Ask a Guy: Boyfriend Caught Me Snooping, Can I Regain His Trust?

Koryn

Once upon a time, I was on social media browsing at a family album. So it wasn’t snooping because this was mine as well as I have recently added photos to it. Well, a picture of another woman pops up. And I look at the time stamp and it was during a time that he and I had been on a “break” but precieved exclusive. Being that it’s a shared device, I can track location, time etc. of his phone, which revealed to me that he did in fact stay the night with this woman. I immediately told him about it. His reaction was that I was in the right because neither of the things I was looking at were exclusively his. And I was essentially putting together an album down his mother of family photos on MY device. I felt really betrayed. So my reaction was to snoop. He said the girl and him no longer talked, but he had been under every social media post, had her number (she was supposedly a one night stand), and recently snapped her. I should have dug that deep but I’m glad I did because I feel refreshed. And I had no issue coming forward. He knew the moment after I unfolded everything. I fight the urge to snoop every day now, I just need the reassurance that he’s faithful. I have not cracked since then.

Reply August 4, 2018, 9:24 pm

marilyn marin

So does he loves me and still chooses me as his one and only.

Reply July 31, 2018, 6:04 pm

marilyn marin

Hi Eric I been in a relationship with my man for almost going on 8months and lately we haven’t been spending enough time together he’s always busy with work his kids. He knows I want to spend time with him but it’s just he’s been too busy. The last time I seen him was 1time last week and all basically do is text each other when we can. There hasn’t been slot of communication. I do understand he’s got a family and job but I just wish he gives me time too. I o love him dearly. We only live an hour away from each other. I asked him about wanting to spend this weekend coming up with him. But he has plans to leave town to take his mom sisters and aunt for his daughters bridal shower he said he really doesn’t want to go. I wonder if he’s making up these stories but I know he’s telling the truth. But I also don’t know if he loves me as much as I love him. I don’t want us to break up knowing we been together for 8months now.

Reply July 31, 2018, 5:55 pm

jazzy

My wife was snooping and found out that I had been texting an ex. I had no interest in my ex and was being polite, but I can see how my wife took it the wrong way, especially because I kept it from her. I suspected her snooping, and when I accused her of it, but she denied it. Much later, she did admit to it and told me how much she loved me and her fear of losing me. I totally forgave her long before that. I know she has some insecurities and has had some fear of losing me. I know I can be distant at times. Because she snooped, our relationship became much stronger because we were able to have an open honest conversation about privacy, secrecy, boundaries, etc. I agree it’s not the best to snoop, but it shouldn’t be the end of the relationship if you really love each other. The person being snooped on has to have the compassion to understand why the snooper did what she/he did.

Reply May 31, 2018, 9:34 am

Bex

I found a text on my boyfriend’s phone completely by accident. I had sent him some sexy photos of myself and one that turned out less than desirable had been sent instead of the one I meant. So, since he hadn’t mentioned anything about it, thank God, I went into his texts to see if he had seen that and if not, delete it before he did. (I really didn’t want a pic where I missed a spot shaving to be his up close nude, especially since we are in a long distance relationship and I had hoped that would be his “inspiration” for a while). A certain text below mine caught my eye, Anyway, when I went to the texts, I noticed one below mine where the most recent text between him and a woman (he is a bartender, she is a regular) said, “For you, anything”. He doesnt say that to me and weve been together 3 yrs!!! So, i naturally looked at the texts leafing up to that, assuming i misinterpreted the the conversation. But unfortunately not the case. They had been discussing meeting up to have sex. The text chain ended abruptly. And the only texts after that seemed incredibly benign.

Reply August 12, 2017, 3:04 am

Michelle

I know this article is pretty old, but I need some advice… my boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago. A month later, I had suspected he was already seeing someone else. It drove me nuts because he would still text me and I thought he wanted to get back together… but at the same time there were days I felt like he was doing something. I knew it was none of my business, but considering he was still dangling the cookie in front of my face, I really needed to know. I went on his fb account and saw what I wanted to see. I stopped all contact with him from then on as I was heartbroken..

Eventually he did get in touch with me, and I just asked him if he was seeing someone (not knowing if he was still seeing the girl). So in his mind, this is how I found out. Fast-forward to today, we reconnected recently and are giving this a second shot and are extremely happy.

