How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Forever: Everything You Need to Know post image

How to Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back Forever: Everything You Need to Know


I’ve seen it a thousand times.

That moment right after a breakup when your heart feels like it’s being ripped from your chest. Your mind races with memories. And every cell in your body is screaming at you to call him, text him, do something to stop this pain.

I get it. That urge to reach out feels overwhelming. You just want to get your ex back so things can go back to the way they were.

But here’s what you need to understand: The relationship you had is gone.

Not the guy – the relationship. That specific relationship, with all its patterns and problems, didn’t work. That’s why you broke up.

What you really want isn’t the old relationship that failed. You want something better – a new relationship with the same guy, but built on stronger ground.

And I’m going to show you exactly how to get that in this article.

After helping thousands of women get their ex back, I’ve discovered what actually works versus destroys your chances (but feels right to do in the moment).

This isn’t about tricks or games. It’s a step-by-step method that transforms you into the woman he’ll be desperate to win back – and keeps him this time.

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When a breakup happens, most women don’t understand what’s actually going on. They jump into reaction mode – text bombing, late-night calls, desperate attempts to “just talk things out.” I get it. I’ve worked with thousands of women in this exact situation, and I see the same pattern every time.

Here’s what matters: Winning him back isn’t about what you do, it’s about who you become. Your goal isn’t to get the old relationship back – the one that failed. Your goal is to reset everything so you can create something better than before.

I’ve watched this transformation happen countless times over the past 20+ years. The women who get their ex back – and keep him this time – aren’t the ones who chase hardest. They’re the ones who step back, heal, and become so magnetically attractive that he realizes what he’s missing.

MORE: How to Get Your Ex Back in 5 Steps Guaranteed (With Testimonials)

Most advice either gives you surface-level tactics to manipulate him (with no regard for the “inner game” that actually attracts him), or they subtly try to talk you out of wanting him back altogether (as if they know better than you what you should want).

What actually works is focusing on the inner work that makes everything you do natural, not forced or fake.

The secret is becoming a woman who genuinely knows what reignites your ex’s attraction, so your confidence comes from competence.

You’re not guessing or hoping – you know exactly what works at each step to bring your ex back, and that makes all the difference between staying stuck in heartbreak and actually getting him to chase you again.

Let me show you exactly how this works.

Step 1: The Reset Button – No Contact for 30 Days

Right now, every instinct you have is screaming to reach out to him.

But I have to tell you: Doing the exact opposite is your best move.

For the next 30 days, you need to completely disappear from his life:

  • No texting or calling him
  • No social media interaction (no likes, comments or even viewing his stories)
  • No asking mutual friends about him
  • No “accidentally” showing up where he hangs out

I can hear what you’re thinking: “But if I disappear, won’t he just forget about me?”

Absolutely not. In fact, the opposite happens.

When you’re constantly reaching out, sending those late-night texts and trying to “stay friends,” you’re actually making it impossible for him to miss you.

Every time you contact him, you’re giving him relief from having to experience your absence.

Here’s what most women don’t understand about how guys process breakups: Men go through predictable stages when they end a relationship. First comes relief (“I made the right call”).

Then freedom (“Being single is awesome!”).

But around week three, something shifts.

He starts missing you. He questions his decision. He wonders if he made a mistake.

But here’s the key: Every time you contact him, you restart this process.

Your message gives him relief and pushes him right back to the beginning. No Contact lets him experience the full cycle of missing you without interruption.

For him to miss you, you need to give him space. Real space.

This isn’t a trick or game – it’s understanding male psychology and using it to your advantage.

Plus, we all want what we can’t have. When you’re constantly available—texting, calling, showing up—he takes you for granted. When you suddenly disappear, he notices. Trust me on this.

I know staying away feels nearly impossible. That pull to reach out is almost physical.

But No Contact isn’t passive waiting – it’s active time for you.

These 30 days are when you’re doing the most important work on becoming the woman he’ll do anything to get back.

What if you have kids together, work at the same place or live together?

If some contact is unavoidable, follow these rules:

  • Keep interactions strictly about necessary matters (kids, work, living arrangements)
  • Be brief, polite and businesslike
  • Avoid personal topics or emotional discussions

If he tries to talk about the relationship, simply say, “I need some space to process things right now” or “Let’s just focus on [the kids/work/logistics].”

You’re not being cold, harsh or nasty. You just don’t go outside of what must be discussed.

