Ask a Guy: He Dumped Me But I Want Him Back post image

Ask a Guy: He Dumped Me But I Want Him Back

by Eric Charles

My boyfriend dumped me and says that he wants to stay single forever and wants to give up everything we had together. He said it’s his choice and told me not to bring it up again. I asked if we could still be good friends and he said yes. I asked him if he still loved me but he went offline.

I don’t know what to do because I really want him back. Is there a way to get him to give it a second chance? I have really strong feelings for him and just wish we could start over and make it work.

When a guy says he doesn’t want a relationship, he means it. Ironically, your best move is to move on.

“But I want him back!!!” you cry.

I know. But all that’s going to do is make you want to chase him and in response, will cause him to run faster and further away. If you instead turn your attentions to your own life, you’ll be far better off.

Right now you feel like your missing a part of yourself. You feel incomplete. You feel emotionally ripped apart. It’s time to rebuild. Any man, whether it’s your ex or a new guy, wants to be with a woman who is confident, happy and fulfilled in her own life as it is.

At the moment, I don’t feel like you possess any of those three things.

You need to build a firm foundation for yourself – you need to become a better, stronger, more fulfilled version of yourself.

Before you can have a relationship with him or anyone else, you need to:

a) Love yourself
b) Love your life
c) Feel completely full and content within your own life, with or without a relationship with a man

Once you are truly at that point, you are ready to be in a relationship. You’ll be happy and feel “whole”.

Moreover, when a guy leaves you and you go chasing after him, he knows that he can have you when he wants you. He knows that if he tries to pursue some new girl and fails, he can have you back in a heartbeat.

Meanwhile, you’re an emotional wreck who will eagerly take him back because instead of getting yourself together, you think that having him will restore your happiness and fulfillment with life. Not only is this not the case, but it also completely undermines your ability to be happy in the meantime.

The solution: Once you have a solid foundation (you love your life, love yourself and feel completely fulfilled), you would do best to start meeting and dating new men.

One of two things will happen. Either your ex will swoop in and do everything he can to win you back… or… he won’t and you will end up with a new guy whose a better match for you. Either way it’s a win-win.

I would highly encourage you to take that route. I can guarantee that if you go chasing your ex, you will not only chase him away, but you will land yourself more deeply into emotional despair.

I know this is tough. We’ve all been there – heartbreak is part of the game of love.

And be sure to take our super accurate quiz: “Can I Get my Ex Back Or Is he Gone Forever?” 

Hope that helps,

eric charles

 

Written by Eric Charles

I'm Eric Charles, the co-founder and co-editor of A New Mode. I love writing articles to help people free themselves from suffering and have clarity in their love life. I have a degree in Psychology and I've dedicated the last 20 years of my life to learning everything I can about human psychology and sharing what gets people out of struggling with life and into having the life they really want. If you want to contact me, feel free to reach out on Facebook or Twitter.

Other Must-See Related Posts:

  1. 55 Love Quotes That Say ‘I Love You’ Perfectly (And Capture What It Really Means)

  2. How to Get Your Ex Back in 5 Steps Guaranteed (With Testimonials)

  3. 25 Proven Signs You’re In Love

  4. Ask a Guy: Exactly How To Turn A Guy On (How To Seduce A Guy, Part 2)

  5. Ask a Guy: How Do You Find Love?

  6. 7 Major Mistakes Women Make that Push Men Away

  7. The Difference Between True Love and Unhealthy Obsession

70 comments… add one

Leave Your Comment Now...

Axa

My bf is very insecure and now he wants to break things off forever because he feels he cant trust me, he feels hurt because I had a male friend (Got rid of my friend for him). He keeps insisting on leaving. I dunno what to do, he’s so stubborn, we have an amazing relationship and he wants to throw it away because he says he’s hurt and cant trust me. I asked if there was another woman, he said there isnt, cuz there isnt anyone better than me. I love this man, how do I get him back? How do I his trust back ?
P.S: Its a long distance relationship :/

Reply April 25, 2021, 12:02 pm

Nicole Reid

hi i want my ex to treat me same way he always did love me so much see him at night and all but i want to feel it i want to feel the same way i felt before with him the way he would look at me like that will this work for sure we kinda are in contract but he doesn’t still feel the same he would ring me a lot more and text me but he isn’t really i try and talk to him but he makes fun out of a lot things
hep me eric

Reply October 8, 2020, 7:01 pm

Lia

Hey, I kinda need advice. The thing is, my bf and I dated for less than 6 months and we’re still young but the thing is, he lives 40 min away. We used to meet up at least 3 times a month to hang out and just go out. The day before he broke up with me we called and he was acting normal, I was an emotional roller-coaster because my hormones were all over the place and I was missing him more than usual. We talked normally and we promised to try and call every second day, he was the one that suggested it. He said I love you and everything was fine, he was literally giving me zero signs that he wanted to break up. And believe me, I’ve been thinking about every day that we spent together a lot. Anyways, the point is, the day after that, I get a message at 2am from him saying that he has come to realize that I love him more than he loves me and that it wasn’t his intention and that I would be happier somewhere else. I then asked him why does he believe I love him more and his reply was that he knows because he doesn’t want to be in a relationship and I do.
Long story short, I’m done with the no contact rule and if I’m not able to have him back then at least I want us to stay friends. I don’t want him back because I’m being immature, I genuinely just love him. I just don’t know how to show him that he cares for me as much as I do for him, which is the case.

Reply October 19, 2019, 4:23 am

LOLA

Dear Eric, THANK YOU!!!

If ever I needed to hear this was today. The way you broke it down was genius. Made so much sense. Again thank you.

LOLA

Reply August 28, 2019, 3:24 pm

Rachael

Hey i need ur advice
I met this guy on Facebook we started chatting
we grew aquinted with each other
I felt it was love
he showed me love or maybe he was pretending
I fell for him we meet on our first date we kissed and almost had sex but i stopped him
On d 2nd date we had sex i liked it cause it had been long i had sex
I loved him d more i never had a clue that he was gonna leave
in d next two day he started acting up
snubbing me ignoring my calls nd texts
I was confused i felt i had offended him or something but no he never told me
When one of my friends confronted him
he told her that he never liked me not to talk of loving me
That i threw myself at him
What we had was just a fling
But i still love him
please i need ur advice

Reply July 27, 2019, 6:44 am

LOLA

Dump him. Head for the hills and don’t look back.

He already told your friend that it was just a fling for him.

What else do you need to know honey?

