Ask A Guy: My Boyfriend Doesn’t Believe I Lost My Virginity to Him post image

Ask A Guy: My Boyfriend Doesn’t Believe I Lost My Virginity to Him

by Eric Charles

I’ve been dating this guy for about a month and a half now, and I ended up losing my virginity to him.

We’ve had sex twice now, and the going’s been good, but he’s under the impression that he wasn’t my first even though I told him well otherwise, and he was shocked when I’d originally told him I was still a virgin.

I’m 25 years old (shocking in itself, but I feel his shock had less to do with my age and more to do with my looks), and I’m no idiot about sex– very well-read and informed girl here!– but I was definitely a stranger to it before him, which he thinks is a lie.

It’s really bothering me that he refuses to believe me and has even said he doesn’t know what he can trust about me, especially with the virginity.  I don’t think he would have cared whatsoever if I wasn’t a virgin, but he really was my first! Why can’t he just believe me?

This really just comes down to the guy not getting that this is bothering you.

First, he probably can’t believe it. It is very rare. I believe you, but I can’t really blame another guy for being skeptical.

Second, he probably thinks it’s “safer” to just assume you weren’t a virgin. Guys will never put themselves in a position to be played as a chump, and assuming that you weren’t a virgin prevents that (even if he’s wrong).

He doesn’t have a problem thinking you’re not a virgin. He would have a problem if he did think you were a virgin and then found out you weren’t. So in order to avoid that scenario, it’s easier for him to just assume you are like the majority of women.

Third, a month and a half is not long in a relationship. The truth will come out eventually as the relationship goes on. You know the truth because you know the truth.

What he knows is you… for a month and a half. So while the virginity thing might not matter to him, being able to trust you in general does.

The best way to handle this is just to leave the virginity issue alone and be trustworthy. If you are 100% trustworthy everywhere else, then he’ll eventually come around and realize you were telling the truth.

And if he has “trust issues” in general… well… then that’s his issue.

General, virginity is a bigger deal to some guys than others.

Personally, I could care less if a girl was a virgin or not. In fact, there are lots of advantages to a girl having had sexual experiences before she’s met me. One being that she’s seen what’s out there and she doesn’t have any burning curiosity hidden away and waiting to pop out at some later point in our relationship.

There are a small minority of men who are psychotic about the whole virginity thing, but they are actually pretty rare. And they are crazy… they are not people I would want to be around, typically.

Guys understand that a woman losing her virginity is a very important event for her. But… we also assume that any girl past the age of 18 is not a virgin. After 21… it’s a very strong assumption. And at 25… well… I’ve never met a 25 year old virgin.

But at the same time, if you told me you were a virgin I would believe it. Why? Because I’m fine with a girl not being a virgin – as long as she’s not carrying an STD, I’m glad she has some experience and hopefully knows what she likes.

My point in saying all this is that at this moment he can’t believe that you were a virgin. And it sounds to me like the more you argue it, the more it erodes his sense of trust in you.

I would just leave the subject alone for a while and if it is still an issue for you, just let him know that you understand that it’s hard for him to believe, but it’s true and it means something to you and you hope that he’d be respectful enough to appreciate that.

Hope that helps,

eric charles

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

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Monicah

I always knew that I was a virgin until when I had sex with my boyfriend of one year and didn’t bleed. He now thinks that I had been lying to him all this long. He can’t even give me a second look or even touch me it’s like am infected with a dangerous plague. He doesn’t trust me anymore and this makes me feel really awful. I need to get through this and I don’t know how. I just love him too much that I can’t bear the weight of losing him

Reply December 16, 2016, 8:14 pm

Vellex

Please inform your boyfriend that half of girls don’t bleed when they have sex for the first time. Some girls don’t have hymens, and even if they do if the guy is gentle enough he just stretches the hymen instead of tearing it. The girls who bleed did so because the guy was rough. It’s really baffling to me how more people don’t know all this information. Your boyfriend must be very young and naive not to know. Tell him to do research on the subject.

