I was at a bar last weekend and ran into a guy I graduated with a few years ago. We talked for a while and had a really great conversation, but my friends had to leave rather abruptly so the conversation was cut short. We got each others numbers and around 4 AM he texted me saying that he wished the night didn’t have to end so soon.
Fair enough, but then he sent a few more texts, really adamantly wanting us to hang out… obviously a booty call. We didn’t end up hanging out, but I did really have a great conversation with him and I feel like something good could come out of it.
Do you think there is any salvaging this?
OK, this is a good question, although I can almost anticipate that some people will crucify me for my answer. Still, to all the readers out there, hear me out. I think this could actually be salvaged.
Here’s my reasoning:
On the surface, he was clearly texting you at 4 AM for the textbook booty-call. When it comes to dating advice columns, that is almost always a death-sentence for a potential second meeting. In fact, most dating “advisers” would be more likely to recommend castration than a second date if a guy tries something like this right away (man-hating jerks that they are.)
I look at it like this: You both were drinking, you kind of knew each other, you hit it off, you had a great conversation and the goodbye left you both wanting more.
I can completely understand where the guy is coming from on this. It’s the weekend and he meets an attractive girl. Obviously he’s going to want to spend more time with her to see if it goes anywhere.
That’s not being a bad guy. That’s called just being a GUY!! (Sometimes I get all wound up thinking about how society is so quick to judge men for wanting sex. It’s natural.)
And again:
1) It’s a weekend night
2) He’s attracted to you
3) You were both drinking
4) He’s a guy… and guys like sex. Period.
Every time that I’ve picked up a girl, I’ve tried to take it as far as it can go. I’m a complete gentleman about it and my approach is always lighthearted, enjoyable and respectful, but frankly, if I’m romantically interested in a woman, then sex and desire is part of the equation. I have no shame about that and I have no reason to mask or sugarcoat it.
You said that his text messages came off as awkwardly adamant which I personally would attribute to is inexperience. He probably hasn’t quite learned not to drunk text a girl he’s interested in or maybe he has learned but was too drunk to be able to stop himself. In short, I do think his game sucked, but you didn’t say anything that led me to believe he’s a bad guy.
There would be red flags if he got angry at you, if he pressured you on some level (saying something like this is your only chance, etc.), or if he insulted you in some way for not wanting to hang out at 4 AM.
But him wanting to see you? I would just call that a healthy sex drive.
It sounds to me like there is a mutual attraction there. And the fact that you had a great conversation shows that there could be something there (once he learns to get his urges under control).
If you were one of my close female friends, I wouldn’t stop you from going for it. I would say add him on Facebook or send him a quick text, something to show that you’re still interested despite his drunken texting. If you do that, he’ll most likely set up some kind of date or opportunity to hang out. Then, hang out and see where it goes… without getting too boozed up.
Hope it helps,
– eric charles
Written by Eric Charles
