Ask a Guy: The Less I Care, The More He Seems To

Talked with a guy on a dating site. After 1 week of hit and miss communication the next week he gave me his phone number and told me he was thinking about getting off dating site because all the women he had talked to wanted to live in their past. I gave him my number and asked how he liked to communicate the best. He said talking. I told him i did too. He sent me good morning txt every day and we did a little txting while at work. We both are Christians and have a lot in common. I asked what his ultimate goal was, he stated he wanted to get married again. He asked me i told him i wanted to get married again someday. I asked him if he was the type to meet and if he wasnt attracted to the woman did he talk it out with the woman. He said he thought it took 2 or 3 times being around someone to tell that. I told him i did too however i had met other men and after we ate we both agreed not to meet or talk again. When i met him he told me i smelt good and wanted to know what i was wearing. I told him he smelt good too. He put his hand on the small of my back as we walked into the restaurant. While waiting to be seated he said again i smelt good and put his hand back on the small of my back. Once we sat down he put his hands flat in the middle of the table. I put my cold hands on his hands and he turned his hands over and we held hands for a little while. He picked and said wow i have you hooked you all ready reached to hold hands. I laughed and said no. I was showing you how cold my hands are. We had talked about cold hands warm heart on the phone before we met. Anyways he said the blessing and asked the Lord to keep me safe. We ate, we talked. He leaned forward towards me and i him. He walked me to car gave me a long hug and when we were breaking away i wanted to kiss him and i think he felt the same by look on face. Later that afternoon i sent a txt explaining a txt. He said all is good and have a great eve. At 9 i sent him a txt telling him good night and i hoped he slept well. He replied Ditto and i am working out getting ready for work tomorrow. Monday nothing. I sent a lunch txt said i hope uour having a good day. 4 that afternoon he said he had been home sick and and the medicine he took knocked him out and he was feeling some better. I txtd back telling him i was sorry he was sick and glad he was feeling some better and if he felt like tzting or talking to give me a call. No response. Tuesday morn i sent a txt that said Good morning handsome! Hope your feeling better. A little later he responded he was still alive and at work but still had a horrible sore throat and was going to dr today. I have not sent any msgs at all because i dont want to sound needy, insecure, pushy, etc. Please let me know what you think maybe going on and if i should loose all hope and that this is his way of getting rid of me. I am soo confused. He acted like he was attracted to me. He also deleted his account on the dating site Sunday afternoon after we meet. I did tell him at lunch i had a abusive x husband. Did that send him away. He is 58 yrs old. Please help…

So my guy and I have been dating for 15 months. He said he wasn’t in a rush because his ex of 3 years just moved out. She messed with him a lot and from my opinion he is now reversing the roles with me. So we see each other once or twice a week and we do a lot of married things, cook, clean, relax, go to dinner, go on his boat etc but he still cant put a label on us. I haven’t met any friends or family and he hasn’t met my friends but my family once. I def put 110% into the relationship and plan most of the times we hang out and there are times he would just rather be by himself. Recently he has become very distant and ignoring texts and calls and not answering until I text again. He says that he doesn’t just ignore me but everyone. He had a wedding a few weeks ago and didn’t invite me. Said he doesn’t like weddings. I find out during that weekend the groom asked if his friend can stay at his place instead of the grooms parents. He didn’t tell me about it or her until I asked more questions. Since then he was distant. When asked more questions he told me everything about her and the weekend and how she was from Colorado and we live in NY. He said nothing happened but I feel like they connected emotionally. I then find out that they stayed friends and have been talking on facebook and I got the feeling he was tell her things and talking to her like he should me. That whole week he was distant and every time, now and in the past I bring up my feelings and not liking to be ignored he get defensive and says stuff like well if you don’t like it you can leave but laughs so I think he’s joking. So one Friday he says maybe we will hang out Saturday and when we are talking Saturday morning and I say let me know later after you help your friends if you want to hang out and no response. I send something later saying I’m out dong things let me know and still nothing. I do notice he is on facebook but ignoring. I also asked is everything ok, are you alive at 7 pm I eventually let my feeling and emotions take over and go straight to its over, he hates me and go to his house. I told him it was because I was scared something happened, my cousin just recently died in a fire, so I am on my toes. He has told me before he hates this and I didn’t listen las time because he was ignoring and being distant. So he said thats it I cant believe u did this we are over. Now I know I should have just made plans and did my thing when I didn’t hear him but I have a tendency to over think and react on things. I really feel like he is the one but had a hard time letting me in and showing me that he cared, like making the effort to hang out. I am so mad at myself for messing up. Am I wrong? What do I do now?