My brother, however, won’t let go of the heartache I faced when I learned of the other girl, and is trying to convince me that our fresh start is all based on a lie… In my opinion, what I did then has nothing to do with now.. because that girl is gone, and we are focusing on us and the present only. My brother is pushing me to tell my boyfriend about what I did, however.

My bf hasn’t once asked me about this, so it’s not like I lied about anything. Is it necessary that I tell him this random truth? To me, this will only start a huge fight, and now present trust issues, which we do not have… What should I do? Leave the past in the past, or dig up old dirty laundry?

Reply June 21, 2017, 7:34 pm

Bcthru

You have a right to know who you are with. The fact of life is people lie, misrepresent themselves, do things or behave in a way that would cause you to not have chosen them. I was with a man for 12 years who I trusted fully and the day I so-called “snooped” was the day I found out who he REALLY was!

A sex addict, a liar and a everyday cheater among other things! If anyone tells you you’re in the wrong for wanting to know them, then they are not being real.

WE ALL HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW WHO WE ARE SHARING OUR LIVES AND BEDS WITH. People lie.
A person with nothing to hide, hides nothing.
So you have no reason to apologize hun.

Know this.

Reply April 12, 2017, 5:53 pm

Lynn

Hey Emma, did your boyfriend regain trust in you again? I went through the same and I know it was really wrong. And finding messages to his ex was hurtful but he has now also said he will never text her again. I just don’t know how to regain his trust..

Reply April 10, 2017, 4:58 am

Lynn

Hi Eric, so first of all, my boyfriend have been with each other for a long time and have a 1 year old son together. We know all each others passwords and he was aways saying he had nothing to hide. However? over the years there have always text messages popping up from his ex. It bothered me but I trusted him so I never said anything. Now the other day, again a message from her popped up and while he wasn’t around, I started reading through their texts. He was incredibly flirtatious, saying he wanted to het into her pants, that she was sexy and that he missed her, couldn’t stop thinking about her since xmas (they met up over xmas but he did ask me if it was ok) and such other texts. It really hurt my feelings and I confronted him. He first said it meant nothing and he was just attention seeking and I believe him. He seemed ok at first but then completely turned around and got so angry that I went through his phone that he said he wanted to leave me. He settled down later but said he doesn’t trust me anymore and has changed all his passwords (I tried to change the music on the computer) and is still very cold and distant. (happened yesterday) I understand his reaction and I regret it so much. But I just don’t know how to deal with it because I want his trust, but understand him. But also feel hurt by what he texted as I have never done that nor would I do that because I love him and would never text those things to someone. Can you give some advice?

Reply April 10, 2017, 4:50 am

Jennifer

So why does everyone get so upset about your girlfriend or boyfriend snooping if you have nothing to hide? I don’t get it.

Reply October 21, 2016, 5:52 pm

Eric Charles

Just because someone isn’t up to something doesn’t mean they won’t be upset if you invade their privacy.

Maybe people want some things kept private for more reasons than just because they may or may not be cheating.

Everyone has feelings that they still have to work out… and maybe they journal those thoughts in a private place so they can get the mental space to work them out. They’re not up to something “bad”, they are shielding themselves from vulnerability while they figure things out… this is a natural and healthy thing for anyone.

And then on top of that, let’s say someone has something in their phone/computer that is meaningless or neutral, but the snooper (who is already suspicious and expecting to find something bad) interprets that neutral thing as something negative.

Now the snooper is upset… not because they actually found some real evidence of wrongdoing, but they misinterpreted something through their negative filter.

So there are two examples of why snooping upsets people even if they don’t have something to hide. Your own insecurity does not justify violations of my property, nor does it justify burdening me with your misinterpretations of what you find when you violate my privacy.

Now, with all that said, if you suspect something is wrong or that you’re being lied to, then I’m not telling you to ignore your instincts. I am saying that in the grand scheme of things you’re better off addressing the problem without violating the other person’s privacy. You can talk to them, you can pay attention, you can look at what is on public display on their social media… but the moment you start going into their phone or computer, past their privacy protection, you are violating their privacy (snooping) and it’s not the best way to go about things.

Reply October 23, 2016, 5:29 pm

Jennifer

So why does everyone get so upset about your boyfriend or girlfriend snooping if you have nothing to hide?

