Home › Forums › Did He Lose Interest? › 10 hour first date and still no plans for a second
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Sylvia.
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Carla
So I’m very confused. I met a guy online and when texted intensely the first week before our first date. We then went on a 10 hour first date. Went for dinner, then walked to a bar, he kissed me before we got in because he wanted me to know he wanted to kiss me sober. We then kept walking around town and to another bar. We held hands all the time, hugged, he started talking about restaurants he wanted to go with me and even trips. We didn’t want the date to end so he came to my place after we walked around town at 2 am. We had sex… after that date he kept texting and showing excitement, but he didn’t mention a second date. After two weeks I cut the conversation. It’s been a month since our date so I friendly Easy going asked him what had happened. He said he had been very sick and a lot of work, but that he really wanted to go out again. He said our first date was kind of perfect. I don’t know if this is a typical player or if he might be being honest…. I can’t get him out of my head.
Raven
Too much, too soon…
Liz Lemon
He’s saying he’d love to go out again? Then why didn’t he contact you and set up a date? He was fine with not being in contact with you until you reached out.
Sorry to be blunt, but I’m sure he’d love to have sex with you again– however he does not want a relationship. He is making excuses (sick, out of work…). A man who wants to be with you makes it obvious. He takes you out on dates and is consistent about wanting to see you. I think the most you can hope for from this guy is getting together for sex once in awhile.
I agree with Raven that it was too much, to soon. It’s never good to start things with a guy so hot and heavy. You have to pace it. A first date should be no more than a couple of hours. You have to leave the guy wanting to get to know you more, and craving your company. And since the majority of 1st dates don’t end in a relationship, sex on a 1st date rarely ends in a relationship. You gave him everything (literally) on the first date– there’s no mystery or challenge for him now.
Khadija
I’m with Raven too much too soon.
This guy is probably on to the next.I would say going forward cap a date at two hours. People need to earn that time with you don’t give a stranger hours of your time and access to your bed right away.
kaye
“I would say going forward cap a date at two hours. People need to earn that time with you don’t give a stranger hours of your time and access to your bed right away.”
110% what Khadija said!!!
It’s so easy to get swept up in the moment meeting someone and be excited and let the date go on for too long or let things get too far. That’s why you have to decide BEFORE the date your boundaries and STICK TO THEM!!
My first date with my husband was AMAZING! I didn’t want it to end! But when he brought me home I didn’t let him come inside. He walked me to the door and kissed me and left. But not before he told me he wanted to see me again and asked me for a 2nd date the very NEXT night! When he showed up with flowers and took me out again.
When a man is excited about you and wants to get to know you nothing is going to stand in the way! It won’t matter if he’s sick, if he’s busy…he will make time. Isn’t it amazing how we make excuses for a man? You said yourself he “texted intensely the first week before our first date” yet in 2 weeks he can’t find time for another date? And now a month and he still hasn’t found time? No. As some of the others have said, where’s the mystery and excitement in getting to know you when you’ve already had sex with him? Are you naïve enough to think he’s not having other first dates like this with other women he’s met online?
anon
“He said our first date was kind of perfect.”
100% of men would define the perfect first date as one where they got laid.
Kathy
I’m so sorry.. You need to wise up with this online dating stuff!
Anderson
“100% of men would define the perfect first date as one where they got laid.”
I’m the generalization police and you are due in court next month. A certain Mr Anderson has testified and has evidence to disprove your claims.
Peter
Look I’m a guy , and that has happened to me. I really like a girl , regardless of if we slept together or not , and then life just happens I get very busy and forget for a while and then reach out again. My advice is play hard to get, he has to know he screw up
Sylvia
Peter, could you elaborate? As you can see we women on this forum are completely the opposite and advice to ditch the guy because he’s “not into you”. So give us please a guys’ perspective.
Vera
I think Peter is also suggesting to ditch the guy – (correct me if I’m wrong Peter). The point is the guy should be the one to reach out again.
Sylvia
Vera, I see it know and it’s pretty clear you’re right. I wonder if there exists “I’m very busy” as a legit excuse at all.
Kalyn
He may have gotten busy and if so, wait for him to reach out again. Or, in retrospect, the long, emotional, physical date felt overwhelming to him and even though he was driving that, he has now put the overwhelmed feeling on you Also wait for him to reach out to you again.
Elia
I think he s keeping you at arms length, cause doesn’t want you to get too ´excited’ most men know after sex girls go all lovey dovey and full of expectations. So yes sure he d go out again, but would he wanna date you on a regular..
Kelly
You slept with him on the first date and you’re wondering why he hasn’t kept up plans yet? I’m all for doing what feels right but you’ve found out that giving in to that too soon can turn a guy off.
Cynic
For a while I went all detective and started reading books written for men on how to ‘get her into bed’ and how to ‘make her want you’… Podcasts, forums, the lot. And one thing I noticed was that men are sometimes told to really get women to feel like they know them well before a date – as in, text really intensely, multiple times a day, every single day. Get her to laugh, share inside jokes, just bombard her with texts, and then, when you actually meet up for the date, you aren’t going in cold. So yeah I’m a bit cynical… But I have had guys, in the lead up to a date, text me to a point where I’m looking at my phone like, why is he texting me so damn much? This is too much… And that’s probably why. Just sayin
Sylvia
I agree, men are playing games too! Sometimes they love bomb you before the date and after the date (and sex) disappear. So cruel.
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