Ask a Guy: How Do Men Show Their Love?

Hi Eric,
Thanks for your messages, I must say I’ve really leant a lot over the period I’ve followed you.
Just wondering if you could help me out with this. I’ve been separated 6 yrs and he has been separated 4 years and he is just about through with his divorce after finding out his ex had a baby with another guy.
We work at the same institution but don’t get to see ourselves often but anytime we do, there’s just a huge spark that gets us staring, smiling and feeling like there’s something going on. He doesn’t text but every now and then ask that I come around which I decline because it’s always at a time I have something doing. Now, when I asked to visit him he told me he would confirm and when I tried calling he didn’t pick.
After this I made a conscious effort to stay away which I did for 3 weeks hoping the feeling will go away or at least become bearable. Three days ago we bump into each other and his smile just melts down my defenses. I’m trying real hard to act all normal about it but it only gets worse. Was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to handle this situation.

Thanks
Agnes

Introductions are a major sign as to where you might stand on the love-barometer (so to speak).
Auto correct or typo in this paragraph. The word (she was put instead of share).
Other thank that this was extremely helpful

So funny how guys make I love u a cliché, I mean they can always tell u that even though they don’t mean it

I been dating this guy for 13months. He is 14 years older than me.(he’s 40 and I’m 27). The age doesn’t bother me but every time he touches me I tighten up. Keep in mind I am a very shy person and he is my first serious boyfriend. We never really intimate. Everyone said I should break up with him because if I didn’t do anything with by now sense its been a year it means i don’t like him like that but I really enjoy his company. My question is should I break up with him or is it just me being really shy. If so how should I do it.

Hello, great article. I found this site through Stumbleupon but you right some very concise and thought out stuff. I am curious though. Growing up I have learned that people are prone to showing love in at least one of three ways: emotionally,physically, and gifts. Many times it seems they will have a main one and then use one or the other two every now and again. Emotional displays would be sharing some personal thought,feeling, part of themselves. Physical displays is what it sounds like, such as holding them or thier hands, kisses, those random squeezes, playfully poking them and other things that aren’t just from lust. And the gifts would be either actually giving them something or helping them out in some way. These to me are all the categories those actions that show love can go into. I find if two people share the similar way to show love it’s easier for there to not be a confusion. However, if a couple doesn’t share one I find it helps if they talk about what they do to show they care/love at an appropriate time in the relationship since it will help the two understand each other and not miss the signs of love being given.

Again, good job on the article! Stay well.

Eric,

Im separted 3 years a couple months away from my legal divorce with a 3 year old son. Four months ago I started a new job in ITfield. I met a lot of people. One man and I became friends we can talk about anything he had a women he was seeing twice his age for a year in a half. Who seemed to use his as a paycheck and escape. Since I it wasnt my place I said nothing. We started hanging out almost everday. Just as friends hanging out playing video games, pool, going to lunch. He met my son and I never let anyone meet my son but since he was always around and my friend I did. We got closer and started spending the nights together with no sex. His girlfriend and he hadnt seen each other in a month because she said she was busy then she quit talking to him. We continued doing activities, going out to eat, arcades- along with my son- both of us became unseperable. We do everything together. We are honest, tell each other things no one else knows, we have the same values, goals, no one has ever undrstood me like him. When there are problems in life we stand side by side holding hands and figure it out no matter how bad it is. He has no children but he is great with my son ( and my son is a challenge) my son really likes him. He comes in and tells my son hi, plays with him, talks to him. My son had a stomach virus so bad he threw up on everything he took us to peds ER, stayed up all night at hospital took us home in the morning and stayed to help me and make sure I got to sleep. I got strep throat and the flu extremely bad I couldnt get out of bed. He stayed and took care of my son and I on his own accord, lettingme restand sleep. He took care of everything. He always comforts me when I get stressed, upset, or overwelmed. He steps in a gives me a break with my sons temper tantrums ( which are extremely excessive and violent)he stays up with me threw the night terrors. We all three go everywhere together. He wants us to move in with him. I live with family who dont treat me right and he stands up for me, hes always there when my son or I need him. He even watches my son if im working and hes off. He is very patient, tolerant, loving, genuine, and considerate. When we disagree we talk it out and have great communication. He is family oriented, does want to get remarried, he is affectionate, mild mannered, giving, thoughtful, and treats me like a priority. He was there for my sons first day of preschool and treats my son like his own. He is a good rolemodel, he helps me teach my son, and correct him which tequires a lot of patience and work. My son has ADHD, hearing problems, sleep disorder, and he does sit still unless hes sleeping. So its a challenge to parent at this age. He makes sure I have time to take care of my self, eat, shower, do my paperwork. Due to my sons problems he requires constant supervision. I have never felt so in sync with anyone, he makes me feel safe, content, happy, or confident I can depend on him for any reason no matter how bad something seems it will be ok cause together we can accomplish anything. I feel less anxiety, life seems much more fullfilling, stable, normal, and satisfying. When we arnt together we miss each other very much. We act silly and laugh all the time. We can have so much fun doing nothing. We even sit up at night and laugh about how crazy our days were. We both are self sufficient and see each other as an equal. We havent said “i love you”. I think hes kinda afraid he will scare me with sayi g “i love you” and wanting us to move in, and raise my son as his own because of my previous marriage. I feel his genuine love and see it in his day-to-day actions so I have no doubts that he does love my son and I. I truly believe we can be a happy family and we all want it. What do you think? What can I do to show him Im ready and want the same. Im not scared anymore. This is everything I have always wanted and he has the qualities, personality, and unconditional genuine heart Ive never seen. He isnt tall dark and handsome with a six pack but thats not important. We acccept each other the way we are, understand each others flaws, likes, dislikes, emotions, thought process, no change needed, we are on the same page. Please give me your opinion.