My boyfriend left 6 wks ago however he did take his clothes or personal things.. He pops up every week but again never take his thongs. Yes i still love him but I know he’s with someone else but why wont he take his things from my house

I met a guy on a dating site. Things seemed to be going well (3 mo in) We agreed to be menogomous. After 2 1/2 months he was still on the website. Asked and he agreed to take it down. Saw a text on phone, no I didn’t purposely look he opened his text message center, there was a girls name. I didn’t say anything until now. It’s a married with kids x girlfriend that he texts looks like constantly asked he said nothing going on. I asked if her husband knew they texted often and he said he didn’t know. I thought that was a red flag. I wrote him a text and said it probably wasn’t ok if he didn’t know. I said other crap as well that what if she had feelings and was he sure it was on the up and up. He pretty much stopped talking said he is sick. I went into needy mode and he said we would talk we he felt better and that it probably wouldn’t go so well right now he is irritable. It’s been 4 days. Should I just move on or wait. I’m a bit angry that he didn’t know if the husband knew or not thought that was a bit shady. I could’ve approached it differently but I kinda thought it was self explanatory that married women rarely talk to men on the daily that aren’t their husband, right??

I have this guy that I really love and care about, but he confessed to me that he doesn’t love me again after I broke with him once dye to the way he was not responding to the relationship again. I have tried all I could to make him realise how much I sincerely love him, but feeling is not there again. Please what can I do to have him back? He seem to be the only guy I am loving after a very long time. Please help me.

Hey Eric

I would greatly appreciate any advice. I met a guy on Tinder. We met twice and hit it off so much so that he ended up staying in my place the 2nd date.he has been txt and keeping in touch I told him straight if we could just get to know each other and take it easy that I wasn’t looking for a hook up but a relationship and he said same here. Obviously that was before we done the deed. I txt he one day when I didn’t hear from him to say thinking about you and he txt the next day to say his grab had died so I phoned him he said I was v sweet. He has kept in touch by txt but hasn’t initiated any other dates. So after he txt me the Friday I just said have a good wknd he replied you too sexy what are your plan’s his plans were working sat and Sunday was his nephews christening.so I replied going out sat and meeting up with a friend Sun.he then said where are ya going hun are you heading into town. I replied probably I’ll play it by ear. So at this point I was annoyed he didn’t make plans to see me so sent him a txt that night to say can I ask you a question. No reply so I sent another txt an hr later to say hi your a lovely guy but I’m not looking for a txt buddy I’m eventually looking for a boyfriend. I’m going to take that as a sign your not interested. No hard feelings. I wish you all the luck in the world in your search. I haven’t heard back and its two days. What should I do? I’m nearly 40 and don’t want to be wasting time if he’s not interested. I initiatives the 2nd meeting well I said I was going for a walk if he wanted to join me and he said yes. I said I’d buy him a drink. The chemistry was amazing

Any advice would be great!

Thanks so much
June????

I do get this and have done this but unsure if it is the guys am meeting or just me they don’t tend to make more effort at all!! I think it depends on the guy.

Wow iv been very confusing about all things about men,but,now we couldnt talk about equal issues between men and women, obviously all of us,who is following her man,either are you,as a love coach,,have been preferd mens role,as dominant gender,who are a worth objects,we should play an artfully accurate role to attract them????i d been thought for many years that only womn who d been done these things toooo faulty is me????but i v passed them,scoring 3 bad break up,now i want to be with my handesome bisex bf,and on the other hand making some innocent!tricks to ruin my ex!!kidding????,thanks for your execelnt guidelines i wish if i read these several years ago,not at 34yo from an ancient country on the middle east(is there any relation?), would you please tell me if i do these methods for an bisex man who is loving another guy or not;;regardssss??????