Even with some unavoidable interaction, the emotional distance is what matters most.

MORE: 5 Hidden Signs Your Ex Still Loves You

Step 2: Heal Your Heart (This Changes Everything)

You cannot attract your ex back while you’re still emotionally raw.

When you’re heartbroken, it shows in everything – your texts, your voice, your energy. Men can sense it immediately, and it pushes them away faster than almost anything else.

I’ve watched countless women skip this healing step and jump straight to contacting their ex. The results? Disaster. Their pain drives them to say and do things that make the guy run for the hills.

So how do you actually heal when everything hurts?

First, understand what’s happening in your head. After a breakup, your mind becomes a torture chamber. It replays the relationship on endless loop. It obsesses over what went wrong. It creates vivid images of him with someone else.

This mental activity is normal, but it’s completely unhelpful. Your mind is trying to “solve” something that can’t be solved through thinking.

Here’s what actually works: When those thoughts about him flood in, don’t fight them – but don’t feed them either. Just notice them and then bring your attention to your body. Feel the tightness in your chest or the knot in your stomach.

But don’t label it. Don’t go into thinking about what it means. Just stay in your body and out of your head, letting the feelings pass through (and out).

This simple mindfulness meditation practice breaks the cycle of mental spinning and helps you process emotions directly. The thoughts will still come up from time to time, but the secret is you don’t feed into them by thinking about them in any way. You “go into your body” and stay out of your head.

This works for almost all of the “heartbreak thinking” that happens after a breakup. You stop feeding into it and it clears up over a few days.

If you’re in the throes of it right now that might sound impossible, but it’s true. Once you decide to stop feeding into any thinking about him, the relationship or the breakup, it virtually stops.

It does take a few days for it to slow down dramatically, so you have to ride it out for those first few. The good news is: It works.

There are some thoughts that just won’t leave you alone. And for those kind of thoughts, I have a heavy-duty technique that’s virtually guaranteed to clear them up for good.

It’s counterintuitive, but it works.

For those thoughts that won’t quit, try this: Write down what you’re afraid of. Are you afraid he’ll never come back? That you’ll be alone forever? That he’s already with someone else?

Then sit with those fears instead of running from them.

When you face your worst fears head-on, something magical happens – they lose their power over you.

You realize that even if these things happened, you’d survive. Not that you want them to happen – but the deep knowing that even if they did, you’d be okay.

The shift that happens isn’t just a surface level, logical shift. It’s a deep emotional shift that reaches your subconscious mind (the mind that’s really in control).

When you show your subconscious, emotional mind that even if “the worst” happened you’d still be OK, that’s when your mind stops working against you and starts working with you (to help you move forward in a good direction).

This is the essence of well-being, which is the foundation of real confidence. Not pretending bad things won’t happen, but knowing that whatever happens, you can handle it.

Another practical step: Remove the constant reminders of him.

Put away photos, gifts and anything else that triggers painful memories.

Unfollow him on social media – not out of anger, but to give your heart some breathing room.

This healing work isn’t optional – it’s the foundation that makes everything else possible. When you shift from desperation to strength, you become magnetically attractive.

Men can instantly sense the difference between a woman coming from neediness versus a woman coming from wholeness.

MORE: Ask a Guy- How Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back?

Step 3: Become Magnetically Attractive Again

Here’s a truth I’ve seen play out hundreds of times: Neediness pushes men away. Happiness pulls them in.

I’m talking about genuine happiness – not the fake kind you put on for Instagram.

It’s that inner peace that comes when you’ve emotionally moved on from the relationship enough that getting him back becomes an option, not a desperate need.

You want him back but don’t need him back to be okay.

For your ex to want you back, he needs to see you as the prize he wants to win – not as someone desperately waiting for his attention.

This means focusing on both how you feel about yourself and how you present yourself to the world.

I know your confidence takes a hit after a breakup.

You might question everything about yourself.

But rebuilding that confidence isn’t just helpful – it’s essential to your success.

Here’s how to become irresistible again:

Continue with the inner healing from Step 2. When you’re truly okay on your own, it creates a natural happiness that can’t be faked.