Reply December 11, 2017, 3:56 pm

Melanie

Yep, it bothered me when the guy I slept with also didn’t believe me, but the most hurtful part was that he wouldn’t touch me after as if I had some disease. I was trying to cuddle/get close to him and he wouldn’t even put his arm around me. Somehow that made me feel the worse over anything else.

Reply May 25, 2015, 9:53 am

melanie

I was a virgin until the age of 34 and I’m pretty hot. 5’10”, slim good body, cute face. I get approached on the street by modeling agencies all the time and have filmed commercials and advertisements for ‘hostels’ during my travels around Asia.

Anyway, how you look has nothing to do with whether you will be a virgin. I find that less attractive women can sometimes be more insecure. They get their value and worth based on whether a guy is sleeping with them so they sometimes ‘put out’ sooner whereas an attractive woman can afford to be picker because they have options/choices and can hold out for the ‘right person’..but mostly it has to do with values, luck and who you’ve met along the way in your life.

I lost it to a male friend I was in love with who was a total asshole. He also didn’t believe me. My hymen was mostly gone I guess but I still bled like crazy. I also happened to be on my period, lost it while on top and was shaved so maybe that contributed to him not believing me, but he tells me “I didn’t feel like a virgin” as if I wasn’t tight enough or something. Sounded like such an insult. Then he also tells me “It wasn’t my first time” as if I’d have any reason to lie about being a virgin at 34!!! Not only did he put zero effort into it (barely touched me at all and no foreplay) but he also refused to touch me afterwards as well. Wouldn’t even put his arm around me. Ended up being a total fling/one time thing. I stopped him after 5 minutes because I wasn’t enjoying myself and I was barely even lubricated or aroused when he entered me.

I don’t think I could have had a worse first time other than the fact that it was with someone I cared about (but totally one-sided)…

Reply May 25, 2015, 9:45 am

Olivia

You sounf kinda ignorant. What do you mean women who are less attractive? What about you makes you attractive? Besides you body? Maybe the guy didnt feel the way you felt because of your obviously stunted personality. Attractiveness isn’t just about looks, and women that are ess attractive often bring more to the table. Than their bodies. You are goinf off of what society says is attractive. Which is one sided to slim women and paleness. Im sorry but a lot of what you said rubbed me the wrong way.

Reply September 30, 2019, 2:00 am

CJ

Hi Eric,
PLEASE HELP!
This is the topic I have been looking for
How does a virgin date in the modern world?

My Situation:
I am a woman of a certain age. I am happy with life and myself but I have never been on a date – until now.

I have always wanted to wait until I got married.
I know it’s odd but that is what I want.

I now have a guy interested in me
My guy friends and girlfriends told me , new guy will not be interested once he finds out.
And no guy will be interested and the guys will think something is wrong with me.

Maybe if I met the right guy I would hand in my V card.
But right now I want to hold on to my values.

What should I do?
I am nervous new guy will no longer be interested. How do I date ?

Reply April 15, 2015, 8:40 am

Vellex

Being a virgin won’t be an issue for you in the dating world. As long as you’re open to kissing or other kinds of affection (cuddling, holding hands, etc.), a guy won’t have an issue. The “ex talk” (which includes sexual experience) doesn’t come up till way later, anyway, and by that time the guy already likes you and it won’t be a deal breaker. Now, if you’ve never kissed before or had a boyfriend (which is what I’m gathering from you having your first date NOW), that’s where your lack of experience could be an issue. Being a virgin as an adult is heard of—not ever having a boyfriend or having any romantic experience as an adult is unheard of. I was the same way, so I’m not coming from a place of judgment—just practicality. The way I handled it was I never brought it up and the conversation wasn’t had till much later in the dating phase. When I had my first kiss, I never told the guy he was my first kiss until much later into the relationship. I’m actually still with the same guy three years later, and it hasn’t been a problem. So just keep it to yourself until he brings it up. He won’t care once he has feelings for you.

And another thing—if waiting to have sex till marriage is important to you, I recommend you dating someone who has those same morals (whether it’s religious based or not). If he doesn’t have the same morals, he’s going to try to convince you to have sex with him in time, and you’ll be so in love you’ll be tempted and possibly do it. I’ve seen it happen many times, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. But if it’s THAT important to you to wait till marriage, dating someone with your same morals will be much easier and realistic on you.

