You’ve been feeling it for a while now. He’s been pulling away, and suddenly he drops the bomb: “I need space.”
Your heart sinks, and your mind races. Is this the end? What should you do?
First, take a deep breath.
This situation isn’t as dire as it might seem right now.
In fact, when you handle it right, you can turn things around and come out stronger on the other side.
When He Says “I Need Space”
Sometimes when a guy says he needs space, it’s a soft way of breaking up. He’s lost interest, and this is his way of ending things.
But here’s the thing: this didn’t happen overnight.
There are reasons why men pull away and lose interest, and I’m going to walk you through them. More importantly, I’ll show you how to fix things.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
So what should you do when he says he needs space? Your only option is to give him that space.
I know it’s tempting to reach out, to try to change his mind. But think about it: the way things have been going led to this point. More of the same isn’t going to make things better.
For him to miss you and feel your absence, you need to remove yourself completely.
If you chase him, it’s only going to cement his decision that leaving is the right move.
So don’t chase, don’t call, don’t text, don’t message. It doesn’t mean it’s over, but giving him space is your only choice right now.
Stick with me, because I’m about to explain what happened and what will turn this around.
Men Need Space Sometimes
In the next section, we’ll talk about your specific situation, the root of the problem (if there is a problem) and exactly what to do about it.
Before we do, I want to talk about typical male behavior and psychology to make sure we’re on the same page.
A man’s emotional process is different from a woman’s. For a man to see long-term relationship potential, he needs to see that you “get” this about him.
When a man experiences frustration (the sense he’s “losing” in an area of life or blocked from “winning”), it brings up difficult emotions that throw him off-balance.
He needs space to process these feelings, get clear, and regain stable footing.
That’s not just me saying this. A University of Vienna neuroscience lab found that when men feel stressed, they become less empathetic and more self-centered. Women don’t have this same response, which is one major reason why men can seem so confusing when they pull away.
My point here is that sometimes it really isn’t you, it’s him. And when you understand this about him, you can work with his psychology (and not accidentally against it).
When It Actually Isn’t You, It’s Him.
Men know when they’re feeling frustrated, and they know it’s best for everyone if they take some space.
When a man feels like he’s losing or frustrated, he wants to hide away from the world.
He wants to go into his man cave, figure things out, and then re-emerge when he’s back on stable footing.
He removes himself because he knows when he’s feeling this way, he’s prone to snap at the people around him.
He doesn’t want to act in an upsetting way towards the people he loves most.
So when you give him space, you’re actually being a great partner. He’ll love you more for it. And that’s great. You literally don’t have to do anything but understand that giving him space is good for the relationship. It’s healthy.
It shows you understand him and his emotional needs. He’ll appreciate that you can do this gracefully.
Is He Afraid of Losing His Freedom?
Now, let’s talk about a big misconception.
Pop culture often portrays the idea that men wanting freedom means they want to be single forever. But that’s not the case.
The freedom men don’t want to lose is “emotional freedom.”
He needs to have uninterrupted space sometimes and won’t get into a relationship where he can’t have his emotional process.
Men don’t fear being in a relationship – they fear being in a bad relationship.
So what should you do? Give him space.
It’s easy to give a guy space when you know it’s a good thing and part of a good, healthy relationship.
However, if you’re afraid of losing him and think giving him space will make things worse, then the real problem is your fear itself.
That fear is at the root of the problem since it causes you to make mistakes that destroy the relationship.
How Your Fears Make You “Smother” The Relationship
Now, let’s talk about your side of things. You can feel he’s been losing interest and starting to withdraw.
You know something’s wrong; you can sense it in your gut, but you don’t know what’s causing it.
All you know is he’s showing less enthusiasm, less effort and he seems to be distancing himself.
This is fixable, but we need to solve the problem at its root: fear.
When fear drives your thoughts and feelings, it will eventually drive your actions.
When fear drives your actions, it leads to needy behavior.
Needy behavior drains the fun and attraction out of the relationship until there’s nothing left.
How You Started vs. Where You Are Now
When you originally met him, you were probably open, carefree and present.
You weren’t really trying to make anything happen and you didn’t feel like there was anything to lose.
Your attitude was more like, “Let’s see what happens.”
So it was natural for you to be in the moment, present and simple.
When fear takes hold and starts driving your thoughts and feelings, you only want one thing: To get rid of that awful fear inside you.
The Cycle of Reassurance-Seeking
So now, instead of enjoying the relationship, you start seeking reassurance from him—that he’s still interested in you, that he’s still attracted, that he still wants you like you want him.
And why do you want that reassurance? For relief from your fears!
But here’s the thing: your mood is your vibe.
That is, what you’re experiencing on the inside as the predominant emotion has a way of radiating outward from you as the “vibe” other people feel from you.