Hey ive been dating my boyfriend for 5 months now he works fifo wich mean fly in fly out for work we go out on meny dates together and we enjoy each other company one of my concern is ive not meet any of his family also in a month his going away to america for 2 months this concerns me.

I have left comments on a few of your articles hoping to get some input on a question I have. Why do men cheat? What might I be doing that drove him into ano another’s arms ( or bed I should say). I have been living with this man for 2 years and recently found out that he has been cheating on me throughout our entire relationship, with not only 1 woman but 2. One of them being his ex. Every time he says he is going out of town for work I found out he is seeing her. I feel so stupid! Please help!

Hey Eric I would like some advice/help?
I’ve been seeing this guy for 4/5 months now and we are literally best friends, spent much of our time together and were good friends before hand too until he told me he was really into me. Hardly any conflict between us and if there was we were able to talk it out with each other.
But just recently he told me that him and his ex (who he dated for over a year but broke up due to no special spark anymore) have agreed to be friends and they met up not long ago and he found that his feelings for her have come back. After they broke up he gave chances at the relationship again and being friends but she didn’t make it work, now he’s stuck between the two of us who are absolutely infatuated with him but at the moment he cant give me and him another attempt because of mixed feelings and says that we will always be friends what ever the outcome but he seems to now be spending time with his ex.
I was talking to his mum the other day and she says that when hes with his ex he doesn’t look as happy compared to when you were around and she also says that hes looking at grass he thinks is green when its not, so she hopes that he figures out the more reasonable choice and is quietly supporting me….(sounds clique I know)
I’ve told him how I feel and that I’m wanting to keep him in my life (yes I sound stubborn) and we’ve been able to catch up and still hang out like we used to almost. But he still doesn’t know what to do/choose because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone.
I’m wondering if giving him space and not contacting him for a while will have an affect on him and make him realise he’s missing me from his life or just make him want to see me more. It’s still early days and he needs time to decide what to do, and I need to help myself as well to get through this and maybe help switch on his feelings again as he is indecisive. So would going off the radar for a while work? Or is there something else that might work

Thanks, I just need to get through this in a stable condition and hopefully end up with the best outcome or a miracle

I have been in a simulate situation with 2 different men who literally have woo’d me with incredibly overt messages of my being everything they ever demeaned of (both knew me quite well before the wooing started), then sending me incredivky painful messages EVERY time I felt comfortable and content in the relationship. Usually the messages were something to do with them having had an intimate meeting or two with some other wonderful woman who, oh by the way, was QUITE taken with them! Sometimes it was shockingly cold-hearted answers in really intimate moments like, when, after 8 months of “intimate” relationship, I excitedly mentioned that I would love if the two of us could join a group of people we know on a trip to South Anerica, he said , “im not interested in going to South Anerica,” but when I mentioned that this other woman (in whom he has sworn up down and sideways not to be interested ) was going, he said, ” Oh! Sylvia’s going? I think I will try to arrange it!” Anyway, if every time you lean in, he leans out and em when you finally get hurt enough to lean way out, he woos you with convincing desire for nothing but you, you likely have a guy with attachment issues. Read about attachment, show him the literature. Don’t try to “fix” him. It leads absolutely nowhere but more pain for you. Unless he gets serious therapy and faces whatever woulds he has, he is not going to be more emotionally stable NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO OR HOW LONG YOU WAIT. I promise you it is a very very sad problem, only to be made sadder if you let him act it out on you over and over again. Please read about attachbent disorders. They are not hopeless, but you playing along with the push-me/pull-you will only continue the problem.

Agreed. If he’s only down when it’s his plans and not yours, he’s using you for his convenience. It’s never cool when folk give you their attention on their terms because it’s really you cartering to them, but it takes two to tango.

