I met this guy online about two years ago. Everything was amazing at first and we dated for a month before he left for medical school. For that whole month, we saw each other almost every day and he said he really liked me and I was everything he was looking for and all the stuff guys say in the beginning when they really like a girl. After that month he left for medical school in Nevada (I live in California), making it a long distance relationship.

We tried to keep it together at first, I even flew out there one weekend, but he ended up sending me a long email telling me that he just couldn’t handle a relationship at that time because he had just started medical school and he was dealing with a lot. I didn’t talk to him for about six months after that. For the last two years we have been talking off and on but never actually got back together. Recently, we started talking again, but just as friends. About a month ago he confessed that he’d had a girlfriend for the last 6 months and she just broke up with him and he was really upset.

I gave him advice and I was there for him as a friend, trying to make him feel better, all the while still having feelings for him and wanting him to like me. I finally decided to tell him that I wanted a relationship and nothing else and if he didn’t want the same thing I couldn’t handle being friends with him and to not call me again.

Read on for the rest of this question and our guy’s response! [continue reading…]

There’s this guy at work that was pursuing me since last November. We’re so similar that it is scary. He used to joke that I was his twin who was separated at birth or his future wife.  It started as just a joke and then I think he actually developed feelings for me and started asking me out. I was hesitant because I have dated guys at work before and it’s always gone sour. He told me “Life is what it is and things happen for a reason. You just haven’t met the right person.” Anyway, he kept pursuing me an I finally gave in and we went on out first date in March.

It was lots of fun and I never really felt I connected with someone like this before. I didn’t feel like I had to impress him, I was myself.  We were seeing each other like that for about two months and then we slept together. I made the mistake of asking him if there was a future for us. I wasn’t asking for a relationship, I just wanted to know that there could be because I dated this other guy for two and half years and he never committed. Anyway, this new guy also asked me to do something in the bedroom and I said no.

After that he started to become distant and when I confronted him about it he said that I did two things that turned him off. The first was talking about having relationship too soon and the other was that ‘you never say no in the bedroom.’ I told him that I understand that he felt this way but I am not a mind reader, and you should tell me or tell the person you are with when you are turned off. He told me “it was a no brainer.”

Read on for the rest of this question and our guy’s response after the jump [continue reading…]

As I enter deeper into my twenties, any time I’m around family or friends (that I do not communicate with on the regular), I get the question, “Are you seeing anyone?” And I never really know how to answer. For a while I’ve been “seeing” this guy who is absolutely lovely, but isn’t my boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want him to be my boyfriend. We are just friends who get along great and are sexually attracted to each other. I just don’t want a relationship right now and I think he feels the same I like my weekends open to go out with my girlfriends or whatever comes my way.

While I do like this “thing” I have going on, I get the feeling that people look down upon girls who have friends with benefits. Even though I’m not going out and picking up guys every night, I still get the feeling that people think I’m doing something wrong. I don’t really want to give up the deal I have right now, but I don’t want to have to lie to my friends about who I’m going out with. Am I being promiscuous? Am I too old to have a friend with benefits? What do I do?

See our guy’s response after the jump! [continue reading…]

I’ve been seeing someone for about 2 months now, and we have sex often but he won’t call me his girlfriend even though we’ve met each other’s families, spend a lot of time together and act like we are dating. Is telling him I won’t have sex with him anymore because we aren’t dating, and I’m now uncomfortable with it, a bad idea? I think it might help me see if he’s only in it for sex, but I’m not sure.

Read our guy’s response after the jump! [continue reading…]

I met this guy about 3 years ago- he liked me then but I wasn’t so into him at the time. He recently asked me out and I decided to give him a chance and we’ve been seeing each other for about 3 months now. He said he loved me a couple of days into the relationship and would say it often, but sometime during the relationship he completely withdrew for no reason.

He stopped calling or texting and stopped picking up my calls. We eventually made up after I made the standard girl mistake of sending him numerous texts about how much I loved him.

The problem now is he hardly ever calls. Sometimes 3 to 4 days could go by and I’ll get no call from him. We live and work at different ends of town and I know that makes it difficult, but he hardly asks to see me or makes the effort to make time for us.

When I tried to talk to him about it (over the phone) he said he was always busy with work, got upset and hung up. Now he’s withdrawn again and I refuse to be treated the same way again so I haven’t called or texted. Its been almost a week now and no word from him. I don’t know if I’m handling things the wrong way or if he never really loved me in the first place. I need a way forward.

Read our guy’s response after the jump!

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My boyfriend is still in close contact with his most recent ex in a way which is troubling me. I know he has remained close to a few of his ex’s which doesn’t concern me at all (he has the right to be friends with anyone) but the most recent ex is still extremely needy. She sends him nasty texts saying he is forgetting his friends if he hasn’t seen her for a while, posts catty comments on his Facebook page, yet he still won’t cut her off.

He says it is easier to remain friends with her than not to, but I personally won’t surround myself with people who are so toxic. He lent her a sum of money in the past which I think she still hasn’t paid back which could be a factor.

I feel that by keeping her in his life, he is being slightly disrespectful to me, as she clearly still has some kind of hold over him for him to put up with this. His other friends and parents agree with me, but I can’t get him see it from any other point of view.

Please help before I drive myself mad!!!!!

