Having to navigate the waters of romantic texting is a relatively new predicament. Our grandparents may have occasionally dabbled in poetic letters, but that can’t quite compare to the unique set of challenges that come along with texts.
In some ways, it seems less intimidating to text a guy than to communicate in person. You have more time to think of sharp, witty things to say. If he says something you totally don’t understand, you can consult with your friends before giving an answer. You don’t have to be hyper-aware of your body language, or of reading his.
MORE: The Biggest Signs He Doesn’t Like You
But a lot of the time, texting just makes it harder. Those pesky body language cues are massively helpful – not only for understanding his intentions, but also for making yours known. Humor is harder to portray over text. Worst of all, if you say something dumb, it’s forever in writing. You get to stare at it in panic as you wait an excruciatingly long time for him to text back.
Here are some guidelines to help you text your crush to get the conversation going:
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Step 1: Get his number
You can’t get started on crafting your masterful texts until you get those digits. If you’re lucky, he’ll beat you to the punch and ask for your number before you attempt to do the same. But if he hasn’t gotten the ball rolling and you’re eager to start, look closely for openings to innocently obtain his number.
If you’re talking about a cool article you read recently, offer to text the link to him. This also works for if he asks about one of your pets – you could say you’ll send him a picture. Probably the best opportunity is if he shows interest in something you’ve read or watched recently – you can tell him you’ll text him the name so he doesn’t forget.
Step 2: Think before you hit send
So you got his number and you’re dying to text him. Not so fast, think before you text, otherwise, your conversation might look like this:
You: Hey- what’s up?
Him: Not too much, you?
You: Not too much. Just hanging out.
Him: Cool.
Not exactly the most thrilling way to get the conversation started. As exciting as it can be to start texting your crush, take a few moments to think carefully about what you send. Texting something like “what’s up?” is just boring and tired and doesn’t leave him much room for creativity in his response, so you’ll end up back at square one trying to think of something clever to say.
This same principle applies to asking “yes” or “no” questions. Opt instead for questions that require an actual answer. Or start off with a statement like, “Man, I’m going cross-eyed from all this reading homework” or “I just read the most hilarious article” (this is a good opening because you could send it to him and then you guys can talk about it.) Or, “Just saw the most amazing movie. Have you seen :insert name: yet?
An even more sly version of that would be to say that your friend just told you about the most amazing movie, and then asking if he’s seen it yet. That opens the door to him suggesting the two of you go together.
If you and he recently did something together, you can also mention that. Say something like: “I had such a blast at that bowling party, you’re a lot of fun to hang out with.” This is also a great way to inspire him to suggest another hangout.
MORE: How to Get a Guy to Text You Back
Step 3: Pay attention to his responses
Use his responses as a gauge to figure out how interested he is and how you should be responding.
Don’t over-analyze every comma and adjective, but look at how engaged his replies are. If he’s only giving you clipped, bare bones answers, take a step back. Some men are not the most animated texters, but if he’s into you he won’t let the conversation easily fizzle out.
On the other hand, if he’s texting back with some enthusiasm, feel free to take it to the next level. Ask deeper questions that will allow the two of you to get to know each other better.
Once you’re really in a groove, drop hints that you would like to meet up in person. You can mention that your favorite band is coming to town and you’re dying to see them. Or tell him that your friend recommended a new hike and you’re itching to try it out. If he’s into you, he’ll take the bait! If not, he’ll say something like, “Cool, tell me how it is!”
If it seems to be going really well but for some reason he won’t make his move, you can try suggesting a casual hangout. At that point, it will be easy to tell if he’s receptive to progressing forward.
MORE: Signs He’s Not Interested
Step 4: Don’t obsess
Many a girl has lamented over the fact that a guy never texted her back, only to later receive a text with an apology and explanation. Don’t panic if he suddenly doesn’t text you back as quickly as he usually does. Life gets in the way sometimes. When you send a text, put the phone down and let it go. Distract yourself with other things.
Whether or not he texts you back, your time is too valuable to be spent obsessing over it.
A much better way to assess the situation is to see how you interact in person. Texting leaves a lot to be desired, and some guys aren’t great at it. But if he likes you, it will be pretty obvious when you interact in person. (This is how to know if a guy likes you for sure.)
The bottom line is that if he really likes you, he will find a way to maintain contact and meet up in person.
MORE: How to Text Your Crush
Here are some more good conversation starters to text your crush:
- Ask him about his hobbies, especially if they are ones you don’t know much about. Guys love to feel knowledgeable on a subject and love it when a girl shows interest in the things he’s interested in.
- Birthdays and holidays are solid conversation openers. It’s always socially acceptable to inquire about what he is doing for those occasions. The answers are usually full of details that could be expanded on in further conversations. For example, if he says he’s “stuck going to Aunt Linda’s for Thanksgiving,” you can laugh and ask why that’s so terrible. And you can never go wrong with a birthday text. It’s sweet and thoughtful and always makes someone feel special.
- Ask about his family. Family can be a touchy subject for some, but safe options include asking if he has any siblings, or maybe what his parents do for work. If he seems to shut down when you bring it up, retreat and steer the conversation in another direction. Sometimes, however, people love the opportunity to vent and rant about family, and sometimes even gush about them.
- Work Stuff. If you’re in school, you can text him a complaint about an assignment, or a question. If you work at the same job, you can tell him a funny story about your boss, or ask for his help on a work assignment.
- Ask for advice. Men love to be asked for advice. You can begin it with, “I could really use a guy’s opinion on something…” If you are more comfortable with him, you can also just straight-up say you’d love to get his specific thoughts on something.
Texting only gets easier the better you get to know a man and his style of texting. Be patient in the beginning and don’t let yourself get wound up about it. No guy is worth panicking over every time your phone vibrates.
I hope after reading this article you know exactly how to get the conversation with your crush started. But there are two things you need to be aware of before you go any further. At some point, a guy may start to lose interest. He will pull away and seem to be less engaged and less attentive. He doesn’t text back and he just isn’t as excited by you. Do you know how to handle it? If not, read this article next: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
The next issue you need to be away of is at some point, your guy will ask himself: is this the woman I want to commit to? His answer will determine the fate of your relationship. Do you know what makes a man see a woman as girlfriend material? If not, you need to read this right now: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
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The Unofficial Rules of Texting Your Crush