Eric,
I have been seeing a guy off & on for about 2yrs. I really feel he’s my soulmate.He is a self confessed player that I think is in the middle of a transition.He says he knows we will be happy when we are together, but he’s not ready. I believe he is telling the truth because he’s always been honest with me even if it was something I didn’t want to hear. I really want things to move forward, however recently he has really backed off physically saying he doesn’t want to use me. He wants to do things right when he’s ready. He is having a hard time financially and I think his self esteem is low. He still flirts with me when I see him (we work in the same building) and he still says he’s gonna marry me that he knows we belong together. I have never felt such intensity and he says the same and always has. He says if he was playing games with me he would have been gone a long time ago and he just want’s to be ready because if he isn’t and messes things up with us when we are together he will never recover. He says he loves me and he just needs to get his head together. He also has issues with his mom having to move in with him and he is having to deal with her and her health issues. He has a lot going on right now. I know we belong together. How can I motivate him to make a move toward us being a couple?

Okay question. Does this work the othe way around? Like with a woman. Should I, after putting in a shit ton of effort to repair old messaed up things I did. Always initiating contact and hangout and stuff. Should I wait to see if she will. I mean she knew I had 2 interviews today and hasn’t even asked to see how they went lol.

I met this guy completely randomly, (convo started when i mentioned i knew someone in his family) and he found me online and casually asked questions like am I single – which I answered yes but not at that point in life for relationship, I’m a bit hesitant, then we started texting and he’d called and and asked me if I wanted to hang out when he came home ( lived a few hrs away)… He called again a week later to chat…?As soon as he came home he texted and asked when we were hanging out and we made plans for the following day… It was a lot of fun, all the signs were there but I was still awkward… He text the next night and asked of I wanted to hang out again next time… I said yeah and we continued to text.. The next time he came home he asked to hang out twice but both I was working… Again, text here and there and finally I asked (it’s been 2 months now) if he was still up for hanging out sometime… He said he would but he has a girlfriend now… What happened? Was it because I in the beginning said I wasn’t ready for anything or did he just lose interest or what?

Bottom line the only lesson learned by me is if a guy is into
You and he wants to be with you, he will. There is confusion for one reason only. Hes not into you. When I wrote the above post I didnt want to beieve he was very much into the sex, very much into me but what he didnt want was more or commitment or a relationship . So I ended it, even told him we were no longer friends. And the completely turned around…… But it is too late, even thoigh I tried to hold on Im do e to hell with game playing…. Sorry but screw that! He isnt good e enough

ok i have had my herat broken like thousand times then this guy came into my life aware of my past heartbreaks and promised to not break my heart. Didnt want to give in to him beccause i was scared he wuld break my heart but he insisted he wont so at the long run i gave in to him. We are now just two months old and it has been hell. He sint the caring guy i met. Just two weeks ago he completely avoided me. He says things like he regrets coming for me and that i am so annoying and too emotional and submissive. I admit that i can be very emotional. He has the picture of his ex-girlfriend as his phone display picture. Told him in a calm way i wasnt comfortable with that, he got angry.he traveled for a week and never called. Sent him messages and he didnt reply, when he came back all he did was send me a text and. Ofocurse i got really hurt, i tried my best tp not go all naggy. The last time he lied about going somewhere because i told him i was coming over but i went anyway only to find him home. Thats where he rained insults on me, even telling me he would slap me. All i could was cry. I cant believe this same guy who begged me to give in to him would treat me like this. He even went further to tell me he has another girlfriend and then later made a comment that it was a joke but no i dont think it was, even if it was, why would you say something like that to me knowing how it would hurt me knowing all the issues we are going through now. He then said wehn i get home i shouldnt contact him for four days. Today is the fourth day and i miss him like hell but i cant get past all that he said to me. I made a decision to move on, so i put off my phone ever since then but i dont know if i can continue with this. What should i do. I kow i stil love him and a part of me wants him back badly.a i dont know if he still loves me or he is just thanking God my i havnt contacted him. What should i do?

