Ask a Guy: How Do I Get Him to Treat Me Like a Priority?

Wow! I’m new to your blog. I’m not new to feeling the way a lot of these women do. I’ve learned from your articles that although my boyfriend has been around 13 years I was happy before meeting him I’m happy with him i can’t be happy because of him. Thats a lot to ask of anyone and a set up for failure no matter what. Ultimately you teach people how to treat you. If you can’t make you happy how can you expect someone else to? I appreciate the insight into the way guys think polar opposite of the way we do. Surprisingly best advice given was to distract my attention from him onto anything else. Sure enough my heart of stone emotionally unavailable man came looking for me wondering what I was doing! My jaw was on the ground. After 13 years together and countless interruptions to inquire about him and what he was doing, being MIA a couple hours doing my own thing he came after me! It was great. Still. I couldn’t help but be a little annoyed. Also the post it note suggestion of showing him a little appreciation for him and all he does so I can stay home with the kiddos had a lasting reaction I didn’t expect. We all want validation he never threw my lack of open appreciation for him in my face. Realizing my error was big. I really try assessing my perception of a situation from all sides before jumping the gun on voicing who is or isn’t bringing what to the relationship. It really helped. Thanks.

hi there guys
firstly thank you for all the help in the past that you have given me. and the advice you sent me.
but i have a question./questions… i have been seeing this guy , he is actually one of my “bestest” friends that i grew up with. we do get along well together, and is when we are together. or when he makes time, i know , i know he is just treating me like an option. we are on and off like a light bulp, but even though through all of that he just keep coming back and also telling me that i am the one for him bla bla bla. he has a baby mamma and her mother that is also staying with him and their child, he recently bought the house and after telling them constantly that they must find a place of there own they just keep on living there, and its really confusing to me that he doesnt do anything regarding the situation . if he doesnt want to leave her then why is he still coming to me. i dont have much even or better.but for a relationship , well then i just feel like an option . i have cut all ties with him and blocked him , so he can get the picture that i am not an option in my own eyes and dont need the bs. and even after that he didnt even bother to come and talk things through.but my real question is i dont feel like taking him back or wantting him back, i just want to know how do i treat such a guy, if and when he comes back,because i never want to feel like a mechant that sells black market stuff, because of him always doing a drive by .
hope to hear from you soon

regards
jen

I agree to this. Most women nowadays are so focus on themselves that they forget men have feelings. They want men to do all the work in a relationship. I know because i have that mindset before i never know how to love myself. After how i learned to love myself, and changed my mindset, i met my current partner. It’s true that once you stop looking for a person for the sake of need, everything is easy. That doesn’t mean we don’t have any misunderstandings but i choose to be more responsive to my partner in a gentle and humble way. At first he’s difficult to break his shell by being nice~understanding~eating my pride everytime we had small arguments because he likes to shutdown and give me silent treatments. I extended my patience~and it’s worth it because he’s starting to be more open to me. I just let him to cool down when he’s angry and cool myself down when my hormones get the best of me then we’ll simply talk until we point out the center of problem. t’s fun to be in a harmonious relationship with very less drama. I dunno why other girls choose to dramatized almost everything. Maybe The Media had influence them much.

Men like to be pampered & appreciated,thats a fact BUT,a man who does not appreciate what you do for ur relationship & takes your love as desperation is not worth your time.
Remember,a relationship is a 2 way thing.

Seriously? If a guy really loves you, then you won’t have to play games to make him prioritize you and your relationship. Games like this have no place in a healthy relationship.

Good advice, shame I cannot stick to it. 7 years of being treated like I’m invisible and now I’m just bitter and angry. I hate the man. I keep telling him to go away as he makes me unhappy but he refuses to leave. Only reason I’m with him is because I’ve been ill for years on end and been too tired to fight for myself without looking like a crazy woman. I’m getting better and hoping one day I’ll be swooped up by someone else. Although he’s made me feel worthless, I know I’m not anymore. The rare times I leave my house (I’m a musician), I am well liked by others. I would try your advice Eric but I don’t think I could bring myself to reward him, how do you let go of 7 years of neglect and emotional damage?

Hi Eric – the last thing you say in this article “when you have that mentality he will try”.. The thing is my boyfriend doesn’t try ha..

