Ask a Guy: Is He The One?

Don’t forget to ask yourself, “What if he *does* change?” too! People change, and it isn’t always for the better. We had everything for the 1st 12 years, barely fought, secure in each others want & interest, great sex, great communication, all of it. Then 4 years ago it was like one day he woke up a different person. I don’t know if him getting closer to 40 was the reason, maybe a bit of a midlife crisis, or what. It’s never been the same. I know without a doubt there’s no other woman. It’s something to do with the woman he already has.

Hi Eric

I met my fiance on match.com a month later we went on about 4 dates we met up and we clicked right away and fell in love pretty quickly.

There was some problems with his ex wife and daughter that she didn’t know me very well and met to soon so we both agreed I should stay away till his daughter got use to us but then she stayed away for a good while after that. I was there for him through everything his heart was broken. She has now come back which is brillant and he sees her once a week but not around me.

After 2 years together he then got the anulement his ex wife wanted now she’s married and has another child to her new husband.

He took me to Rome and proposed it was beautiful he was in tears and it felt so real and right. We were so happy and good together we do have so much in common it’s like he’s me only a man version.

After that he changed excessive drinking and partying constantly seemed all he wanted was that and I started not wanting to be around him as much and he seemed content with this because he hardly came near me so I thought I would give him space so he would sort his head out or whatever it was that was going on. We broke up for a month then decided to get back together again.

I stay with him on a Saturday and him with me Tuesday evening after work. I wanted to spend another day with him 2 days a week he said he was exhausted and can’t remember the last time we were together. I said yes I know because lately you weren’t interested in connecting or communicating with me know wonder. I don’t know how he’s exhausted because I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks.

We broke up a month ago and hadn’t been together for a month we met up for a bite to eat and talked so we decided to give it another go which was great because I realised how much more I love and miss him. We left the restaurant we were in and shortly after he got a call that his brother in law died.

We spent nearly 3 days together it was great we missed each other so much or so I thought? He seemed really happy we got back together. Even booked a trip overnight a way to see his favourite football team, another comedy show and concert.

So a month later on a Thursday night I knew something was wrong I asked what was wrong with him I knew he wasn’t himself that he wasn’t right he jumped down my throat and hung up on me. The next day he msg me like nothing happened. He said he’s been stressed with work.

We went to his brother in laws month mass and later on Saturday evening a party after. We had a huge row because he was doing something sneaky outside behind my back (not cheating) then started flirting in front of my face with some girl. I decided to leave the party in a taxi he followed me. I left his appartment the next morning and left his ring in front of his tv I told him I was leaving and I won’t be back his response was good.

I’m devasted and totally in shock I haven’t a clue what’s happened to the man I love. He’s became so distant and withdraw towards me and now this has came out of the blue because of the fight we had.

Doesn’t want to get married yet that he just wants to have fun. We weren’t in any rush anyway so that wasn’t the problem. Said he wants to be on his own likes his own space that there is no one else and he didn’t cheat on me.

I know in my heart he’s the one I’ve never felt this way about anyone yes I accept him for who he is that’s what I love most about him.

Very educacting thanks…..

Hi
Is meeting in fb real?

Thank you so much

Your articles always have the answers I’m looking for….not what I want to hear necessarily, but they always make me feel satisfied. You are truly amazing. I have read so many sites on dating tips/relationship advices and I have never felt satisfied. There’s always something that’s off, somehow. Those times, I would literally just come back to your site to look for the answers. You are “The one and only” for me, when it comes to my “Go To” relationship mentor. Thank you for being so authentic.

Hi Eric, love your site and how it emphasizes both men and woman’s worth! So much gets lost in the modern world. Confidence booster and settling down ones mind is so helpful. Big hug to you and your team who put this all together!

Ive read your pages and I want to ask about scenario im thinking about. Ive known this guy for at least 4mths. Weve got closer and closer. When reading page about if compatible or ‘the one’, it seems to make sense! Love how calm and relaxed and happy things are. We communicate surprisingly well. At the moment I guess we are behaving as a couple. We make time for each other and show we care about each other.
I like who I am and I accept him the way he is, cant even think of anything i dont like about him. Its just other people think its odd (hes 45 but seems 35, and im 27 but seem alot older). He also has 2 kids which are lovely and we are getting along nicely. I didnt have kids with my ex husband for many reasons.
Im being asked if I want babies. Woah! Hes making it clear, Not with him because he doesnt want more children. I understand and wouldnt expect that.

I guess my question is~ Is it possible to be a match as people despite this?
I would love to be a mother but for health reasons dont want to go through actually having babies… hence dilemma.
Dont want to get 5yrs down the track and be wishing id not spent this time with him because the clock ticking so to speak.

Im thinking just get to know ourselves a bit more before trying to decide whether stay or go.. but reading your advice I am happy with things at the moment and am not pushing for the boyfriend girlfriend title, although it would be nice and easier to explain to others.

Thankyou!

This is the best relationship article I have ever read. Thanks for sharing your widsom, Eric!!!!!! much love to you.

Eric, I was dating other men when I was spending time with the guy who was really into me, but whom I didn’t feel the same way about (and we were only seing each other for about two months so it’s not as if I invested a lot of time in him…). Unfortunately, none of those guys felt like a match either. I go out ALL the time, I smile at strangers, I’m always up for meeting guys my firends want to set me up with. I feel like I am doing “what works”. I know there’s no point in being dramatic and whine about not having found the real deal. It just feels so difficult sometimes to believe he’s out there when I’m really doing everything in my power to “make it happen”.

Really great article, thank you! Eric, how do you know all about how being with ‘the one’ feels like, have you found that one woman for you already?