Even though it’s summer, we’re still spending some time indoors (Heat wave! Thunderstorm!) and that means candles are just as in-style as Havaianas. As a candle aficionado, here are some picks for the best of the season.
Check them out after the jump! [continue reading…]
There’s this guy at work that was pursuing me since last November. We’re so similar that it is scary. He used to joke that I was his twin who was separated at birth or his future wife. It started as just a joke and then I think he actually developed feelings for me and started asking me out. I was hesitant because I have dated guys at work before and it’s always gone sour. He told me “Life is what it is and things happen for a reason. You just haven’t met the right person.” Anyway, he kept pursuing me an I finally gave in and we went on out first date in March.
It was lots of fun and I never really felt I connected with someone like this before. I didn’t feel like I had to impress him, I was myself. We were seeing each other like that for about two months and then we slept together. I made the mistake of asking him if there was a future for us. I wasn’t asking for a relationship, I just wanted to know that there could be because I dated this other guy for two and half years and he never committed. Anyway, this new guy also asked me to do something in the bedroom and I said no.
After that he started to become distant and when I confronted him about it he said that I did two things that turned him off. The first was talking about having relationship too soon and the other was that ‘you never say no in the bedroom.’ I told him that I understand that he felt this way but I am not a mind reader, and you should tell me or tell the person you are with when you are turned off. He told me “it was a no brainer.”
Read on for the rest of this question and our guy’s response after the jump [continue reading…]
Love will make you forget time and time will make you forget love. ~ Anonymous
After graduating from college, I moved to Israel hoping to experience life outside of my comfort zone. I started waitressing at an International restaurant/bar, where I met David. I remember laughing to myself right after meeting him- “you and this British dishwasher, as if that would ever happen!”
For the first two weeks, our verbal exchanges were kept at a minimum: speaking only Hebrew, saying only “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” It took two weeks for him to realize that I wasn’t Israeli (as he had assumed), and for me to realize that he, in fact, was not British. He was an American who grew up in Miami and had recently completed his three-year term in the Israeli army. From there, we became fast friends.
We spent a lot of time together over the next month; hanging out after work, during work, outside of work. I felt so comfortable around him, and felt like I could truly be myself and tell him anything. He was my best friend. I’m sure you all can tell where this is going…
As I enter deeper into my twenties, any time I’m around family or friends (that I do not communicate with on the regular), I get the question, “Are you seeing anyone?” And I never really know how to answer. For a while I’ve been “seeing” this guy who is absolutely lovely, but isn’t my boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want him to be my boyfriend. We are just friends who get along great and are sexually attracted to each other. I just don’t want a relationship right now and I think he feels the same I like my weekends open to go out with my girlfriends or whatever comes my way.
While I do like this “thing” I have going on, I get the feeling that people look down upon girls who have friends with benefits. Even though I’m not going out and picking up guys every night, I still get the feeling that people think I’m doing something wrong. I don’t really want to give up the deal I have right now, but I don’t want to have to lie to my friends about who I’m going out with. Am I being promiscuous? Am I too old to have a friend with benefits? What do I do?
See our guy’s response after the jump! [continue reading…]
I’m going to get a little personal here because I think what I have to say will resonate with more than a few of you. A few years ago, I was with a guy who I thought was the love of my life. I was home from college for the summer and I thought the long-distance thing was treating us well. However, as my heart grew fonder, his moved in a different direction entirely.
Thanks to a little site called MySpace, I soon discovered my perfect guy was cheating–a fact that I never would have caught onto otherwise. The relationship was over then and there but the pain sure wasn’t. Instead, it was exacerbated to the point of brutal, unflinching, immense agony thanks to some friendly little networking sites- I’m talking to you too, Facebook.
How so? Well let me break it down. Thanks to Facebook- I knew EVERYTHING about their relationship.
I’ve been seeing someone for about 2 months now, and we have sex often but he won’t call me his girlfriend even though we’ve met each other’s families, spend a lot of time together and act like we are dating. Is telling him I won’t have sex with him anymore because we aren’t dating, and I’m now uncomfortable with it, a bad idea? I think it might help me see if he’s only in it for sex, but I’m not sure.
