Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › Single from a relationship of 10 years, doesn’t know what he wants..l.
- This topic has 6 replies and was last updated 3 years, 5 months ago by
Liz Lemon.
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Angx89
I have been dating a guy for a month and he has come out of a 10 year relationship about 2 years ago.
We met on bumble and hit it off really well. He stated to me he didn’t know what he wanted, yet he isn’t about dating around and if he just wanted sex he would have said that.
I don’t want a full blown relationship, but I want some degree of commitment in terms of not dating others. I have been hurt a lot in the past so I have my reservations and a wall up in a sense as well. I am wary that he could just pull the rug any time.
He seems quite insecure sometimes and a bit needy. Things have lately become quite flirty and sexual inclined, but I don’t know if I want to go that far with him as sometimes his comments make me worry he just wants me for sex. We went out the other night and he had his hands all over me in public, undoing my bra which made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I joked with him and said “you just want me for my body” and he replied “yep”.
He calls me to say he wants to hear my voice and seems to get a bit upset if he doesn’t hear from me. He is also sometimes quite interested in who I have dated before, joking about saying “oh when all the other guys have taken you out”.
His behaviour is quite conflicting with the needyness and wanting reassurance and I wonder if it is to do with his breakup, maybe he had his confidence majorly knocked. I don’t ever really ask about what exactly happened, as I don’t want to push and pry.
It is getting to the point now though that I am in a bit of a freak out mode. I really like him, enjoy his company and am attracted to him, but part of me just wants to cut and run. I really don’t know what to do.
Tallspicy
Girl! Look at your patterns, you get hurt because you choose men who say upfront by being wish washy and all over the place. His behavior is conflicting and instead of saying, yuck…. You say… I want commitment from a man who said he won’t and can’t commit. Any further pain is your doing. Mixed messages come from mixed feelings and if you are healing, you would never accept a mixed message again.
EwA
Guys who repeatedly say they don’t want just sex ,what they say is I just want sex .
He is showing you with his actions that he wants to sleep with you .
Don’t get me wrong strong attraction is a good thing but to me he seems like a player.
And yes you are choosing wrong men …Lane
He is definitely physically attracted to you but he also doesn’t know what he wants, which is fine as we don’t always know until we meet the person who can change our mind. It may be you, it may not.
This is what dating’s about, deciding WHO you want to couple up with or not. The early stages is based on lust or infatuation anyway, which often never materializes into love, as that is a much CALMER feeling, because you both know where you stand. Even if you do make it to the love stage it still doesn’t mean you are good or right for each other. I really don’t understand why woman are so eager to get into a relationship until they truly know the character of the man, which takes time (many months) to uncover, like peeling an onion to determine if he has a good or rotten core.
He could be a royal a-hole, cheater, liar, etc. for all you know because you don’t really know him. Slow down, take it one date at a time to see how he acts, what he says, and reveals to you before you decide to stay or run.
Erin
If a relationship is freaking you out and making you feel uncomfortable please don’t ignore your gut. It’s not supposed to make you feel that anxious.
You might not know his true intentions but if he’s making you uncomfortable,cut him off asap!
p
I get a bad feeling about this guy, the bit about him being all hands and undoing your bra make no feel a bit off about him. It’s not respectful even if he is super into you.
Please trust your gut. I ignored mine the last time and I’m really sorry I did. Just say no to this situation.
Liz Lemon
I agree with the others- if your gut is giving you a bad feeling, listen to your gut. I also agree that the groping you and undoing your bra in public was disrespectful– and it made you uncomfortable. You should date someone who makes you feel good, and safe, and who respects boundaries. This guy does not fit the bill.
The neediness, and being upset if he doesn’t hear from you, doesn’t mean he wants a commitment from you. It sounds like he likes to flirt and have your attention. There are plenty of guys out there who don’t want commitment but still want their egos stroked.
It doesn’t sound like you know what you want either, honestly. So it would do you good to reflect on that a bit. There’s no reason to put up with conflicting, disrespectful behavior from a guy who makes you want to “cut and run”.
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