Reply October 21, 2016, 5:51 pm

Caroline

This too is my question.
I personally don’t mind because i have nothing to hide. My boyfriend knows all my passwords, reads my emails and checks my phone. But the one time he got me checking his phone, he put passwords to everything in hid phone. If you have nothing to hide why the hell do this?

Reply January 16, 2017, 2:58 am

Eric Charles

I already commented on that above. Read that.

Reply January 16, 2017, 11:38 am

kim

Help my I went through my boyfriends phone and blamed me being angry over starting to use condoms that’s not the case I snooped through his phone and decides to lash out at him and this is the second time..help

Reply September 15, 2015, 8:01 am

Jimbo

Snooping ruins relationships…please think twice before snooping.

First – I caught my gf trying to get on my cellphone while I was very sick in the bathroom (I was so sick I had to go to the ER that very same day shortly after it happened). I could tell she had tried guessing the code bc it was locked when I went to get it. I asked her in bed that night and she denied it! I went to sleep and didn’t say anything but she came clean the next day…She said she was sorry and I dropped it as if it never happened.

Second – A few months later I started getting the feeling she was snooping again. Come to find out she had been snooping on my Facebook and Email for a while without me knowing. Even after admitting to snooping she denied reading any of my messages on Facebook (c’mon now!). The obvious truth was finally squeezed out after some more lies (she next said she only read the last message which shows on your message list (c’mon now!).

All this was happening while we had multiple conversations about her doing better about not snooping anymore (we dated in the past and she did her fair share of snooping then as well). She would even talk to me about the things that were bothering her and say how happy she is to talk about her problems instead of snooping but she was still snooping all the while…

Doing this just destroys trust and your relationship will suck big time. It’s been almost 2 years since the snooping and its pretty much ruined what we had. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust her again and we have a lengthy history.

I wasn’t cheating either. I had some conversations with a couple girls she didn’t like but when we dated before I wasn’t allowed to talk to or be friends with other girls but you can believe she had plenty of guy friends she’d go out drinking and partying with.

Please don’t snoop. If you’re going to snoop just go ahead and do each of you a favor and just breakup… Its not worth it! If he is cheating, then you should eventually find out. If he’s not doing anything then you just ruined everything for nothing!!!

Reply August 28, 2015, 2:58 pm

Lucy

Hi Jimbo. I know it’s been a long time since you wrote this, and hope you’re doing well. Me and my bf had a big fight the other day as when he was sending work message on his computer and asked me to read and comment on it. I spotted a draft email with to his ex and felt my heart sunk. After that he went out for a walk and after battling with myself as I didnt want to jump to conclusion, so I decided to open his computer to make sure that if it’s actually his ex or just a friend with the same name, and that the email is decent enough. I was so hurtful that he told her that he was staying with his cousin’s family instead of me, and while the email is quite wok-related, he was being caring and asking questions. I got so furious and decided to confront him after he got back. He got so angry I opened his computer and we had a fight for 2 days. I was extremely hurt as I thought he was hiding me from his ex and still in touch with her (although they only get in touch once a year for birthday). We solved things out and got back to normal now, but now I start to regret doing so. I never snooped before, and I swore to him never doing it again, and I will not, just dont know if i can regain his trust again :(

Reply April 30, 2020, 9:38 am

Izzy

Thank you for writing this. I really do appreciate it. It makes a lot of sense.

Reply March 30, 2015, 2:18 am

MB

People please (men, women, guys, girls) don’t snoop. No matter how insecure or uncomfortable you’re feeling (whether imagined or not). You have no right whatsoever to snoop.

I was with a guy who did it to me. I know for a fact he had the password to some of the online tools I use (as I saw it saved in a file on his computer).

I was civil about it, I played dumb and left the guy as I felt so disgusted. He knew how much I value my privacy and did it anyway.

Don’t ever, ever, ever resort to doing this. It is unnecessary. The key is to communicate when you have a problem.

Reply January 22, 2015, 6:41 pm

Ali

Ok, I didn’t get caught snooping but I admitted to it. I found some texts that were completely unappropriate. So, I broke up with him but I had plans to do so before this incident. That was the first time I ever crossed that line with him and when I admitted to it, he said he was testing me. That he had tried to set me up a few times and finally I fell for the bait and it was disappointing. WTF? Doesn’t this mean he didn’t trust me if he felt the need to set me up? And is now blaming EVERYTHING possible on me. I was breaking up with him b/c the man I once was with was gone. He was distant, stopped having sex, didn’t see each other as much so I had made up my mind to move on. It just so happens that the night I went there to break up he left his phone out apparently on purpose. So I guess I don’t get how its ok for him to set me up, but im an awful person for snooping.

