Ask a Guy: Is My Boyfriend Getting Bored Of Me?

Hello!! I have been dating a guy for nearly 2years..As it has been 2years, I feel like he doesn’t want me as his girlfriend but everytime I ask him, he said it’s not but his actions make me feel like that…He never calls me when he goes trips. I have to call and even when i call and hang up to let him know that I am angry with him he didnt call me back..then I called him back and asked that are u not calling me on purpose? And he said no..i’m the one who’s always trying to be in contact with him..give me some advice.he is not a romantic one but i think he needs to call me at least once a day. He only contact with me with msg if i dont call him

I really appreciated this article. As a woman who is not really into the idea of gender roles (I’m coming from an intellectual stand point, it’s not as if I am super androgynous or a misandronist or the classic idea of a hairy feminist) having a male perspective whilst dating a less intellectual man is helpful. I have a different issue though. Since I began dating my boyfriend a year ago, I have improved myself. I have always been decently attractive and performed admirably in bed but my boyfriend motivated me even further because of how great he his. My figure has never been hotter, and I’ve been really wanting to break up the monotony of school and work with some bedroom action. My boyfriend has done the “letting go” example you listed above. He’s put on a lot of weight, he’s stopped trying at all when it comes to sex, and he’s getting less and less adventurous as the year goes on. Our relationship was so exciting at first. I know that it can’t stay like that forever but I thought that I was starting a new, better chapter of my life with a hot, fun guy. When did I start dating this lazy slob that has no self introspective ability whatsoever? I’m still in love with him, but I’m a little worried. Things were going really well and then he started going downhill fairly quickly. I would do anything to not make him feel pressured or unattractive. How do I talk to him about this? What do I do?

I am in a relationship with this guy. At first we were fine, but recently, nothing seems to excite him. if he is not sleeping, he looks at his phone. I have talked to him, and even asked him if I bore him, what can I do to get his old self back. he says he is fine. we barely are intimate. we hardly do anything together, except when we are in bed, him sleeping and me watching him. I love him so much, as a result I blame myself that im not doing much to satisfy him, but I don’t know what.

I know this article is several years old and I’m a late responder but I just finished reading it and it was so well written! I never comment on articles I read but am glad to do so on this one. It’s refreshing to hear an honest opinion. This article calmed my worries because it matched up exactly what my guy is like (i.e. “I shouldn’t have to tell you I love you, you should just know” and “it feels forced and not natural” to say it all the time). I believe in positive encouragement and recently haven’t been using it and slipping into a more negative cycle so reading this woke me up! Thank you again and I hope you can ignore the haters! Keep up the great work.
Best,
Katie

I’ve been with my partner for nearly 4 years, but for the last year or so our relationship have gone really downhill, he never wants to do anything together no more like going out for meals, drinks, cinema things that normal couples that are in love do. He’s just so boring now all he ever seems to want to do is sleep he normally falls asleep every night at stupid early times so when the kids have gone to bed he’s falling asleep not long after that, then I’m finding that he’s more interested in playing on his phone, tablet, camera or laptop instead of spending some quality time together on our own. He seems to be putting everything else first before me, he hardly ever wants sex anymore either we might have sex maybe once a month and a lot of the time it can be longer, but when we do have it he never wants to do any fore play before or have fun and try new things, so when we do have sex it’s always near enough the same thing and it’s getting really boring and by the time we start its over in 5 to 10mins. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and don’t want to lose me but I dunno how many times I’ve told him how I feel and he just don’t change, I dunno how much more I can take now I feel like he don’t really want me anymore and he dont want to tell me or he’s been cheating on me and that’s why he don’t want sex with me hardly coz he’s getting it elsewhere, has anyone got any suggestions that can help me please I dunno what else to do.

Ok, u make me feel as though i should pet the roostercso so it doesn’t crow. Reallllly? K, step 1 boys, grow a pear (kesha). And for once, dont say u want something, hold that perseption, then change 6 months plus down the road. Be true to us but step 2 to yourselves, because if o t were real we wouldn’t haxeto manipulate u ch i ldren into being our muse. Ps, DONE N BORED

Ive been in a relationship for over 7 months. which is long for me. Ive never had a relationship last long before. Im 21 and my bfs 23. My issue is that my bf doesn’t try to initiate sex. He drops hints but doesn’t really just go for it. Ive never had this issue with a man before. Its been like this since we met. Its nothing new. Ive tried talking to him about it but he says he doesn’t want to be rejected (which would rarely happen) and that he doesn’t want to pressure or feel like he’s pushing me to have sex. To which I reply that I would never feel pressured, or fell as if im being pushed to do something. I just think its odd for me to have to initiate sex all the time cuz it jus makes me feel as if hes really not interested in having sex with me. Also, when we are “doing the deed” he doesn’t attend to my needs, I feel as if he just wants to get one off and be done with. Which doesn’t exactly make me want to initiate having sex with him. I try to drop hints on how to make sex better for me but I don’t think he gets it. Hes amazing as a companion and we have a great relationship. This is pretty much our only problem.

