8 Definite Signs Your Ex Wants You Back

You’re here because you want your ex back and you want to know if he feels the same.

Considering that most people you know have experienced a breakup, you’d think we’d all have figured out how to cope perfectly with them by now. Humans have been falling in and out of love more consistently than anything else – for a very long time. Yet everyone will tell you a different story, offer opposing advice, and generally add to your confusion!

Some paths are clear in life. Becoming a doctor, for example, is a reasonably well-defined journey. Going through a break-up? Brutal. Navigating a break-up when the possibility of getting back together is in the air? Well, here be dragons.

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Here are some signs that your ex wants you back, as well as some thoughts on what you can do about it:

1. He likes to reminisce.

The amount of contact that you have with an ex truly depends on the context and situation. If you have mutual friends together, chances are you will have to be around each other. Regardless of whether or not you’re actually forced to spend time with your ex, it would be abnormal for him to spend a great deal of time talking with you. This is especially true if the conversation tends to veer into nostalgia.

Mature people can often look back on a relationship and, even if it ended badly, remember the good times. Even the most evolved person, however, needs major distance from it to be able to do this. If your ex is already wandering down memory lane, that’s a definite sign that he’s not moving on. You can’t make new memories with a new person if you’re hanging on to old ones.

Some common examples of this kind of nostalgia include recalling memories of fun days the two of you had, or dropping a comical inside joke the two of you shared. A more blatant example would be him texting: “I miss you.”

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What you should do:

If you’re interested in getting back together, there’s no harm in reminiscing with him. At one point, this person was an incredibly important part of your life. When you’re that close to someone, it can be really comforting to talk to them and feel that warmth again.

Just remember that this isn’t a surefire promise that he wants to be in a relationship again. It definitely hints at that, but it could have other motives. Maybe he had a rough day, feels weak, and wants to talk with somebody who seems safe. He could also just be testing the waters to see if it seems like you want to get back together, which would be a boost to his ego.

Protect your heart by being careful about these interactions. If it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and it’s making it hard for you to move on, feel free to put an end to the sentimental conversations.

2. He’s working on himself.

Self-improvement kicks are quite typical after a break-up. Sometimes this is because you want to show the person you broke up with that they were wrong – especially if they ever critiqued your mental or physical health. More often it’s about taking control of your life after an event where you lacked power. It can also stem from insecurities – vanity is a great motivator.

This could manifest itself in many ways. He could be working with a personal trainer to eradicate what he sees as physical flaws. Maybe his social media is now decorated with spinach smoothies and hashtags like “#gains.”

Seeing a therapist in order to get over emotional issues that have haunted him for a long time, maybe even ones that caused your relationship to be bumpy would be another strong example.

What you should do:

If you’re in contact with him, or if he mentions any of these new habits to you, absolutely be supportive. Just like you would encourage a friend or family member who wanted to better themselves, it’s okay to show this kindness to your ex. (But it should be noted that we recommend going through a period of no contact for at least four weeks following a breakup.)

At the same time, you need to be careful about getting too invested in the process. Any change that a person makes needs to be self-driven, and if he’s only doing it to interest you in getting back together, that’s not a solid ground to build upon.

There’s also the possibility that his personal renovations are ego-based, potentially designed to attract new women. If that’s the case, he may appreciate your affirmation, but it’s going to leave you feeling even worse.

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3. He contacts you frequently.

If you’re trying to break the habit of eating cupcakes, the last thing you want to do is visit the local bakery. This is why your friend will try to snag your phone out of your hand when she catches you creeping on your ex’s social media. Out of sight, out of mind – or that’s the idea, anyway.

When a guy moves on, he has to let go of communication with you. Sure, you may engage in some small talk if you end up at the same event together. Taking the initiative to reach out and talk is a far different situation, and one that comes with an expressly contrary motive. If he’s getting in touch with you on a regular basis, he’s not over the relationship.

What you should do:

Be extremely self-aware about every conversation you have with your ex. Mindfulness is key here. When you have an established routine and manner of speaking with someone, you can almost go on auto-pilot during your interactions.

This is dangerous because the two of you may end up acting like a couple without actually being one. Your emotional investment in him may end up growing even though the relationship itself is stagnant and going nowhere.

If you’re really in love with a guy, it might seem easier to just spend time with him no matter what the circumstances are. Forcing yourself to evaluate the relationship and have a conversation could mean setting yourself up for disappointment. Unfortunately, that conversation is going to happen eventually whether you want it to or not.

To save yourself from worse heartbreak, observe the relationship and your feelings constantly. You need to have your mind, not just your heart, switched on in order to make the best decision for both of you.

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4. He wants to re-hash the breakup.

A desire to go over the details of break-up is a major giveaway that he wants to get back together. Unless he’s a bizarre glutton for punishment, why would he want to re-live the worst part of the relationship? Perhaps an introspective individual would want to evaluate past relationship errors to avoid making those mistakes in the future, but it’s unlikely he would include you in that process.

Asking for a discussion about what went wrong in your relationship likely means he wants to know if the two of you can salvage what was lost.

What you should do:

If you do want to get back together with your ex, this is exactly the kind of conversation you need to have. This approach is much better than if he romantically shows up at your doorstep with a boombox and professes that he can’t live without you. Yes, that looks romantic in a movie, but if you want a chance at happiness with this guy, you have to figure out what went wrong and if that can be avoided when you guys give the relationship another shot.

Be open and honest. There’s no point in having the discussion if you’re going to keep things to yourself, letting them fester under the surface. At the same time, keep your emotions in check. Try not to use explosive or accusatory language. It takes two to tango, and trying to pass off all the blame on him would be contradictory to the goal of the conversation.