Then focus on what I call the “Glow Up”:

  • Move your body: Even just walking or dancing around your living room can completely transform your energy and mood. Exercise releases those feel-good chemicals that boost your confidence from the inside out.
  • Update your look: Try that hairstyle you’ve been thinking about. Refresh your wardrobe. These small changes can make you feel like a new woman.
  • Do what lights you up: What did you love doing before the relationship took over your life? What have you always wanted to try? When you’re passionate about your own life, your energy becomes magnetic.

What’s happening here goes way beyond just looking better for your ex.

You’re stepping into the best, most attractive version of yourself.

Instead of wallowing in post-breakup misery, you’re being proactive – you’re actively improving yourself and your life day by day.

This creates a powerful momentum where you can feel yourself getting better, your life getting better and new possibilities opening up for you.

That feeling alone is transformative.

There’s a special energy you have when you’re truly happy and fulfilled – it’s the exact same energy you had when your ex first became attracted to you.

By filling your life with things that genuinely light you up, you naturally reconnect with that magnetic vibe.

The happiest version of you is always the most attractive version of you.

When you focus on creating a life you love, you become irresistible as a natural side effect.

Going on casual dates can be powerful too when you’re ready.

This isn’t about finding a replacement or making him jealous.

It’s about reminding yourself that you have options, boosting your confidence and widening your perspective.

I’ve seen it happen countless times – when a woman starts building a fulfilling life and getting attention from other men, her ex suddenly decides he made a mistake.

There’s something profoundly attractive about seeing someone you used to date thriving without you.

When he sees or hears that you’re doing amazing, looking great and getting attention from others, it triggers his competitive instinct.

He starts wondering if he made a huge mistake letting you go.

MORE: How To Not Seem Desperate And Get Him Back

Step 4: Clear Out the Relationship Baggage

Want to know why most couples who get back together end up breaking up again?

They never addressed what went wrong the first time.

The key to making it work this time is completely detoxing from the old relationship patterns and creating space for something better.

This is your rapid-fire guide to shifting your mindset and erasing the tendencies that would cause problems in the future.

Follow each step – they’re all essential pieces of the puzzle:

1. Release the Resentment

Right now, you might be holding onto anger, hurt or blame.

Maybe it feels satisfying, or like you’d be letting him off easy if you let it go.

But here’s the truth: Resentment is like a relationship poison.

When you hold onto it, you’re not actually hurting him – you’re creating a pattern that makes healing impossible.

It’s natural to want someone to feel the hurt they caused you, but resentment doesn’t fix the original problem.

Instead, it creates a downward spiral where negativity feeds on itself, making any real connection impossible.

The technique: Write down every single thing you’re angry or hurt about – all of it, no holding back. Then physically destroy it – tear it up, burn it or flush it down the toilet.

This simple ritual helps your brain process and release these emotions instead of carrying them forward.

Why this matters: When you approach him carrying resentment, he can feel it instantly. It creates an invisible wall between you.

Letting go doesn’t mean what happened was okay – it means you’re freeing yourself to create something new.

2. Get Real About What Actually Went Wrong

Most women only remember the good times after a breakup, or they fixate on the final argument that ended things. Neither gives you the full picture.

Maybe he couldn’t commit and that led to arguments, never feeling secure and a feeling like it had no future.

Maybe it felt like you were always chasing him and never quite had him.

Maybe you were together but it never felt like he was all that into you.

Maybe things were good and something got in the way.

Whatever it was, it’s essential that you look at things with a clear view now so you know what areas must be better this time around.

For now you’re not judging it or trying to come up with solutions, you’re just taking an inventory.

The technique: Make a clear-eyed list of the actual problems in your relationship. What conflicts kept coming up? What needs weren’t being met on both sides? Where were you incompatible?

Why this matters: You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge.

This honest inventory gives you clarity about whether the core issues can actually be fixed and what specifically needs to change this time around.

3. See It Through His Eyes

This insight is tremendously valuable. Try to understand how he experienced the relationship.

This isn’t about blaming yourself, but about gaining perspective.

The technique: Imagine you’re him writing in a journal about your relationship. What would he say? Did he feel appreciated? Controlled? Understood? Was there drama that stressed him out? Did he feel like he could never please you?

Why this matters: Understanding his perspective gives you powerful insight into what would need to change.

It helps you speak his language when you reconnect and shows him you’ve truly grown and understood what happened.

4. Set Your Relationship Boundaries

Based on what you’ve learned, get clear on what you truly need in a relationship moving forward.

The technique: Write down your non-negotiables – the standards you’ll hold for any relationship, including a renewed one with your ex.