Hi I have a situation. my husband and I have been married for 4 years. We have 4 kids. 2 boys and 2 girls. All ages 3,2,1, and 2 months. We have had a great relationship but my problem is; is that he isn’t romantic like he used to be. We used to go to the lake and look at the stars or lay in the yard or even sit around a bon fire and cuddle under the stars during the summer. we could still do this with kids because at the times we did it they would be in bed but it seems as if he wont do these things anymore. he would take me to the lake to have sex and that’s it. I have told him how I felt but he don’t seem to care. he wont even sit and watch television at night with me anymore. the only time he would build a bon fire is with his buddy. he would sit outside at night with his buddy. but not with me….his wife. I was wondering why he wont do anything romantic with me anymore?

I am confused on my relationship I just wamt someone to be blunt with me.. basically I live with my bf. He has never been a romanticneven in the beginning. But we did always talk and flirt and he is really funny.. anyway we been livin together for maybe 4 to 5 months idk but I did read articles of what happens when you move in w your bf. Anyway it said things like marriage will come off the table because we live together. And we would stop flirting amd doing things we used too.. anyways I always try to have a convo w him and he never wants to talk or do things alone but have sex.. I tried doing couple games even if theyre sexual and he turned them down.. he doesnt do cute things for me. And he wont try to spend alone time w me (we have a guy roomate) he only hangs whenn its us 3.. I feel like we distancing.. I am trying but its like h3 doesnt care.. but my rooamate tells me my bf is scared if I leave him or stop loving him but its so comfusing.. I just miss my bf.. its like we are just friends who have sex.. I just feel like he is loosing interest

the whole draw of love is that you’ve found someone who is so valuable, that with out you they remain valuable, and with them you become more valuable, its the enticement that in atleast some ways, they are better then you, and that greatness can rub off on you, it’s being addicted to a perspective that bestows streangth and beauty. so its not a male perspective to be more attracted to you the more valuable you behave and concider your self, its genderless, its universal, its why women are attracted to confidant men, its why men are attracted to out going women that aren’t afraid to make the first move. its all about how you carry your self and how valuable you act and concider your self. your boyfriend/girlfriend may not break up with you if you act like a whimp all the time that wouldn’t be able to survive with out them, but they will definately enjoy you more if they know that with out them, you’d be just fine.

and its not shallow, it’s simply the desire to be in a relationship that is sustainable, where your partner is strong and independant to the point that not only will they be fine if you can’t always be there for them, but they will be there for you sometimes when you need them.

alright eric, i have some disagreements with you that i’d like to voice.

i think the problem isn’t the images the media is portraying, i think the problem is the images the girl in the damaged relationship is portraying.

from the sounds of it, as he withdraws, she reacts by gravitating to him. she rewards his behaviour of distancing him self from her by her being more affectionate, she feels “if i am sweet to him, what ever is convincing him he’s happier withdrawn from my will be proven wrong, and he’ll be sweet to me again like when we first started dating”

but he’s being convinced “when i go hang out with my friends, and when i don’t look up from my activities to give her any attention for an extended period of time, she is niec to me,a nd makes me feel good about my self.”

the problem is that she is too available and she rewards behaviour she doesn’t like and her needs not being met with treating him the way she wished she was being treated.

she should be doing things like not giving him the gift of her attention when there are moments where she is dissapointed with his lack of affection, she should be withdrawing from him, so he can feel a void, a sense of loss, and start pulling her back, there should be more balance in the push/pull of the relationship.

heck, when he’s done something to out right hurt you, tell him so, tell him he’s disappointed you. granted, its not great to get mad at him, but even getting mad at him would be better then letting him walk all over you.

its like a tug of war. the harder you pull, the more the person on the other end will resist, even if they’ll ultimately lose, because if nothing else, they don’t want to fall face first into the mud pit of absolute vulnerability inbetween you.

