There is this guy who I see often but have never actually spoken to. The only contact has really been him indirectly talking to me. One time he told someone that I was a “good kid”, when I was standing right next to him.
He also stares at me sometimes and then doesn’t look away when I catch his glace. There are other things along those lines as well.
Does he like me or am I overreacting?
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
To answer your question from the information you’ve given me… I honestly can’t say.
From what you told me, my read on what you’re trying to figure out is one of three scenarios:
a) you want to know that he likes you because knowing someone likes you feels good,
b) he is indifferent to you (in the romantic sense), but you want him to like you and you’re seeing what you want to see,
c) you don’t know whether or not he likes you, but you’d be open to starting something with him.
I’m going to go with the assumption that you like him, mainly because if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have asked.
So let’s assume that I’m right and you like him and you’d like it if he wants you back. I would even bet that you’re probably hoping I write back that he does like you.
But deeper than that, what you’re hoping is for me to confirm that I see things the way you want them to be – “he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, etc.”
You ever play those games? Look at horoscopes? Look for “signs” that it’s meant to be?
At the heart of all of these games and guesses is doubt. It’s a sense that you don’t really believe that it could be true, but you really want it to be.
A lot of the time, women fall into the trap of playing “emotional detective”: They dig into their memories and observations and go through EVERY insignificant detail to try and uncover some “hidden message” or “secret code” that the guy is sending.
The reality is that playing emotional detective usually only succeeds at doing one thing: Making the girl go absolutely crazy.
My suggestion is rather than trying to “solve the mystery”, assume that things are the way you want them to be. At the heart of it, that’s what confidence is…
Worrying what the other person thinks usually just creeps them out… but assuming that they like you in the way that you want them to… well, that usually leads to them actually liking you! But you have to get good at believing in yourself and assuming that what you want to be true, is true.
I’m not saying to delude yourself or to totally ignore reality. But if you don’t know one way or the other what he thinks of you, assuming that he likes you will automatically cause you to act in a way that’s more… “likable” and attractive.
And as a result, there’s a really good chance that he’ll end up liking you back (in the end) if you assume that he does like you. In psychology, they call this a “self-fulfilling prophecy”.
Put your focus on really liking yourself and believing that the types of guys you like also like you… The more you like yourself and believe that you can have what you want, the more likely you actually will.
Now, in the remaining part of the article, I’m going to talk about ways that you can tell if he likes you. If you’re going to read it, keep in mind that how you think and your mindset is way more important than what you do.
So make sure you let the first part of what I said sink in.
OK, so what are some signs you can tell if he likes you? If he does several of these things, he likes you. Here’s a checklist off the top of my head:
- Does he start conversations with you?
- Does he ask you things that he doesn’t necessarily need to ask you? Questions he could ask anyone…
- Does he look at you/check you out? (Sounds like yes, in your case.)
- Does he tease you? (Most teasing is flirting… and I would encourage you to interpret teasing that way regardless… It’s not every guy’s style though… only some guys.)
- Have you ever heard of him asking anyone else about you or bringing you up to someone else?
- Does he act differently when he knows you’re around than when he’s just naturally going about his business (when he doesn’t know you’re around)?
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That’s a pretty good list of things that can let you know if he’s into you. Some guys play it cool and don’t overtly show a lot of signs, so if you don’t notice these things it doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t like you.
Now, what can you do to up your chances of him “making a move” with you? For starters:
- Smile. Smiling is sexy and inviting, it is super attractive to guys. I think it is really sad these days that magazines, movies and the modeling industry push the idea that looking pissed off is sexy. It’s not, it REPELS guys in real life. Don’t try to look like some model who’s all cold and couture – it sends the message to guys to stay away. NOT sexy, not attractive, DON’T DO IT. If you don’t believe me, go on hotornot.com or facethejury.com and post two pictures of yourself – one with a straight or “model” straight-face look and one with a nice smile. I guarantee that the smile picture will score much higher.
- Look your best. Guys respond to it, that’s a no brainer. It’s not to say that guys only care about looks, but it is important. Working out will give you a positive glow, inside and out, so definitely work that into your life. You will look and feel better – both are important. If you’re on our site, looking your best will not be a problem. :)
- Tease him a bit in a fun way IF you can make it work with your own personal style. Again, teasing is not for everyone, but if you can incorporate it into your style while still having the vibe that you are a nice girl, you can usually stir a guy up in a good way. Guys like a little challenge to wake them up – just don’t go overboard. What’s good teasing look like? In a nutshell, it’s pushing on areas where you know he’s strong or takes pride. If he’s good at something, you can tease him in a fun way about it. If he’s bad at something, DON’T tease him about it. Simple enough.
- Balance your pushes and pulls. OK, I say this next part with caution – do not abuse this. There is a truth about people (men and women) that we value what we have to work for. In the beginning stages of dating or attracting a man or woman, it can help spark chemistry if you mix signs of interest with signs of not being interested. People refer to it as sending mixed signals or playing hard to get. What’s a good…
- … way to do this that feels good to him and inspires him to be interested without being manipulative or bad? Just tease a little bit, reward when he pursues you by showing signs of interest back towards him and don’t put in more effort than he is. That way, if he’s doing exactly what you would want, you’re not punishing his “good behavior” AND if he’s not doing what you want, you’re not driving yourself crazy. Again, don’t get carried away with this because it is quite powerful, but WILL backfire if you go too far.
If you can incorporate some of my suggestions into your personal style – great. It will definitely set the stage for him to approach you and “make a move”. The point is not to change yourself at the core – I would never want that for you or any woman. But I do want you to get what you want out of life and relationships, so I do want you to take on strategies that will help you win.
If you do what I’m telling you and he just doesn’t respond, he’s not into you – it’s not meant to be. A bad response can often be better than no response at all – at least if you have a response at all, you’re having an effect on him.
As long as you’re having some kind of effect on him, you’re in the game. If he’s indifferent or neutral, then he’s not interested and you might as well move on. If he is responding, though, you’ll be able to work with how he’s responding and your believe in your own attractiveness will carry you the whole way (provided that you stay on track with truly believing that he wants you and not letting day-to-day situations / bumps throw you off that mindset.)
Hope it helps,
eric charles
Written by Eric Charles