He says he is full of pride, and that I just need to accept that he is emotionless because he’s always been like that his whole life. Thanks for your articles they help, this one just has me particularly confused ????????

wow! what a well written article, it blew off my mind. It was very helpful. I finally found good men/relationship advice. The person that wrote this know his stuff.

thank you!

Great article. Very informative. I think some of this has to do with the tendency of Women to be defined by their intimate relationships (family, friends, beau) whereas Men seem to be more focused upon personal accomplishment and goals. Some Women enter relationships and immediately long for a solid commitment (home, marriage, kids etc.) and Men reject this as an attempt to “control” them and they like to do things in their own time. When it comes to emotional depth and connecting, I just think that Women are more comfortable in expressing their feelings, its almost like breathing. The difference in approach can be quite daunting, as both sexes, at heart, may desire a solid and intimate connection with the other. I am personally experiencing this very thing as we speak. The love of my life lives separately from me but not by himself and neither do I so alone time or quality time comes in the form of sitting in my car for hours just talking or actually going out. Sometimes I just want to lay in bed and watch a movie or stay the weekend over but its just not an option these days. He spends his days building his career and I spend my days studying for courses, working and building a company. I really would love to wakeup and go to sleep by his side every night so I get angry at times and he feels that I am never happy:(. Its not that Im never happy but that I would like to see him more often. I think that its important to maintain a sense of self and of purpose when one is in a relationship. Whereas a man may have his lady on his priority lists, she may not come first. This is not an intentional brush off however. Men seem to be very serous about their careers and finances so if your man is busy building a career, its best that you be as supportive as possible, less he feel that you are distracting or attempting to sabotage his success or his priorities. Its difficult.

Hi Eric,
I’ve learned a few things from your post and they have been helpful. Thing is I am MARRIED and my husband is not treating me like a priority (at least that is what I am perceiving) and unfortunately I became needy and it made things much more difficult. We have and have had very deep conversations about my neediness and him being a honorable man has stood by me and encouraged me to be more positive, trusting and fearless. I am truly grateful. Yet before I began learning how to effectively operate, communicate and contribute positively to our relationship, I ruined it in SOOOO many ways. Now I can blatantly see that he is not treating me as a priority but as an option. Some days he may try, but usually I must initiate contact and he will not respond to texts (I’ve read that article already, thanks for the insight) No compliments, no gifts, no dates…maybe he will meet up with me if the errand he is running is near my job or home. (Tidbit of info: We are currently living separately until we move into our new home together which could be a couple of months; we lived together previously). I am wondering Eric, as I have suggested that we divorce since he did not want to treat me the way I felt I needed to be treated and he was simply doing his bare minimum or “trying his best”, which he says. I found some texts to an ex-girlfriend of his about a year before we moved. He called this girl Butterfly and Beautiful and Queen and would text her back quickly, they would text chat late at night for some hours until I found out and shut that shit down. He would never and still does not compliment me this way. However, ever since then I have been distrusting, suspicious, needy, all the worst things, and I kept telling him that my spazzy emotions were due to him trying to continue to have a friendship with his ex. I don’t want him talking to her like seriously. (I read that article as well). So I am wondering if I should dissolve our marriage since he will not step up and treat me the way I feel a wife should be treated, like a priority! Although he says time and again that he does not want a divorce, he wants to remained married and he loves me more that I obviously possibly can understand and that all that I want (compliments, sweet talk, making an effort to make plans with me and not just meeting up cause its convenient) is an illusion and I am being selfish and self absorbed. Eric, how can a Wife get her Husband to chase her again? Is this even possible or is it dead already?
Thanks for the work that you do.

Half of this advice is BS.

Eric do you really understand what you even write? You are basically saying the WOMAN is the one who has to prove themselves to the man by doing x,y,z and being a,b,c. Besides, almost all of your articles make it seem like most men are all decent human beings. A lot of guys don’t want a girl that is overly self fufilled. If the guy knows if he leaves and she won’t care why should he care also? I’m not going to be with someone for long term that I know won’t care if I leave? Also, there is no way to make any guy want you forever. Not every guy a woman ‘dates’ is a potential soulmate. There’s only certain amount of people that are compatible for one person.

But shouldn’t you invest in he invests too? It works both ways

“If you want to get that kind of love and prioritization from him, you have to stop sucking energy out of him and start filling him with energy.” What are some examples to this quote?