Hey Eric,
So reading this is actually quite funny to me. I am a recently single girl (even though things ended with my last boyfriend a year ago). I never fully felt “single” because I had not completely forgotten his “love” for me, and was still looking for specifically that. I realized a while back after several terrible situations that his “love” actually wasn’t for me, and it never will be no matter how hard I tried; so here I am – finally single. The worst part about being with this ex was that his parting message to me was: Prince Charming doesn’t exist; fairytales are just stories.
But, here’s the real story: my unattainable man-crush story. He was the most handsome man I had laid eyes on, and for the past five years of being around him (we work together) my heart fluttered when he was close by, no joke – pounding. He has this added bonus of being all dark and secretive that makes just about any girl he comes into contact with intrigued; left wanting more, and more. Recently, Mr. Charmer and I have become good friends, and we made plans to do something that seemed very “date-like”, and, though hopeful, I never really thought much would become of these tentative plans because of what he represented in my mind. A week goes by, and no word. I had pretty much given up hope of actually believing this crazy date would happen, but low and behold, one fine day, on my email, “Are we still on?” Funny thing is, after that date, I actually realized that while we may be friends for a long time, he is not the kind of guy I’d like to be in a relationship with, and I think things will slowly simmer down to normalcy soon. But, my final word is: it’s true! Sometimes, when things aren’t pushed or pulled into happening, when they do happen the way you want it to, it is that much sweeter. When he actually put in the effort of wanting to hang out with me, whatever his intent may be, I felt like I was on top of the world for those dazzling 5 seconds of reading that email. This made me think to myself: maybe the guy who broke my heart was wrong. Maybe, I could be worth it for someone to chase again. And, maybe, just maybe, it’s okay just to be exactly the way I am. :)

Hi Eric. This situation is almost like mine except that I started off not caring much. He complained and said I wasn’t caring so I started to put in more effort in the relationship and now he’s being a douche. So I backed off n stopped caring as muchand he flares up again. I seriously don’t get what game this guy is playing. We have been together for 2 months or so now.

Hey Eric, Please help me!

My boyfriend and I dated for 2 years. We were completely into each other and he gave me 100%. However there were trust issues between us, he lied about his education for many months until I snooped around and found out he was lying. I was worse – saw other guys a couple of times when he wouldn’t do something I wanted and used other guys to make him jealous. I got an STD once when out drunk. He kept forgiving me and acting like it was okay but over time I felt him withdrawing. Finally he told me he needed space after a big fight and that we were on a break – he still loved me ‘very much and we would get back together if i could prove i was trustworthy.’ He said he intended it to be for only a few weeks, however i tried to make him jealous..and made things worse. Finally he dumped me, saying i need to change. He said he will not see other people as he will wait for me to change.

Then I woke up and stopped cheating. Things went a little better at first, he would talk to me, we’d go out on dates and hang out a once a week. But then he’d ignore me for days if i did something small to piss him off, and I’d go crazy obesssive trying to reach him. Then he’d tell me he wants more space, and i’d go even crazier..and the cycle continued till I had no choice but to not attempt to contact him for a week. He’d calm down and call me and then we’d get slowly better again.

Now its been four months. The last time we went on a date was 3 weeks ago, he took me to an expensive restaurant and ice cream and i slept over. The next day we had a fight because he didn’t wake up when i woke up for work. Now its crap. Where he used to call when we first broke up, twice a day, now its once every few days. Mostly,I call him a few times a day only to be blocked and he rarely calls back. He says I’m a crazy pyscho bitch and i need to give him space or get out of his life for good. He doesn’t say nice things to me or reassure me when i’m upset anymore, never is loving. He has all the power, i have to beg him to see me..he says ‘i’ll see.’ I bussed to his house twice in one day over the weekend, uninvited, just to see him. He chased me out, he didn’t want his family to see me. They want a restraining order against me now.