These aren’t demands you make of him, but promises you make to yourself about what you’ll participate in.

In relationships, there’s always some give and take. You and the guy will have to find solutions that work for both of you.

But sometimes, there’s something you just can’t work with. And when that thing is there, it makes the relationship unworkable—for you.

That’s when you need a boundary. It’s the moment you realize you have to say no—not because you want to, but because there’s no way forward if that’s part of the picture. That’s what a dealbreaker is.

Why this matters: When you have clear standards, you naturally attract better treatment. He’ll sense your self-respect and either rise to meet it or reveal that he’s not right for you – either way, you win.

5. Check Your True Motivation

Ask yourself honestly: Why do you want him back?

The technique: Write down your real reasons for wanting to reconnect. Are they healthy reasons (you genuinely care for each other and work well together) or unhealthy ones (you’re afraid of being alone or need his validation)?

Why this matters: Your motivation shapes everything. If you’re coming from a place of fear or need, it will sabotage your efforts.

If you’re coming from a place of love and genuine compatibility, it creates a foundation for success.

When you complete each of these steps, you’ll approach the reconnection from a completely different energy – one that’s far more likely to create the relationship you really want.

Step 5: Making Contact That Actually Works

Before you reach out to your ex or respond to his messages, check in with yourself:

Are you feeling centered?

Okay if it doesn’t work out?

Coming from a place of strength rather than desperation?

If you’re still feeling raw and emotionally reactive, give yourself more time with the previous steps.

When he contacts you first:

If he reaches out during your No Contact period, you can respond after at least 21 days (the 3 week peak) if you’re truly feeling ready and centered.

If it’s earlier than that or you’re not feeling emotionally prepared, it’s better to either not respond or simply say you still need some space to process things.

When you do respond, keep your reply brief, positive and a little detached. Don’t jump back in like nothing happened. If he texts “Hey, how are you?” a good response would be: “Doing well, thanks! Hope you are too. 🙂”

Watch out for this common trap: Be aware of those random social media likes, vague check-ins or casual “just wondering how you’re doing” messages after a period of silence.

Don’t jump at these breadcrumbs! Here’s why this matters so much: After not hearing from you for weeks, he’s experiencing mixed feelings.

Part of him is wondering where you are emotionally.

He’s not playing games – he’s just trying to gauge where things stand without having to directly ask or expose his own uncertainty.

He might be having second thoughts about the breakup, but he’s not ready to fully admit that to himself yet, so he reaches out in this casual, non-committal way.

If you respond too eagerly or use this small gesture as an excuse to reopen full communication, you’re sending a clear message: “Don’t worry, I’m still here whenever you decide what you want.”

This removes any urgency for him to make a real decision about getting back together.

For a guy to feel motivated to win you back, he needs to sense there’s a real possibility of losing you.

When he believes you’ll always be available, there’s no reason to make a decision now.

He can take his time, explore other options or get your emotional support without any real commitment.

This leads to that painful “situationship” limbo where you’re not really together but not fully apart either – a place where your heart gets broken in slow motion.

The reality is you’re single now. There actually is a possibility you might meet someone else if he doesn’t step up.

This isn’t manipulation – it’s just the natural consequence of a breakup.

This creates the space for him to realize what he truly wants and act on it decisively.

When you initiate contact first:

Only reach out after completing the full No Contact period and making real progress on your healing and self-improvement.

Send one light, casual message. Something like: “Saw [something specific] and it reminded me of that time we [brief positive memory]. Hope you’re doing well!” Or “Heard that song you love today and thought of you. Hope things are good.”

Keep it simple, positive and don’t ask questions or put pressure on him to respond.

The point here is to simply see how he responds to “test the waters” for where he is emotionally.

So, after sending your message, pay attention to his response. Is it warm, cold or nonexistent?

This is super important: Match his energy – don’t push if he’s distant, and definitely back off if he responds negatively.

For all ongoing communication, remember these key points:

  • Stay positive – focus on fun topics and good memories, not problems or drama
  • Keep conversations fairly short – leave him wanting more
  • Let him take the lead – create opportunities for him to initiate and make plans
  • Be genuinely interested – ask questions and really listen to his answers
  • Take it slow – rushing back in will likely lead to the same old problems

When you’re talking to him, never reassure him that you’re just waiting around.