Thank you
Cami

I have been in a relationship with a guy for 10 months. We have not had sex. We met in high school and lost touch for years. We then started conversing again through facebook and three years later are in a relationship. He says he is waiting for marriage for sex and I am ok with it but he doesnt touch me like other men in my past has. He seems scary to touch my boobs but he will touch my butt. I asked if he was a virgin he laughed and said no. He lives in a different city 45 minutes away so we dont see each other daily. We talk on the phone daily and I know he has a lot of female friends none of which I have met. He introduces me to some people as his girlfriend and others just by my name. I have met his parents and grand parents. He invites me to some events but not all. He says I am welcome but I want to be asked and invited. He travels for work a lot, he coaches sports for highschool year round and he loves college sports. He invited me a couple times but doesnt spend as much time with me as i would like him to. He has been trying harder but still not enough for me. I am confused and horny and i am not sure if he is lying or really sincere about loving me. Help!

Makes sense. I don’t really get mad at a flake for rejecting me. I get mad cause I wasted my time for nothing. Some people don’t get it. They just want attention. They don’t understand the power of quality time. They just want to have someone to listen to their rambling. Anyone will do for them.

When I take my time out for a girl it usually isn’t for a romantic interest since I am usually all about business but, if I ask you out personally or make plans it’s not business. It’s quality time. If you decide you don’t want to do it at the last minute but, don’t tell me I feel disrespected. You are forever crossed off my list as a potential SO and end up on the list of flaky attention whores.

It’s hilarious when you call em on it. They get all defensive. Hey. I’m not mad at you sweetheart. I’m just telling you the facts. You wasted my time I could have spent working on something worth wild instead of waiting for a girl who really just wanted to get asked out without going out.

