Ask a Guy: He Said He Loved Me, But Seems to Be Losing Interest

I am a great believer in balance. I think you have given me a new perspective on this, but I think you are a little too extreme in one direction of things. I think anytime you take one side of a situation, you always must look at it as right and wrong. Find where they are wrong, adjust their ideas accordingly, and find where they are right and use those ideas for your benefit.

I think people shouldn’t allow their partner to be their whole life. They shouldn’t be everything, but they should be very, very important. Important enough to drop less important things for when they are needed, but not just when they are wanted. It’s a balance thing. You should be able to lean on your partner, depend on them, NEED them when your life is in an upheaval. When you face major crises. You should be able to depend upon them and not be labeled “needy” and “desperate.” But you should use their help to rebuild your life again until you don’t need them so much.

Balance. Human beings were not made to stand alone. We are social animals, built to gather together and fight for our lives, for we are far stronger together than apart. But we shouldn’t depend on one person to define our lives. Our lives should be livable, even happy without them, but better and happier with them. And we should be willing and able to fight to keep that happiness in our lives. We should be willing to be their support when they face crises. To be needed by them then. Even if them feeling desperate is a “turn-off.” I think that’s kind of horrible actually. Someone in need shouldn’t be something we recoil from. As a society, even as a species, we do, though. Social experiments show people more willing to give a beggar money when they flagrantly say they will use it for drugs or make-up, for goodness sake, but unwilling to stop for the homeless who truly NEED it to survive. I think that’s a trait we should be working on changing in our culture, not embracing

To need is not a failing. To need is not a bad thing. Making someone exclusively everything you need, that’s a mental problem and you should seek professional help.Don’t be afraid to need somebody, just don’t always need just the one person or thing. That’s balance.

I went so far into depression and pain over this man that I am having a really hard time coming out of it. I CANNOT understand why and how he could have done what he has done to do me. Not once, but twice! After living together for over a year and without any warning at all…he just decided it was time for me to move out. Come to find out, he was seeing another woman. He never really let me go completely. For the next 8 months of me crying every day and every night over “what happened” he would still see me (when it suited him and his time slots). He would take me and do all of the same things we did when we met that were so beautiful, I would stay up at house for a couple of days at a time–and this last time he literally had me at his house about 4 out of every 7 days for two months straight and them BOOM! One day he “had plans” (the same “plans that were the cause of us splitting the first time around)and I haven’t heard a word from him in 2 weeks! The last text message he sent me was to ask me if I knew how “ugly I really was”. Of course, in all honesty I sent him a a pretty bad text prior to that telling him I hoped he choked on her and “how could he do this to me AGAIN”…How can men just walk away and move on to the next woman and leave us standing here with our hearts in shambles, eyes swelled up, and memories? Lots and lots of memories that he will be making with her now! I trusted him, I believed in him and he knew it…I told him so. I just don’t want to hurt this way again or anymore and the pain just keeps coming

He told me he loved me through text for the first time is it wierd.