If the topic of the breakup comes up, you can acknowledge it was hard, but also that you’ve accepted you’re single now and you’re figuring out how to move forward and be happy.

You’re not shutting the door on him or pretending you don’t want him back, but you’re not reassuring him that you’ll wait around forever either.

This creates the space for him to step up and say he wants you back, but it has to come from him.

He needs to own that decision for it to really stick – you can’t force or convince him into it.

What if he’s seeing someone else?

Finding out your ex is dating someone new feels like a gut punch, but how you handle it makes all the difference:

Do not freak out. Stay calm and confident.

If you discover he’s dating, don’t react with jealousy or anger – either to him directly or when talking to friends. That information will get back to him, and emotional reactions just make you look insecure.

Keep focusing on your own growth. Don’t get sidetracked by thoughts of the other person or start comparing yourself.

Stay on your path of becoming the best version of yourself.

Remember this: Relationships that start right after a breakup are often rebounds that don’t last. Let it run its course without your interference.

Your calm, confident presence will speak volumes.

If you happen to see them together, be polite, brief and friendly to both. Then exit gracefully.

This unexpected poise often makes a stronger impression than any dramatic scene or cold shoulder.

MORE: Tactics That Bring Your Ex Back To You

Three Big Mistakes That Will Kill Your Chances

Mistake #1: Having Sex Too Soon

Don’t sleep with him until you’re in a committed relationship again.

I’ve seen this trap so many women.

Here’s why it’s such a problem: When you sleep with him, you’re giving him one of the main benefits of a relationship with zero commitment.

He’s getting exactly what he wants without having to actually step up and claim you.

You can even tell him directly, “I really want to, but it would hurt too much when we’re not together.”

This keeps his desire at peak levels rather than satisfying it and removing that powerful motivation.

Sex creates an emotional bond for women that makes it much harder to stay objective about whether he’s truly stepping up.

Once you’re sleeping together again, it becomes far too easy to slip back into a relationship without him ever having to make a clear choice or commitment.

Mistake #2: Becoming His Emotional Support System

Being kind doesn’t mean becoming his therapist or shoulder to cry on while he figures his life out.

The breakup hurt you too, and it makes sense to lean on friends and family right now, not each other.

If you become his emotional crutch, you risk getting entangled in his issues instead of living your own vibrant life.

Worse, you might end up helping him process his emotions only for him to move on with someone else once he feels better.

I’ve seen guys completely solve their “issues” in record time when they realize they might lose their shot with a woman they really want (hint, hint).

When a man genuinely wants to be with you, he’ll find a way to work through whatever’s holding him back.

Remember: You’re not his girlfriend right now. You’re not responsible for his emotional wellbeing.

Save that level of support for when he’s actually committed to you.

Mistake #3: Settling For Shallow Connection

When you reconnect with your ex, focus on quality time over quantity.

It’s better to have one amazing hour together than a whole weekend of just hanging out.

The goal is to leave him wanting more after each interaction, not feeling like he’s had his fill of you.

When your time together is limited but meaningful, it becomes precious.

He’ll look forward to seeing you and start planning the next meeting before the current one even ends.

Remember, you’re not trying to immediately slot back into the old relationship patterns.

You’re creating something new – something he has to value and work for.

MORE: 5 Steps To Get Your Ex Back

Step 6: From Texting to Meeting Up & Building Something Real

Once you’ve been communicating positively for a while, the next step is meeting in person.

Ideally, let him suggest it first – this shows he’s putting in effort and genuinely wants to see you.

If you’ve been texting positively for some time but he hasn’t asked to see you, you might casually suggest something low-pressure: “I’ll be at [coffee shop near him] tomorrow if you want to grab a quick coffee.”

When you do meet up, keep it short and casual – coffee or a quick drink works perfectly. Maintain the same positive, confident energy you’ve shown in your messages.

This isn’t the time for heavy conversations about the breakup or pushing for definitions about where things are going.

Just enjoy reconnecting and let him see the amazing woman you’ve become.

This is non-negotiable: Don’t drink too much, and absolutely don’t sleep with him.

I’ve seen too many women jump back into bed with an ex, only to find themselves stuck in a confusing “friends with benefits” situation when what they really wanted was a relationship.

Use these meetups to honestly assess how it feels to be with him again.

Is he making a real effort? Is he consistent? Does the new dynamic feel good?

These are all important signals about whether he’s genuinely interested in rebuilding something real with you.

