What does it take to be a good girlfriend?
We all know what a bad girlfriend looks like. She’s the classic needy, clingy demanding, irrational, difficult woman who makes her guy’s life pretty miserable. We’ve seen this portrayed many times over in movies and on TV.
But what does a good girlfriend look like? She brings far less drama than the bad girlfriend, so maybe she doesn’t make for great dramatic TV, but she makes a much better life partner!
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No woman sets out to push a guy away, but a lot do because they let their fears and insecurities wreak havoc on the relationship. I’ve had countless experiences where I dated a woman who seemed amazing at first, but then it was almost like she flipped a switch and became someone else. This is why following rules to get a guy doesn’t work. Sure, you can attract him initially, but you can’t keep him unless you have the right internal foundation.
But enough talk. Let’s look at exactly what it takes to be the best girlfriend he’s ever had:
1. Be Honest and Transparent
Remember what I was saying earlier about how following rules doesn’t work? That’s because they cause you to act like someone you’re not. If you need to follow rules in order to get a guy, it means you aren’t a genuinely confident person, because those rules are meant to make you give off the appearance of being someone who has her act together.
But that aside, in a relationship it is vitally important to be honest. That means you aren’t passive aggressive, you don’t pretend you’re fine with things when you’re secretly not, and you don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.
True love is built on seeing each other and connecting on a deep level. You can’t get there if you aren’t honest about who you are and how you feel.
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This comes across in a few ways. It means you’re honest about your needs and wants in a relationship. You can tell him how you feel and be straightforward. The fact is, most men are horrible at picking up on hints and nuances. So the woman drops these little crumbs for him to pick up and then gets furious when he doesn’t put all the crumbs together to make a sandwich. This is not how to have a good relationship.
If something is bothering you, just tell him. He’ll appreciate that so much more than you silently stewing in anger and resentment and punishing him for whatever thing he did.
Don’t come at him in a harsh or aggressive way. Just say, “Hey baby, I know you didn’t mean it and I know you never mean to hurt me, but I felt really hurt that you chose to go out with your friends instead of hanging out with me,” or whatever the situation is. This will get you way farther than sitting on the couch with your arms tightly crossed until he guesses what he did wrong.
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Next, honesty is about letting him be honest. It’s about giving him the freedom to express his needs and opinions, even when they might not be things you want to hear. No man wants to be in a relationship where he has to walk on eggshells and dance around the truth. It is such an amazing feeling to be with a woman who can just be OK with whatever is on your mind.
Finally, just be who you are. Be your real self. If he’s not into it, then he’s not for you. That doesn’t mean you take a totally lazy approach to life and the relationship. You should always be striving to be your best self, but that that still means your best self, not someone else.
In sum:
- Be honest about what you want and how you feel
- Be honest about who you are, don’t present yourself as something else
- Give him the freedom to be honest with you, without fear of judgment or retaliation
2. Don’t force things along
This is probably the biggest relationship sin women commit. They can’t just let the relationship flow naturally, they always want to be at least one step beyond where they are now.
If you push for a label or to move to the next step, he will just feel pressured and will be less likely to give you what you want.
It just doesn’t feel good to be forced into something. People, in general, appreciate having the freedom to choose. When you force things along, you take his choice away. He either has to do what you want, or you’ll be angry and punish him for it. This isn’t exactly a healthy foundation for a relationship.
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So should you just wait around for him to make it official? No!
If he isn’t ready to commit in that way, then you have a few choices. You can leave, or you can continue seeing him but just don’t commit yourself to him. This means you keep your options open and don’t emotionally cut yourself off from other prospects.
I know this is harder than it sounds, but it’s the only way. A huge mistake a lot of women make is committing exclusively to him in order to prove what a great girlfriend she would be. I’ve been in plenty of situations like that and it never works! If anything, it makes you come across as needy and desperate and trust me, it definitely isn’t an incentive for a guy to want to commit.
It also wouldn’t make sense for him to commit under those terms. Where is the incentive if you are giving him all the benefits of being in a relationship and letting him escape the responsibility? As they say, you’ll be letting him have his cake and eat it too.
This is why a lot of women think of men as commitment-phobic dirtbags. A woman will date a man, he will say he doesn’t want a serious relationship right now, she will continue seeing him anyway and will commit with her whole heart and soul, he will continue to not commit back, eventually she’ll get fed up and leave and will feel totally taken advantage of and used, even though she willingly gave to him even though he made it clear he did not want to reciprocate.
You can’t force a man to commit, but you can inspire him to commit. You do that by being a high-quality woman who brings something valuable to the table. You enhance his life, it feels good to be around you, you make him feel happy and inspired, and most of all, you don’t need a man in order to feel good about yourself, you already feel great in your life and are able to bring that into the relationship.
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You need to know your worth and have boundaries, and stick to them. If a man just won’t commit, and if what you want is a commitment, then you need to really try to uncover why it is you want to stick around. What are you getting out of this? What have you convinced yourself that you will get out of it by staying?
In Sum:
- Be present in the relationship, don’t force things along.
- If a guy tells you he can’t commit, then don’t commit to him.