Reply April 28, 2014, 10:48 pm

ana

My boyfriend completely cut me off , its been a week today he blocked my number , my whatsapp everything…this was after I brought up the only mutual friend we have on fb and he claims that it wasn’t that it was because I looked at his wallet early in the relationship when he left it on the bedside table , I didn’t even open the contents I texted him immediately to tell him he left it , and I brought up his ID which was the first thing I saw when I opened the wallet . I didn’t even know it was his …when I continued to make jokes about his dob for months thinking it was cute , he told my cousin that if I did it already I would do it again. I found his reaction harsh seeing as I know nothing about him not even where he lives. Guess he wasn’t my boyfriend right …so much for the I love you’d .

Reply November 22, 2013, 1:25 pm

Emma

Very good advice. Snooping really won’t make any relationship better – because it in fact is a desperate attempt to prove your significant other’s wrongdoings…by betraying their trust yourself! Two wrongs just don’t make a right.

I’ve been there and thankfully was forgiven, since my boyfriend was having trouble severing his last emotional ties to a girl he didn’t even date in high school, but was infatuated with, as well. The situation scared him off from going any further with his aimless reminiscing e-mails and I came to terms with the fact snooping through his personal belonging was just plain wrong. So long there’s dialogue, you can save your relationship, but always have in mind – don’t do to your partner what you wouldn’t want done to you. Trust should come from both sides, and if it’s strong, all hurtful things will be dealt with as a pair.

Reply July 16, 2013, 10:07 pm

Dianne

Eric, You are right, the days of controlling a man by withholding sex days are long gone, no matter how hot the sex was. But, if a man I have sex with doesn’t call me within a day or two and make plans for us to see each other again soon, then, right then, he is no longer in the ” get to have sex with me” category, no matter what. He has proved I will never be in the girlfriend category, and I had rather be just be friends from then on and not limit myself by hooking up with a man that has already proved that he isn’t ever going to be more than a friend. It isn’t withholding sex. It’s deciding that’s not what I want before the bonding chemicals get revved up. Friends with benefits can mean ending up sleeping alone a lot. Men always come back with the expectation of sex, even if it is a month later. If he’s worth hanging out with, and it will be fun and interesting, and like him I have nothing else planned, I’ll go out with him. I have no problem being just friends, flirty fun friends, but for me there’s nothing in it for me to be sexual friends. Like you said, he can get sex anywhere, anytime, but not with me. He has proven himself unworthy. Either we’ll both value our friendship only, or not. So much easier after just one time, and besides it is going to end the same way no matter what a woman does, right?? Isn’t that the reality?

Reply February 25, 2013, 7:30 pm

Natalie M

I met this guy online a dating site and after chatting and texting for weeks we decided to exchange yahoo messenger I’d. Long and short he kept saying that he was so into me and that he likes me after 5 weeks of chatting phone calls and texting we decided to meet the following weekend. He also indicated that he wanted us to date exclusively and I agreed but deep inside I wondered how serious he was and I created a fake profile putting up a picture of a beautiful model, added him and started chatting him. I was stunned when he answered calling her by all the names he called me and telling my fake person that he was single and asking her to spend time with him. I became upset. He then asked if she had blackberry messenger and so I sent him my BB pin. Mind you he never disclosed to me he had a blackberry neither did I. Anyways I sent him my BB pin and when he added me and saw my real pic he freaked out and called me immediately. I did not answer so he sent me a whole bunch of yahoo messages throughout the day begging me to forgive and that he doesn’t want to loose me. That night he called me and said he knew the profile was a fake because the pic was not a real person and that he just entertained the convo. Anyways he said he has decided what he wanted and its me. I forgave him and we continued and went on our date. It was nice and he kept telling me how much he loced me over and over. Anyways I forgot my jacket that night in his car. And the next week we continued only that he started indicating he wanted to make love to me. I wasn’t ready as I thought it to soon as I only know about him as much as he only told me. Anyways the next Saturday he did not text or contact me at all and I found this to be strange. I called him but no answer. That night I again created another fake profile this time using a pic of one of my friends to make it more real. I added him and started chatting him and he replied just like he did me and the previous fake profile. While chatting him I BB messenger him and he responded saying he was sick and in bed. Long story short he gave my new fake profile his number and invited “me” the fake me to a cooler party the next day and even agreed to kiss “me”. I got so upset and told him I knew he was dating a friend of mine and how can he do this to “her” the real me and that he should tell “the real me”. He said he would but was asking “the fake me” who was her friend. I asked him how many of us there is.. Anyways I told him and he deleted his profile and won’t talk to me again. Was I wrong for doing what I did. Please tell me because I feel horrible and I miss him. Is he a player. I tried contacting him to get my jacket but he won’t respond. I see him on whatsapp everyday texting the whole day everyday and I assume it another woman or women. Did I drive him away. Please tell me what to do. Plus the jacket means so much to me as my son bought it for me as a birthday gift.