Reply December 11, 2017, 4:35 pm

Randy

Well my storys a little messed up… but I need some explaining. So I was dating my ex girlfriend of 18 and we were both living at her mothers. Well my ex was going to Illinois for a week they had me house sit all alone.my ex had her besty who is my current girlfreind come over and hang out. Well when my ex had to leave my current girlfreind had no were to go so she stayed at the house with me. Upon my exs discretion. Now my ex cheated on me 4 months before this. I have trust issues yes but this is what gets me. Now me and my current girlfriend were hanging out and then things just happend. We knew eachother for about a week before this. So we ended up having sex that night. The next morning she was all over me. It felt like we were me t to be together a couple already, but we werent dating. The night during the sec was great it was long and amazing. She was very tight. She bleed to but I thought it was just her period. But about a while week after the first night we did it ever day after. Then I asked her out officailly. Now weve been together for 3 months now and she tells me she absolutly loves me. Shes hooked always all over me. I love it and I love her. But 3 days ago after having sex I asked her what shes always wanted, she awnsered. Then she asked me. I told her ive always wanted to be with a virgin to know that ive only been there and that shes mine. Well she looked at me and said well what if I told you that I was a virgin. I didnt beleive her. When we got together she told me she had sex with three guys and has had experience with oral and all. But then she tells me shes a virgin. I wanna beleive her so badly but y hide it?? She told me she was just waiting to find the right person to have sex with first. And she swears up and down on everything she isnt lieing. She said she substituted oral and fingering for sex intil she was 18 and met the right guy. Which is me I guess…? But y and it scares me to think she did it with me on a hook up kinda deal in the beggining but then seen how much she loved me. We never knew eachother intel then really. She honestly says im her other half. And that night that we had sex the first time she said she felt something amazing between us. Is there a such thing as love by first sight? If so this must be a case of it. Im just worried.. should I believe her when she says she was a virgin and is it ok to hide something like this??

Reply December 23, 2014, 12:54 pm

Vellex

Virginity is important to you now because you’re young. When you get older, it won’t be. There are many virgins who lose their virginity to someone who isn’t special. Not saying you’re not special to your gf, but if it just started as a hookup it doesn’t mean she couldn’t have been a virgin. And many virgins won’t tell the person they lose it to if it’s a hookup. Hell, my friend just lost her virginity to her boyfriend of 6 months and they never discussed that it was her first time. Some girls just don’t bring it up. I don’t think you should make it a big deal. She loves you and wants to be with you, so enjoy her. Enjoy your relationship with her. It’s not important if you were her first or not—that doesn’t change your emotional relationship. Choose to trust her and move along.

Reply December 11, 2017, 4:47 pm

JR

I was 25 when I lost my virginity. My boyfriend at the time seemed very surprised when I said I was a virgin. We actually waited several months, and then we had sex, he said “to be honest, I could tell you weren’t a virgin.” Absolutely the most hurtful thing a guy has said to me.

Apparently, he never believed I was a virgin to begin with. When I mentioned how him not believing me is hurtful, he asked why I cared. Not only do I want to be believed, but also, worse… I felt like I was just being humored but ultimately untrusted. It’s not that it was important whether I was a virgin or not, but it mattered because it mattered to me. In other words, my feeling about it should have mattered. Instead, my only “first” will never know he was my first. I’m trying to forgive him for his own insecurities, but I still feel weird about it at times.

Reply August 12, 2014, 9:26 pm

JR

Like some other people here, I was a gymnast as a child/teen and likely did not have a hymen or it was stretched (or whatever happens during intense training). In any case, it doesn’t mean a guy should assume a girl is lying. I would have no reason to lie, and in fact, would have been much more comfortable with the situation had I not been a virgin.

