relationship because they can’t meet your expectations, it has a strong negative effect on him beyond what you might realize. The constant feeling of not measuring up can make him pull away to avoid the emotional drain.

Men respond better to positive reinforcement. It must be genuine, not said passive-aggressively or to mask annoyance. The simple way is to say what you want and the positive feeling it gives you.

For example, instead of criticizing him for not helping, say, “I really appreciate it when you help with the dishes; it makes me feel loved.” This approach acknowledges his efforts and encourages positive behavior without making him feel like a failure.

If you want him to do more of something, highlight what he did and the positive way it made you feel. This makes him feel like he can “win” with you by doing more of that thing. Men like simple, clear instructions on how to make you happy.

MORE: Why Men Disappear

11. Being Overly Independent

The idea that “being overly independent” pushes men away is misleading. Independence in itself isn’t the issue. The real problem is when independence is used as a cover for being inconsiderate or difficult.

This isn’t about being independent; it’s about being inconsiderate.

Now, I will say that in a relationship dynamic, it’s good to let the man take the lead whenever it makes sense. That’s what feels natural to the guy and frankly, it’s less work for you, too.

Again, I’m saying only where it makes sense. If you’re a Nobel Prize-winning chemist, then it makes sense that the relationship would defer to you for all matters concerning chemistry.

But if the question is, “Where should we go for dinner?” then that’s an example of a good place to let him lead. You can always set him up to win by offering choices you like and saying you can’t decide, “I can’t decide if I want sushi or Italian…”

Maybe he’ll say, “Oh… let’s do Italian!” And maybe you realize now that you’re disappointed with that choice and want sushi, so you say, “Oh… you know what, I actually want sushi more…”

Well, guess what? He’s still in the lead and can be the hero by choosing sushi because he knows that will make you happy.

My point here is that it’s good to let a man lead as much as possible, but that doesn’t mean you don’t get what you want. It’s more of an overall style in how you relate.

But the bigger point is this: Women often want their man to do more thoughtful, romantic things. And those actions are rooted in men acting in their traditional masculine essence.

So it’s in your best interest to have a relationship dynamic that caters to that essence. Get me?

12. Comparing Him to Others

Comparing your partner to other men is a surefire way to push him away. When you compare him to others, it sends the message that he’s not good enough and that you’re not satisfied with who he is. This undermines his confidence and makes him feel like he’s constantly losing in the relationship.

Remember how criticism feels like a series of losses to a man and puts him into a bad state? The same goes for comparisons.

Imagine if you consistently mentioned how your friend’s boyfriend always plans romantic dates or how your ex used to do something better. Over time, these comparisons can make him feel inadequate and resentful. He might start to believe that he’ll never measure up to your expectations, leading him to withdraw emotionally and physically.

The reason women often compare their partners is that they want to motivate them to improve or change. However, this approach backfires because it makes him feel like he’s not good enough as he is. Instead of inspiring change, it creates resentment and distance.

Men respond better to positive reinforcement. If you want him to do more of something, highlight what he did well and the positive way it made you feel. For example, saying, “I loved our date night; it made me feel so special,” encourages him to plan more dates because he knows it makes you happy.

MORE: Exactly Why Men Withdraw

13. Fear of Intimacy

In order to have love, you need to have intimacy. And in order to have intimacy, you need to have a culture of unfiltered communication in your relationship.

Intimacy requires vulnerability and unfiltered communication. This means being willing to hear him express himself without filters and being willing to express yourself in the same way.

There are two sides to this:

Hearing Him Unfiltered: When someone expresses themselves unfiltered, you’re going to experience the whole person, not just the filtered version that’s cleaned up and pretty for society. Everyone has rough edges and an ugly side. That’s the price of intimacy—you have to be willing to receive the whole person as they actually are, not the always-presentable “mask” they wear to get by in society.

Expressing Yourself Unfiltered: Many women struggle with this because they fear saying the wrong thing and losing the guy. So, they carefully filter and calculate everything they say, walking on eggshells. The problem is, this makes them seem like they’re not genuine or “real.” Instead of improving your chances, this approach backfires.

What does work? Clearly showing that you’re on his side first and foremost, and so long as that’s established, you speak in an unfiltered way. This means sharing your thoughts, feelings and fears honestly without filtering. Even if it’s wrong, not politically correct or rough around the edges.

Think of the people you’re closest to. You’ve probably heard them say some wild stuff they wouldn’t dream of saying to the general public.

And you’ve probably said wild stuff to them, too. And you’ve probably laughed and bonded over it. There’s a big clue there.

MORE: Why Men Pull Away When They’re Falling in Love

14. Looking for Problems

When you constantly look for problems in your relationship, you’ll undoubtedly find them. This behavior can push a man away because it creates a negative atmosphere and makes him feel like he can’t do anything right.

Relationships are a mix of good and bad. Perspective makes the difference – what you focus on expands. If you focus on the negatives, they will seem larger and more significant, overshadowing the good aspects. Conversely, focusing on the positives helps the good moments stand out and has a way of bringing about more of that goodness.

Imagine being in a relationship where every minor issue is magnified and every good deed is overlooked. This constant scrutiny can make your partner feel unappreciated and frustrated, leading him to withdraw. Men want to feel like they’re succeeding in the relationship, not constantly failing.

MORE: What to Do When He Begins to Pull Away

15. You Just Don’t “Get” Him

Remember earlier when I said that men have a different emotional experience of life than women? Most women have some vague notion that men and women are different, but they don’t have a precise way to understand it.

Men experience life through a lens of wins and losses, victories and defeats, progress and setbacks. Their emotions are wired this way. When they’re “winning,” they feel on top of the world; when they’re “losing,” they’re at their lowest emotionally. It’s not that men don’t have all the other human emotions; it’s just that this one emotional driver is so much stronger than all the others. When you understand this about men and look at men through this lens, you can make all their behavior make sense.

That’s the basis for understanding a man. From there, it’s just a matter of understanding what’s specifically meaningful and important to him personally. Once you know that, he’ll feel you “get” him.

A lot of women don’t have a clear understanding of the man they’re with or men in general, which blocks his motivation to open up and share anything deep about himself because he feels like she wouldn’t “get it” anyway.

Now, so far we’ve covered mistakes that push men away, but there’s something more important you need to know. There is one defining moment in every relationship that determines if it will last, or if you will be left heartbroken…

If you feel like your guy is currently pulling away or losing interest, your instincts are probably right. I hate to say that, but it’s the truth.

The way you handle it determines everything. Do you know what to do when a guy is pulling away? If not, you run the risk of making the most common relationship-ruining mistakes.

Read this now and learn exactly how to handle it: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...

Hope this helps,

eric charles