Reply August 28, 2019, 3:27 pm

Rids

I am in a similar situation. I had a boyfriend who was also my friend for years and my best friend for a few months. Then we fell in love. He is a fun loving person. We have always been very frank and honest with each other. He was very serious at the start. He did everything for me. He even kept fasts. But then 6 months into the relationship and he said that friendships are better because they are easy. I was alarmed. I told him to think about it. I kept things calm. He called me next day saying he couldn’t stop thinking about me. I have anger issues and I speak things that hurt people when I am angry. I once told him that I felt more connected to my ex and that hurt him bad. I apologized. Then I told him that I got bored because he wouldn’t care meeting me. I apologized. Things were alright after that. I felt bad for my anger issues so I stopped talking to him for one to two days whenever I was angry just so I don’t hurt him. He always used to try to sort it out. Since we were in the twelfth standard and career was on the verge I got confused because I chose CA which is very difficult. However, he gave me the hope that things will work out and told me to stay. After a few days he couldn’t decide his career so he said he would start distancing people and friends in order to focus more. I said okay. Then he again said he wants to keep it to friendship. I said okay and then he said he missed me however he didn’t propose getting back. I tried to explain to him that giving up is not an option. He said he will try his best to be with me. I even cross checked him. He didn’t move. Then suddenly one day we had a fight. I didn’t talk to him for 2 days. He messaged me 5 times a day for 2 days. Then when I cooled down and replied he said he just wanted to stay friends. He even said these two days were very difficult for him. He was adamant this time. I cried a lot he didn’t move
. He just said he couldn’t manage things and get serious. he said that it was all completely wrong. When I cried more he said he lied all the time and said sorry many times. He even cried. I tried to keep things cool and know what’s happening. When I talked to him as a friend he said that his mum told him to focus on his career and since he was an 80% and I being a 90% scoring student, he needed to figure his own life out. He just gave mixed statements. He didn’t leave me crying. He was always there. Now also if I call him once then he also calls me but his friends say that they knew that he couldn’t get serious about anyone. I am just sad that I lost a very important part of my life. I am still confused about the real reason. As much as I know him he also remains confused a lot of the time. I don’t know what to do..?

Reply July 28, 2018, 12:06 pm

marnie

Hi Eric really need your help. I was seeing a man once a week for 2 yrs. We agreed on friendship even so there was some romance there and some physical contact nothing really beyond hugs kisses holding hands. In that time of 2yrs he never said to me he wanted a serious relationship with me but he did want me to sleep with him as he felt he which never happened althoufh i still enjoyed the physical affection it eventually fizzled out and i found him to be kind of cold and distant from time to time then he would be affectionate again it went like that until it finally fizzled out and there was no affection . The thing is we still refered to our relationship as special friends nwver boyfriend or girlfriend. I asked him what he wanted once face to face and he just lookwd at me and didnt have a reply. That annoyed me i felt he was expecting me to know and read his mind which i couldnt and was unfair. He did say another time that he was looking for some tenderness and fun as he was getting older so im thinking the term fun meant he didnt really want anything serious with me. I didnt want to be wanted just for a fun diversion. He did bemoan that he didnt have a sex life and once said to me life was too short so i should just sleep with him. Our days out weekly were always interesting and he would drive me to scenic places in country pub lunches. Mainlt paid for by him as he insisted. I contributed somwtime but he was usually quite adamant that he pay so i let him as i didnt work and he did. Im not material at all and we did exchange birthday christmas presents. I had feelings for him and did care quite a bit for him.He never said He would always take photos of me and the places we visited when we went out. He said couple of times that he cared for me though never said he loved me. Anyway now he has walked away from me 10weeks ago mow. He eventually told me real reason was in his own words that he didnt have a sex life and that and he was honeat with me. He also as well said he wasnt sure i was right for him.before saying these things after he walked away very soon he took himaelf on holiday for week while i was at home not aware hes on holiday and feelibg . I contacted him first by text to wish him wllness and i got same back. He said lastly on phone after around 5weeks of no contact that he just wants me to be wll and happy even if its not with him and someone else. It really hurt me to hear those words. I feel that its my fault for him going and feel guilt Although i cared lot for him iwasnt sure how he really felt about me and didnt want to get hurt or hurt him so i sat on the fence and lnever really communicated properly with him. I never expected things to come to an abrupt end. And was emotional sad and angry that he could do this i think my emotional texts just pushed him further away. Ive not been able to stop thinking about him as he was my best friend now im grieving for the loss of him. Maybe if i had taken a risk and did sleep with him it wouldnt have came to this. I did tell him that i cared and loved him missed him but he didnt reply back to that text. He did wish me a happy new year abd said he hopes this will be good year for me. That made it sound so final.as i had said in my previous text i cared loved missed him and just want it to work. Eric or someone else on here what are your views can you give me your input and some guidance. I can accept the truth. Im not experienced in relationships and need guidance. Questions.Where or what did i do wrong? How do you feel he felt aboyt me in the relatiobship? Do you think he really cared about me and wanted something serious with me because he nwver told me. How should i progress now move on. Thanks any comnentsvwould be appreciated. What type of relationship do you think we had?
Marnie

Reply January 13, 2018, 1:40 pm

Patty

Posted on Tego 120 GB dysku to zasozdzrczę, wciąż się męczę na 20stce z czasów premiery. Zresztą X z grudnia 2005 też wciąż działa (to chyba jedyna taka sztuka na świecie), choć napęd mu siada. Dlatego kupiłem rok temu ver. Arcade, dla świętego spokoju. I dlatego też nie mam większego dysku, snif.

Reply March 9, 2017, 12:08 am

Donna

Hi, I am a first time reader. I’m not even sure if what happened would be defined as a break up. Everything was fine between us until he suddenly blocked me on Twitter last Christmas (on Christmas Day). We never dated. It was more like that situation with that friend who you knew she has feelings for you but you didn’t like her that way.

I only just recently (last week), found out why he blocked me. A friend of mine sent me a text showing me that my ex posted on Instagram saying why he blocked me and a couple other people, and it was because of some inappropriate pictures he was receiving and he wanted to protect his pre-teen daughters from seeing the pictures, so he blocked me and some other girls. Well, the truth is that I never sent him any inappropriate pictures, in fact it was all from one girl who sent the pictures but she kept trying to include me and another girl in on the tweets with the inappropriate pictures. I felt bad that it happened and that I didn’t defend him and his kids, but I had my own thing going I just got a full time job and keeping busy with that so I had no time to get involved with that drama. Then he broke up with his fiancée at the beginning of the year. I wanted to be there for him, but I kept my distance knowing that he was still sensitive about what happened (I didn’t know the reason back then) and that no contact would be best. He was being very obvious about his heartbreak on Twitter during the summer, but I kept my distance. Next thing I know, while waiting for him to contact me, I found out in August he has a new girlfriend who is 10 years younger than me (20 years younger than him). So I’m assuming this girl is a rebound considering he wasn’t over his ex fiancée yet and I still don’t think he is over her since he is makes comments on Twitter and Instagram that should be left to private text messages (if you get my drift).

Anyways, I really love him, and I think he remembers this, but he just feels that he has to date and be with “Hollywood girls” because he is an actor. The last time we talked in person (which was 3 years ago last week) he quietly told me that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed about my feelings and that he would give me a chance if things didn’t work out with his fiancée, and he thanked me for being a great friend, and being so supportive of his family and career.

Then I found out that he has been keeping in touch with me using a role playing account on Twitter and I didn’t know it was him until January.