So I have always believed that actions speak louder than words, but I am afraid I am so blindsided by love that I am just seeing what I want and believing a lot of lip service. I am 41 years old and have been in an exclusive relationship with a man 13 years younger than me for just about a year. He tells me he loves me dearly and I truly feel he thinks he does. He tells me he wants to spend the rest of our lives together Unfortunately his actions are leading me to question everything. He has been separated from his wife for 3 years and with a lot of pushing from me he has filed for divorce. However neither one of them can seem to remember to show up for the scheduled court dates and the finalization of the divorce keeps getting postponed. He carried on a relationship and stayed with another young woman for about a year, between the wife and me with only a few months as a single man. Both of these younger women in his past lied and cheated and truly broke his heart by the way, i mean they were totaly scandalous bitches. So he was living with his parents when we started dating and in the intrest of privacy he began staying at my place more and more, untill he lived there full full time. He and my 8 year old daughter have developed a good freindship and his 3 very young daughters, ages 2,5,&7. Started having thier monthly visits with him at my house. I love kids and liked them all right away. However with my disabilities and chronic pain found having them there at times overwhelming. We befan to talk about getting a place together when my lease was up the following year and he help me with the bills a little and paid for all of our recreation. But he slowly went to work less and less until he was eventually fired. I told him straight away I could not financially support him. On my disability income and with some enormously outrageous payday loan payments, I was struggling to keep food on the table.. so I let him know the reality of i was that feeding him would be literally taking food out of my child’s mouth and that he needed to find work asap as I did not want to resent him. 2 months went by with no effort to work. My ex husband offered him a job and a ride to and from everyday. When he turned that down I did understand, I wouldn’t want to work with his ex either. So one afternoon I came home from visiting a friend and he abruptly told me he was moving back to his folks that night. We talked about it and he said it was out of respect for me. So….was that lip service? I saw the act ad noble until later that night when it occurred to me that he would rather not live with me than get a job. After a very sad week moved back in. I said I wanted him to , but that he had to get a job. So two more months pass with very little effort to find a job. He all but refused to go pick up day labor. Even when his kids would come over, he would just ask his films for money. For a while that was enough, but as time went by I found myself paying for more and more. I became very depressed, stressed and list a great deal of respect for him. It was OBVIOUS to him that I was in happy. So to wrap this up we made the mutual decision for him to move out again. Addtionally he scheduled to have his kids every day for a week to two months. I could not feed them not to mention none of them were on the lease. The lease that was now due to expire next month, as the year had passed and we were nowhere near able or ready to get a place together. So he left with the promised that he wanted to remain a comited couple. He said sometimes men had to take a step back and ” seehe could see where he was” or something like that….so what does that mean. And what does it mean that he had his old job back inside of a week? Is he trying to prove him self to me or is he showing respect to his parents? Am I fooling my self? Is he just telling me what he thinks I want to hear. He has been gone for two weeks and only found time to see me for two hours one night and is spending sat night with me. I know he has been busy with kids all week and work, but he only calls once a day and texts once or twice. When before when we lived apart he texted me first thing in the am, at every break and lunch and called after work. He even took an entire day off when one of the girls was sick…but he didn’t call me until 7pm. Any way…. does he really want to be with me or is he having second thoughts?

So I have always believed that actions speak louder than words, but I am afraid I am so blindsided by love that I am just seeing what I want and believing a lot of lip service. I am 41 years old and have been in an exclusive relationship with a man 13 years younger than me for just about a year. He tells me he loves me dearly and I truly feel he thinks he does. He tells me he wants to spend the rest of our lives together Unfortunately his actions are leading me to question everything. He has been separated from his wife for 3 years and with a lot of pushing from me he has filed for divorce. However neither one of them can seem to remember to show up for the scheduled court dates and the finalization of the divorce keeps getting postponed. He carried on a relationship and stayed with another young woman for about a year, between the wife and me with only a few months as a single man. Both of these younger women in his past lied and cheated and truly broke his heart by the way, i mean they were totaly scandalous bitches. So he was living with his parents when we started dating and in the intrest of privacy he began staying at my place more and more, untill he lived there full time, and had his parentwaway

My boyfriend only tells me he loves what I bring to the relationship for him but isn’t even sure how he feels about me I gave our the relationship the kiss of death by telling him I loved him for who he is not what he does where do I go from here? After reading this article and another I think I should just leave as I’m not important as a person but by what I do and as a woman we are taught servitude so it’s
Not showing I care it’s just what I’ve been taught you put others first cause that’s wh women are taught to do. For women words mean something most actions go unnoticed

Hi guys cn u hlp hre ,I love ma gail prblm is the tht she cnt even to clean the house,wash ma washin, even to cook, so I hve to do thse thns whn um frm the wrk, I hve try to tko to hre, thy is no room for improvement, wht cn I do plsss hlp me.

Heyy
So there is this guy that i have been in a long distance relationship with. He had many relationships before yet i was his first marriage proposal. He set my expectations really high and when he was back, he did almost nothing of what he said he would do, i got quite disappointed as i believed all his words and promises and i had to breakup with him. He didnt respond at all and just disappeared. After 3 months he texts and says that he’s thinking of me on a couple’s application. I replied normally and we spoke abt my studies then the next day he sent it again. I got confused and i really dont know what he wants, i asked him what does he want or what is he expecting and he replied that he is only being spontaneous. I dont wanna get back to him, but at the same time i highly respect him , afterall he is a man i thought of spending a lifetime with. I feel guilty for being cold and mean but at the same time i dont want to give him hope. So what do u suggest?

Mr. Charles, your advice is always so good. I love reading your articles, and some of the things you’ve said about women and confidence, power struggles (and the inherent danger in injecting such a struggle in the first place), and now on the “L” word–I turn to daily.