MORE: Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex 

5. He talks about a future with you.

Look at the motive behind this particular subject. If the two of you were together for a decent amount of time, you probably made some plans for the future. Maybe they were concrete events with dates, or maybe they were just fanciful ideas. Either way, it can be hard to let go of those notions.

However, if he comes to you with a genuine desire to create a future together, consider what that would look like. Does the image of a life together seem realistic and exciting? Does it fit with the goals you have for yourself? Be sincere and logical.

What you should do:

If he’s serious about the discussion, be open and honest about your hopes for the future and your fears in pursuing a future with him. Make sure to really hash out how it will be different this time, and how you will fix what was broken last time.

Remember what it was like when you were dating. Did this same, picturesque future seem plausible when you were together before? If not, be certain enough has changed that it actually could be real. Look for the tangible actions he has made, and examine your own intentions.

Don’t get too carried away with visions of the future. Take a sincere and realistic approach. Don’t just follow your heart, be sure to also use your head.

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6. He falls into familiar patterns.

After you end a relationship and are faced with having to redesign your life, falling into old ways can be truly irresistible. It takes a supreme effort to create new patterns, pursue new relationships, and redefine yourself as a single person. What takes almost no effort is repeating the patterns you shared with a person previously.

When you’ve gone through the traumatic experience of losing a special relationship and person, it can feel amazing when that person treats you the way they used to. A squeeze of the hand there, a kiss on the cheek there, maybe mumbling in your ear how good you look today… that’s enchanting.

The funny thing about repeating old behaviors with an ex is that it can feel like you’re starting the relationship fresh – but with the advantage of knowing what that person likes and wants. When this happens, it’s like the honeymoon phase of your relationship is initiated again, but with the setting on turbo power.

What you should do:

Remind yourself that a relationship does not become real just because you act like you are in one. Going through the motions is not the same as having an upfront heart-to-heart about the state of things. It can easily become a lazy way to avoid both the heartbreak of loss and the struggle to rekindle things.

Be guarded, but not cold. If you’re interested in getting back together, being excessively distant in an effort to protect yourself could really backfire. It’s okay to be warm and friendly, but avoid excessive affection until the two of you have come to an authentic and stable decision.

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7. He still really cares about your life.

Have you ever passionately followed a TV show and then been dejected when it was abruptly canceled, leaving you full of unanswered questions? The feeling that lingers after a break-up can be ridiculously similar. You can’t help being curious about all the threads you were following in your ex’s life. As a good partner, you were probably pretty invested in the arc of his story. Men are not immune to this, and there’s a very good chance your ex is currently feeling the same itch of wonder about your life.

He might express these feelings by inquiring about your life. There’s a polite way to do this that comes across as almost formal. Maybe he follows up on an event that he knew would have huge consequences in your life, or questions you about a relative’s health. These gestures aren’t necessarily indicative that he wants to get back together, especially if you know him to be a thoughtful and caring person.

However, persistent questions about your life – particularly those regarding the more mundane details – reveal that he still cares deeply.

What you should do:

Obviously, it’s always flattering to know that someone is thinking of you. This feeling is magnified when the interest comes from someone special you’ve shared a romantic history with. Reciprocating by courteously asking how he is doing is acceptable.

Be conscientious of the depth of these conversations. If you find yourself frequently daydreaming about his life and wondering how he’s doing, consider pulling back. When you’re not in a relationship, this kind of emotional investment is unhealthy. Be kind to yourself by maintaining some distance until the relationship is more clearly defined.

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8. He tells you.

There’s really no hemming and hawing on this one. By telling you he wants you back, your ex is putting the ball very distinctly in your court. No matter what other signs do or do not appear, if he’s serious about you then at some point this one is going to come up.

If you’ve been pining for a guy, this can feel like a dream come true. After all the pain and loneliness, here he is. Before you lose yourself in romanticized notions of a reunion, take a beat and weigh your options.

What you should do:

Breaking up is a heavy action to take. There’s no way that the two of you came to that decision lightly. Think back to what spurred this into happening. What problems caused your fights? Where were your breakdowns in communication? What’s the plan of attack for making sure your old errors don’t rear their ugly heads once more?

Is it even possible for the two of you to look at your relationship objectively? Take into consideration the advice of your loved ones. If everyone in your life thinks he’s not the one for you, that’s a massive red flag. Perhaps talking to a counselor would provide insight and problem-solving techniques that would benefit both of you.

Don’t let emotions dictate actions. However severe your pain was when you went through breaking up the first time, you survived it. You owe it to yourself to be absolutely sure it’s worth it to pursue round two of the relationship.

Remember, a relationship isn’t a failure because it ends. It taught you something, it changed you, and your ex was instrumental in that process. You can appreciate them without succumbing to historic feelings.

If you feel confident that getting back together is the right option for both of you, forgive but don’t forget the past. Move optimistically forward with the power of experience.

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I hope this article helped you clearly see whether your ex wants you back. But here is a more important question: Do you want him back? If so, you need to read about this secret formula to bring him back, and keep him for good this time! You’ll learn not only how to get him back, but how to make the relationship work and get him to see you as “the one.” If you want him back, then you must read the article right now: Do You Want Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Use This to Get Him Back...

1. He likes to reminisce.
2. He’s working on himself.
3. He contacts you frequently.
4. He wants to re-hash the relationship.
5. He talks about a future with you.
6. He falls into familiar patterns.
7. He still really cares about your life.
8. He tells you.