As of a month ago, I found out why he blocked me. A friend of mine sent me a text showing me that my ex posted on Instagram saying why he blocked me and a couple other people, and it was because of some inappropriate pictures he was receiving and he wanted to protect his pre-teen daughters from seeing the pictures, so he blocked me and some other girls. Well, the truth is that I never sent him any inappropriate pictures, in fact it was all from one girl who sent the pictures but she kept trying to include me and another girl in on the tweets with the inappropriate pictures. I felt bad that it happened and that I didn’t defend him and his kids, but I had my own thing going I just got a full time job and keeping busy with that so I had no time to get involved with that drama. Then he broke up with his fiancée at the beginning of the year. I wanted to be there for him, but I kept my distance knowing that he was still sensitive about what happened (I didn’t know the reason back then) and that no contact would be best. He was being very obvious about his heartbreak on Twitter during the summer, but I kept my distance. Next thing I know, while waiting for him to contact me, I found out in August he has a new girlfriend who is 10 years younger than me (20 years younger than him). So I’m assuming this girl is a rebound considering he wasn’t over his ex fiancée yet and I still don’t think he is over her since he is makes comments on Twitter and Instagram that should be left to private text messages (if you get my drift).

Anyways, I really love him, and I think he remembers this, but he just feels that he has to date and be with “Hollywood girls” because he is an actor. The last time we talked in person (which was 3 years ago this week) he quietly told me that I shouldn’t feel embarrassed about my feelings and that he would give me a chance if things didn’t work out with his fiancée, and he thanked me for being a great friend, and being so supportive of his family and career.

Then I found out that he has been keeping in touch with me using a role playing account on Twitter and I didn’t know it was him until January. I really don’t know what to do. I feel lost.

Reply December 2, 2016, 10:14 am

Mara

In retrospect I understand why my relationship failed with my ex. I pressured him to me moving in with him. Although we were steady for a year. I didn’t heed his concerns he would bring up about me. He also had wishes for example he would often like to encourage and inspire me to do well in school, get a high payin job. Overall he changed my for the best. However as we got to the next house things got shaky. I wasn’t able to “please” him as o used to, he was not happy about that. But I felt an overa coldness from him. He’d tell me he needs his space. But nothing seemed to make sense to me as it got worse. His mother would lecture me and insist I help pay or go half. He knows where I was at–in school and working a part time job. I thought we had an agreement about our situation. He needed me to help him with that to the extent where it frustrated him. Fast forward to just a few months ago, I confronted him he wasn’t happy and shortly thereafter I moved back to my parents. I feel very hurt and disappointed mostly heartbroken. And I don’t like to give this much attention because it is useless. Because we still talk as if we were still together. To me it’s like he wants me in his life still but he doesn’t want to commit. He says he’s proud of me and likes the change he sees in me as Iam more in control and focused in life. But I am hurting a lot but mask it. I’ve told him how I feel but he has no solution except for saying he still loves me and cares. But I want him to commit to me. It hurts to just be his friend. It’s been 2 years since I’ve been in a relationship with him. He is older than I am with a good paying job/career. He always told me I’m the one for him and that web have a house tougher and have kids. I don’t know how to be comfortable with him. It’s like I’m mad but I know it’s not rationale to him because he is happy where he is at in life. And I don’t want to stop talking to him just yet. I know I have to live my life and accomplish my goals in the meantime. But I invested so much of my time and emotional energy with him. And I know he has as well. But it’s hard to believe that it’s over. And that I have to pretend to be ok with being his friend. And with benefits. I don’t know how to view the situation.
Thanks

Reply August 16, 2016, 6:23 pm

Jane

My boyfriend broke up with me last month after a 4 year long relationship including a live in relationship for almost 2-2.5 years saying that he loves someone else as he had made out with that girl before our break up. He thinks he loves her now. Both me and my boyfriend are 22. He still wants to stay friends with me. However, I’m on a no contact with him for three weeks now. I feel devastated. I want him back in my life but he says he’s never going to return back to me. I feel as if he has replaced me with that chick overnight. I don’t know what is going on in his mind. What should i do? Somebody please help me

Reply June 13, 2016, 9:32 am

Toya

I don’t know what to say just know that I’m also facing the same pain because my boyfriend was so abusive and yesterday he abused me emotionally but still I want to go back to him and on top of that he is the one who broke up with me, I’m so scared of him and love him at the same time don’t know whether I should call hi or text him.I’m so confused we use to stay together he was my friend , he was everything and I want him back, what should I do please help me.

Reply August 29, 2016, 5:19 pm

Jane

My boyfriend broke up with me last month saying that he loves someone else. We both were dating for 4 years. He made out with that girl before our break up and now he thinks that he loves her. However, he wants me to stay friends with him. He has replaced me with her in a night. Also, I’m on a no contact with him since three weeks now. We both are 22. I love him very much. I want him back in my life. He says he’s never going to come back. I feel devastated. Please help.

Reply June 13, 2016, 9:27 am

Ashley Javette Williams

Some please reply to this because this is the EXACT situation I’m in now and need answers!!

Reply June 14, 2017, 5:34 pm

Mina

My boyfriend of one year broke up with me because of trust and jealousy issues. It was all my fault for being paranoid every time he pushed like to his lady friends on facebook. I got jealous with one woman but he has no affair with her. He felt he lost himself becaue of my jealousy. We broke up a week ago. He told me I’m the best girlfriend ever. But we broke up and he told me that he would like to be alone and that he would not find a new love again. We are still friends on facebook. I am still friend with his kids and two bestfriends on facebook. We actively can see each other posts and I asked him if he wants me to block him or he would block me on facebook, but he said there’s no need to do that. So we remain friends on facebook. I am supposed to be going to his place for the Easter Holiday, but since we broke up, I don’t know if I need to do it. I feel like going to his place to talk to him, but I am hesitant to do it nor call him or text him. Is there any chance that he will consider coming back to me?

Reply March 21, 2016, 9:54 am

emily

so my boyfriend of one year broke up with me 3 days ago. we were planning on getting engaged later this month. we had many issues that kept coming up and it didn’t help i was on a birth control with very bad side effects like getting enraged of anything, no control of anger or sadness. we talked and everything was working out but still needed to finish my pack of pills and then go off them. he broke up with me over a venting text about how i felt i was losing him by him removing the intimate part of our relationship. i know he had a good reason but i couldn’t help how i felt. that day he broke up and claimed it to be from things earlier on in the relationship that he was comfortable with and he told me then and how he doesn’t need someone to change to be perfect he needs someone perfect. i love him so much and i dont know if we will get backtogether anytime soon. his parents played a major role in our relationship and it all went bad when he started telling me what they would say about me and admited to him we should break up. The day we broke up i later went to his house and asked to talk him and his parents. we talked and his paents were supportive as always but still hinting how we need to put each other first because both of us have been going through a lot in our lives and we arent great support system for each other currently. he and i spoke late and how it comes down to many issues like mistrust i had and controlling factor also. he knew from the beginning I’ve had my heart broken many times and that its hard to trust people or control someone when im in a relationship. i told him i would change and stop but he said no and we are now broken up and i am devastated. he said at the end he loves me after i said it to him first but he can’t take this anymore.i want to be back with him but my question is..is there any chance of that. im trying to sort my life currently and trying to be happy but its not working. i havent contacted him in the last two days please help

Reply February 5, 2016, 10:18 am

Terri

Thank you for being honest. This is an old rule. IF you are not happy with yourself HOW can you expect anyone else to be happy with you and the only thing standing in the way of your happiness is yourself. That is what I kept telling myself and I went and took an evaluation of what makes me happy.
I found that all my life I worked and lived to make others happy and I had no idea of what made me happy. Crazy I know but OH so true.
I am now an adventurer. I am willing to try it and see if I can add it to my list of what makes me happy!!