That reassurance-seeking behavior is what’s commonly referred to as needy behavior. Really, it’s fear-based and fear-driven behavior, in essence.
It’s not rooted in a positive emotion and so anything produced from that negative driver doesn’t feel very good or attractive to others.
When your inner experience shifted into fear, he felt that shift.
It’s Not About Him, It’s About You
I understand this can sound a bit cruel – you’re feeling afraid and on top of that, it’s like the guy you’re with pushes you away when you want him most.
Here’s the thing: Ultimately, this isn’t about you and the guy. This is about your own relationship with yourself; specifically your relationship with your fears.
The issue here is that you need to fix this relationship within yourself. Nobody else can do it for you.
The reward for it is you get to have an amazing love life, the kind you’ve always wanted. You radiate a charming, magnetic, attractive energy effortlessly that draws love to you from every corner of your life.
And if you don’t? Your fears will continue to sabotage your love life and drive away love.
Finding Peace With His Need For Space
But what’s the solution here?
What can you do when he says he wants space and you want things to be better in the relationship again, like they were before?
Again, it helps a lot to understand that men have a different emotional process than women, and that giving him space is good for your relationship with him.
When you know that giving him space helps the relationship, that itself can bring you a lot of peace.
But what about the fear? How do you deal with the fears and worries about losing him, that end up driving you to needy behavior?
The Counter-Intuitive Secret To Having Well-Being
Well, this might sound counter-intuitive, but the way to stop that fear is to accept that you can lose a guy and, if you do, it’s OK.
I’m not saying you want that. I’m not saying the relationship doesn’t matter or that you wouldn’t be disappointed if things ended.
What I’m saying is that you must have well-being as the place you operate from, not fear.
And what’s well-being?
Well-being is being able to look at life, including the possibilities of things not working out how you want, and say, “Even if that happens, I can handle it and I’ll be OK.”
When you accept that even the worst case scenario could happen and you’ll be OK, a profound shift happens inside you.
You stop being driven by fear, running from it like it’s a nightmare that chases you day and night.
It changes the tone of your life. It changes your orientation.
You regain your ability to see things clearly again.
So that’s the fear side of things.
But also, you need to stop trying to get all your happiness from the relationship. You need to have a happy, fulfilling life outside of your relationship.
Your Happy Life Improves Your Love Life
When you have a happy, fulfilling life that fills you up on your own, regardless of whether you’re in a relationship or not, you naturally radiate positive, happy energy (which is the most attractive energy for love).
When you’re filled up like that by your own life, you fill the relationship up. You bring happiness into the relationship, and the relationship reflects that happiness back to you. Neediness drains it. It’s really that simple.
The best part is that when you’re happy and it naturally fills your relationship, it creates an upward spiral where he responds to your happiness and contributes his own, taking both of you higher and higher.
The Big Idea Here:
You give him his space (and you’re genuinely OK with it) while you focus on your own awesome, happy fulfilling life.
Eventually he re-emerges from his man cave when he’s on stable footing and both of you are in a better place.
You’re not trying to problem-solve or talk about things. You’re both shifting your inner state and then bringing your good energy to the relationship when you come back together.
That has an almost magical way of clearing up the problems all on their own.
So what’s next?
Beyond what I mentioned here about what to do when he says he needs space, there are two things you need to be aware of.
At some point, a man will start to pull away and may lose interest. He’s not as responsive to you, he’s not as excited by you, and it feels like you’re losing him…
Do you know what to do in this situation? If not, you might make one of the major relationship-killing mistakes that many women unknowingly make. Read this now so you don’t fall into that trap: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
The next issue you need to be aware of is at some point, your guy will ask himself: Is this the woman I want to spend my life with?
His answer will determine the fate of your relationship. Do you know what inspires a man to commit, and what makes a woman stand out from the rest in his eyes? If not, you need to read this right now: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Hope it helps,
eric charles
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
In summary…
When He Says “I Need Space”
- When a man says he needs space, giving him that space is your only option. Chasing him will only cement his decision that leaving is the right move.
- Men process emotions differently than women. When a man experiences frustration, he needs space to process these feelings, get clear, and regain stable footing.
- Men don’t fear being in relationships – they fear being in bad relationships where they can’t have emotional freedom to process their feelings.
- Your fear of losing him is often the real problem. When fear drives your thoughts and feelings, it leads to needy behavior that drains the fun and attraction from the relationship.
- The counter-intuitive solution is to accept that even if you lose him, you’ll be OK. When you accept this, you stop being driven by fear and regain your ability to see things clearly.
- You need to have a happy, fulfilling life outside your relationship. When you’re filled up by your own life, you naturally radiate positive energy which is incredibly attractive.
- The winning formula: give him space while focusing on your own happiness. When you both bring good energy back to the relationship, problems often clear up on their own.
Written by Eric Charles