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I think I have been reading too many magazine quizzes and too many relationship books for my own good. All of them pretty much say that the woman shouldn’t ever be the one to say “I Love You” first. It is like the “kiss of death.” While I understand the advice of not jumping the gun, as we women are supposed to be “more emotional,” I am in a relationship now where there is a lot of “hinting” around it going on and it is really tempting to “come out
and say it.” What does a guy think about the age old question? If the woman makes this “big move” first, does it make a guy squirm…or run?

Read our guy’s response after the jump!

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I was seeing a guy for the past 2 months and everything was going really well. He told me how much he liked me, how lucky he felt to be with me and how he really thought this could be something. He also introduced me to his friends about two weeks ago and told me that I’m the first girl in the past two years that he’s introduced them to.

In the past two weeks we’ve only seen each other twice because he went away for a few days and then we both went away for Easter. Although we hadn’t seen that much of each other, I thought everything was fine. Then we saw each other on Saturday and he told me that he has too much work and doesn’t feel he can see me very much and that it isn’t fair to me.

I asked him what he wanted from me and he said he doesn’t know but he thinks that if he liked me enough he would want to cut back on his work and he doesn’t! He also said he hasn’t really missed not seeing me in the last two weeks that we hadn’t seen each other. It basically sounded like he likes me but not enough.

Read the rest of this question and our guy’s response after the jump!

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My boyfriend and I have been going out for about three months now. We’ve already had sex and I think we took it way too fast.  He says he wants to be with me forever and that he loves me- I mean, could see us being like that but does he really mean it or is he just saying what he thinks I want to hear?

He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but sometimes he won’t call or text the whole day. It makes me feel unloved but I don’t know how to let him know that without him getting mad. He’s like “Oh yeah, I’ll text you tomorrow.” Then he doesn’t! It makes me angry but I don’t want to be like “Why didn’t you text me?!?”

How do I know if he really means what he’s saying or if he’s full of it? 

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Last spring, I met a guy through work and we hit it off. We have a lot in common…in fact, a lot of people say that we’re the exact same person! I knew that he had a huge crush on me, but I was dating someone else at the time.

Anyway, we started dating at the end of last summer. Things went well for a few months. He was calling all the time, sending flowers, sending random “thinking about you emails”-he even told me that he really saw us getting married at some point! He goes to school a few hours from where I live, so it was a long-distance relationship.

Around November, things changed. He became more distant, more withdrawn, stressed about school, etc. Right around Christmas time, I suggested taking a break to evaluate things. He didn’t really want it, but I couldn’t deal with how things were going. Needless to say, I found out that he started dating someone else during our break. I was pretty upset and told him I had no desire to be friends with him or have him in my life anymore.

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“A guy that I used to like and have kissed (years ago) kissed me one day in the midst of a situation we were dealing with. I chalked it up to an episode (random occurence). I saw him two days later and he started to kiss me in the elevator and then later when he was getting out of his car he went to kiss me again. That time, I let him get close, but I pulled back before the deal could be “closed.”

Since that time, I get no response to texts, barely get responses to calls. When he does answer the phone, he is OBVIOUSLY in the midst of something else with other people (it’s like he wants me to know that).

I want to know: 1) Did I reject him when I didn’t kiss him the second time? 2) Is this new behavior/cold shoulder punishment for “rejection” 3) Is there anything else to be said/done about the situation (is it worth a conversation)?

Also, how do I bring up that whole situation… should it be a text, an email, a personal note – it can’t be a convo because he won’t respond… especially with it being 2 months ago.”

See our guy’s response after the jump!

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I’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks and he often refers to me as his girlfriend…but refuses to change his facebook status from being single. He is always asking to meet my parents, and introduces me to all his friends so I’m not sure what the problem is?

See our guy’s response after the jump! [continue reading…]

I met a really cute guy at a bar last weekend- we were both a little drunk and ended up making out a bit. I really felt a spark with him and he seemed really into me but I never heard from him! This isn’t the first time something like this has happened either, what’s the deal?

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“I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 6 months now. Everything is pretty much perfect- we love spending time together, he really cares about me, we spend almost every night together, and we’re pretty much a ‘couple’ in the conventional sense. The only problem is he won’t call me his girlfriend. I’ve tried bringing it up and when I do he almost makes me feel guilty about it and says things like ‘what we have is so special, why do we have to label it?’ I know he had a painful breakup with his girlfriend before me which I think might be a part of this, so I’m trying to be understanding but I don’t think one thing should have anything to do with the other. Sometimes I’m okay with how things are, but other times I get really angry, especially when my friends get on my case about it. Our relationship is starting to suffer now because even though I say I’m fine with how things are, deep down this is really bothering me and I feel really hurt by the fact that even though I am his ‘girlfriend,’ he won’t acknowledge me in that way. Can you please shed some light on what’s going on here?”

Read our guy’s response after the jump.

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Our reader response to last week’s Ask a Guy feature was really great, so I decided to drill down deeper into one of the areas I discussed, namely neediness.

When I write dating tips and relationship advice for a new mode, I am writing to a female audience. But neediness is not gender-specific – guys make the mistake of being “needy” too! So I want you to know that I am putting this out there to help and inspire everyone to have more dating success, not to point fingers.

I can tell you from a guy’s perspective that when a woman says things like: “Why didn’t you call?” “Why don’t you have time for me?” “Why don’t you ever compliment me?” and pretty much any sentence that begins with ‘why didn’t you,’ it’s like nails on a chalkboard. Those kinds of statements will immediately put a guy on the defensive rather than motivating him to change and he’ll probably withdraw emotionally as a result… at least, for the moment.

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