Reply December 18, 2015, 12:46 pm

Angel

I need help. My boyfriend just dumped me. Our relationship wasn’t very great. He gave us one last chance. He gave us a month’s time to see if things got better or not. They did. He himself said that they did. He met me. Did everything he could. The next week he messaged me that he wants a break up. And when I asked Him that why did he lie and give me false hope, he saif that he was just being “nice”. I want him to feel the pain. Will he ever try to ce back?

Reply December 13, 2015, 3:18 pm

eli

I was dating this guy for 2 years we broke up for 4 months said we are never getting back together then on the 4th month he told me he missed me we got back together when we got back together all we did was argue so he said he can’t do us anymore and that he doesn’t feel the same and its never going to work do you think he’s going to come back if I give him time and space we always break up and he comes back but idk if this time Is different we lost pur virginity together and he said he’ll never love a girl as much as me

Reply November 29, 2015, 11:53 pm

Nikita Singh

My boyfriend broke up with me after dating me for 15 months, he broke just two days back. And needless to say i am devastated. He says that its not working out and and it really doesnt make sense anymore and hence he needs to walk away.
I met him yesterday to plead and he was just stuck to his decision. I have spoken to his best friend and he thinks that it’s just a fight and that he will come back to me after a week or so. But i dont know anything anymore.
So today in the morning i sent him a long message saying that i still love and always will. And one day he will realize that this walking away was not the right solution. I also said that i am going to wait for him.
To which he replied saying that he needs time to be the same person again.

His best friend told me to now start acting aloof. To make him chase me. And i am planning to do so.

But was my sending him that message an act of utter desperation (it was, to be honest) and will that push him away ?

What should i do next ?

Reply September 9, 2015, 5:20 am

Hopeful

my boyfriend i’ve been with for the past 9 months left me a few weeks ago, i’m still fully in love with him and would give anything for another chance with him. The reasons he left me are fixable small things, like txting less or holding hands less on campus, which are not reasons to leave someone over. He says he’s fully done and that he’s moved on and is going to hook up with some other girl but i still have some hope i just done know how or what do to do to get him back. I really really do love him and have this gut feeling it isn’t supposed to end like this, i just don’t know how to win him back or to make him interested in me again. He’s been ignoring me and being rude then randomly compliments me and im looking for any help or advice from anyone, please anything is appreciated

Reply June 24, 2015, 7:00 pm

promise

my boyfriend broke up with me and I am the course of it because I called him with names and I regretted later on ask for apology even begged him several times but he never accepted the worse part we have a 2 year old child he hardly calls to check up on her but he cheat on me last year and I found out but still it was hard for me to forgive him but I did and I never cheated on him I now gave him some space no contacting at all please help

Reply June 17, 2015, 3:21 am

Elyssa

I just have to deal with it. Essentially he’s the one who broke it off and won’t reply to (1) email I sent not text, call- anything. He was always emotionally shut down with me, never even had anything to say, I felt so alone even with him. Whenever I’d reach out and express what I needed in the relshp or things I felt, or concerns he also treat me with silence. Now its like we were never even together. But I’m not a stalker nor an obsessed jilted lover. I just have to readjust as Solita again, “Its just me” I remind myself. 46 and never married- because I never will be. I was shocked this guy even wanted me for I’d been overlooked and unloved all my solitary, unlucky life. But its truly dangerous to be with a partner who shuns your own emotional expression yourself, and basically negates your concerns and needs. I can’t be with somebody like that but more importantly I cannot have that relshp THRIVE. Then why be there?

Reply April 28, 2015, 12:06 am

Abbie

My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me over text less than a week ago and now I’m depressed. I need him back!

Reply April 26, 2015, 3:43 pm

Vicky

Same thing happened to me , he started pulling away after we had an awesome night . No calls/ no text I reached out to see if he was ok he said he needed space so I left him alone . He sent me a text apologizing for his behavior and said he was in a bad place . I was polite and after a few days I asked him how he was he said he went on a few dates he tried to fight but I wasn’t having it . I let him be the victim as he pointed out all the things i did to make him feel cornered and pressured ( which wasn’t even true in my opinion ) I apologizd and wished him the best & after I did that he said he i was always good to him and he didn’t deserve it but he wanted to focus on his career and himself (we are both professional adults) I didn’t see any of thiscoming . Truth is if he wanted to be with me he would & the same for you, If you constantly make yourself available they know they can treat you anyway they want to and you will be there ; rise above that and make yourself happy you deserve to be with someone better as do I ????

Reply May 31, 2015, 7:31 am

mpumi

I hv dated dis guy @ wrk its been 3 years now I love him I can’t slp n I cant eat.pls help me

Reply April 19, 2015, 7:16 am

Failed

Omg, this article made me cry.. I have been unhappy for a long time and when I met my boyfriend of 2 years he dumped me a week ago. I am still grieving in pain, trying to figure out where I am going to live, because we lived together and were both moving out because the relationship is over. I am not going to make this a long story but I am really sad and reading this article from eric Charles thank you for the inspiring truth and it helps me recover and move, learning to love my life and myself again before I can truly love a man like the way I want.

Reply March 16, 2015, 6:13 pm

rinthiya

Hi i have been couple with my boyfriend almost 2 years. now days he change alot ready. he said i must follow everyting he said and i cannot talk back if he said anything bad also. sometime i will talk what i feel then he will use vulgure words and will say wana break up with me. He will punish me in so many ways. Hurt me so much. He will treat me like a dog. But i cant leave him. he will make beg him. How do i go thru this. What should i do. I cannot forget or leave him but he treat me like a rubbish.

Reply March 7, 2015, 7:54 am

sarah

hi please help me. I was in love with someone. he also loved me. we were in a relationship for 3 years. now he broke up with me giving family intercaste reason. i constantly texted him begged him to come back for 6 months. but he is not willing to come back and scolding me like anything. please suggest me something. what shall i do now? i cant live without him. i want him back. please help me

Reply February 21, 2015, 6:35 am

abbasi

Kate life never stop if someone has left u or dump u. U should alwyz remeber never beg for someone to love u or stay wid u if he really love u never even need to ask him dnt leave me… Kate if you go chasing your boyfriend you will not only chase him away, but you will land yourself more deeply into emotional despair.We’ve all been there – heartbreak is part of the game of love…..we dnt have enough time in life to weight for some one so enjoy n live ur life.
Love ur self n move on.I know this is tough we ..
Regard
Abbasi

Reply February 8, 2015, 3:40 pm

Me

Men are needy, undeceive and controlling freaks who hate a women that doesn’t want to give them everything, and hate her more when she does. like wth make up your mind.
I hate my ex bec he was a freaking kid I hate how ignorant he is and selfish and I am so hurt and so annoyed, i wish i never have any of his memories. i HATE the thought of him Men are Mean and cruel.