Reply August 12, 2014, 9:39 pm

Sapphyreopal5

My first time wasn’t very romantic at all and I bled a little. I went through this situation with my first ironically, which was over 7 years ago (am now 22, was 15 back then). Dumbly enough, he actually did not believe me (yet I bled!). The reason he didn’t believe me is because it wasn’t very painful for me. It was actually somewhat pleasurable for me although it was also because I received a lot of oral sex and had been fingered several times before (thus was more “open”). I think that just for some people, it just doesn’t hurt the first time or they just don’t bleed. I don’t really know why people insist that all virgins, let alone all people, are the same when they aren’t. Of course, I would imagine it’d throw off a lot of guys to hear a virgin tell them to go faster or deeper.

I am a woman and I must admit, I am on the same page as Eric when it comes to virgin guys as far as the whole burning curiosity thing. If a guy is a virgin, it’s not that big of a deal and if he isn’t, then that’s cool. I’ve dated and had sex with guys who were virgins until me. I have to admit that one of them who I dated for 2 and a half years actually ended up cheating on me days before I moved to another state (long story). Part of it was definitely because he had curiosities about what else is out there.

Reply July 30, 2013, 9:47 pm

Sapphyreopal5

Point is, I feel like while it’s not a big deal if someone’s a virgin or not before myself, I can’t help but take some precautions simply because I don’t want them to wound up curious and then bam, cheat on me because of it. I am more on the trusting side although I am certainly also cautious. I think there are bigger issues involved however if someone ends up getting curious and acts upon it. I guess that if they are “curious” or want to spice things up somehow, then they really ought to communicate that with me anyways as anyone should.

Reply July 30, 2013, 9:50 pm

Ann

I can top this one – I was a 33 yo virgin. There was a history of sexual abuse in my immediate family growing up, and it totally devastated my ability to trust in or feel safe around guys. I’m small and can be easily overpowered, so trust is everything.. My only sexual experiences were with a vibrator. It was probably more through work that I came to realise that men weren’t so scary. Anyhow, I finally worked my way through it enough to have a drink-assisted night with a friend. He didn’t believe me when I told him afterwards, but it is probably because he (and his long string of casual partners), are a different demographic slice to me. I think he finally is grudgingly believing me now, but not before adamantly commenting on how abnormal my situation was. I suppose one difference between myself and others is that after convincing myself that the “perfect guy” would come along, I realised he might not… so I took the leap with someone I trusted. The sex wasn’t great, but I enjoyed the pillow talk, and I don’t regret that it wasn’t a BF. Yes, it has maybe complicated an otherwise good friendship a little.. but it other ways it has strengthened the trust between us. I know guys aren’t all assholes, so when the right one does come along, at least now, I’m at a place where I won’t run away.

Reply July 6, 2013, 2:13 am

Mallory

My boyfriend wouldn’t believe me at first, until well sex finally happened because then it was clear haha!

But my guess is he didn’t believe it because of how soon you lost it in the relationship. No judgement here, but if you waited THAT long to give your virginity, guys expect that its going to take some coaxing before just becoming the man you give it to. I think Eric’s advice is of course, the best, all you can do is prove to be trustworthy and honorable. As long as you show you can be trusted, he’ll soon be able to really see how valuable you are to have lost your virginity to him.

Reply July 5, 2013, 9:03 pm

Tiffany

i need some help!!…..my bf and i had sex for the first time but i did not bleed but i felt a lil pain and he is thinking i am not a virgin becuz i was not bleeding and was moving really brave. he keeps asking me and i am tellin him he was my first. and this is making our relationship really bad. i dont kno what to do i am 16 and he is 20 and i also dont believe he is a virgin. and he asking me why i love him and if i want us to break up. he is saying if i dont let him know the truth we will have to mve although it will hurt himm really bad and he will not be able to trust any other girl. but i am trying to explain to him that not all girls bleed but he keep sayin he spoke to many girls about it and they all say they bleed.