Reply October 7, 2012, 4:58 pm

Rose

Why did you make so many different fake profiles? To catch him out, sure but it sounds like he was just looking to date not a relationship. Dating is not the same as being in a relationship. Dating doesn’t mean you guys are exclusive but more of a chance to see if you would be someone he wants to be exclusive with in time. You heard Eric say plenty of times on other posts, especially in the “get out of the friend zone” article, that to make sure you rack up other options and not put “all your eggs in one basket”. Dating is supposed to be fun (especially if it was during your first couple of dates) and carefree with the opportunity to go further (into a relationship). You sounded like you went too fast and intense and although lying, flirting with other chicks and saying he is single is a crappy thing to do, technically you guys aren’t in a relationship and he didn’t do anything wrong. He is still single since you guys only talked over the phone and met up once. That doesn’t constitute a relationship. You should explore other options too and until you feel like you really connected with someone and you’re one hundred percent sure they feel the same towards you, don’t make him into someone he’s not, mainly someone looking for a relationship when they’re not. And I don’t think you’re going to have a big chance in getting that jacket back.

Reply May 14, 2013, 12:49 am

Kathleen

Your reply was perfect!

Reply October 18, 2014, 12:34 am

MickWasWrong

Eric the King! This information has helped me a lot with my girlfriend.

So the story is, I had some suspicions, so I snooped on her and she caught me out. She was really put off by it and we broke up. I finally came out with the truth and used the information above to explain myself, realized my trust issues, promised never to do it again and apologized. She came back and forgave me! I will now try to make things better and never snoop again.

Reply August 16, 2012, 11:16 pm

hottiestalker16

I like this guy we flirt a TON back and forth I catch him staring I stare back the whole nine yards. But he hasn’t asked me out yet I really really like him. How do I get him to ask me out

Reply April 29, 2012, 11:21 pm

You're crazy

Give him a bj :-)

Reply June 10, 2012, 9:44 am

angela

i am a little confused my story i guess is a bit confusing and all and well i really dont know what to do any more i am almost at my wits end in it all so i will start at the beginning and well i just need answers i dont know why he does half the things he does i met him when i was 21 we dated for 4 months and he broke up with me saying and lieing to me telling me he didnt love me when he actually did but because i believed him i moved on i got married had three kids and moved on with life i loved him so much it hurt that i couldnt believe he would say that to me i really didnt ever get over him then its been 15 yrs now and three years ago he came back in to my life told me he lied and said he always loved me and never stopped the thing was he told me all this when i was in a very bad place in my marrieage my husband basically emotionally abandoned me and i felt very alone needless to say i had a affair and slept with this ex things were good in the begining while we were having the affair lol we had some issues such as lieing to each other and doing really mean things to each other he even wanted to see once if i was cheating on him so he made this huge plan to create a fake profile on face book and made this guy look like some guy i hung out with when i was 21 any ways i chatted for a bit with this fake guy and maybe flirted and well when i found out it was him i was furious any ways that is the kind of man he is cause he likes to always be right no matter how much it may hurt me or any one else. any ways last aug my divorce was finalized and i have been dealing with the emotion of grieving a 13 yr marriage as i have known my ex for 24 yrs and have been best friends and well the guy i had the affair with thinkgs in 8 months i should be over him but I am not i wish he could understnad he wants so badly to be in a relationship but i am not ready at least for a serious relationship and really i dont think i can trust him he always plays games with me and can get very emotionally abusive with his words. he wants me to commit to him now and i cant cause of all his games then last week his ex contacted him and wanted to talk in private and he told me if i was around he didnt want me any where around him and her and i started wondering what he was hiding he also has many friends that are women whom he likes to help when they are in a crisis he says i will come first but i dont believe him he also is a extremist when i say i just need a friend he cuts off all emotion and even removes me from his face book but then in the next sentance says if you need me i am here he wants me to feel secure with him but i cant when he is like this Please help me any advice would be greatly appreciated also because of his behaviour my ex who listens to every thing i say and is very compassionate to me and very loving and i find my self thinking maybe i can work it out with him but i also can not trust him completely as well lol i am a total mess here and really dont know where to turn and if i work it out with my ex i know i have to let this other man go i guess where it gets a bit hard you see him and i see each other as twin souls we both feel this amazing conection spirituall and he knows when i am hurting and vice versa i just dont know what to do i feel like I am going insane cause i feel so stunted and stalled PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME ANY ADVICE PLEASE

