Home › Forums › Break Up Advice › 13 days no contact & counting…
- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 9 years, 9 months ago by
Stefanie.
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Sanni
But it’s SO hard!!!!!! And it’s NOT getting easier!!! :(
He’s on my mind almost every min of every day. I get suuuuuuuper lonely at night and have to literally talk myself into not caving and sending him a text! I actually almost did last night, I so badly wanted to tell him how much I miss him! But the only thing that stopped me was how I would feel when he doesn’t respond because I highly doubt he will. I believe he’s absolutely committeed to this break/space/break up and with every day I feel as though my gut is telling me that he won’t return.
I’ve been trying my absolute best and hardest at moving on, I’m seriously using this time to better myself and im doing so much more positive things for myself than I ever have in a long time BUT I feel so depressed!!!!
I find myself constantly wondering what he’s doing? What he’s thinking? How is he feeling? Is he heartbroken too? Does he miss me as much? Does he struggle with memories of me as I do of him???? Or is he /has he began to let go of me?
My mind goes crazy with all these thoughts and questions and I don’t know how to turn it off. I’m not obsessively creeping on him through any kind of media or by any means, I’ve never done a “drive by” as I’ve read some people do that, as I do have a lil bit of pride lol but, I just can’t stop thinking and missing him. I’m constantly replaying our last evening together as it was amazing as it always was.
Ugh! Am I just a little crazy? Or is this normal????? :(
Lola
I’ve been an idiot and contacted him :(
I don’t know how to react when he gets back homeLola
Oh sorry wrote in the wrong thread somehow ! :)
EM
Sanni,
It is completely normal. Trust me, I am in process of forgetting someone too. He was more than not worth it. It gets easier everyday. Some days feel worse than others but I am feeling much much better, at least I can see everything more clearly now and I do not want him anymore.
Do not contact him. Talk to your friends and family when you feel like talking to him.
Good luck.
Sanni
Thank you EM. I wish I could say my ex was “more than not worth it” he’s a great guy and I know he genuinely cared, which is what makes this so painful. I Just now deleted everything, texts, his number, I put pictures away, etc.
I ended up laying in bed tonight crying, while my daughter snuggled me. She somewhat understands (she’s 9) she thinks mom lost her best friend, which is quite true.
I pray for strength to get through this. I need to let go because I really can’t handle this pain & loneliness much longer. I feel like it’s changing me or at least robbing my spirit away. :(
I almost wish her was a jerk, loser or did something bad like cheated on me, because then I can just think “F you!” And move on.
Harley
Please stop doing multiple threads. it’s confusing. continue your story on one thread only.
redcurleysue
You feel powerless and not in control of your feelings. All you can think about is him and how he feels, thinks or what he is doing now.
But you are not powerless – since you are making decisions every second, moment, hour…
You have decided to go NC. You make that decision everyday. That is power.You have decided right now to wait on his decision. That is power. As you know you could choose different….you have options….that is power.
Could you choose other emotions – I believe you could…I believe that what a man/woman thinks they are is what they are at any given time. If you look back on your life you can see where feelings about different things have changed over time. It seems mysterious but when you really look at it over time new information or a different way of looking at things changed your feelings. You allowed change – you embraced change and so your feelings changed…
If you want to change your bad feelings embrace change…allow it to happen…just as you have always done. Read books, articles and other resources about how to change feelings…these bring in new information, fresh perspective and stop the isolation of feeling alone.
Hugs
Stefanie
Sanni, the bigger issue here you are going to have to address if you want to have a healthy relationship with him or anyone is getting so lost in someone else and dependent on them for love/approval/security and identity. While it’s true women tend to define themselves more than men according to their relationships, I’m getting the sense you are into the space of over definition of yourself according to the man you are with. You say you have a daughter… you want to model healthy relationships for her. I hope this won’t offend you and I could be wrong or overstepping the mark by saying this to you.
I’ve picked up a great book called How To Be An Adult by David Richo and it outlines what healthy adults are and are not, and how to heal past issues to become a healthy adult. I’ve been able to implement his suggestions quickly. He has some other good books too. I grew up in a fractured home and it’s severely affected my ability to have relationships of all kinds. This site and now Richo’s work have been tremendous in helping me grow without spending hours and hours and hundreds in therapy.
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