Reply January 31, 2015, 9:19 pm

Tracy

btw she was a friend of a friend and I broadcast a lime I was havin down the islands and my friend wanted to bring her so I agreed. I didn’t intentionally hurt him but b4 him I was with a girl for over a year. My boyfriend began changing his password and talking to chicks from social media and lying about it to me so I began feeling a little insecure. ???? now I miss him a lot and wish I didn’t put myself in that position.

Reply January 20, 2015, 5:37 pm

Tracy

i made out with my boyfriend ex girlfriend and I really don’t know why I did it he said I did it to get back for him because he use to be lying to me about talking to his exes which I had absolutely no problem with I only had a problem with the lying and the deciept, he always plays perfect but I always come out rea to him and let him know what’s up, I think I may have really did it to feel better cus he was hurting me emotionally and when he’s stressed he would hit me, I know that’s not the kind of person U wanna be with but he changed me a lot and I’m still in love with him. I really want to get back with him

Reply January 20, 2015, 5:31 pm

alii

if my ex bf is my best friend and now he has feeling for someone else but he still want to b physical with me what it means?

Reply December 21, 2014, 10:58 pm

kelly

Hi.i was in a relationship with my ex for 3 years. He dumped me 8 months ago. It was my fault why we ended cause I pushed him away. I didn’t mean to. I had problems and I explained to him my problems. Well I did all the begging and none stop texting. He now has changed his number.hes not on any social media. I asked him if he was happy and he said no. He just puts a brave face on every time he collect our son. I asked if he still loves me but never ever gets a reply. I told him last week face to face that being a part has done me the world of good. He said oh thanks and it hasn’t for him? .I emailed him yesterday asking if he wants to be apart of mine and the children life. He said honestly not yours. When he comes around to pick our son up we get on so well. He won’t stop staring at me. He looks up and down me. He told me he has feelings for me but that’s it. He told me he hates being away from the children. I offered him back. Plus to share Christmas with us. He didn’t say no he just said he doesn’t drink anymore. And Christmas is for children not the adults. So I am really confused. I want him back and so does my children. Help please

Reply December 17, 2014, 6:07 am

Vicky_Sara

Hi Eric, it’s the best advice. Stop chasing man and if he really likes you and want to have you, he will move the earth to get you. Never lose your dignity and respect for a man who treats you like an option in their life. Frankly my opinion is when your ex comes back after a few months DON’T EVER accept him back because the tendency of him leaving you again is almost 99%. All woman deserve men who treat them right, think about it.

Reply December 10, 2014, 4:20 am

Bri

Hi I am just wondering my boyfriend has been going through a rough time. He asked for space and I backed off completely giving him as much as he needed. A week later we started talking again and he broke up with me and said it was because I have my life in order and he doesn’t, that I don’t need his baggage. I was really hurt, but I told him I would wait on him and that once his life was fixed up I would still be here. He said he loved me and that he was sorry. My questions are A) Why did he break up with me if he loves me? B) What did I do wrong? C) How long will this last?

Reply December 6, 2014, 1:28 pm

Jill

Ladies why would you want a guy back that dumps you? He has just said he doesn’t think you are worth his time, his feelings, and his future. Why would you want a guy that thinks your not worth it? You can do a lot better, and someone will come along that wants you. Don’t chase men let the right guy come to you that is the one who will love you most. You shouldn’t feel like you are were not enough for him the rest of your life, because as much as you want to forget he broke up with you it will always be in the back of your mind. Just move on he is not worth it pick someone who actually wants to be with you, and not put you to the side for when he can’t find anyone else.

Reply November 28, 2014, 5:26 am

Latonya

Hi, I’m in this situation I ask my boyfriend does he really want to be with me he said yes then he said why do I always ask when I know that he does but he got upset then said ” you know what you can just go ahead” then hung up he hasn’t answer any of my calls or texts what should I do & what does this mean I need answer thank you

Reply November 27, 2014, 12:03 pm

Jill

He either thought you were finding an excuse to break up with him, or he used what you asked as an excuse to break up with you. Either way it is rude to ignore your feelings, and not respond to you. I believe you can do better, and my advice is don’t respond back or bug him with calls. If you pretend like it didn’t hurt you. Chances are he might come running back that is if he really wants to be with you. If not wait for the right guy to come along that actually thinks your worth his time, feelings, and future. There are to many men in the world to never say never. If your feelings have been hurt by this guy. Sometimes things like this can be a blessing because there are reasons it wasn’t meant to be. He could have really turned out to be a jerk, and not worth it anyway.

Reply November 28, 2014, 5:43 am

fairycake

It means he is getting really sick of you being needy. Sorry to say that because I know how mean it sounds but that is how a guy will feel if you keep asking him that question. Were you asking because his actions make you feel insecure? he has wandering eyes? He seems too mysterious and maybe cheating? If his actions tell you he adores you then asking him if he really wants to be with you can seem very rude and like you don’t trust him. If you have already said sorry and explained why you asked then let him cool off, stop contacting him and if he contacts you never say sorry or ask him that question again. Be happy with you, believe in you and fill your life with enough great moments and hobbies, that a man doesn’t become the be all and end all of your existence. That’s what keeps a man around.

Reply December 11, 2014, 7:47 am

Natalie Goodwin

Hey Eric this is my situation, I need help!
My next-door neighbors very good friends of mine their brother recently divorced two years ago as well as myself comes over to their house every weekend just about for family get-togethers. After one year of seeing him next-door, we became friends, and then one night we became intimate. After that he was so completely into me and wanted to be in an exclusive relationship with me. So we did. Every Friday through Sunday he would come over and stay at my house, he lives in Delaware I live in New Jersey. Things are great and we did couple dating with my friends, we had really good times. We did have two situations however in which I got mad at him for minor things and we didn’t talk to each other for about a week. Afterwords he text me and told me he loves me and wants me back but I can’t get mad at him over little things. Things went back to the way they were between us and things were great. Then I started Chantix, A medication to quit smoking cigarettes. After eight days on it all we did was argue I seem to be upset over every little thing my friends family and everyone stayed away from me. One night I text my boyfriend something awful and called him a bad name. He called me told me goodbye and have a nice life. The next morning I stopped taking the chantix, and text him that I was very sorry. He replied back that all he wanted was to be friends. I was very hurt and text him back things I never should have. I text him I never want to see him again or hear from him. Then I try calling him I left several messages he wouldn’t answer his phone. I finally called from my work phone and he only answered because he didn’t recognize the number, I cried to him and told him I was sorry and that I was nasty because of the chantix and I stopped taking it. He did not care, he just said we are over about four times. I asked him if he still loves me and he wouldn’t answer I was crying and upset he told me he would call me back so I hung up, but he never did. Three days later I had my best friend call him and they spoke. She asked him if he was 100% sure that we are over, she said that in a very calm manner he said yes he’s 100% sure. He stated that prior to the chantix we had two other situations in which I got mad easily. He said this was the third time and three strikes you’re out. I still would not believe that we were over and continue to text him how much I love him. He finally text me back and this is what he wrote:
(1/2) Natalie I blocked you on my phone and when you get this message you’ll be blocked again. I cancelled your tickets to zip lining and there will be no (2/2) creamy acres I will never see you again good bye and good luck .
That was 17 days ago and I never spoke to him again. I’m dealing with the hurt and the fact we are over because it was my fault. He still comes by to my neighbors on the weekends, he parks his car on the other side of their house so it can’t be seen from my house. Whenever I go outside he is never out there. I’m trying to deal with this the best I can. I’ve been keeping busy with work and even going out on dates with other men, but no one compares to him. I still love him so much. Is there anyway or anything I could do to get him back?
If so I would try anything. Thank you for your help!!

