How to be Charming (and Charm the Man You Want)

“It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.” – Oscar Wilde

Everybody wants to be charming. When you see someone who seems to easily captivate the attention of anyone in a room, it’s natural to want to emulate that. While it can seem like something that you either have or you don’t, the reality is you can become that person if you want to.

People who are magnetic don’t just roll out of bed and attract others like moths to a flame. It takes effort, and the better you get at it, the more effortless it will look. This doesn’t mean manipulating anyone – in fact, forcing false qualities or playing mind games will repel others.

MORE: How to Seduce a Guy

If you want to become one of those people who seem to be able to talk to anyone, and charm any man you meet with ease, you can. Some people are effortlessly charming, others need a little help, and that’s where this article will come in.

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Part 1: How to Have a Charming Attitude

Be interested in others

Showing off and talking yourself up isn’t charming, being genuinely interested in other people is.

It feels good when someone shows an interest in your life. When a person is categorically curious about you, it makes you feel special. You can do this for other people by asking questions about their life – their job, hobbies, and family.

Make it a goal that you will listen more than you will speak in a conversation. This is a simple way to make sure you’re asking enough questions. Truly listen when the other person is talking. It feels awful when you can tell someone is just waiting for you to finish talking so they can speak.

MORE: The Ultimate List of Questions to Ask to Build a Connection

Act like you’re old pals

Before you meet someone new, imagine that you already like them. This will change your demeanor. You’ll be smiley, friendly, and your regular guard will be lowered.

Acting like you’re already friends with someone will make them feel like they can trust you. They might be able to skip past the small talk portion of the “getting-to-know-you” phase and discuss things that are actually compelling to them.

Remember their name, and use it often

Using someone’s name carries a real impact. On a basic level, it lets the other person know that they are significant enough for you to remember and confidently use their name. If they are not fully invested in a conversation with you, using their name will be a tug that brings you into focus.

When you meet someone new, be sure you get their name right. If you didn’t quite catch it, feel free to clarify during that first introduction. They will be flattered that you want to get right. Use their name again when you leave.

Talk about yourself without talking yourself up

While you want to make sure the majority of a conversation is not about you, it’s still a good idea to share a few things. If you avoid spilling any personal information, you will come across as cold and overly guarded. The fastest way to make someone else feel comfortable being vulnerable is to open up yourself.

Don’t share anything that comes across as more of a “humble brag” than actually intriguing information about yourself. It’s much better for someone else to talk you up than for you find a way to slip in impressive details about your life.

MORE: How to Be a Man Magnet

How to Be Physically Charming

Smile

A smile is the perfect code for “safe.” It makes you appear kind and approachable. It invites others to feel at ease around you. There’s a reason some experts suggest making yourself smile to trick yourself into feeling happier – your body language matters.

A false smile with the wrong motives usually comes across as transparent to others. Try to smile genuinely, and with warmth.

Use warm touch

Avoid using this with someone you literally just met, but once you know they would be okay with it, try small touches. A hand pressed to a shoulder in a gesture of camaraderie can send a sweet message. Some people like high-fives or playful nudges in the arm. You can usually tell pretty quickly if someone is comfortable with this kind of thing, so note their body language and reactions.

Eye contact

Dodging eye contact can come across as a little suspicious, like you have something to hide. For people who are naturally anxious, it can be hard to maintain strong eye contact. Practice doing this, because it creates intimacy.

In today’s world, people are often looking at their phones while you’re speaking. If you’re someone who regularly looks people in the eye while they’re speaking, it will stand out and make you easier to connect with.

Watch your stance

It’s often said that charming people make you feel like “the most important person in the world.” One of the ways they do this is by showing you that you have their undivided attention. Use your body to signal this.

Keep your feet facing in their direction. Don’t angle so you’re half turned away. Additionally, don’t cross your arms. Keeping your body open shows that you are listening attentively.

Be confident

If you’re struggling to feel confident, adopt the body language of someone who would be. This means no fidgeting or staring at your phone as soon as you’re on your own. Stillness shows a certain sense of ease.

Smiling, maintaining eye contact, and keeping your body language relaxed are all excellent ways to portray inner confidence.

MORE: 10 Things Confident People Do Differently in Relationships

How to Be a Charming Conversationalist

Make people feel good

The reason why charming people are so beloved is they have a way of making others feel really good. But they aren’t fake about it, they are able to be real and genuine and this is what really strikes a chord.

When trying to make others feel good, go about this in as organic a way as possible. Offering a compliment about work they have done is one option. You could also ask where they got the shirt they are wearing. Be cautious as lavishing compliments on someone can come across as disingenuous.

If they confess an insecurity, this is a solid opportunity to reassure them. It’s even better if you can relate to their anxiety and make them feel less alone.

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Don’t dismiss compliments

Accepting compliments can be challenging, especially for women. You don’t want to come across as arrogant by quickly agreeing. However, dismissing a compliment and disagreeing is tedious for the person who tried to compliment you. It puts them in the position of either smiling awkwardly or arguing with you about whether or not you deserve the compliment.

The best approach for accepting a compliment is being honestly grateful. Smiling and saying thank you is all you need to do.

Be a good listener

Everyone loves to talk to a good listener. Someone who puts aside distractions and actually listens to you is very valuable. You’ll walk away from the conversation feeling like your opinions were worthy of being heard.

Don’t pick out one thing that someone says and craft your response to that as they continue speaking. If you immediately start chattering as soon as the last word leaves their lips, they’ll feel like they wasted their time. Listen carefully and don’t try to “win” the conversation.

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Don’t talk badly about people

Everybody knows at least one person who is always full of gossip. This person often spreads negativity without much of a thought. After a while, you realize that anything you’ve told this person has probably been passed around pretty thoroughly. Having your trust violated feels very disheartening.

Keep information about others to yourself. Be a vault that people know they can depend on with confidence. A perfect rule of thumb is to never say anything about anyone that you wouldn’t say if they were standing right in front of you.

MORE: 11 Ways to Be the Most Charming Person In the Room

Now that you know how to be irresistibly charming, there is something else you need to be aware of. At some point, a man will ask himself: Do I want to commit to this woman for the long term? The answer will determine everything. Do you know what makes a man see a woman as girlfriend material? Do you know what inspires a man to commit? If not, you need to read this next The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman

The next issue arises when he starts to pull away. It looks like he’s losing interest in you. He’s not as responsive, he’s not as attentive, and things just feel off. Do you know what to do to get things back on track? If not, read this next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...