Reply April 16, 2012, 9:38 pm

Rose

It’s hard to understand exactly what the problem is if you don’t use the right punctuation at the end of a sentence

Reply May 14, 2013, 12:31 am

G

You just met this guy so why all the energy and effort worrying? Neither of you have any investment in each other. Maybe he was short because he was running errands or just out and about. I’ve had people ask me the same thing but when they texted I was occupied with chores, getting ready, house cleaning, etc. You’re not doing anything wrong except giving this way too much thought. Just relax….seriously. People sense anxiety and panic over waiting to hear back from them. If he never responds oh well. You have nothing to lose but only to gain by being relaxed, calm, poised and totally confident in yourself :-) Keep your options open, have fun and enjoy your life.

Reply April 1, 2012, 6:24 pm

Ginger

Hello,

I have a question with follow-up contact after meeting a guy. I met a guy at a party and he waited 3 days to text me saying hello. That day, we exchanged close to 30 messages back and forth all day (in hind sight, I think this was a mistake). The next day we texted but you could tell that he was keeping his messages brief. He didn’t contact me the following day, which happened to be close to the weekend and hasn’t contacted me all weekend. I thought that he would have called /texted to ask me out this weekend, but not at all. So anyway, I cracked this morning and texted him asking him how he is and he hasn’t replied yet. What am I doing wrong? If he is not replying is it a polite way of saying he’ s not interested, or is he playing games or trying to take it slow… really confused.

Reply March 17, 2012, 3:39 pm

MickWasWrong

Giner, from personal experience, if I’m interested in a girl I will text her and ask her out that same weekend. I don’t play waiting games, imo I think its a load of crap. But in saying that, some guys do like to take it slower then others, so they will play a waiting game. My advice, if he’s playing a waiting game, then you play along, and hold out on not texting him until he texts you and eventually asks you out. If he is interested he will, if he is not, he will stop texting you.

Reply August 16, 2012, 11:20 pm

Anna

So I accidentally snooped. I say accidental because it was perfectly innocent. I have NEVER snooped before, in any of my previous relationships or this one. We’ve been together for just under two years and currently live together. Earlier in the week his phone had died (just wouldn’t turn on) So this week has been fun trying to get a hold of each other. We have basically been face book messaging when he was home on his computer. I came home from work and he was not home (he usually is) I wanted to check my facebook and my computer is REALLY slow, hes got a newer MAC. He doesn’t like me using his lap top because I have made fun of him in the past because when I opened the internet and the 6 recent pages came up there was like 3 porn sites. I didn’t get mad, just joked around and I think he got embarrassed. He is also a only child so he isn’t the best at sharing. So since then I usually just stay away from his computer. However when I got home I wanted to check FB quickly and his computer was on the couch already on. So I decided what the heck I was just for a quick second. When I opened the computer his FB was already loaded and there was a message conversation at the bottom with one of his long time female friends mary from earlier in the day. I decided to read it because I wanted to know where he was and if he was mary mostly to know if I should be cooking for both of us or just me. That was my only reason for “snooping” but when I was reading I noticed my name being mentioned so that caused me to full blown snoop on this conversation. Long story short he said to his friend that she would be proud because he and I had been getting along very good lately. Then his friend proceeded to ask if he still thinks about Sara (his ex and mary’s friend) He then said something along the lines of “ yes I still think about sara it sucks because we were always on the rocks and I really thought we would get our stuff together and she would be the one I would settle down with” So mary goes “ well if you and wanna break up im sure you and sara will be hooking up again” he goes “ yeah I don’t think so sara hasn’t spoken to me in like a year, besides I think im with anna for the long haul, shes not the greatest but shes better than half the loosers I have been with” I pretty much stopped reading after that. I felt bad for snooping but It started out perfectly innocent, ive never been suspicious and im most certainly not the jealous type. This really made me feel undervalued and bummed. When he came home a short time later he was SO NICE to me telling me he loves me and im the love of his life, and wanted to take me to dinner and hes sorry that he can be such a DB sometimes (he had went for a few drinks with a bud of his so he was slightly buzzed so the cheese was in full effect). I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t say anything. I know he will be mad I snooped but now I cant get out of my mind that I am his back up plan. OH and a few months back we went out for drinks and Mary and Sara along with a bunch of his other friends were there. Also a few of mine. I knew sara was his ex (but again not the jealous type) and she was chatting me up so I chatted bck. She was a pretty funny girl and I was having a good time. He got all bent out of shape and when we went outside to smoke a cigarettes he told me she was only being nice to me to piss him off. Never thought much of it, but now idk was that a sign. I don’t know what to do. I want to bring it up, but he hasn’t cheated and I don’t want him to focus on me snooping, I just don’t want to feel like im in 2nd place. Any advice??