when you ask for everything from someone, heart and soul, your also asking for the darkness that lies in all of us that in healthy relationships we take steps to protect at least somewhat are loved ones from, so in a way, he keeps from you when you ask so much of him in order to protect you, from him being mud covered in his demons that he’s been trying to define him self as more then.

yes you should let him know the things that you like him to do, but be careful about asking him for those things, i used to love chocolate ice cream, apple juice, and pancakes, but growing up, thats all my dad would buy, because he REALLY loved those things, so i wound up hating it, because it was always around, and i ended up feeling obligated to have it all the time or i would feel guilty for wasting something that i’m supposed to love.

you have to learn to accept that even if its your favourite thing in the world to be with him or for him to do a thing for you, sometimes he doesn’t want to do those things and the more guilty you make him feel for doing it, the more unresolved he’ll feel in getting that out of his system.

reward his good behaviour with being kind, punish his bad behaviour by withdrawing your attention and your approval. respect him and your self enough to try and be happy even when he’s not meeting your every whim, and you’ll realize that you’ve inflated the value of your self and being in a relationship with you in his eyes so much that you won’t even need to try to beckon him to court you because people take it on them selves to pursue things that are both valuable and a challenge to pursue.

right now, it seems like you give the impression that your nothing with out him, so change the impression so that you come across as a happy and worthwhile person even when he’s not around, and he’ll want to be with you as you finally appear to have value thats seperate then his input.

if you want him to come to you and woo you, stop going to him and wooing him all the time.

I’ve been dating a guy for a year, we meet at work, although we worked in different departments we struck up a conversation that later led to me giving him a ride home, and we kind-of hit it off from there. Here’s my story: After giving him a few rides home, one night we sat in my car and talk for about an hour in a half about our past relationships, and what we needed and wanted out of a relationship ect. During that converstion he told me he was a recovering addict. I WAS SHOCKED!(to say the least), so after he got out of my car, I had decided then that I didn’t want to have nothing to do with him. Well as time went on and we continue to talk at work, he had convince me that he was getting clean, and wasn’t using anymore, and I saw for myself that he was serious, and had succeeded with getting clean and staying clean. Although he did slip up once that he did tell me about, even though I didn’t know about it. Anyway long story short we began txting and calling each other on the regular, all day everyday, which eventually led to us dating,(he’s still clean a year later). Everything was Perfect in the beginning, if we weren’t talking at work, we talked on the phone, and when we couldn’t talk we texted. Then we started spending alot of time together, to the point he was damn-near living with me, for almost three months, even though he had his own place. But as soon as he got his car fixed, and got a better job(that I helped him get), he BOUNCED!, until his car broke down for the last time, then he comes back because now he needs a ride.(1st Red Flag). Then he calls his Ex-girlfriend father to wish him a happy father’s day(of all ppl/Men he could’ve call) I think in the process of calling him he had to ask about her, or even told the father to tell her to call him. Now let him tell it he has not been in a relationship in three years prior to us dating. That’s how I know he call the father looking for her, so quiet naturally there are still some feeliings there on both there parts, because she’s still to date is calling and texting him, and he is calling and txting her even though he lies about it. But when I asked to let me answer the phone next time she calls he told me NO, she’s a “Special-Friend” and I don’t want to do it that way.(WTF-REALLY)..(2nd Red-Flag) Bottom line he started cheating and lying, which began to show in the way he treated me and talk to me, like I was now getting on his nerves(all of a sudden). And to top this off he moves across town, which he says is to be closer to his job in case his care breaks down, he can walk to work and not have to depend on anybody. Steady moving away from me and the relationship. But the “WORST” part of it all to me, is when my car did break down after he moved across town, and told me to ask my sister for a ride, because for him to have to come get me would be too much on him again-(WTF). I got out of my bed at 4/5 A.M. to get him to work everyday, passing my job twice gettin him there, and going back home, only to have to turn around and go to work myself 2hours later. I took a chance everyday, with no liscence or insurance, and got him to work everyday, by the grace of God. But now I have to ask my sister for a ride to work-REALLY!! And that’s the Short version of this story. Of course we did the I love you, we planned on getting married, ect… Everything that comes in and with a relationship we did and said. Moral of the story: He used me now he don’t need me or want to be with me. He changed once he got a car/better job/and allowed his ex back in.(Karma is a B****)… The thing is I don’t even want him back, I think in the last few months I was going through the motions, with no real feeling t for him, like the whole, let me see if….Well I’m happy now, I’m single, but I’m Honestly Happy…I can focus more better on school and getting my Bachelors. What I have notice about me is, I accomplish MORE when I’m single than I do when I’m in a relationship. I accomplish more and can get more DONE….I look at that as another lesson learn, and you’re NEVER too old, to make mistakes, it’s how you recovery that matters.(fall down-Get up)…I would rather be single and Happy, than with someone that make me Unhappy/miserable, and that’s how I was starting to feel towards the end just MISERABLE(for no reason), I was taking it out on family and friends…..I think I cried more than I laugh while I was with him.(On to the next one)…lol..lol…I feel Great. P.S. It wasn’t all bad we did have some good times in that year, he had some good qualities in him…But nothing worth going back to.