Read our guy’s response after the jump! [continue reading…]
I met this guy about 3 years ago- he liked me then but I wasn’t so into him at the time. He recently asked me out and I decided to give him a chance and we’ve been seeing each other for about 3 months now. He said he loved me a couple of days into the relationship and would say it often, but sometime during the relationship he completely withdrew for no reason.
He stopped calling or texting and stopped picking up my calls. We eventually made up after I made the standard girl mistake of sending him numerous texts about how much I loved him.
The problem now is he hardly ever calls. Sometimes 3 to 4 days could go by and I’ll get no call from him. We live and work at different ends of town and I know that makes it difficult, but he hardly asks to see me or makes the effort to make time for us.
When I tried to talk to him about it (over the phone) he said he was always busy with work, got upset and hung up. Now he’s withdrawn again and I refuse to be treated the same way again so I haven’t called or texted. Its been almost a week now and no word from him. I don’t know if I’m handling things the wrong way or if he never really loved me in the first place. I need a way forward.
Read our guy’s response after the jump!
My boyfriend is still in close contact with his most recent ex in a way which is troubling me. I know he has remained close to a few of his ex’s which doesn’t concern me at all (he has the right to be friends with anyone) but the most recent ex is still extremely needy. She sends him nasty texts saying he is forgetting his friends if he hasn’t seen her for a while, posts catty comments on his Facebook page, yet he still won’t cut her off.
He says it is easier to remain friends with her than not to, but I personally won’t surround myself with people who are so toxic. He lent her a sum of money in the past which I think she still hasn’t paid back which could be a factor.
I feel that by keeping her in his life, he is being slightly disrespectful to me, as she clearly still has some kind of hold over him for him to put up with this. His other friends and parents agree with me, but I can’t get him see it from any other point of view.
Please help before I drive myself mad!!!!!
I think I have been reading too many magazine quizzes and too many relationship books for my own good. All of them pretty much say that the woman shouldn’t ever be the one to say “I Love You” first. It is like the “kiss of death.” While I understand the advice of not jumping the gun, as we women are supposed to be “more emotional,” I am in a relationship now where there is a lot of “hinting” around it going on and it is really tempting to “come out
and say it.” What does a guy think about the age old question? If the woman makes this “big move” first, does it make a guy squirm…or run?
Read our guy’s response after the jump!
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met~ Anonymous
As a child, I never dreamed about my wedding like a lot of little girls do. I always knew I would find my soul mate, but it wasn’t something I really thought of, until I met him.
I met him at 23, fell in love with him by 24 and at 25, he broke my heart.
In the early stages of our relationship, I knew right away that I had found him- the one person on this Earth for me. I can’t tell you how I knew, but something felt so right. It took me seven months to become his girlfriend and I felt in my heart, this was it. This was the man I would spend the rest of my life with, raise the children I never wanted to have with, have the house, dog and family with.
So what happened to the dream we both had? He lost his job and drifted away. He wanted to deal with this part of his life on his own, to not have me worry about him, us and the future. He left and broke my heart.
“It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere” ~Agnes Repplier
I was once a very foolish little lady and I know I’m not alone. I wanted a boyfriend more than anything. I never stopped to wonder why, I just wanted it. Now this isn’t gonna be a tale about how I wanted it and it didn’t happen and then when I stopped wanting it, it did. My desperation did somehow result in a relationship and from there, chaos ensued.
Saying I wanted a boyfriend had a very clear underlying message- I wanted to be loved, desired, to feel good about myself, to have someone there to make me feel good about myself when I didn’t. During the course of our relationship my moods were totally contingent upon the way he responded to me- a compliment would lead to exhilaration. An insult? Well I’d fall to pieces.
Not surprisingly, the relationship didn’t last and it was only in the years after that I realized the reason why: I was looking outside myself for love and approval, a fatal misstep I see committed all the time. After this relationship ended, I truly learned the value of loving myself, and I found that with my newfound confidence, I was a much happier person out of the relationship than I had ever been when I was in it.