Reply October 12, 2012, 12:35 pm

Mallory

Chances are this is no longer a big concern for you, but I would just be careful dating someone that much older than you and you’re 16. I like dating older guys, but I’m also in my 20s, but it’s something to be said for a 20 something year old guy dating not even an 18 year old girl but an actual teenage girl. Just think about it? I just graduated from high school 3 years ago so not long, but the guy that was the senior in hs that only dated freshman would get made fun of because usually it was because they couldn’t get a girl friend in their grade. I hope you guys didn’t break up, especially after you just lost it to him, but you have to be sure to have your wits about you whenever you date someone older than you that is in a completely different life phase than you–meaning high school vs. college; college vs. career; divorced with kids vs. young 20 something with no kids– because people who are older sometimes may think they can take you for a fool because they think you have life experience. This isn’t true with everyone of course, but just really try to keep your wits about you. When you are single, appreciate being single, learn from your friends’ relationship mistakes (not that you wish them trouble), but use other people’s mistakes as teaching tools to avoid making the same. Being single can be just as beneficial as being in a relationship because it can help you not be the emotionally damaged or paranoid girl that all men try to avoid and be the woman that every guy wants because she has something different going on about herself.

Reply July 5, 2013, 9:12 pm

Mallory

Less life experience***

Reply July 5, 2013, 9:13 pm

Rin

*raises hand* 25 year old virgin here. Not because I’m unattractive or anything, but because I have not met anyone I want to give it to, and I am definitely not into one night stands. So there ;)

Reply September 4, 2012, 8:39 pm

Sarah

hhh

Reply August 8, 2012, 2:49 pm

Tiara

It’s sad, in my opinion, that no one believes that there are still v’s out there. I’m seventeen, still a v, proud of it (mainly because hey at least I’m sure that when I decide to lose it I won’t be crying my eyes out and I would’nt have lost over some silly experiment), and who cares if no one believes me or not. I’m secure. lol. I’ll lose it when I’m ready and when I know I can trust the person I’m losing it with (he better be clean).

I honestly would not have brought up the whole you were my first even though you saw no blood thing cause if losing it is not a big deal to you and you know the guy got trust issues than don’t bring it up. Obviously, it will surface if you look like a v, act like a v, and bleed like a v. I’m just sayin.

Reply April 1, 2012, 5:37 pm

Mallory

Agreed! Good for you! I was the ONLY virgin in my social group my freshman year of college and the girls who, I obviously know now, were not my friends, use to make fun of me and say I’d grow cob webs. I use to think, how ridiculous is this, “I’m 18 not 45 and a virgin!” I don’t regret waiting until I was out of high school to lose it because to be honest, I don’t want to be 30 with 15+ sex partners and when I am ready to get married no guy wants to marry me because everyone else has had a try! No thanks. I’m certainly not opposed to sex, but I feel if guys can be a bit selective on the women they choose to commit to and the women they choose to only commit to for a night, I can be selective in choosing who I do and don’t hook up with. Besidesss too many things are passionless, why should sex be?

Reply July 5, 2013, 9:17 pm

cecillia

i personally encountered the same situation. i gave my virginity to him at 21 but he insist that i wasnt at all because no blood was produced during the first time. i explained to him that this occurs as i learnt gymnastic since young and the same thing happen to my other gymnast friends as well. since then, we can quarrel almost on everything because he does not trust me.

he once had a thing going on with ex and he kept it from me for half a year and only finally admit to it after i showed him evidence that he was lying.

since then, we had this trust issue and can almost quarrel on any single thing. after we broke up, we still remain as close friend and occasionally have sex as he wanted it.

actually i dun like the idea of having sex with him because we are no longer together but i felt that if i dun do with him, i can never have him back anymore.

recently, he suddenly ignore my texts without telling me what happened to him or why does he even want to ignore me when i never provoke him. however, i found out that he has been using social networks to get to know more females and the worst thing which could ever happen was that he almost had sex with an escort. eventually he din due to the price set by the escort. but this sets me thinking if the price was acceptable, would he have done it with the escort?

i really dun understand how can a man who claim to love me dearly actually change to such a man? he even told me that his love for me will never come to an end and he will never have sex with someone whom he does not have any feelings for. but how true can it be when such things are happening now?

what should i do? :”(

Reply February 9, 2012, 2:40 am

Mallory

Chances are and the truth is…it will hurt, but he probably never really loved you. A guy doesn’t just move on like that if he loved you, you don’t just discard someone like that if you love them. Sounds to me like he just used the excuse of you not being a virgin as a good reason to not be tied down and committed. Either way, if you have caught him talking to other women, almost sleeping with an ESCORT, you should leave him alone. Why would you want him to bring back all his filth and give it to you. Clean is the code word here. Leave this sleaze bag alone.