Reply November 8, 2014, 7:19 pm

ridhiva

i once loved a boy! more than anyone else in mylife. i propsed him many times..he rejected as he didnt want to maintain a relationship.he made me sure that he will never come back.having this fact in my life i accepted it and after 3 months i found a new person who loves me more than anyone else. i was alone and he showed me everything and i feel for him. now, im in a happy relationship with him. after 7 months, this old person comes back and says he wants me back desperately.i cant lose my bf and i cant lose this person. both have great effect in my life. now,what should i do? if the point comes whom do i love! i donno…i seriously cant answer this question. i cant ditch my bf and i cant lose my frd.

Reply November 2, 2014, 2:55 pm

fairycake

Snap out of it! Tell him, “Too little, too late”. You say you can’t lose your boyfriend. You love him? Warning!!! If he even gets a hint of you talking to the ex he will freakout and you will have lost a man who picked you up when you were down, gave you his heart and has given you 7 months of his life while the loser ex slept with every woman he could find. Now he hears you are happy and he has learned he isn’t so fantastic. Some woman has dumped him. Probably because he was a creep to her just like he was to you but … yeah – go ahead – pat his little hand and make sure his feelings aren’t hurt. You will lose them both and your self respect and you will feel like dirt. Tell him to whine to one of his other exes – there would be plenty!

Reply December 11, 2014, 7:54 am

jk

I got this guy who really loves me he spend so much money on me he loves me he tell me he loves me he do so muchI have tried so hard to love him back but I’m just not fit I don’t want to make a fool out of him I tell him that I don’t feel the same way is he to you help me how do I love someone who can be so valuable is so good to me how can I love him back just as much and I don’t have the same feelings as he do

Reply October 27, 2014, 11:15 pm

LeAnn

Question…I have felt very strong chemistry with a coworker for over 3 years now. Company policy states you can’t date within the company and we are both play it by the rules people, plus he is a VP. We were on a business trip; one of our coworkers paid the extra money and was in first class but the VP and I were sitting together in the next to last row of the plane (each row had just 2 seats) he was in the aisle seat. Before we took off I said we lucked out its not a full flight, there were 4 empty rows around us.. I thought he would move to have his own row to himself but he didn’t. It was a late flight so it was dark, I took a chance and cuddled up to him. He allowed me to but didn’t really respond. He let me cuddle the entire flight, more than just resting my head on his shoulder. Before we parted he said he had a great trip with me. I’m wondering of its possible that he is into me? He is shy but of he is in to me I would be happy to discuss this with him and be willing to look for another job. Please tell me your thoughts.

Reply October 23, 2014, 12:06 pm

GussGreat

Dated ex for 7 yrs we were buying home together
and I left suddenly w/o contact until 6yrs later!
I was the one that reconnected and he was thrilled, he
has since had a move in girlfriend & A child w/ her.
He wanted to meet and “really connect sexually” i did just once
3 mo after reconnect.It was wonderful because I had not been
w/ anyone else In the 6 yrs we were apart! He has txt me everyday since
Say he don’t sleep w/his live in or want her there & the
Only thing is they’re just roommates to raise the child.
I finally told him I would like to start fresh and adore
That he has a child, he say never know what could happen
And I suggested still meeting and he said thats a great start,
It is weird going back to my to the house and seeing all my things
Still in the same place they were when I left 6yrs ago! I think I’ve
Been honest w/my intentions and so has he, but I really would
Like to hear form a mans point of view on this please.

Reply September 30, 2014, 12:43 pm

delyth

Is getting ur ex back same as getting a guy u was dating for three months . Has anyone had success in getting a guy u was dating back after he ended it . Please need your help x

Reply August 21, 2014, 11:48 am

cnagirl

Eric ..
my issue goes like this I’ve been going out
with this guy..off n on for about two years
he’s been a taker..everytime. I go out I
hafe to pay for everything.. I spent 3000
on him n also about 3 weeks ago he
wanted to go to the casino I told him
just 200 that’s all I can do he took
1200 ..ive been giving getting nothing
in return n when I mean nothing I mean
nothing…..plesse help

Reply August 17, 2014, 6:49 pm

D

Is this seriously? Look, leave this guy immediatly. A man is not supposed to be a taker, not from females anyway. A guy should be able to provide for himself, not to be taking it from a woman. This has weak and coward spelled all over it. I wouldnt even want my girl to have spent 3000 dollars on me, I want it to be the other way around, or 50/50 at the least. And sorry? He asks you for money for the casino? Well okay, we all want a little fun every now and then, you promised him 200 dollars which is fine (Even though a man should know not to gamble with money he doesnt have) and he took 1200!? I mean, not only is this guy lacking any realism and knowledge of how to manage his funds, he even cheated you out of a 1000 dollars. Now what if he won? Would he give you your 1200 back? Probably not.

Girl, I am a dude myself, and I know we can be pretty hard to live with sometimes, but this doesn’t sound like a guy at all. This sounds like a douchebag. A spineless, leeching creature without any self-respect. Not to be rude or anything or hurt your feelings, but ditch this a-hole. He’s not worth your love and attention. You should be out living your life like you want and maybe end up with a man worthy of the title. Again: A man doesn’t take from a woman what a man is supposed to be aquiring by his very nature. Is it wrong for a woman to pay for a man? Not at all, but the scales should be balanced, and no true man would want the scales tipping over in his favor on this issue (as in, knowing deep down that your girl spent more on you then vice versa)

Dump this leech, and if this spineless blob of jelly ever get’s mad at you for telling it the way it is, tell him D. said hi, and let him email me for some advice on proper manity. Peace, and I hope you find what you deserve.

Reply September 2, 2014, 8:43 am

T Moving On

There is a break up after a 10 year relationship and 2 year engagement. The ex says he moved on but…wants to be friends and have ties. Doesn’t want to be enemies? Will miss me? Still calling me babe? What is he really saying?

Reply May 8, 2014, 9:51 pm

Michelle

This article is the best article I’ve read in a long time. I really wish I could share it on facebook, send it to my email, heck, even make it the backdrop of my computer as a reminder!