I was seeing a guy for the past 2 months and everything was going really well. He told me how much he liked me, how lucky he felt to be with me and how he really thought this could be something. He also introduced me to his friends about two weeks ago and told me that I’m the first girl in the past two years that he’s introduced them to.
In the past two weeks we’ve only seen each other twice because he went away for a few days and then we both went away for Easter. Although we hadn’t seen that much of each other, I thought everything was fine. Then we saw each other on Saturday and he told me that he has too much work and doesn’t feel he can see me very much and that it isn’t fair to me.
I asked him what he wanted from me and he said he doesn’t know but he thinks that if he liked me enough he would want to cut back on his work and he doesn’t! He also said he hasn’t really missed not seeing me in the last two weeks that we hadn’t seen each other. It basically sounded like he likes me but not enough.
Read the rest of this question and our guy’s response after the jump!
“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of” ~ Blaise Pascal
I was barely fifteen years old, sitting outside secretly smoking cigarettes at my uncles house, just lying back with my cousins on the roof and looking out at the vast, beautiful summer sky. A virgin in all senses of the word, I had yet to even kiss a guy at that point, but as I stared into the sky that night, a peace came over me and I suddenly looked up with a smile and said, “I think I want a boyfriend. My first serious boyfriend.”
Given that, I simply thought it was destiny when less than a week later, at the start of my sophomore year, Anthony (*names changes) caught my eye. We would smile as we passed each other in the halls and he would always come linger next to my desk before the start of class. The first Friday of the school year, at the football game, me, my best friend, him and his best friend, all left the game to go to the movies- he had been asking me non-stop. Shortly into the movie which was, of course, a horror movie, he kissed the side of my face and whispered, “Will you be my girlfriend.” And just like that, one of the most powerful relationships of my life began.
My boyfriend and I have been going out for about three months now. We’ve already had sex and I think we took it way too fast. He says he wants to be with me forever and that he loves me- I mean, could see us being like that but does he really mean it or is he just saying what he thinks I want to hear?
He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but sometimes he won’t call or text the whole day. It makes me feel unloved but I don’t know how to let him know that without him getting mad. He’s like “Oh yeah, I’ll text you tomorrow.” Then he doesn’t! It makes me angry but I don’t want to be like “Why didn’t you text me?!?”
How do I know if he really means what he’s saying or if he’s full of it?
We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first- George John Whyte-Melville
It feels like the pit in your stomach is going to crawl up into your heart and die a slow, painful death. Killing you softly, the pit requires certain sustenance to go on. So, you begin to torture yourself, feeding the pit, because without that pit you feel empty and alone.
I dated him for four years. During my freshman year of college we locked eyes and it was all very magical. I assure you. I was a young, hopeless romantic. As I got to know him better I was sure that I would never love anyone as much as him. That I would never feel as comfortable naked around anyone else. That I would marry him, that we would have babies, and live happily ever after. I was seventeen.
Four years later I think we both knew, him consciously and me subconsciously, that there was no way we would work out. We wanted different things. I see that now. But back then all I saw was him pushing me away for no reason. I was mad at him and he was avoiding me at all costs. When it came time for it to really end I was devastated.
Last spring, I met a guy through work and we hit it off. We have a lot in common…in fact, a lot of people say that we’re the exact same person! I knew that he had a huge crush on me, but I was dating someone else at the time.
Anyway, we started dating at the end of last summer. Things went well for a few months. He was calling all the time, sending flowers, sending random “thinking about you emails”-he even told me that he really saw us getting married at some point! He goes to school a few hours from where I live, so it was a long-distance relationship.
Around November, things changed. He became more distant, more withdrawn, stressed about school, etc. Right around Christmas time, I suggested taking a break to evaluate things. He didn’t really want it, but I couldn’t deal with how things were going. Needless to say, I found out that he started dating someone else during our break. I was pretty upset and told him I had no desire to be friends with him or have him in my life anymore.