And the gymnastic thing is very true, because of the type of acrobatics that you do, females hymen may break or tear–same thing for female equestrians too. So, don’t let his hurtful words hurt you, he’s just using it as a good excuse to have the freedom to not be tied down to you. It’s the “why should I be committed to you when I can’t trust you!?”

Reply July 5, 2013, 9:22 pm

Sarah

hi… i’m 15 dont have a proper boy friend,but boy am i feeling so horny the last couple of months.
i like to loose my virginity to one of my guy friends,but i dont know how to go about it,we have not even kissed. this other boy he is 2 years older than me,and is a friend of my brother,he visits nearly every day hangs around untill my brother arrives usually in the same room as i, watching television.
i though,to get his attention and see if he is interested in me i would one day while we were alone watching the tv,i would wear a skirt with no knickers and let him see what i have ,
i’ve never been seen or touched by a guy,so you can see what i want.do you think i should wait orgo for it

Reply October 19, 2011, 2:05 pm

dema

hi..i liked a guy and we gradually became frds… he says he likes me so after few meetings we ended up sleeping together..the irony is he calls me only when he wants to sleep with me. also he recently tells me he loves a gal.. i am confused?? he is using me? please help!!!!!

Reply October 6, 2011, 10:09 am

jenny

LOVE STORY… HAPPY ENDING OR NO?
on august 18 2008 miguel alked jenny to be his gf by phone. it was his first gf. they only had seen eachohter for 3 days and they went out after that. they were so in love that they would even get made fun of in church and in their homes. sometimes they would even get in trouble at church for being “to in love” they texted eachother everyday. 3 years later shey wold have arguments. jenny would want things her way. and once he inveted his gf to go to his mom wedding so she could renew he vows. she couldnt, jenny said that he couldnt txt her al all. bc she was a very pride person in a bad way. miguel would snet her txt such as i love u ect. and she would reply saying to not txt or she whouldnt call him. later he sent her a text that he wanted to brake up. she called until he answerd and he explaind that he was tired of her acting mean. that nigth jennies mom called miguel. he explaind what happend and she agred but she said either if he would help jenny out with their relationship or he had to completely forget about her. at the end he took her back. a monht later jenny noticed he wasnt loving as before. she kept asking and asking what was wrong. all he would say is nothing. then she aksed him again. he had told her he didnt love her anymore. jenny decided not to fight and said ok. during this time jenny had a health problem. he stomach grew largly. she tough it might had been bc of her period. and she knew she wanst pergnant bc she and her bf are absitence. one night she couldnt help but think that the guy she had so much in common and whom she loved and thought he loved her had left. she began to feel worse. she didnt eat for 3 days and bacame dizzy and felt like vomoting all the time. that same night her dad took her to the emergency room. they had givin her a CAT scan. they found out she had a cist that coverd her whole stomach. they had said that she was going to need a surgury to remove along with her ovary since it came from it. a day before the surgury she called her ex to apoligize since her mom had sent him a mean txt the day they broke up. she explaind what happend and he wanted her to call him asoon as her surgury was done. when she did they talked he had told her that he loved her. and said that he knows it might b confusing to hear that but he was going to lwt her know when he meant it. soon they became freinds with benifits on that day. they talked and soon they attented the same college. they are talking huging kissing and he asked her out. jenny said no bc she didnt want to seem desprate. he said that he would try again… but now amonth has passed and he hasnt asked her yet. the other day she saw him coming out of class with a lady. she didnt see her but by her voice jenny thought she might have been young. she got jeaoluse. and mad. but then it passed.he knew jenny was there. but he still showed her affection.. however. she notices he dsnt ask her to call him or anything. and on phone he treats her normal. he said he would make her fall in love with him much more than she was now. but for jenny it dsnt seem like he is trying. what should she think what should she do.?
help me decide. is my love to big for him?….