Reply July 23, 2013, 10:41 am

Jesse

Ok so I’m confused about something. You say that if you chase a guy after you break up it will make him want to run. My ex broke up with me claiming he doesn’t deserve me-He lost his job, doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life, says he doesn’t want a relationship, but that I’m the greatest girl he’s ever known. We had a couple weeks of no contact then we became FWB (he contacted me). I suggested it thinking it was just going to be sex, but he snuggles. He wants me to spend the night. He gives me tender kisses on the head/back. He holds my hand while watching tv or in bed. He keeps in physical contact with me all night when I spend the night. So I’ve had a couple moments where I was a big drunk and became emotional. I expressed to him that I loved him. He did say it back, but then claimed he couldn’t see being in a relationship. Or I’ve texted him trying to get him to explain why he doesn’t have feelings for me but he’ll snuggle, etc. He has never run away. He always asks me over again-and the last time it wasn’t for sex. It was just for snuggling, watching tv, and spending the night. Why have I not made him run away then?

Reply May 26, 2013, 12:04 am

Vic

My ex said the same thing, only I begged for a few weeks and did nothing but piss him off even more. Now he will occasionally talk to me like we’re ‘pals,’ and after all of the single talk he now has another girlfriend. One who seems, interestingly, a lot like me. He’s been seeing her since about a month after we broke up. I know better than to interfere.. I’m already the ‘crazy ex.’ I haven’t seen him since the day before he dumped me, over the phone in the middle of an argument, CLASSY. And he’s uninterested in changing that. Letting it be for now.. the lines of communication are still open but I will not initiate. Besides, he’s turned into quite the drunk, and a cocky one at that. Not sure what happened, but I hope I.run into the new him eventually so I can see just how immature and unattractive he really is to me. But until then, my mind is just going to convince itself that he is Adonis and I ‘need’ him. Yuck. End rant! :)

Reply February 15, 2013, 12:27 am

AJ

Hello, I need help I feel worthless, unattractive, unwanted. I was dumped 2 weeks ago. I was in a one sided relationship, I gave and gave, he took and took. I foolishly thought that if I showed love and respect I would get it in return. When I tried to communicate my concerns to him, it always got routed to I was being negative, difficult hard to get along with. My response to him was Oh when I speak up for myself I am being negative,and hard to get along with. I told him take the mindgames somewhere else, and the truth was I was not needy enough. His past relationships have been with women with children already, different fathers, rough situations. I guess I was too boring for him. Help, because I know I am not perfect, I feel used, abused, and thrown away for being to strong. He ssem to take pleasure in hurting me. because he tried the manipulative bull, oh I want talk to you are see you for awhile, if you keep that up. Thats when I ask for a kiss or a hug. a real psychopath, is what I think help. I want my confidence back. I want to know how to love again. Please respond, I am hurting here on this christmas day, eyes filled with tears and a broken heart.

Reply December 25, 2012, 11:52 am

T

Hi,

My boyfriend of 8 months decided two weeks ago he was moving out. We had been living together for 2 1/2 months. He had been kicked out and needed a place to live so we moved in way to fast. We had decided that even though he was moving out we would stay in a relationship. Then one week ago, he got mad at me because I was following his friends on instagram and he made the comment that I was stalking him and he couldn’t get away.
He made himself single on facebook and that is how I realized we were broken up. We text a few times but I mainly have been ignoring him. This last weekend I hung out with many different friends and had a good weekend. Last night he contacted me to come over and watch movies. I broke and went over. We had a nice night but he kept bringing up on of my particular male friends. Making it sound like I had been on dates all weekend. I denied it, but said I had been hanging out with friends, and not only that he broke up with me. Later, he was in a bad mood. I still love him and did try to cuddle and kiss him. He pushed me away. I ended up staying over, (we didn’t do anything, in fact he was in a bad mood)
and in the morning he was even more moody. I tried again to be in a good mood n joke around and try to kiss n cuddle with him. He was not interested.

I am so confused. Why did he invite me over? Was this just a power trip to see if I would actually stop over? I failed to mention that he is going thru massive depression, he is unemployed, he can’t see his kids, his car got smashed up. So I think alot of his issues have to do with that.
(I also saw that he has been contacting another girl on instagram asking her to go shoot photos with him etc., I did mention that and he was all annoyed saying well I went to dinner and drinks with this other guy)

I still love him, and support him. I feel that I have now ruined any chance of getting back together with him.

Do you have any advice?

Thanks,
T

Reply October 30, 2012, 2:03 pm

lola

I need advice my boyfriend of 2 and half years just broke up with me out of nowhere I went back to uni for a month before he decided he doesn’t want to be with me anymore its such a shock because it came out of now where. He says he doesn’t love me anymore and that he doesn’t feel anything for me and that he’s not happy. He’s been working really long hours and says that work has changed him that its made him tougher ( whatever that means). We are great together and he’s done this before to me when we both went back to university and he decided he didn’t want to be with me then but begged me back after, its a long distance relationship. I don’t understand him he says he just wants to be friends and see how it goes its weird because he’s been taking me out for dinner he spent 60 pounds for one meal . Is it because he’s unhappy in work and is believing he’s unhappy in his relationship some one please help me I’m heartbroken.

Reply October 30, 2012, 12:41 pm

jaydise

I’m seeking advice, My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years he dumped me 3 months ago, while broken up we seen each other a couple of times he even spend my birthday with me, his choice. The break up was because he found a picture of me and another guy. I took the picture with this guy whom is a football player and i thought it would be cool. I never told my boyfriend about it because i didnt think it was that serious. He got mad at me and i confessed that I not only took a picture but I did go out to eat with the football player. My boyfriend was hurt and then soon forgived me. Then things got sour when his buddies found out, he than broke it off for good, he said he needed space. I’m aware of my mistake and i been suffering since our break up I love him so much, and want him back. At the beging of the break up I did all the no no’s… I cryed and begged him. I noticed the more I cryed and begged the more he would tell me to move on. Its been a month and a half since with no contact. All of a sudden I get a texted from him asking how I;m doing etc… He asked can he come over my place where we lived together. I let him we finaly got to talk about what happen because we never did. I asked him could he see us getting back together in the future his respond was ” its possible” i didnt persue the conversation. We watched a movie and took a shower together like the old days, and only a shower. he’s been texing me everyday since than saying how r u? I kind of wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine and not reply like he did to be when i was hurting over the break up. Help me do u think there still hope? H even told me he has a friend he’s been talking to that crushed me. But he’s the one whose looking for me now. I want him back what should i do. he looks into my eyes and tells me he misses me and home. I’m confussed. help

Reply October 15, 2012, 7:20 pm

Jenny

I need some advice ! I feel rediculous posting on here…. I have dated the same guy on and off through college and seriously the past two years. Over the past year my father cheated on my mom an I had to be the one to tell her . Needles to say this lead to allot of family stress and pressure for more of a serious commitment for my boyfriend. We dot figt often but I wet through a very hard time emotionally and being able to trust men. After having a mental breakdown tellig my boyfriend how unhappy I was I ended our relationship in a poor fashion. He later informed me that he planned to propose on two months. This was the man I then and still want to marry. He now says that after I kicked him out and ended things the way I did he can never lie again like he did before …. But we have not gone more than three days without talking and tell eachother regularly we want to e together … He goes back and forth almost weekly on whether or not he wants to be with me after what happened and of he ever wants to be married …. Is this all just a sign, did i jut hurt him,or something I should try to work through ?

Reply July 20, 2012, 9:02 pm

Eder

U are good Erik, now I know where to start..thanx a lot!