Bravo.

thnks for sharng wth me…. atlst i knw hw to deal wth relationshp

Hi Eric,
I have been having sex with my best friend for about eight months. He says we are just friends with benefits. Sometimes he’ll say that his ex girlfriend used to do the same things I do. Like if I say something she used to say he’ll say my last girlfriend used to say that. One night he said I love you but the next night he says we are friends with no benefits. My question is did he stop having sex with me because he is starting to fall in lot with me?

There is a guy I like that I’ve known for over a year now and a couple of months ago I told him I loved him he was kind and pleased with my honesty he has a gf kind of but not serious.

He told me he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, and would not start a second relationship while with the first woman as that would be unfair to both of us and would make a bad boyfriend right now as he’s trying to find himself and has many things to do and wouldn’t be able to give me the attention I need.

He’s been hurt alot in the past.
He has always been friendly and respectful towards me and is a natural flirt.

However after I told him my feelings he’s been getting noticeably more affectionate towards me he’s never acted like that or looked at me that before.

He’s become more playful and he’s actually started to become nervous and bubbly.

He’s gotten alot closer and more interested in me I don’t know how all this stuff works but we are friends and I know my feelings so I really don’t know if he’s scared, if he’s suddenly feeling something towards me or what.

But he’s a very intelligent, happy, loving guy.

Hi Eri
After reading this I m so confused..Im in a long distance relationship AnD he has just started off with his career so he doesn’t have much time for me. But on the other hand he introduced me with his family as the girl he wants to get married to. I talk to his parents and have even met them twice. I have met his close friends too andeveryone even his boss knows about me. So what should I judge! He is good at point two but not doing well at one. M so confused.. Please help I am always on a chase. I really love him and want to be with him but his behavior irritates me. I am on the giving end.

Hi dear Eric, I need your advice .It’s almost a year that I feel that I feel that I fell in love in love with a guy(he is not aware of this feeling we don’t know eachother in person but our families are in touch so it cause us to be familiar with eachother) he has got his M.A. from abroad and now works there.I wanted a lot to supress my feelings but I couldn’t be able and now I don’t know what to do?I want him to know about my feelings but I’m afraid of his reaction.I don’t want to bother him or even lost him.What do you think how should I do to express my feelings in a way that I can keep my self-esteem too.Please don’t laugh at me as I believe in telepathy .I practiced it alot . But I don’t know how much it work.As a real god believer I do believe that praying help me alot since he is a god believer too.I feel that having a connection with god will leads our souls to have a link.As I have already read in your text you mentioned that it is better not to tell a guy that you like him.But I want to convey my feelings indirectly .I look forward to know your guiding answer. Thank’s in advance cordially yours

when a guy wants you or likes you but swears to hid friends that he will never ask you out on a date ,how do you make him ask you or lead him to ask you axcept trowing yourself on him thats too embarrassing enough already?

Well my husband hasn’t shown me any love in 45 years of marriage. He loves his garage, work shop, his cars and his apartment he built on to the garage. For all those years we have been married but never slept the whole night nor associated with each other. Life suck’s but now I lived this way for so many years that I don’t care any more. In our mid 60’s and dieing would be an improvement .

Thak’s for this site, i learned a lot, thank’s to all especially to Eric,

Well me too, i don’t understand my man we’ve been dating for almost 2weeks, i slept with him but i keep telling him i’m not ready to make love, so he said ok i have patience. I’m 30 and he’s 45.
I really don’t know if he’s really interest on me because he knew me three years ago that i’m still a virgin, and then we crossed our path again after 3 years, but i’ve seen him with a diffrent woman, for the past years, but even he’s with gf hes always smiling at me always say hello…..
And suddenly he came to my place where i work and ask for a date and he’s always waiting for me till late at night, and which i really appreciated for what he’s doing, He keeps texting me I really miss you, but seems i don’t believed him.
And now he went back to his country, asking me if can wait him if i like.
I like him but i have doubt, i dont want to be hurt.
How do i know that the man is really serious?
Please i need some advice!

Thank you thank you! God Bless and More Power to all!