If i ask, do you love me? He says yes. But he doesn’t show it. He just wants me to leave him alone all the time for hte last few weeks. How do i fix things and gain back his respect/affections? The more i act in love with him and stop thinking about other guys, the less attention he gives me. He says he doesnt care what i want, i cheated..i have to put up with this for four months before he gives a crap about me. Don’t tell me to leave- I LOVE HIM!

Thanks Eric! I am doing what you say, I wish it will work out finally in my case.
We have known each other for quite a long time as he is the superior of my ex-; he started to text me few weeks ago at a function then we hung out for concert and we ended up slept together with nothing happened literally! (we both were drunk!lol) the next day I tried to ask him out but he declined due to his busy schedule. After reading your articles, I tried not to be needy, and we ended up slept together the next sat. We both enjoyed so much I can say, and now I step back and see if he will ask me out on a proper date.

But the tricky part is that, he once texted me sth like, “I never fall in love”; “making sure you are not falling in love with me ;)”… I responded all these like “I like you but not loving you”; “if that makes you happy, I actually not easily fall in love with”… he disappeared a day or two after that, and texted me again telling me what he was doing. I told him I was busy as well, then he starts coming to me but not actually attached to me.

I wonder what this guy is really thinking about, if I give my patience, do you think this may work out finally? He keeps playing ‘hot and cold’ with me, really have no ideas what he really wants! The funniest is, I had a test on him if he keeps noticing my whatsapp status, I blocked his contact one night, and turned out he texted me early next morning when I unblocked his contact again. I might be a bit over-sensitive, but I know this doesn’t end yet. Please advise how I can play it cool thereafter. lol

Eric, oh my gosh.. so glad I found what you said. Becauswhae I think it just saved me from ruining something with this guy. Not to sound weird. But I would so kiss you right now

I have been seeing this guy for about a year maybe a little more , I was going though a very bad time with my husband at the time , and his partner had cheated on him and he was finding things hard also we have known each other for a number of years before we got talking . Over a year ago he popped up on my fb chat asking how i was and asked why i had not been going in our local pub , I told him why and we started to chat more on fb . We both was going though our own problems. my husband was a very big drinker and i felt very alone and very sad , we kept parting but then he would make me feel sorry for him and he would say he will cut down and change so i would take him back .but sadley things didnt change . so when this guy asked to meet for a coffee i agreed and we started getting close and telling each other our problems , we would have little kisses now and then . we even booked an hotel room just to have adult fun but when we got there and shared few hours together cuddling and kissing we both couldnt take it further it felt wrong . but we both still would meet for coffee and kisses and cuddles and text each other all the time . my husband and i split last jan and this guy was there for me popping round for coffee cuddles and id confide in him .. he gave me advise and said i should meet a nice man who will treat me right we talked alot about my childhood and abuse with men in my life and he would say things like he would love to be able to just take me away from it all and look after me . but he was still living with is gf . he said that he knew she was not for him anymore because she had cheated on him and broke his heart and he knew he couldnt marry her . I did try to give him advise also about going for some help the both of them but he said it was to late . months went by of talking , texts and emails as he worked away some texts was rude lol and some real nice things like he wished i was with him and that he misses me , and could he see me when hes back just for a cuddle and thats all it was kisses and cuddles and talks .Then last summer he sent me a text that read … I am falling for you and dont know what to do about it . i cant remember what i put back . has he knew i was in a bit of a mess in my life . A couple of times i tried to tell him we had to stop seeing each other because i felt very bad on his gf and would not hurt anyone and if he was single it would be diffrent . he then would text saying please he dont want to lose me . a few days would go by and we would not last out and text or email and he would want to see me . but then i went back to my husband again not sure how this guy felt but he said he hoped it worked out . but it didnt . we both carried on seeing each other for coffee and chats but knew he was not free to take things further and in oct i started to date a local bloke and told this guy i had met someone and would not let him kiss me again or anything . I didnt tell him my heart was hurting because i had fallen for him and only started to date because i needed to let go of him . so for a week we didnt text , but then he would end up texting me to ask how my relationship was going i would make out it was good . I didnt here from him for a week or too . it killed me so i would down load songs on my face book with words how i felt and altho spooky id down load a few that ment nothing . but it was strange the next day he had liked the ones that i had put on really for my feelings for him . i missed him so much . then i finshed it with my fling as my heart was not in it . i sent an email to this guy asking how he was and that me and men just dont go , really to let him no i was single . but he just mailed me saying he was fine . then aweek went by and we got talking again he said take it your single again it was newyears eve i said nope im single i give up with men . then he asked if we could meet up after our night out for a kiss and cuddle , i said what about your gf then to my shock he said they have parted . we met up just after middnight and sat up talking and when he talked about me and him seeing how things go i stopped him and said we would not work im not good with relationships . we slept in same bed and he held me close all night and when we woke up few a min we would wake together and go for each others hand hold it and fall back to sleep . we have since new year seen each other more not selpt together in that way still .. has i dont want to get used or hurt , because he said hes thinking of moving to spain so dont want to get into anything . yet we are still seeing each other and spending nights just cuddling . and lastweek i went round his place and we spoke about lots of things . he asked if my kids would like him and then said he knows hid daughter would get on with me . and he said that he dont no what it is about me he cant let go . but hes changed backed off a little dont text as much this is since new year tho . he stayed last night and we cuddled and talked and i said i would after let him go because i dont think he wants me . he said i was wrong its just that my x husband still hanging around and he as just got out is relationship and he still thinking of moving . now im very confused and not sure if to let go . maybe he just hanging on because hes not slept with me yet . help someone whats happening and why his he backing off .. x