“A guy that I used to like and have kissed (years ago) kissed me one day in the midst of a situation we were dealing with. I chalked it up to an episode (random occurence). I saw him two days later and he started to kiss me in the elevator and then later when he was getting out of his car he went to kiss me again. That time, I let him get close, but I pulled back before the deal could be “closed.”
Since that time, I get no response to texts, barely get responses to calls. When he does answer the phone, he is OBVIOUSLY in the midst of something else with other people (it’s like he wants me to know that).
I want to know: 1) Did I reject him when I didn’t kiss him the second time? 2) Is this new behavior/cold shoulder punishment for “rejection” 3) Is there anything else to be said/done about the situation (is it worth a conversation)?
Also, how do I bring up that whole situation… should it be a text, an email, a personal note – it can’t be a convo because he won’t respond… especially with it being 2 months ago.”
See our guy’s response after the jump!
I’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks and he often refers to me as his girlfriend…but refuses to change his facebook status from being single. He is always asking to meet my parents, and introduces me to all his friends so I’m not sure what the problem is?
See our guy’s response after the jump! [continue reading…]
I met a really cute guy at a bar last weekend- we were both a little drunk and ended up making out a bit. I really felt a spark with him and he seemed really into me but I never heard from him! This isn’t the first time something like this has happened either, what’s the deal?
“I’ve been seeing this guy for almost 6 months now. Everything is pretty much perfect- we love spending time together, he really cares about me, we spend almost every night together, and we’re pretty much a ‘couple’ in the conventional sense. The only problem is he won’t call me his girlfriend. I’ve tried bringing it up and when I do he almost makes me feel guilty about it and says things like ‘what we have is so special, why do we have to label it?’ I know he had a painful breakup with his girlfriend before me which I think might be a part of this, so I’m trying to be understanding but I don’t think one thing should have anything to do with the other. Sometimes I’m okay with how things are, but other times I get really angry, especially when my friends get on my case about it. Our relationship is starting to suffer now because even though I say I’m fine with how things are, deep down this is really bothering me and I feel really hurt by the fact that even though I am his ‘girlfriend,’ he won’t acknowledge me in that way. Can you please shed some light on what’s going on here?”
Read our guy’s response after the jump.
Goals are an essential part of human existence. Our goals breathe meaning into our every day lives. They push us forward, drive us, motivate us, and inspire us to become even greater. I have many goals- some big, some small. Over the years I have accomplished many of my goals and there are some that I’m still working on. This blog, for instance, was a major goal of mine for years and for some reason, I was unable to lift the idea off the back burner and move forward with it. I have been giving the concept of goals a lot of thought lately and have uncovered some wonderful techniques that have helped me and will help you in attaining your goals and becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be.
Read on for more! [continue reading…]
Stress is an inevitable part of our daily lives. We all know that stress can cause countless health issues and have all been advised to reduce our stress-levels, but as with most things, this is way easier said than done. I am a huge yoga-proponent for many reasons, especially the fact that it drastically helped reduce my level of stress and anxiety and all the body aches and pains associated with the two. Yoga isn’t just about increasing strength and flexibility, as you learned last week, simple yoga poses can be done at any time to combat daily aches, pains and frustrations. To help your days become better and brighter, I’m sharing 5 more poses to try, straight from YogaWorks instructor Irina Oviannikov.
Read on to find out how you can alleviate pain and tension in your wrists, hips, back, and shoulders and for an amazing technique to overcome your mid-day slump without a trip to Starbucks.
As you learned in my Small Steps for a More Gorgeous You post, I am an avid Yoga proponent. I’ll admit that I have been very on and off with Yoga through the years and during my ‘on’ periods, I notice that I feel and look so much better then when the off switch is hit. Yoga has a lot of Big-Picture benefits- increased strength, flexibility, better muscle tone as well as a glorious inner calm. There are also many quick and easy poses you can do whenever for insta-results to combat every day aches, pains, and frustrations.