I have been dating a guy for a little over a month, we met online and he lives 45 miles away. We slept together on our last date and he stayed till the next day. We had plans to go out this week but as of Mon. he is unsure of wether or not he will even be living in the state anymore due to his job. While talking to me about this over the phone, I told him that we should probably not see eachother anymore if he is going to have to be moving away. He said he understood and didn’t want to hurt me or himself. I quickly said “good luck and take care” and hung up. We previously texted and talked several times daily. Have not talked since this conversation 2 days ago and I am wondering if I didn’t make a mistake? I really like him and believe he really liked me.

hi Eric!
so i met this guy on a dating site three months ago. We live 7000 miles from each other. He just got divorced. His ex wife cheated on him. But there were also a lot more factors why they broke up. Well, anyway it is really strange because both of us fell in love after talking online. We’ve skyped a few times. He says he’s coming in a few months to marry me. We talk almost everyday. I’m calm abt the whole thing. He does give me time. I just hope he’s for real and he really is coming to meet me. I’d be devastated if he doesn’t come! =/ he’s a really nice guy. He says he wants a marriage and he can’t see himself not being married. He didn’t even want to get a divorce but his ex wanted it. So i hope the both of us will work. =) hoping for the best!

Hi Eric.. It was a very beautiful article…. and you write really well with all the feelings .Ii really loved the line ” he is sharing himself with you”…and one more line ” he wants to connect you to the people he is most connected to “…..I am really lucky to have my someone special in my life …and your someone special would be really lucky to have you..

OMG! I was touched when you said ” But there is one gift that is an excellent gauge of his love for you: his time.”

He never gave me anything last feb.14.. And I was disappointed(But not really3x disappointed), I told him that. He told me he still have no money yet, but when the time comes he will have a job.. He promised me he will give me the things that would make me happy..

We just go out that day, and ate @ a restaurant.. were happy and enjoyed because we love eating together. :)

Wow someones angry and if anyone ever cut off MY dick I would make them suck their own bone marrow out of various well dur bones.and everyday ild serverly cut them and quickly carterise the wound and ild rip open the abdomen and but in ant larvae and close em up and ild do this as long as possible thays how bad I think cuting off a mans dick is so dont even threaten a guy with that if I got threatend.with that she’ld be half way cross the room weird thing is I camae to this page after I searched I have no affection for others lol!im a 6’4 ft 15 year old with.messed up emotions and a preety darn good record.for getting 10’s at the gun range so bitch deal with it! Muahhahahao

its not about marriage , nor living together , nor having to talk everyday. Its about loving someone unconditionally wanting them to be happy with whom ever they are with. Letting them know you didn’t understand they felt the same, you wanted to tell them, you do love them the same way, if you like her i like her , if you don’t i don’t. Letting them know , there is someone who loves them , for themselves, criminal or not, did it or not. they have someone no matter what on their side. Ugly ass what ever you do kinda of thing. even if it child molesting . i still will be there. So, with that being said, i saw that he too loved me in the same manner, didn’t judge, said i was different , but i think he knows now, who i am, Jr.

Hey Eric, I guess this was the best post I’ve ever read. Thank you.. Now I can understand Why My Boyfriend a little bit more and see through a guy’s perspective.
Keep up the good work..! :)

Thank you! I think I have been so caught up in waiting to hear the words, ‘I love you,’ that I wasn’t focusing on the important thing… His actions. Even if he isn’t ready to say how he feels, he shows me through his actions. :-)

The things you described fit what I have experienced with the man I met about 6 months ago. We have some very deep talks, shared thoughts. He always wants to be with me. This will sound strange, but we have been talking through playstation 3 home. We have not actually met, but i can tell he wants to. When we first met I was initially concerned with the things he was saying. But we have developed feelings for each other. And I really learned this when he was one for a month with no warning. He came back, and we talked, he was so concerned that I had not waited for him. I know he adores me, because he is always with me, and my pics are all over the place on home. He has told me he loves me, can this be true! He says that hes wanted me since we met, that there is something special about me, different from others met. Im concerned that when the time comes to meet, he wii be disappointed, cause hes fallen for a avitar. And not the real me, even though he’s said he doesn’t care about any of that
Has met

jasmine can go to lunch or she can go to ***

I am so glad I am doing the right thing in your opinions. I agree also with not expecting anything from him and our lives are better and happier that way. There were times I wanted to shake him and asked him “why this, that, those?” . I thought what would that do if he didn’t want it, why would I want to change him. He is a person and I am in love with him , I will take him as the way he is or leave him. I am not going to change the person he is or how he has made. One thing I strongely believe is “when someone truely wants you, he would try to do everything he can to have you” and “if that someone doesn’t recognize at all to how you wanted things to go, he is not for you.”.
Thank you once again Eric Charles for your time and your energy for all of us who are here. I wish you all the best of the world in everything you do and I do believe all of us here appreciated how you are trying to help us.

Thanks for sharing this Eric!

Found it quite interesting and not your dumbest post like Jasmine said! :-)