Why the Guys You Want Don’t Want You

While you may want that guy, odds are he can just not want you. There could be many reasons but I found that if the woman is instigating the interest then she has to be the one to try and get the guy’s attention without distractions. If you don’t offer what he really wants or aren’t on the same page to make a connection, then drop the attempt and move on. If you don’t share the same morals, customs, or have a mutual desire for the same outcome the ln save yourself grief and move on to someone who does share those things. Case in point I had a single mother hit on me years ago who tried to instigate a relationship with me, but did so without being able to build any sort of foundation, tried to get me into an adult dating site out of the blue, and knew my moral principles were not compatible with what she was after and still tried to initiate an intimate relationship. This knowing my religious principles wouldn’t allow me to do such a thing. To everyone who does this, you are setting yourself up for failure because what you want with that person is in opposition to what they believe and where they stand. As for myself, I just gave up on the whole idiotic mess but thought perhaps someone may gain some insight from one being on the other side of the equation.

It’s really messed up and juvenile to refer to other human beings as “damage cases,” like they are broken objects.

I’d like to hear your thoughts about the dangerous social climate men find themselves in these days. When a man weigh the benefits and risks of dating, relationships and marriage, the risks outweigh the benefits every time. I don’t date for the same reason I don’t play Russian roulette. Do women even realize how dangerous they’ve made it for a man to even approach them? And do they accept any responsibility for it? I don’t think they have, and maybe won’t until the complete absence of men makes it impossible for women to ignore any longer.

Ladies, for the love of your future relationships please don’t listen to this article. This woman’s points only reinforces why we don’t date women, or are very picky whom we date with, anymore.

You explained my entire dating life. I’ve always had a good self-esteem, always took care of myself by dressing nice and doing my hair and makeup and working out. I’m very empathetic and always outgoing and friendly. I’m college educated. I’ve always had tons of male attention throughout my life. Even during my overweight days, men always said how sexy I was. But, whenever I had my eye on a specific guy, I would go chase him and he would eventually run away. They all do this lol. They are at first shocked that I would even look at them, never mind want to date them, but eventually they will pull away and I would get my ego bruised once again. Oh, they all start out as “I can’t believe you like me. I like you too. Wow.” Eventually, for a lot of men, it falls into a dark period of mistrust and insecurity. I would get hit on constantly at bars in front of a guy that I wanted and he would get upset or think I’m cheating. I would reassure him that I only like and want to be with him. The problem is this, a lot of men can’t shake the irrational thoughts that go on in their minds and they are left with the idea of not being able to deal with the attention you get. If you are a woman that gets a lot of attention from men, you have either players that seek your type or beta men that are scared to death of you or you get the occasional narcissist that is deeply insecure and jealous of you yet acts like he’s god’s gift to women.
Just like your Brian, I had a guy just like that. Aloof, emotionally unavailable, a lot younger than me, no college education, a job to get by, quirky, lived in a one room apartment with no kitchen and had to share a bathroom with other tenants, not what you would call universally attractive (he was cute), no car and broke as hell. I mean, broke broke. He had absolutely nothing to offer me in a relationship besides his humor, personality and sex. He even said during one of our last interactions “Look, I’m broke af. I don’t know what I want with you/this etc.” But, I didn’t want anything from him. I liked him for him and you will be surprised of how many men in his situation run from women because THEY feel like they can’t provide enough for them. When you push too much and try to reassure that you like them as is and that you aren’t looking for anything else, they actually feel like you are pushing them too much and in the end, they run further away from you. Another issue I find is that when a guy who is insecure sees you get a lot of attention while he is with you, he at first will feel like a king. But, after a while, that fades fast and he grows annoyed and starts to get irrational thoughts in his mind about trust issues. Even though we were only seeing each other as it only a few months of knew him and not actually boyfriend/girlfriend, he was always questioning my trust. I couldn’t even joke around and tell him so and so is cute. That would set him off. At this point, they will always start to pull away and grow distant. My kind words of advice; don’t chase after these men! The more you chase, the more you make them anxious and they will never want to talk to you again. With this guy, he went off seeing someone that is more on his level. His age, mediocre looks and the same way of life. What does that do to us? It’s left us in utter shock right? How this guy can chose her over me? Meanwhile, you remain in his “friend zone” forever now. You shake it off. You continue to do you. You post a selfie on social media and oh look, over 100 likes and everyone once again telling you how gorgeous you are. Yet, the one guy you wanted to notice never likes your pics lol.

THIS WAS AWESOME!! Just what I needed to hear ❤️❤️

I can tell you a bunch of those hot and colds for me actually became somone I dated both that were male and female. Most of my hot and colds were friends but one was a guy I met on skype. Did we last? No, but it wasn’t because of his hot and cold as for the fact he was a chriminal that had me worrying about him every day. Calling me when there was a shooting at his house and things like that. Finally He got hurt so badly he was in a coma and his brother dated me. Another hot and cold this one female eventually asked me out after I been circling around asking them out. Yawn we didn’t last either but we were LDR and she was younger than me with untreated bipolar. I hate to say it but a bunch of common beliefs here don’t work for me.