- Don’t pressure a man into committing, invite him to commit by being an amazing, high-value woman.
3. Be supportive
Every man wants a woman who is his teammate, his cheerleader, his rock, the person who is in his corner no matter what.
Here is how to be the most supportive girlfriend he’s ever had:
-Be on the same team. Look, relationships aren’t always perfect. Even the best relationships with the most compatible, well-matched people will have their fair share of bumps in the road. How well do you weather the storm together? When a conflict arises, do you work on solving it together- is it you and him against the issue, or you against him?
Arguments are a chance to bring a couple closer together, so long as you know how to argue the right way. The point is to reach a resolution, not dissolution. You should come out on the other side feeling more connected, not resentful and bitter. Arguments are really a chance to solve a problem so you can be a stronger couple, not an opportunity to rip each other to shreds and say all the things you’ve been bottling up.
-Appreciate him. Another component of this is that you really see him, and appreciate him.
Men are desperate for appreciation. They may not say it, and you may not know it, but appreciation is what fuels a man and is what makes him bond with a woman more than anything else. He doesn’t necessarily want you to pad his ego. He just wants you to see him and appreciate him for who he is. Not who he is on the surface, who he is deep down to his core. That’s what really reaches a man and activates his desire to emotionally connect and commit.
– Take an interest in his interests. That doesn’t mean you have to be interested in them or even have a desire to do them, it just means you want to learn about why he loves those things and what they mean to him. Take an interest in his life and his goals, try to understand his “mission” in life, what it is that drives him and charges him up and makes him feel alive. This is how you deeply connect with a man. It’s not by cooking for him or performing his favorite sexual tricks in the bedroom, although that’s a nice bonus!
– Factor him in. Relationships have many advantages, but one challenge is that you are no longer living for you, you have to factor someone else in. And sometimes this means you will have to compromise. This isn’t always easy. We’ve been living life a certain way, doing things how we think is best, and then someone else is in the picture with a whole new way of doing things. Hopefully, you and he are already fundamentally compatible, because that is extremely important in determining your chances for success as a couple.
But even compatible people will disagree. Are you able to see where he’s coming from and listen empathetically? Or do you think all his options are stupid and he should see things your way? If you want to be a good girlfriend, you will need to learn how to see things from his perspective. If you absolutely can’t do this, then he’s probably not the right guy for you.
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4. Give Space When He Needs It
And he should give space when you need it .. I’m just focused on the male perspective here.
The fact is, men deal with stress and difficulties differently than women do. While most women seek out those closest to them when they’re having a hard time, guys prefer to retreat and deal with the issues on our own. We just don’t like to be seen in a weakened state, especially not by a woman we have feelings for!
Sometimes he just needs a breather.
Maybe something is going on at work or with his family, maybe the relationship is just getting too intense and he needs to step away and recalibrate. It doesn’t matter what the reasons are … if you want to a good girlfriend, the best girlfriend, you will accept that this is what he needs and will graciously step back and give him that space.
A lot of women reflexively panic when a guy needs space. She thinks it’s all about her, that she must have done something to push him away. But most of the time it has nothing to do with her. It only becomes about her when she can’t accept it and won’t leave him alone.
There are countless articles on this site that cover this topic in depth so make sure to read the following:
Why Men Pull Away: 5 Steps to Stop a Man From Withdrawing
Why Men Pull Away and Then Come Back
What to Do When a Man Needs Space
The takeaway point is this: when a man needs space, give him space.
This will be good for him and good for you. A relationship can be all-consuming. It’s good to get a break from one another to focus on yourself and on your happiness, and also to detox from the emotional intensity of it all.
The worst thing you can do when a man withdraws is trying to coddle him or give him unsolicited advice. This will make everything worse so don’t do it. You can offer him your support and let him know you’re there if he needs you, but just leave it at that.
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5. Be your best self
Being a good girlfriend isn’t so much about what you do for him as it is about what you do for yourself. Yes, there is a physical component to this. You should make an effort to live a healthy lifestyle, not just for him but for you. Working out and eating right will make you feel and look amazing. And look, men are physical creatures, we respond to physical beauty, that’s just basic biology!
We don’t expect you to be dressed tot he nines at all times. In fact, most men find a dressed down woman incredibly sexy. That’s the thing, sexiness is more of a mindset then what you wear. A woman can be wearing a skin-tight, incredibly revealing dress, but if she’s stiff and insecure, she won’t look sexy … she’ll just look awkward and uncomfortable.
The sext mindset is about feeling great about yourself. Men love a happy woman. That is probably the hottest trait a woman can have. When you feel good in your life and feel good about yourself, it’s a major turn on and we can’t get enough.
Being happy and confident will also enhance all areas of your life, not just your relationships.
I hope this article helped you figure out how to be the best girlfriend ever. But there is a lot more to the story. At some point, a man will ask himself: Do I want to commit to this woman for the long term? The answer will determine everything. Do you know what makes a man see a woman as girlfriend/wife material? Do you know what inspires a man to commit? If not, you need to read this next The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Related Links:
The Best Qualities of a Good Girlfriend