If you’re spending quality time together and things are going well, that’s a great sign.

Don’t rush or force things. Let him come to you with the relationship conversation.

Here’s why this works:

First, you’re showing up as the new, improved version of yourself – more confident, centered and attractive than when you broke up.

This isn’t about becoming a different person, but rather the best version of who you already are.

Second, you’re not giving away relationship benefits without commitment.

By not sleeping with him or being his emotional support without clear commitment, you create a natural incentive for him to want to lock things down if he’s serious about you.

Third, there’s the unspoken reality that you’re single.

You’re not saying this or threatening him with it, but the fact is you could potentially meet someone else if he doesn’t step up.

This creates a healthy tension that motivates action, without you having to say a word about it.

How To Make Sure You Get Your Ex Back For Real

What I’ve shared about getting your ex back isn’t just a technique—it reveals something bigger about how relationships really work.

What I’ve found after helping thousands of women is that breakups almost always come down to an energy shift. The initial attraction faded because your dynamic changed from exciting and light to heavy and needy.

This article gives you tools for the immediate challenge, but the real change happens when you address this root pattern.

When you get this, everything shifts. You stop viewing your love life as something happening to you and start seeing it as something you create.

You’re no longer at the mercy of a man’s decisions or caught in the hamster wheel of anxiety. Instead, you move from suffering into effectiveness, where you actually have the power to shape your love life.

That’s what I want for you—not just getting this guy back, but having the kind of relationship where you never have to worry about him pulling away again. Where you handle this area of your life once and for all, so you can put your energy into bigger things that light you up.

This article gives you a powerful overview of what it takes to get your ex back. But there’s something important you should know: When it comes to the actual conversations with your ex, there are specific psychological tactics that make all the difference.

I couldn’t possibly cover every word-for-word script, every response to his tests, or the exact messages that trigger his desire to chase you again. Those specific tactics simply wouldn’t fit in this article.

What happens when he finally texts you after weeks of silence? What do you say when he asks to “just be friends”? How do you respond when he’s sending mixed signals? These are the make-or-break moments where most women accidentally say the wrong thing and push him away again.

If you want to learn the exact conversation strategies that make him desperate to win you back, you need to read this next: Do You Want Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Use This to Get Him Back...

The Bottom Line

I’ve seen this process transform even the most hopeless-seeming breakups into beautiful new beginnings.

The steps I’ve shared with you aren’t just theory—they’re proven strategies that have helped thousands of women in your exact situation.

What I love most about this approach is how it puts all the power in your hands and brings out your best.

Instead of trying to win your ex back with little tricks, you’re tapping into your true attraction powers and operating from an authentic place.

That way, when he comes back, your relationship will be built on something real (not fake, flimsy tactics).

The beauty of this method is that it works on two levels: It dramatically increases your chances of getting him back, while simultaneously setting you up to thrive if things don’t work out.

If you follow these steps, one of two things will happen: Either you’ll get your ex back and build something better than before or you’ll discover you’ve become someone who can attract even more amazing love into your life.

No matter what happens with this specific relationship, you’ll end up stronger, happier and more confident than you were before. That’s a guarantee.

Hope it helps,
eric charles

How To Get Your Ex Back: A Step-by-Step Guide That Actually Works

  • That desperate urge to contact your ex actually works against you – every time you reach out, you reset his emotional process and make it impossible for him to miss you.
  • No Contact isn’t just about waiting – it’s active time for you to heal emotionally, because men can instantly sense the difference between a woman coming from neediness versus a woman coming from wholeness.
  • Healing happens when you stop feeding into thoughts about the breakup, face your worst fears directly, and develop the deep knowing that whatever happens, you’ll be okay.
  • The same magnetic energy that first attracted your ex comes naturally when you focus on creating a life you genuinely love – the happiest version of you is always the most attractive version of you.
  • If you don’t clear out the relationship baggage first, you’ll just repeat the same patterns – releasing resentment and understanding his perspective creates space for something genuinely new to form.
  • Those casual “check-in” texts from him aren’t necessarily what they seem – responding too eagerly signals you’ll always be available, removing any urgency for him to make a real decision.
  • When reconnecting, the way you show up matters more than what you say – match his energy, stay positive, and never reassure him that you’re just waiting around.
  • The biggest mistake women make is giving away relationship benefits (sex, emotional support) without commitment – this removes his motivation to step up and claim you fully.
  • For this to work, you need to become someone who wants him back but doesn’t need him back to be okay – that’s when you become the prize he’s desperate to win back.
get your ex boyfriend back

