Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › 1 month in dating
- This topic has 15 replies and was last updated 1 year, 10 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Angel
So I am dating this guy and it has been going slow and good . Usually my dating experiences are rushed or someone say they are really into me and emotions are rushed and they try to see a lot in the week and it never really last the last 2 dating situations this happens.
Now I am dating someone it’s one month in we both work demanding jobs so we date on the weekends so dinner , parties , movies etc either twice on the weekend or once.
I don’t know how I feel about him meaning I like being around him , he makes me happy when I am around he randomly brings roses and he is gradually opening up.
He told me initially that he was on the dating app we met on to basically ‘relax’ , I actually went on it for both a relationship and see what is out there so we had the discussion and he said that initially he was on the app to just see but as things progress he is going a different way . I was upfront that I am still dating , I will give him sometime but I am not going to wait forever or on his time when I am ready to take things to the next level . He makes plans in advance so like a week in advance etc which I think is a good sign like work events or club events. He even asked me to be his Valentine in the second week, as he is going away that week, a trip he planned before we met. And I am not nervous or anxious when I am around him. Just want to say we had sex last week for the first time and things haven’t changed. To me I like slow and it’s great . After a month I know I like him a bit more than on our first date even though I fully don’t know how I feel if that make sense because I believe I am still getting to know him. So I asked him after we were discussing our first date , ‘ Do you still feel the same from the first night?‘ and this was his response ‘ I still have the same feeling of intrigue and i still feel the care you have for me.’ I don’t want to rush how someone feels about me but after a month idk , he does tell me he likes me and he does say that he feels something more is there but this response idk . How would you interpret that ?
*Also I must add for additional info he got out of a long term relationship a year ago that was ended by the woman he was with while they were engaged. He said with me is the happiest he has been for a year and he has been dating for a while . *Tammy
All i can say is dont rush it. Its going ok and its just beem a month..
Tallspicy
You are sleeping with this man hoping it will become a relationship? He told you he is looking to relax?
Oh darlin’. If you want a relationship, never sleep with a man until he is exclusive and not seeing anyone else.
And if a man tells you one thing, but acts differently, always believe the one that is less committed.
Are you actually dating others? Does not sound like you are.
Is he escalating the relationship? That should happen at about a month.
I honestly don’t see this ending well. He gets what he wants which is to relax, you think him being consistent once a week means he likes you and you gave up your leverage … which was girlfriend benefits without girlfriend title.
I suggest you go with it, make sure he is escalating both words and actions, and date others.
Tallspicy
And of course he is happy, you are giving him all he needs without expecting anything for it. I don’t sex shame. That said, you already are going against what you want by trying to be the cool girl dating the semi interested man who already told you he is not looking for anything serious.
Angel
I am open to dating other people but not seeing anyone worthy and he is dating other people. We haven’t had sex recently we spent almost the entire time on Saturday as Friday night we went out I slept over nothing happened.
Tallspicy
But you are already sleeping over. You are giving girlfriend privileges without being a girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with that except you hope that he will become your boyfriend.
He has already told you what he wants. You told him what you want, but instead of holding true to that, you are giving him what he wants while you don’t get what you want and you hope it is going to change.
The most direct thing to do is to tell him what you want again and pull back from sex and sleepovers and telling him why. But that is scary and might end the interaction.
If you don’t want to discuss it, I suggest pulling way back. Date others, let him lead, don’t be available for sleepovers. Only be available for dates. No initiation. I would love to have dinner on sat, but can’t stay over, meeting a friend for coffee.
I don’t think you can turn this around and honestly his pulling back from sex at this point is also a yellow flag.
Angel
How I got to his place is a whole explanation but he did try to get sexy the morning after. I decided to block him no explanation and move on . I know how immature of me but we all handle things differently and it’s easier that way. It was an incompatible match I know it from the beginning but hey we all get lonely sometimes. And I don’t regret meeting him or the interact.
Tallspicy
When you engage with unavailable partners it is because you are unavailable as well. I think ghosting him is really not great and will bring you bad karma. Because ultimately you are trying to get a reaction from him. Please consider the maturity of a text that says:
Bob, I have had some time to think and upon reflection, I really want a significant relationship. I know that is not what is happening between us, so it is time for us to say goodbye. I have enjoyed getting to know you and wish you the best!
Tallspicy
If you are not mature enough to break it off with someone like an adult, it is questionable about the maturity level to be in a good healthy relationship.
Angel
I hadn’t blocked yet was kinda thinking over it I like your suggestion more . His text became a bit more abrupt etc so I know someone else is in the picture now definitely not going to compete.
Tallspicy
Good, just end it properly.
Mary
I stopped reading after you said you are not going to wait forever. It sounds like fear and too much emotional investment on your part…. This is not good because it is too early and you don’t even know him. Is he asking to be exclusive (by exclusive I mean focusing only on each other not being boyfriend girlfriend). I feel you need to be in the moment and just watch his actions to see if he is sincere. In 2 months time, you can determine this.
Mary
The only thing you can do is say that you both seem to want different things and move on.
Mary
(I read more.) Sleeping with him and no exclusive talk afterward indicates current lack of interest of a relationship with you. Don’t be a heartbroken because there’s someone else out there for you is all that means.
Angel
An UPDATE
Tallspicy I modified your dear Bob text changed the first sentence but kept the last part. He asked me if I don’t feel his interest, and he texted and I told him my side. We spoke about it and I told him I want exclusive dating. We met in person talked more and he said he wants to date me exclusively. We spoke extensively about what that means and his style of dating and my style of dating. We spoke about if he was ready for that and he was honest. He asked if there is something he is doing wrong if I felt a lack of interest and asked me to point out what and how he can fix it.
Tallspicy
Well, see… glad you did not just block him! He thought he was communicating something else, and he clarified! Congrats
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