Hi Eric,
I totally agree with every single thing you said. My guy didn’t call me or text for 5 days and I never text first, I would reply to his texts and be friendly. I really like him but I’m trying to keep thing light between us. My date seems to put in more effort when I’m just taking it easy. He is always the one who asks me out and he never let me pay for a single thing since we have been in several dates, this time I was thinking of asking him out for the first time but after reading this I think why not hang back and let him put in more effort…Thanks to Eric, he called me today and asked me out for dinner on Fri or Sat but unfortunately I have made plans with my family and the girls so I can’t fit him in, all I said was Sunday lunch and He replied ” I can’t wait to see you” so next time he knows he can’t just call me and make plans at the last minute.
Girls, it works….look sexy and think smart…

You’ve mentioned in this article that a lot can be fixed by simply backing off and giving your guy some space. However, when is it too much space? 1 week, 3 weeks, longer?

The reason I ask, is that I have and usually do back off and give him space. I’ve been seeing this guy for over a year. But he has never been one to take the initiative to seek me out. After 2 or 3 weeks of not hearing from him, I start making an effort to get reach out to him before whatever we do have falls completely apart.

However, I need him to want to see me and spend time with me. I don’t want to feel as if I am the only one emotionally invested. And if I tell him this, I don’t know if it would be genuine on his behalf IF he even decides to do something about it.

What’s your advise on what to do for those in similar situations as my own?

Hi Eric

Is that a real pic of u?

ok so i have a question;
my friend introduced me to this boy and we got talking and got to know eachother. Then on the next day he tried to ask me out but i was in Cardiff, when i came back a friend whichwe have in common told me he was trying to reach me so i messaged him on facebook just saying hi and no reply.

Now 2 weeks later and he tried to ask me out again but same as last time i was out, this time i did not message him as to not sound needy. Then the next day again he comes but i was in the shower and so again i missed him, this time again i messaged him on face book sayin *hey, sorry i couldn’t come out i was in the shower* and its only been 1 day and im willing to wait but from what u have read do i sound needy?

please respond to this because i have been asked out pleanty a time bur not by the right person. and i really like him.

also another quick question,
A friend we both have in common is asking me for him to save him from coming down to my house, but how ever hard i try my mind wont let me say yes incase my friend laughs and i dont want my friend to know, which of course is a stupid idea because she would find out anyway.

please, as i have stated above, reply to this because i need to know if he thinks im needy or avoiding him.

kind regards,
Ocean

Great article. This is definitely what destroyed my first relationship…wish I had read it then! :)