Relationships can be scary places. You sometimes don’t even want to know the truth about what’s going on even if you really want to know the truth. Did that make any sense?
Let’s take being exclusive with him. You’ve been spending tons of time together, you’ve met each other’s friends and families, you enjoy each other, you have great chemistry… but you haven’t had the infamous “talk” yet to find out if you’re exclusive.
You really want to know where you stand but you’re afraid to ask for fear of rocking the boat. You’ve also heard that doing so would mean giving your power away and you certainly don’t want that! So you keep going along for the ride, but the question eats away at you.
MORE: The Top Signs He Is Never Going to Commit
You pay attention to his social media with the precision of a surgeon — you’re on the lookout for signs that he’s possibly seeing other girls, for signs that he isn’t as invested as you are. It feels like you’re a couple, but you don’t want to be blindsided as you’ve been so many times in the past, so you’re dying to know exactly where you stand.
So what are the ways to tell if you’re exclusive with him?
Take The Quiz: Does He Really Love You?
How to Know If You’re In An Exclusive Relationship With Him
A lot of people confuse signs you’re getting more serious with signs you’re in an exclusive relationship. Exclusivity carries a different level of significance for everyone. Some guys might say they’re exclusive with you before they’re ready to be your official “boyfriend” (that one never made much sense to me, but I’ve seen that scenario play out countless times!).
- These are some main signs your relationship is getting more serious can include:
- You talk about the future in a realistic way.
- You are close to one another’s families.
- You have keys to each other’s homes.
- You spend most holidays and weekends together.
If you do these things, chances are you’re heading toward a serious relationship, but they don’t always necessarily mean you’re in an exclusive relationship.
MORE: How to Make Him Commit and Want Only You
What Are the Signs You’re In An Exclusive Relationship With Him?
So you want to know where your relationship stands … where does anyone go when they want to know stuff? Mr. Google of course.
So you type in the question and you get a checklist of signs that claim you are definitely in an exclusive relationship.
And maybe you feel better when you can check yes to most of them.
They will tell you things like you know you’re exclusive if …
- You’re in his social media profile pictures.
- You’ve met his friends.
- He takes you out on dates.
- You engage in PDA.
- You spend a lot of time together.
- You have inside jokes.
- He’s there for you when you need him.
- He takes care of you when you’re sick.
Now all of these are things most couples do, but they aren’t signs that you’re in an exclusive relationship. I definitely know this firsthand because I dated a guy who checked yes to all of these and more, and yet he still refused to call me his official girlfriend. The moral here is that checklists mean absolutely nothing.
MORE: Signs He’s Never Going To Commit
Maybe it makes you feel better, maybe it silences the anxious, frenetic thoughts in your mind, maybe it gives you some clarity, but checklists certainly won’t give you a clear answer.
OK, so if that’s the case then…
How to Know if You’re in an Exclusive Relationship For Sure
Ready to have your mind blown? The one and only way to know if you’re in an exclusive relationship is if your guy clearly and explicitly says that you are in an exclusive relationship. That’s really all there is to it!
You can check yes next to a hundred signs and that means nothing unless he has clearly stated that you are his girlfriend. If he hasn’t made it clear to you, then you are still “single” for all intents and purposes.
Guys don’t throw out hints hoping you’ll get the message. Most men typically tell it like it is plainly and simply.
If he avoids the topic anytime you try to bring it up or if he tells you he doesn’t like labels or wants to keep things how they are or he “can’t be in a relationship right now” then he is plainly telling you he doesn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with you.
The reasons don’t matter. Take what he says at face value. If you want to stay in the relationship, that’s your prerogative but it would be a huge mistake to hold out hope for things to change. Instead, you’ll most likely stay stuck in this relationship no-mans-land indefinitely.
When a guy likes you, it’s obvious. When a guy wants to be exclusive with you, he’ll tell you. There are no hidden messages to decipher or clues to piece together. If you can really let that sink it, you will clear your mind of so much unnecessary stress and worry.
MORE: Major Signs He’s Not Serious About You
What Makes a Man Want to Be Exclusive?
OK, so now we’ve covered how to know if you’re in an exclusive relationship and you might be wondering what it takes to get the ever so elusive exclusivity.
Fortunately, the answer to that is also pretty simple.
You can’t play games or manipulate your way into a serious relationship. You can be your true authentic self. It’s wise to work on yourself so that you are in a strong, healthy, positive place, but you don’t need to change who you are or act a certain way.
A man decides to commit himself to a woman when his life is just better with her in it what without. That’s all.
To be that woman, you just need to be mindful of your mood and your vibe. This means you bring happiness and positivity into your interactions with him. You don’t let negative, stressed, anxious thoughts consume you. You are able to be present and engaged and because of that, you can truly connect with him and develop a genuine relationship.
MORE: How to Know if You’re Exclusive
Negative people can’t do this because they are too stuck in their worried thoughts and their fears and their worst case scenarios.
It’s also important to never act like a man’s girlfriend until you are his girlfriend. This is a huge mistake. Fake it until you make it is not a concept that works in this scenario. The guy will just get complacent and have no motivation to change anything about your relationship, because why should he?
This is why looking at checklists is problematic. It may lead you to assume things are one way when they aren’t. Never assume. When a guy wants to lock you down, he will make it known! Why would he ever risk losing a girl he really likes to someone else?
MORE: The Do’s and Don’ts Of Having the “What Are We” Conversation
If he hasn’t said it clearly and explicitly, then you are still a free agent and can and should keep your options open. You don’t have to actually go out on dates if you don’t want, just mentally keep yourself open to the possibility.
I hope this article cleared things up for you and have you a definitive answer on how to know if you’re in an exclusive relationship. Here’s the thing about men. In every relationship, he will reach an inevitable point where he asks himself: is this the woman I want to commit myself to? What happens next will determine everything. Do you know what inspires a man to commit? Do you know what makes him see you as girlfriend material? If not, you need to read this next: The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Another common issue you will face is when he starts to pull away and withdraw. It looks like he’s losing interest in you. He’s not as responsive, he’s not as attentive, and things just feel off. Do you know what to do to get things back on track? If not, be sure to read this too: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This...
MORE: How to Get Him to Commit
Take The Quiz: Does He Really Love You?
Written by Sabrina Alexis