I want a committed booty call, instead of a committed relationship.
I truly think he’s an awesome guy, but I started the friendship off on the wrong foot by sleeping with him…and his roommate (before him).
I don’t want any kind of serious relationship right now, but I do want “casual sex” with ONE partner. Is it possible that he would be okay with me having sex with him, but not want the clingy relationship stuff?
Am I being a total skank by asking “hey wanna have sex, but you NOT call me and NOT buy me flowers?” I feel like men have booty calls, but women don’t…why can’t I have one? Is it really so wrong? (especially if I am tested clear of STDs and use protection)
Well, I am all for people getting what they want. If you want to live the dream, then I want to help inspire you.
There are some ground rules to have a consistent booty call though.
We all like to kid ourselves into believing that we have complete control over our emotions and can stick to a plan, but the truth is that a few bad habits can very quickly turn a good booty call sour. If you want a consistent booty call, you need to make the decision now and stick to that game plan the whole time. Trying to change the dynamic midway through is a recipe for heartache.
You’ve come to the right place though, I can definitely tell you what works and what destroys a good, consistent, no-strings-attached hook-up. OK, so the ground rules:
First, you can’t get too familiar or frequent with them. If you want a consistent booty call, NEVER see them more than once a week. The occasional text message is fine, but for the most part you should be an infrequent presence in his life and when you’re there, sex is a given.
That leads me to my next point: Do not act “girlfriend-y”. One sticking point for me was that I acted too much like a boyfriend to girls I just wanted to hookup with. As a result, they would want to be my girlfriend and I would end up having to cut them loose – bad situation. No cute pet names, no heart-to-heart discussions, etc. Keep your interactions and time together light and flirtatious.
By extension, don’t share your problems with your booty call. Nothing kills a sex fantasy like reality. The last thing your booty call wants to be doing is comforting you or playing pseudo-therapist – save it for your girlfriends.
NEVER expect that your booty call isn’t sleeping with other people. Again you can definitely have a consistent booty call, but I can promise you that there is no arrangement that would stop an attractive guy or girl from taking a sexy opportunity if it came their way. It’s foolish to think you can have exclusivity without depth… and if you do have exclusivity and depth, you pretty much have a relationship whether you want to admit it or not.
To answer your follow-up question: I don’t think you’re a skank, but I don’t think the majority of our culture (men or women) in the US are as open-minded as I am.
Personally, I am painfully aware of how much women want good sex. But I am also aware that most women feel an incredible need to get it in a way where they won’t be judged negatively by others or themselves.
Half the time when I’m hanging out with a girl for the first time, the girl will be saying this or that and I will be thinking, “OK honey, whatever you need to say to feel good about yourself in the morning.” It sounds a little cold, but there’s only so many times I can hear “I normally never do this” or “I promised myself I would only make out tonight, but…”, etc. before I start to get a little cynical about how things are.
Now reading that you might think that I must date skanks, but my “type” is typically well educated, manicured, beautiful, classy and articulate… and usually with a cutting, sarcastic sense of humor. I just create a space for comfort and openness without judgment as best I can.
And that’s what you should do. Keep it open, light, comfortable and honest. You strike me as operating that way anyway, so just stick with it and don’t worry about being judged for going for what you want.
Frankly I’m tired of miserable people who judge others for not fitting into the “relationship categories” they feel others should. Go for what you want and take what you want – as long as you aren’t intentionally hurting anyone, you’re a good person in my book.
Still… to do what you want to do here, you will need to maintain a certain level of detachment that not everyone is capable of doing. It would benefit you to look at this as a game to a degree, and if either of you starts walking down the path toward attachment or relationship feelings: Game over.
Again, trying to turn a straight up booty call into a relationship is a recipe for a lot of pain and disappointment. Keep it within the guidelines and you’ll enjoy all the pleasure of great sex without those pesky feelings of love and affection. :)
Good luck and hope it helped,
eric charles
Written by Eric Charles