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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Nicole

I’m real scared of doing everything you have on this article. One bc I’m worried that he won’t like me back after I do all of it and two bc I don’t want to realize he’s bad for me. I do think we are right for each other. But his actions have spoken in the past. We have known each other for almost 20 years and he friend zoned me after we broke up. I do love him. I think he likes me but he’s not that interested in me. My only confusion is if a guy doesn’t want a relationship wit you will this really make him want one? I was under the impression that if a guy said he’s not interested then you should believe him and move on. Not do no contact and other things to get him to see the good side to you. We text every day almost and it seems as if he’s ok with the way things are. Status quo. So how is me going to the gym and workout on myself going to change his opinion of me? Thanks in advance.

Reply April 9, 2019, 5:23 am

Tracey Lean

Need help getting my fiancé back in my life

Reply June 4, 2018, 2:06 pm

Kenzie

I still don’t know what to do… I was with my ex for 5 months I know it’s not long but my friend had past away and I honestly thought I needed time to clear my head and it’s been over a week since she’s been gone and I miss my ex so bad he was there for me he was my shoulder to cry on and I regret so much breaking up with him so much I literally feel like I’m goin insane without him yea I know this sounds dumb but I need him back… I want him and only him before he goes into the army for 3 years someone please help me… what do I do

Reply June 29, 2017, 1:27 pm

Annemarie

This is a really helpful article! I was dating my ex for 8 months. I became needy, unreasonable and difficult to be with due to my insecurities and hormonal problems, which pushed him to breaking up with me. I’ve now realized my wrongdoings. Do you think that this article changes if I was the one that ruined things?

Reply August 22, 2016, 5:36 pm

Lily

I was dating this guy and he broke up with me. It all happened too fast and he fell for me way too quickly, he used to say things like he was in love with me and hoped that what we had would turn into something more. I’ve never met anyone like him and really wanted it to work. The problem is that I as was falling for him too, I came out too needy at times. But again, so did he: he would be a little jealous of some friends and ask if I met anyone when I would go out and stuff like that when we weren’t even in a relationship yet. He said I was “the one” for him and that could have scared me off. I acted needy when I asked if everything was okay when I felt him pulling away. And then one time he said he couldn’t be with me because he’s been too busy and that wouldn’t change so soon (and this is actually true, but he used to say that we would make it work), that he really liked me but had to let me go, that he felt like he was being stupid and shouldn’t do that but he knows what’s right… he knows I believe in destiny and so does he, and he ended it by saying “if it’s meant to be I know we’ll find a way back to each other.”, and honestly, that’s bs, right? If he wanted bad enough, he would be with me. I had this instant reaction by saying that I was in love with him, and didn’t want to break things off, that we couldn’t say that destiny was going to take care of it because this time it’s about a choice that he’s making. I know I sounded desperate, but I said my goodbye to him and intend to keep it and won’t say a thing anymore. But truth is… I really want him back. What should I do? I know that I need to try and move on but I wonder if there’s a slight chance that he would change his mind.

Reply June 19, 2016, 11:20 am

Raya

My situation is similar but weird at the same time. We had a really good relationship and we’re together for about a year but he has two children and their mother has caused so many issues since we have been together. Long story short, he’s in a lot of debt (monthly child support included), works all the time, and feels like he’s made so many mistakes and isn’t where he wants to be in life. So he basically told me that being in a relationship isn’t what he supposed to do right now and he needs time to himself to get his life back on track. So we haven’t spoken (no contact initiated by either one of us) since Mother’s Day. My instinct is telling me that he’s being truthful and just let him go completely and things will work out but it’s just a sad ordeal all together.