Read on for tips from expert Yogi, Kathryn Budig, from Yoga Works, for suggestions on alleviating every day issues, be it sore and achy feet, commute-induced exhaustion, or the after-effects from a long night of partying. [continue reading…]
Our reader response to last week’s Ask a Guy feature was really great, so I decided to drill down deeper into one of the areas I discussed, namely neediness.
When I write dating tips and relationship advice for a new mode, I am writing to a female audience. But neediness is not gender-specific – guys make the mistake of being “needy” too! So I want you to know that I am putting this out there to help and inspire everyone to have more dating success, not to point fingers.
I can tell you from a guy’s perspective that when a woman says things like: “Why didn’t you call?” “Why don’t you have time for me?” “Why don’t you ever compliment me?” and pretty much any sentence that begins with ‘why didn’t you,’ it’s like nails on a chalkboard. Those kinds of statements will immediately put a guy on the defensive rather than motivating him to change and he’ll probably withdraw emotionally as a result… at least, for the moment.
I’ve done it, you’ve done it, all of our friends have done it, and it’s pretty safe to say that it is a common practice among women around the world. Of course, I’m talking about the hours spent dissecting, analyzing, hypothesizing, and trying with all of our might to understand why men act the way they do. Men seem to greatly enjoy playing it ignorant and innocent, but trust me, they know what they’re doing and there is always a reason (and no, it isn’t always because ‘he’s just not that into you’).
I’ve definitely had my ups and downs in the love-department and my experiences have taught me that when you need a shoulder to cry on, round up your girl friends and when you need answers, ask a guy. It can be difficult to find the right guy to solicit for advice (again, it comes down to that ignorant and innocent thing). Fortunately, my blog partner is not only a straight guy (and a very attractive one at that), he is an expert on relationships and will be making your lives better and brighter by answering all of your burning questions.
If the guy you’re seeing, or dating, or in a relationship with is doing something that you just can’t understand, don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out- just join the A New Mode newsletter and we’ll answer your burning questions (and send you daily game-changing relationship tips too).
We will post the questions and answers weekly (don’t worry, we’ll keep you anonymous) or maybe a few days per week more depending on how shady the men in your life have been acting!
I wasn’t always a savvy, sophisticated city-girl working in the fashion industry. I was once a tragic fashion victim and a naïve girl who ALWAYS got her heart broken. I once oozed with insecurity from head to toe.
That’s not to say I’m perfect- there are still those fashion missteps and completely misread dating signals… however, I have improved drastically in all these areas and through the years have picked up on some important tips and tricks for handling anything life throws at me with confidence, ease and most importantly, a bit of style.
And with that, I would like to welcome you to anewmode.com! Words can’t convey what an exciting moment this is for me – the moment when an idea and vision that I’ve carried for over a year is finally coming to fruition, ahh!
It took a while for all the pieces to fall into place and now that they have, I’m hoping you will share my excitement and get ready for an amazing new addition to the blog world.
I have worked as a fashion and beauty writer for about 2 years now, lending my voice and ideas to a range of different style sites, and now I think it’s time to bring all of my ideas into one place.
My mission is not to preach, I want to discuss. I want this to be a community where I can share what I’ve learned and hear about your experiences as well. I am really excited about taking this next step to contribute something completely original and fresh to the areas of life I love so much: fashion, beauty and lifestyle.
My vision for anewmode.com is just that: A new mode – a new way of approaching fashion, style, and beauty as well as life – a new attitude, new ways of dealing with relationships, new tips for making each day as fabulous as possible, because isn’t that how the world should be? We’ll focus on developing a strong personal style, what works for you and what doesn’t, as well as developing a strong personal relationship with yourself- because who is more fabulous than you?!
I invite you to check back frequently because I have a lot of fabulous-ness in store for you – trends, hot styles, amazing deals, celebrity interviews, beauty products that will change your life, inside access to the male-mind, exclusive giveaways, and lots and lots of tips on being confident, achieving your goals, dealing with stress, coping with heartache, getting what you want out of life, and SO much more.