Reply July 11, 2013, 2:06 pm

anna

So I accidentally snooped. I say accidental because it was perfectly innocent. I have NEVER snooped before, in any of my previous relationships or this one. We’ve been together for just under two years and currently live together. Earlier in the week his phone had died (just wouldn’t turn on) So this week has been fun trying to get a hold of each other. We have basically been face book messaging when he was home on his computer. I came home from work and he was not home (he usually is) I wanted to check my facebook and my computer is REALLY slow, hes got a newer MAC. He doesn’t like me using his lap top because I have made fun of him in the past because when I opened the internet and the 6 recent pages came up there was like 3 porn sites. I didn’t get mad, just joked around and I think he got embarrassed. He is also a only child so he isn’t the best at sharing. So since then I usually just stay away from his computer. However when I got home I wanted to check FB quickly and his computer was on the couch already on. So I decided what the heck I was just for a quick second. When I opened the computer his FB was already loaded and there was a message conversation at the bottom with one of his long time female friends mary from earlier in the day. I decided to read it because I wanted to know where he was and if he was mary mostly to know if I should be cooking for both of us or just me. That was my only reason for “snooping” but when I was reading I noticed my name being mentioned so that caused me to full blown snoop on this conversation. Long story short he said to his friend that she would be proud because he and I had been getting along very good lately. Then his friend proceeded to ask if he still thinks about Sara (his ex and mary’s friend) He then said something along the lines of “ yes I still think about sara it sucks because we were always on the rocks and I really thought we would get our stuff together and she would be the one I would settle down with” So mary goes “ well if you and wanna break up im sure you and sara will be hooking up again” he goes “ yeah I don’t think so sara hasn’t spoken to me in like a year, besides I think im with anna for the long haul, shes not the greatest but shes better than half the loosers I have been with” I pretty much stopped reading after that. I felt bad for snooping but It started out perfectly innocent, ive never been suspicious and im most certainly not the jealous type. This really made me feel undervalued and bummed. When he came home a short time later he was SO NICE to me telling me he loves me and im the love of his life, and wanted to take me to dinner and hes sorry that he can be such a DB sometimes (he had went for a few drinks with a bud of his so he was slightly buzzed so the cheese was in full effect). I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t say anything. I know he will be mad I snooped but now I cant get out of my mind that I am his back up plan. OH and a few months back we went out for drinks and Mary and Sara along with a bunch of his other friends were there. Also a few of mine. I knew sara was his ex (but again not the jealous type) and she was chatting me up so I chatted bck. She was a pretty funny girl and I was having a good time. He got all bent out of shape and when we went outside to smoke a cigarettes he told me she was only being nice to me to piss him off. Never thought much of it, but now idk was that a sign. I don’t know what to do. I want to bring it up, but he hasn’t cheated and I don’t want him to focus on me snooping, I just don’t want to feel like im in 2nd place. Any advice??

Reply July 11, 2013, 2:19 pm

Kathleen

Break it off. Choose a guy who has you first in his mind!

October 18, 2014, 12:53 am

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