Reply July 16, 2012, 5:51 pm

keyah

thank you Eric :-) datz the best advice i have ever looked for after my breakup.Its been 6 months and he never tried to contact me. Better to forget him. You are so true if a guy doesn’t want a relationship he would never look back. Love you Eric :)

Reply June 29, 2012, 5:14 am

Eric Charles

Thanks.
.
Love you too… but I think we should start seeing other people. ;)

Reply June 29, 2012, 1:05 pm

keyah

Yea…:)

Reply June 30, 2012, 10:32 pm

A Broken Spirit

I would like to thank you for posting this. It is a shame I did not stumble upon your insight sooner. It has been one month since my fiancé left me. He wants to make a new life for himself; one that does not include me. The first week I was really strong. My friends were very proud I was handeling it so well. I finally cracked when I came home to find all his belongings gone. Since then I have resorted to excessive amounts of drinking and crying in his pillow. About a week ago I called and begged him to come home. I said I was sorry for taking him for granted and being disrespectful. I also told him a did a lot of reflectioning and I saw flaws in myself and our relationship. I told him I am fully committed to building our relationship into something new and better and becoming a better person myself. He then said that he wants nothing to do with me and he never really wanted to marry me. He told me he could never love me because he hates me and he would rather find love somewhere else. I have never experienced something so painful as this. What sends it over the edge is the pain is being administered by the one person I trusted and loved more then anyone. I Google searched “I want him back,” even after all this. I found this article and it was the first time I felt some type of hope. It is brutal and honest. It is exactly what I needed – the truth served straight. You have a gift and I would like to thank you for sharing it. 

Reply May 23, 2012, 8:28 pm

wreck

Thanks for the advice Eric! I wished I read this article earlier and wake up to what my ex told me. I met my ex and immediately we got swept into this emotional whirlwind relationship that both of us had never experienced before. We had this instant connection. Both are terribly sacred but he took the initiatives to lead us further into the relationship. Still I don’t think I completely overcame being scared and kept him at a distance, because verything was too perfect. Four months later, he said there were things he needed to figure out and learn more. He wasn’t happy and he can’t make me happy if he wasn’t happy, which was understandable. He told me to go date other people while he figured it out. I was upset and took that as a sign of him wanting to break up and broke off the relationship. A mistake, I’ve regretted ever since. Before this relationship, I’ve always thought of myself having all 3 criteria you mentioned. But the break up showed otherwise. I couldn’t let go of losing him and went into this dark pit for months and damaging our relationship further even after his confirmation and reconfirmation that he didn’t want a relationship now and is enjoying his single life to invest in himself. After reading your article, I realize I needed to work on myself as much as he said he needed to work on himself. I wish I could go back and do it differently. It’s now been 7 months and I’ve come to a full circle realizing what I need to work on and hopefully the next relationship or if he ever comes back to me, we wouldn’t be facing the same problems again. Thanks again for the the great advice!

Reply April 22, 2012, 8:38 pm

great advice

Thankyou again for some great advice… It has been hard to admit but I have finally realised I’m not ready to be in relationship. I have never been the sort of person who has needed another person but half the reason why nothing has worked out so far is because I have been scared and because I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship as I wasn’t happy with myself, or my life or felt full but now I’m working on that. Now every guy I met I tell them I want to have friendship. After another broken heart and broken spirit I can finally see the positives…an a part of me wishes I could of done things differently but another part is happy I finally woke up and saw what I needed to fix within myself so when the next guy comes along I’m happy either way and now i can become a better person or a better version of myself

Reply April 10, 2012, 4:24 am

Eric Charles

Awesome. Glad to hear my stuff helped.
.
And yes, bringing a better version of you to the equation is going to make your future relationships better. WE ourselves are the only factor we can change in how our relationships work – we can’t coerce or change the other person. So taking control over yourself and being the best you that you can be is key.
.
Good luck.

Reply April 10, 2012, 11:53 am

rachel

Hi Eric, I love your advice. I think you are very insightful and explain complicated issues in a very easy to understand and inspiring way.
A couple of years ago I dated a guy for 4 months and we broke up after he slept with a girl and lied to me about it. I became an emotion, desperate mess and the relationship ended. Then five months later he contacted me and said he missed me and he wanted to try it again, so we did but it was more like infrequent booty calls that stopped when he started seeming someone as a girlfriend. I hit rock bottom when I showed up at his house drunk asking him to make out with me on his porch as his GF was sleeping in his bed! After that I stopped contacting him completely. I joined a dating site and went out with a few guys I liked, but I was not in a healthy enough mindset to be dating and this weird desperation and neediness eventually came through with the internet guys I met.
I realized something needed to change so I arranged to work out of the country for a month. This really helped me get my life and my self-esteem back on track. During this time my ex broke up with his GF and emailed me saying, I know you are out of the country but I really want to see you again, blah blah blah, mainly sexual stuff. After ignoring a couple of these messages (and honestly not even thinking about him) I replied saying I want to see you too, mainly because we do have a great sex. I got back to the states and instead of the expected late night booty calls, he took me out on nice dates and then we’d have sex. I still kept my guard up and never felt obsessive or desperate at any point, just had fun in the moment and had zero expectations from him. Everything was going fine.
Then, this past week he said, “I’ve been thinking about you, I told my parents about you and I want more than this, I want to seriously work at a relationship…” I didn’t feel overjoyed to hear this because I still had reservations about being with him, but I said I would like to try to make it work because I do like hanging out with him and feel like he is a good guy over all, plus I feel like I am much less needy than a few months ago. Since then he has been calling me every day to talk on the phone for an hour (and I hate talking on the phone, ha).
Here (FINALLY) is where my question comes in! I had plans for dinner with my friend last night, and he said, “Give me a call after dinner and we can meet up.” In my mind this = plans. So I called and texted around 8:45 pm, with no response. It is now early the next morning and I am fixating on his lack of response which makes me worried I am down another path to neediness and desperation. Did he break a promise and do I have valid reasons to be upset? Or am I putting myself in a needy mindset that I need to get out of!!

Thank you very much for all of your advice; I would love to hear a podcast or radio show from you!

Reply March 9, 2012, 6:27 am

Fal

I have been dating this guy that i met on an online dating site for a month and a half now. He is sincerely wonderful. He has issues with being affectionate and is keeping me at arms length. We have not yet had sex but have been affectionate in other ways. He knows I like him and that I am not in it to play games and he says he likes me too “otherwise he wouldn’t waste his time” We both go to school full time and work full time so we see each other once a week and decided we want to take it slow. My issue is, how do i get him to loosen up a little bit? We still have not spent the night together. We have seen each other about 8 times. Ive gone to his house plenty of times, he came over once (as i have roommates and he lives alone). He has not yet taken me out and I am not sure what to think of the situation. I am also not one to beg or chase anybody. any good advice?

Reply March 6, 2012, 2:53 pm

Leave a Comment

follow a new mode

follow a new mode

Recent Relationship Forum Activity

STOP LETTING MEN
CONFUSE YOU

Sign up for our
free newsletter
and get a free chapter
of our book,"He's Not
That Complicated"