I been dating my BF for two months after two , I agreed to stay a whole weekend with him. we had sex for the first time. In my case it was my first time and in case he had other before me. On our firt month we had a few communication issues( long distance relationship), previous to that weekend we talked and decided to continue. We text me back that sunday and said i miss u. How ever after that he hasn’t text nor call nothing. We events with friends in commun and i have text him with the same text i send everyone else. But, i haven’t text, call or email, him aside of those events with required the purchase of tickets and reservation. Am i doing something right and fair here, by only texting him the same a text everyone involvd in the events, and not texting him with a Hun, or bebe, since he hates me calling by his name. I know he has school and work (part time/full time) , but so do I (full time both) . i dnt know if this has to do with him having addhd, or just getting what he wanted and that is it. I truly plan on not texting him after I finish the whole planning of the events this weekend, but i dnt want to be unfair.

Now were nOt together but we are together? But he has condoms in his overnight bag but he says he isn’t with anyone else? He doesn’t want me to be with anyone else he begs but he’s talking to a girl on the phone at 3am and says don’t worry about it, I just need someone to tell me that I am blinded by my own situation and just move the F on bcuz I’m too close to see it. I need a new perspective.

I seriously need advice, my bf and I live together he is 8yrs. younger
Than me, and we’ve been together a year and a half
,in may he slept with a nurse where we both work,
I only found out by reading his texts ,he lied and said he only
Was setting it up because he thought we were going to break up, I tracked him into
Telling me everything ,he said it lasted only 2 weeks they only
Had sex one time,but the texts were him saying he was having withdrawl,
He said he was feeling obligated to say that,anyways I’m devasted ,I told her husband
Who either doesn’t mind or doesn’t believe me, I feel I don’t
Know everything and I can’t trust him and I don’t know if he is still doing it and damnit, I
Wanna know how long it Was going on ,cuz I may not wanna stay in it…please help
Me I’m confused and terribly consumed by fear he will do it again

i am in need of help. i have been with my b/f for a little over a year now and i have known him for about 12 years before that. he always had a crush on me and when we first got together he was always saying sweet things and telling me he loves me, now i dont get any of that. people tell me he is chatting with girls on line when i ask him he says no. but he has in the pasted and lied to be about it. he tells me we need something different and everything i try he wants nothing to do with. i love him but i need to know if i am wasting my time?

I really liked your response to the question, Eric.

Your comment about getting “sloppy” made me think of my current situation. I am in a good relationship with a very attentive, sexy man with a great career. However, I met him shortly after I got “sloppy” and gained a lot of weight (my dad had a stroke and I got depressed, started overeating). Now I am mentally healthy again and have started marathon training and am planning to return to my usual athletic shape.

My question is, if I lost a lot of weight, would my boyfriend treat me differently? My boyfriend’s never seen me in shape and he always says I’m beautiful now–if I lose the weight will he get suspicious? Will he think I did it for someone else or maybe think I’m going to cheat on him? I’m sexy now but I’m a lot hotter when I’m in shape. I’m worried if I lose weight, my boyfriend might feel that I’m out of his league and it’ll hurt his confidence so he’ll act differently . Have you or your friends been in this situation, how’d it make you feel? Thanks

me and my boyfriend have been together for amount 2 months now and it seem that he has lake interest in me .he doesn’t really go on facebook no more never had a response of him seen or last fight which was really ridiculous (do you i was right to get mad if he didn’t said i too me ) it been 3 week we haven’t seen each other before that happen but the last time i saw him was at summer school that’s when he didn’t say hi to me and i was really confused is that a sign that he doesn’t like me no more …