Ever wonder why some guys act like they can’t get enough of you even though you’re not doing anything or even showing interest?
One of the secrets to knowing how to make men want you is understanding what they truly find attractive, even the things that make you go, “Really? That is why you’re chasing me so hard?”
I’ve been doing this for a long time and in summing up all of my experiences, there are definitive common denominators in how women go about trying to win a man over and get him to like her… and usually, these are wrong!
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I get where you’re coming from though because I once thought the same way and did the same things. Society teaches us a lot of things about what we think men find irresistible when it’s oftentimes completely off track.
The traits I’m going to share with you may seem like they go against everything you thought about how to make a man like you, but stick with me and you’ll see it all makes sense. If you can follow these tips, I guarantee you’ll see a dramatic shift in your love life so make sure you follow through until the end and no skipping!
Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?
1. Be Happy On Your Own
Being desperate for a relationship is not what’s going to get you a relationship. If anything, it actually repels guys. Men want to feel wanted, not needed. When I say needed, I mean he doesn’t want to feel like you need him in order to fill an emotional void within your life or that you just can’t bear to live without him.
Needing him is simply the sense that he is important and he adds significance to your life. You are the same with or without a man and you’re choosing to have him in your life because he adds to it.
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This is why it’s so important to get to a place where you enjoy and embrace being single. Where you can truly say you’re happy by yourself. Otherwise, you will just feel like something is lacking and this can lead to latching on to the first guy who shows interest.
When you feel like something is missing or that you desperately want a relationship, that mindset of lack feeds into actions of desperation.
The best attitude is one where you feel like, “A relationship would be great and I’m excited to meet a guy who I can share a life with, but I will enjoy my life as it is until he comes along.” There’s nothing wrong with desiring a relationship, as long as it doesn’t turn into needing one or wanting one because you feel broken or incomplete without it.
I’ll tell you this, the summer before I got back together with my ex, who is now my husband, it was the best summer of my life. I was single, I was able to focus on myself, and I was happy to explore that and make the best of being me. I was so happy with my life at that moment and that’s what made all the difference.
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Having your own life and own things going on is one of the most attractive qualities in a man and this absolutely applies to women as well!
2. Have Boundaries
This next tip is crucial.
When you like a guy and want to win him over, your natural instinct may be acting as accommodating as possible. If he wants you to drive over to his house at 11 pm, you will. If he waits until the last minute to set up plans, you don’t say anything because you want to seem cool and laidback.
You do all of these things to bend over backward for him because you don’t want to be one of those girls who is always complaining about something. You want to be the “cool girl,” the one who is fun to hang out with, no complaints, no saying “I don’t really want to do that. Why don’t we do this instead?”
A man might keep a woman like this around for a while because yeah she makes things easy and convenient for him. But this is not the kind of woman he becomes seriously interested in. This is a woman he takes for granted, not the kind of woman he treats like a priority.
MORE: How to Get Him to Treat you Like a Priority
Your laidback attitude may be super attractive to him in the moment but it doesn’t have staying power, at least not to get you to the level of relationship you want to have.
First of all, he’s not able to pursue you because there’s nothing to pursue. You’re handing over everything to him already! Why would he put in any effort to chase you or lock you down when you’re right there all the time?
Boundaries are sexy! It is so intriguing to a man when he tells you he wants to see you and you say, “Sorry. I have to say no. I already have other plans!” That is alluring and gets him wondering what you’re up to if you’re not dropping everything to be with him.
He perks up a bit and realizes he’s going to have to work a little bit if he wants to win you over, and a man can only come to care about you if he has to work for you. We value the things we have to work for and earn.
The secret to how to be irresistible to him is being busy and living your own life and sticking to your plans. If he doesn’t properly plan things with you ahead of time, he misses out.
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3. When You Know What You Want And Express It!
OK, so this is something that happens a lot. I get messages all the time asking things like, “My boyfriend said this and that. What does he mean?”, “Why hasn’t he introduced me to his friends yet?”, or “We’ve been on 3 dates already and he hasn’t kissed me yet!”