Reply June 4, 2016, 10:43 am

Jen

I have had a 12-year relationship with a good friend. He travels for work and we usually see each other 4-6 times/year. Recently, he got assigned to my area long term and we were looking forward to spending more quality time together. The one thing that has helped to solidify our 12 year relationship is the fact that I don’t freak out if I don’t hear from him for long periods of time. We each see other people, but it has been a spoken truth between us that we prefer each other over others. Also recently, I experienced an unfortunate health crisis (lump/breast/biopsy), and I was very anxious about it. The biopsy results were benign which was great, but the anxiety didn’t go away, it worsened. I was up and down and all over the place, emotionally and I didn’t know why. For about a week, I behaved like a desperate, needy crazed woman. I sent him some terrible texts, demanding his time and attention–not like me at all. He backed away and totally cut off communications with me. My last message to him was …”I don’t know what’s wrong with me & I am getting help.” That’s exactly what I did and that’s when I found out I was having an adrenaline/pituitary crisis that had caused my blood glucose level to dip down to a dangerous level, my thyroid hormones were low, and these conditions had likely created a chemical imbalance in my brain that kept me from being able to control my anxiety/emotions. It’s been 2 weeks since I started treatment to get myself back to normal levels, and about 2 weeks since I wrote him an email trying to explain what happened to me. I haven’t heard a word back from him. Silence is impossible to interpret. Do you think I should send him a follow up email and let him know I am back to normal, or do you think he is gone for good.

Reply June 3, 2016, 11:15 am

Jan

I started dating my friend if 2 years who had recently separated from his wife. I never knew his wife.. They have had many issues.. We started off great he said he was looking toward the future with us.. It’s only been 2 months and I noticed a month in that he started to to withdraw..and not texting or calling as much.. I began to ask what was going on .. Initiating more calls.. We had a couple discussions of how he was making me feel.. He said he understood where j was coming from and will try to be more sensitive .. he does have a lot of stuff going
on. I noticed he was withdrawing more and last night he sent me a text that he wants to break up .. We had a good relationship as friends but us getting closer is ruining that.. He wants go back to us being friends… We did talk and he said it’s not me .. He doesn’t feel mentally or memotionally prepared to be in a relationship with anyone.. But it’s killing me and I don’t believe that it wasn’t me… If he liked me still he would want to be with me.. He said he really wants to go back to friends and see what happens in the future.. I think he’s just telling me this appease me .. I don’t know what to do .. I’m having a hard time with this .. I feel like I may have pushed too hard and he just wants away from me

Reply June 3, 2016, 10:57 am

Charrise

My ex bf broke up with me almost 5 months ago, after a year and month long relationship, it was after an argument,but it was really because of my insecurities and trust issues. The day after the breakup was my bday, and he took me out to my favorite restaurant, after that he said he just wants to be fiends, and he said he can see us getting back together. Week later I asked him how long, I kept asking him how he felt and he finally told me that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship period and how he cares about me but doesn’t have romantic feelings for me. In March we had a spring break cruise trip previously arranged with mutual friends, and we got a bit close, but he assured it was just a moment thing. After the cruise, we were basically friends with benefits. He still hasn’t talked about a relationship, and says he isn’t seeing anybody, but my feelings for him are still pretty strong. The most I gone No Contact was 10 days, it’s hard because we’re really close, and he became a good friend. But I want more than a friendship, is it too late to start No contact after almost 5 months of being friends? And is it possible he will feel the same he once did?

Reply June 2, 2016, 7:43 pm

Marie

Great article! This guy I have been talking to online and I were in a long distant relationship. We met up every 2-3 months over the past year and talked every day. Recently communication started slowing down and I was getting insecure, we had a huge argument because I accused him of using an online dating site. He was upset I didn’t believe him and we exchanged harsh words via text but he refused to talk about it over the phone. After we ended it in the heat of the argument, he would message me about what travel insurance we used so I could get reimbursed for the trip we were about to go on to see eachother. I would answer calmly… Then the next day he would message about the other trip he booked for my birthday asking which site he used (I’m assuming so he could cancel). I then broke down and said please do not message anymore unless you want to work on us because it hurts me to think we won’t see eachother ever again. I tried initiating the no contact rule… But I broke down and said I still miss you handsome then asked him a question about something else random not the relationship. He ignored both and I asked why he was ignoring me and he said because he was busy at work. Which makes sense! Then recently we spoke when I was at a girls weekend and he said “Do you miss me?” I took this as he was trying to string me along and made a sassy response back…then I was upset and started going off on hurt I was… He ignored all those texts and the next day I started a different convo not about our relationship which he didn’t ignore then I ended it with how I love him and I do miss him and I’m sorry he said “Give me time and I might forgive you”. So I left it at that… But I am confused does that mean he just wants me to move on? He isn’t cutting off communication and usually when he ignores me is when I keep talking about us and ending and the argument.

Reply June 1, 2016, 4:44 pm

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