Ask a Guy: Should I Move Out or Stick it Out?

Eric your advice is very timely and as always on point. My boyfriend lost both parents within a month of each other. I have known him for many years but only as a platonic friend who I dated casually off and on. Its been eight months that we have been in a relationship but this is also during the time he lost his parents eight months ago. I have been extremely supportive. He has been depressed most of this time. He was seeing a grief counselor but has stopped. He’s still depressed and having a hard time moving forward. I am deeply affected by whats happening with him. My parents are deceased also. I am reading Eric Charles Inner world of a man pt 5. which hit what is going on with us now. I feel like the parent and he is the child that I’m trying to help. Our *** life is practically non existent and affection struggling. He is so listless.I know he is feeling lost. He’s also grappling with his life purpose. I care deeply and feel that I love him. I told him this a couple months ago he said he wasn’t there yet but that he really cares about me. He tries by date night once a wk and sometimes I cook so I see him twice a week. We talk usually twice a week. I try to give him space.so I let him do most of the reaching out. But I do try to reach out more during holiday time. But the lack of intimacy is beginning to bother me. He seems to have very little desire for *** its like we are just friends. I know the grief process takes time and is different for every one. I don’t want to abandon him. I just don’t know how to help him and our relationship is not fulfilling. This site has helped me so much and Mr. Charles and Ms. Alexis you are both God sent. I have your e-book which i***cellent but the interesting thing is that the emails help me so much as well and there’s no fee involved. You guys take giving back to a whole new level. I know you are being blessed a hundred fold because you have been a blessing to others and specifically to me, so thank you from the bottom of my heart. About a month ago we were arguing more frequently due to the lack of affection. After an arguement one night I didn’t hear from him for a wk. I wrote him a letter expressing my feelings. He called and said maybe we should date each other and others too due to the tension between us. I was hurt by this and I told him I felt the solution was to work through our problems not opening up to others. I told him I wasn’t comfortable just being friends. When he thought he would lose me all together he agreed to try to work on any issues which he has been putting forth more effort but things are beginning to regress. We rarely have argued so that time was confusing for me. We are in a better place not arguing but the romance and affection needs help. I’m trying not to expect much in that way due to what he is going through but its hard. I have considered dating others casually (without ***) to help me cope but I feel guilty about that. What do I do, my needs are not being met. I know I never should have got involved when he was so vulnerable. I am in it now,what to do?

I don’t think leaving would do him much good. He probably feels like his mum was just ripped away from him, he doesn’t need to feel abandoned by his girlfriend too. Grieving is a huge process. Maybe you could see a grief counsellor yourself to find out how to handle the situation and get some advice.

I completely agree with your advice here! I think it was in poor taste to suggest counseling to the poor guy after just a few weeks of feeling depressed/mopey. His mother may have died five months ago, but it could be that he is just now at the point where he can fully process that fact and feel the gravity of his loss. I don’t want to make anybody feel bad, but this chick seems a bit self-centered–more worried about the sudden dip in attentiveness from her boyfriend than his feelings. Nobody is going to be fun to be around all the time, much less someone who has recently lost a family member.