My reply to these is usually, “Well, have you asked him?” and I always get a “no” in response.
I get where that hesitation comes from. We’ve been so conditioned to be afraid of looking needy or desperate that you just don’t express your needs or feelings at all. You don’t want to come off as nagging or bring up the dreaded “What are we?” conversation. And I get that. It can seem like you’re opening up a can of worms by asking serious, pointed questions about something you want answers to.
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But it’s very appealing to know what you want and say it! Having desires and feelings while expressing them is a good thing! Confident people don’t have this fear of putting themselves out there and asking for what they want.
They’ll say things like, “Hey, I’d love to meet your friends sometime. Do you think we could make that happen sometime?” or “I’m really attracted to you and I think you feel the same. I’m just curious why you haven’t tried to kiss me yet?”
A confident woman has no hesitations towards asking these kinds of questions because she’s not afraid of losing him for bringing something up. And, in the off chance he does decide he wants to bail, it’s no loss to her because she’ll easily move on to another guy who doesn’t have a problem being open and expressive back to her questions.
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4. Put Yourself First
Yes, I’m telling you to be a bit selfish in the beginning of a new relationship. I’m giving you this advice because most women don’t do this! And doing the opposite of this can end up crushing the relationship before it has a chance to thrive.
This is the time to take a step back and ask yourself, “Is this someone I want to have in my life? Or does he just simply check off all the boxes of attractive qualities in a man that I’m looking for?”
Do not put the guy on a pedestal and try to be everything you think he wants, trying to prove that you’re perfect together or that he made the right choice by dating you.
MORE: Ask a Guy: How Do I Get Him to Chase Me Again?
Another major trap I see women fall into is what I call Excessive Compassion Disorder. Essentially, this is when you let your compassion override your sense of reason and you stay with a guy who treats you terribly because he’s having a hard time in his life, and you just want to be there to help him. You basically sacrifice yourself and your wellbeing for him.
For example, a woman was recently telling me she’s in this relationship and the guy is a mess and she feels so overlooked and unhappy and his behavior is so confusing. I asked why are you still with him? And she said, “I feel bad, he’s just having a hard time.”
Don’t feel bad for him, feel bad for you! Look at how he’s treating you, what he’s bringing (or not bringing) to the relationship, and how this is affecting you.
Yes, love is about giving and being partners, but the early stages are not at that level. The early stages are just about discovering who the other person is and if you could be good to each other and for each other. It’s not about playing therapist or savior or nursemaid.
Putting yourself first is attractive and interesting. Bending over backward to please a guy or “fix” him or whatever comes off as desperate, clingy, and looking like you have no self-esteem or self-worth.
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5. Leave Him Wanting More
We can also call this being a bit of a mystery.
Look, I don’t advocate playing games and you will not find that in my content. I don’t necessarily want you to play hard to get, I want you to be hard to get. There’s a distinct difference between the two.
This means you fill your life up with a lot of things that make you feel fulfilled and happy and you don’t feel the need to show all your cards right away.
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So many women feel this need to just prove themselves immediately. To tell a new guy their entire life story because how else will he know what you’re smart and funny and caring and philanthropic and a good friend and daughter if you don’t tell him all these things?!
Spilling your guts in order to make a deep and quick connection is not the way to go about this. It leaves nothing for him to discover on his own. It’s better to show than to tell. Let him discover your multifaceted personality over time.
You don’t need to tell someone who you are. Let them discover you slowly. This is what builds a man’s intrigue and interest and gets him to want to pursue you. Make him fall head over heels by constantly being a surprise every time he learns something new about you.
What did you think of this list? Are you trying to work on one of these traits in particular? Did any of them surprise you? Please share in the comments section. I love your feedback and I love interacting with you.
I hope this article gave you a better understanding of what makes a man want to pursue you but there is more you need to know. Do you know what inspires a man to commit and see a woman as “the one”? If you want to learn what it takes, read this next:The #1 Things Men Desire in a Woman
Written by Sabrina Alexis