I agree with what you’ve said and have long thought I want a partner and a guy who is interested in commitment, but I so rarely meet any single men or men I’m attracted to who are interested in me at all (ie going on a date), that it is becoming increasingly difficult as I get older (mid 30s+) to find a man who isn’t either “coated in issues/have commitment problems”. I deep down sense that the ones I do finally meet, and go on dates with, after long waits and searches, soon enough take the attitude of “she’s older so I can treat her however I wish”, and dispose of her in horrible, callous ways once she starts expecting some commitment or input from him? As there is tinder/online dating and I live in London, a massive City of millions of commitment phobic men and endless young women migrants, the reality is that men can openly be rude to you and make you hang on because they know they can go back online anytime and pick up new women without having to commit to one who wants more than just dates and flings. This is the only way I can explain how i get treated now. Whenever it gets to the commitment stage, and start wanting more than the fun, carefree dates, or notice they are not making the effort to remember what you said or do things you like and which matter to you, they lose interest. How do you find a man who is ready to commit and is emotionally mature in such a situation? It’s not that I lack that mindset, or have an empty life, I am often busier and have more social arrangements than the men I date, but it never gets to the commitment stage anymore. I am picking up earlier and earlier when they are not really into it by their actions or body language or the fact I have to ask them to call me – and guys seem not to call, just text – which I hate and can’t bond with them over as I like to hear their voice. I note their lack of enthusiasm and give up when they start becoming defensive when I ask for a bit more involvement. I feel heartbroken that having an emotionally involved and stable relationship seems increasingly elusive as I get older, and there are less emotionally mature men around. The older ones often have similar issues. I don’t feel old. I am slim, intelligent and well-educated, but I just struggle to meet any single men who are employed and want a relationship with me (or anyone over 21).

hi everyone I have a question?
I was attracted to guy and I tried to connect with him, tried to know him, we even went on a date once. But more I was trying to know him and showed interst by asking questions more he withdrawed till the point that a month after we were on that date we saw each other on an event and he acted like doesn’t know me, then I stoped any interaction and decided to leave him the space but he never contacted me back. yesterday I saw him after almost one moth and a half with no contact and I still had the impression he avoids me at one point we were looking at eachother but nothing in his face showed some emotion like when you look at someone you know. Well I should be honest and say that he is not an expressive type of person at all and very very introuvert.
So my question is : how to deal in that kind of situations? Is there a way to make him give me a second chance? It hapens to me quite often , well always with guys i like and we never even really date I was so absorbed to be everything described in this article that he probably doesn’t even know the real me. And it’s super strange because i have many male friends that are intouverts and usually i get on very well with that kind of people.

I have a question and I don’t want any judgement I really just need advice. I have been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now and around the 6 month mark I saw a message on his phone that a girl he was talking to found out he had a girlfriend. I of course confronted him about it and he told me he met her on tinder awhile ago and that he invited her over for a party he was throwing for some of his single guy friends. I believed it, but deep down couldn’t let it go and we broke up for about a week and a half. We got back together trying to put differences aside and I found out during the time we were broken up he had finally met up with this girl for the first time and they hung out (I’m not upset about what happened while we were apart because we weren’t together) and I found out they were talking again. He wasn’t talking to her anymore once we were back together and blocked her on everything because I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him talking to her. So she messaged me on Facebook and had told me that they have been talking over the last couple of months and that he had always texted her saying he wanted to see her while we were together, but she never met up with him. I told him this information and he got very upset and started crying saying he didn’t want to lose me and that it meant nothing and he never actually met her in person while we were together they were just texting. I still feel very upset about this and like I can’t trust him. I really want to be with him but I don’t know if he really loves or cares about me. I have told him if he wants to be single and not in a relationship with me so he can do what he wants and he keeps telling me he doesn’t want me to go anywhere and that I’m the only one he wants. I don’t understand why he would want to be with me if he is interested in talking to other girls and getting on tinder while he’s with me. I really need advice. He has been going through a lot of stuff with family and financial problems and sometimes claims to be depressed and resorts to drugs to make him happy, but I just don’t know whether to believe he really truly loves me and wants to be with me. Any help would be great!