Reply September 28, 2011, 4:26 pm

emma

i’m 15 y/o, a few days ago i had a few friends over i was changing into my swimming costume in my bedroom,not thinking i left the door wide open,when one of my friends a boy the same age as me walked past stopped and saw me full frontal with nothing on,he kind of smiled and just stood there and looked,i froze there and did not move for at least 10 seconds,after we were all outside he must of spoken to the other boys,as i heard around i was not a virgin,this is not true,i’ve never done anything with a guy ever,and never been seen naked by any boy

Reply September 26, 2011, 3:15 pm

kiara

I have been having this relationship with this guy and he doesnt turst me anymore because his friends have told him something about me…how do i get him to trust me and not his friends?

Reply September 26, 2011, 8:01 am

adrienne

I have been talking to this guy for about 2 months met him once. We have never been intimate but decided I would go to his hometown next time we meet he came to mine for a few days. I went to a concert and was excited about who I saw ( went alone) so I called him o tell him about him he seemed a little distant so I thought he was busy said call me back later. Got home an hour later fell asleep he called and left a message and said ” I was calling to chat for a little bit you must be in the streets long pause and then said I’m just kidding” This has bothered me but I haven’t said anything to him yet. Why would he say something like this? And this is not the first time he has made this comment before. The first time I kind of laughed it off this time not so funny. Help!

Reply September 23, 2011, 1:29 am

Hagoshi

Hello,
i have a question about this guy…!
we are just friends now i think, but we werent like a year ago.. he used to treat me very well, caring and was so warm inside and then one day i slept at his place, but we didnt do anything even tho he wanted to. afterwards he was acting like my boyfriend and asked me to sleep with him again and i said no too. Is this kind of weird? i mean i rejected him twice not because i didnt like him, but because i wasnt ready and i guess he didnt understand me. next 2,3 months, he started acting like friends and didnt even invited me to his place and we didnt go out. i wanted him so bad and asked him to go out several times but he didnt even replied me back! whats going on??? he doesnt even reply my texts now. but we still meet at school and thats the only place we see each other. Is there any other way to get him back? do you think he will be willing to try it out again?

Reply September 18, 2011, 10:48 pm

Some girl

Virgins suck. Who would want one?

Reply September 17, 2011, 9:06 am

Eric Charles

Haha.
.
Honestly, I could care less whether a girl is a virgin or not. It never mattered to me.
.
I do care that she’s “clean” – I am very thankfully disease-free and I would like to remain that way.
.
But I think that every girl really needs to go through a phase of “being with” different guys to know what she likes.
.
Provided that she’s smart about it…

Reply September 17, 2011, 6:58 pm

Jo

I don’t think you can just dismiss it like that, even if that comment was meant as a joke. Everyone’s been a virgin once and it’s different for everyone. I’ve had issues with this, as I grew up being taught that I should save sex for marriage, or at least until the “right man” came along. It didn’t help that I was also sexually abused by my grandfather as a child. I’m 21 and only lost my virginity a couple of months ago.
Just saying, a little understanding goes a long way…

Reply September 26, 2011, 10:21 am

CJ

I am in my 50s yep!
I was waiting for marriage. I still am.
I am so afraid of being labeled as a weird O .

I am so sure I am the last one left on earth in my age group.

Reply April 15, 2015, 8:53 am

Emmalee

Is it just me, or does this guy’s behavior send red flags? A guy who claims he can’t trust a woman about her past sexual history could end up being controlling. If he has an “excuse” not to trust her it gives him permission to keep tabs on her and question her whereabouts, etc. I’m not saying this is necessarily the case, but it’s something to consider in the overall picture.

I don’t think this guy should get a free pass because he refuses to accept what his partner is telling him. Why does she have to prove herself extra trustworthy? He should take her word for it unless she has been untrustworthy in the past. What more proof can he expect short of a medeival “virginity check” for the hymen (which isn’t even accurate)? With the Madonna/whore dichotomy for women, it shouldn’t be that surprising that a woman maintains her virginity for any length of time; after all, we’re taught that it’s sacred and should be saved for someone special, even if that doesn’t usually happen. It’s not a question of “if” he has trust issues, it’s why and how deep, and can this be worked out.

Reply September 14, 2011, 8:36 pm

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