First, I would like to say that I have posted before but I cannot figure out how to find my previous comments and potential responses to them. But my issue is that nothing, anywhere, on any forum or the entire Web seems to address my exact dilemma, which is that I do not want to settle down, I do not have such an agenda. All I want is exactly what guys want, in terms of being in the moment with someone without concerns with where things are going. The issue is that I fall in love, and being in love is part of what feels good to me in this place, the “sweet spot”, that guys like too. The only problem is finding someone that I can fall in love with, passionately, that can keep things at the pace I am comfortable with, which is simply hearing from him every few days and going out maybe once a week, more or less, dressing sexy, him appreciating that and wanting each other real bad. I have many years of committed experience behind me, and it is ultimately unsatisfying. I do not need companionship most of the time. I enjoy the ideas of freedom to have options, if I choose, and this in itself keeps me faithful emotionally and physically. please do not tell me I need therapy. I am not drinking the coolaid, so to speak, in terms of settling for something mundane and boring which conceals me like a tomb. I would rather be free and hopeful, and occasionally sad and frustrated, then the latter only stuck in it. I had a man for four years that I indeed loved and was deeply attached to. however, he had issues, probably with alcoholism, though I’m not sure if he was actually an alcoholic or just a bachelor doing what many-fun-single men do. He also may have had a sex addiction, but I’m not sure about that either. Definitely was a bit narcissistic and an excellent lover. Only problem was he thought of me, not as a friends with benefits, because we were never “friends.” He used me, though I tried not to let that happen. I wouldn’t go see him most of the times he asked, which went from maybe once every two weeks in the early days, to three or four times a week (that he contacted me) off and on for most of the year s we saw each other. I also insisted we go on dates, because he would have me just have quick hookups if he had his way. I had to struggle a bit to keep from being chewed up and discarded. And that is why it lasted so long. When it ended, several times, I ended it, he never “left” me, in other words. I had to end it, however, when I found out that in the last two years he actually had a real girlfriend. I knew he saw other people, but I did not know he would get a commitment when he clearly could not stay monogamous. I told her about me, did not mention the fact he saw others, and ended it for good with him. I still have feelings, he’s still in my heart, because of the way we were sort of in the sweet spot forever, I am used to him always coming back. But I need a replacement, and am terrified of going through all of that dating stuff. I am not afraid of rejection, most people think that is why I’m afraid to date. I am afraid of all those I will reject, and the awkwardness of it all. I’m afraid of not finding anyone who lights my fire, that won’t break my heart. There has to be some guys want whatvIbdi, and could fall in love like I do, and stay faithful simply because of the fun and attraction. I don’t get it when people say, and even he said this, that they’re just having fun and not “serious”. I love fun, doesn’t everyone? What’s fun about routine and habits, and saying “I love you” just because you’re used to saying it. I told my dude I love you once, and I was sincerely feeling it when I said it. Tge words flowed so naturally and sincerely, and he looked at me with geniune concern and almost empathy (he had a problem with empathy) and then I said,” just kidding”. He never said it to me, but he did say it to his girlfriend. I don’t think I will ever hear from him again because I told her about me. In his mind, since we had no relationship and I had no right to do that. But I’m not a whore who hooks up with commited men, and I had to clear myself.

Hey idk if its the right place to ask for an advise or not but and sorry if it’s too long message
I’m in a LDR with my boyfriend and its been a year now, its been ups and down at first but he tried to work it out more than i did so we broke up and then later after couple months he came back to me and we get back together and we were the happiest couple in the world literally, we talk everyday since we wake up until we sleep, he would make me go to sleep by singing to me and sleep with me while he’s on the line almost everyday, he would stay with me instead of being with his friends, even if he got busy he make time for me. He was so caring and sweet, he tells me when he misses me and tell me he loves me everytime, i do all of that the same thing, and that last for like 7 months i think.
And after that he came so cold with me suddenly !, replying my text with one word and take like a whole day to reply with that one word, i noticed that and i told him whats wrong and he said there’s nothing, i thought he don’t love me anymore, so i just asked him cause i couldn’t handle the coldness, at first he said he don’t know but then he said he still love me. After a couple days he broke up with me in the worst way in history, i got hurt a lot but after a moth he came back again saying he missed me and missed taking care of me !, i accepted him back cause i still love him and think that we’re so good together even with what he did, and we were great again, talking a lot didn’t ignore my text or anything
After a couple weeks of getting back together he again gave me the coldness again !!!, ignore my text, and answer me after a whole day or even more with one word ! and don’t spend time with me a lot and go with his friends when they tell him to even when he’s with me and if i told him i wanna be with him for a longer hours he said ” i won’t be with me 24\7″ !!, and don’t come and talk to me unless he wants something or its been a week since we talk !. But when we skype or something he’s nice and talk to me like there’s nothing wrong, i’m so confused. I haven’t changed a bit i have been the same since the first time we met, maybe when he started to act cold i got needy a little but i stopped doing that fast
I have read lot of what you guys write here and i’m doing it, like give him a space and get busy in my life (in fact i am busy) and not overthinking it and enjoying the relationship and stuff but i’m frustrating and confused i don’t know what to do ! do i have to talk to him about how i feel ? i don’t wanna ruin our relationship :”(

again sorry if its too long and thank you