1st Text to an Ex

Hi Anne,

Thank you for your input.

That is what I’m thinking. Some people are suggesting talking about the work stuff. To be that isn’t exactly like you said fasinating.

Don’t get me wrong if we meet and start talking again they I can briefly explain. But right now think it’s a bit much and boring to talk about.

Which is why I thought of the “memory” text but people are also saying it’s childish.

I know everyone is different and would deal with situations differently.

So I’m probably just overanalyzing everything and now confused myself.

I’ll definitely reach out to him as like you guys said what do I have to loose.

I’ll take some time to think it the best approach.

Agree with joe now that he mentions it. You acted like you didn’t want to be with him and broke up over text. Now you want to say you have fond memories of him? Part of the problem you are king to run into is whether he believes you or not. You acted cold and distant to him and didn’t even attempt to explain things to the end. He may think you were seeing someone else, things didn’t work out, and now you are running back to him.

Thanks both.

I didn’t look at it from that perspective.

Like when I was finishing late from work. Could have been “dating” someone else.

I hope he never thought that of me. As I made it clear I wasn’t the type of girl to jump from one guy to another.

We spoke of exclusivity early on something he brought up. I told him that means a lot to me as I hate cheating.

Like you guys said I didn’t explain. So he was left with his own imagination as to why I acted distant.

Thank you so much Anon.

I’m not the best with words as you guys have noticed. I ramble too much and it’s something even my uni supervisor had flagged.

That is short and to the point. Says all it needs to say.

Even if he doesn’t reply at least I said sorry and that’s more valuable for me moving ob from this than anything.

Thank you so much x

Emma – you are so right. Essentially it was him when you think about it. I told my best friend. She read all the messages from that night and turned around and said to me. I had no right to be upset as I essentially ended it with him. Which after explaining things on here doesn’t feel like the chase. It was him! If he wanted to save whatever we had he would have met me!

Thanks for that insight as I was “blaming” myself for the downfall after looking back at it.

You are right about the regret I would probably have. But now I’m thinking would I really want to chase someone who “broke up with me via text”. I’ve never been the girl to chase a guy like that. Guess there is also a first time for everything.

I think it was more the racism aspect. As I’ve had issues in previous jobs where I would talk to people about it. The last job I was in a very male dominant environment. Where they made very sexualised comments. I just brushed it off and spoke to friends and family about it. Wasn’t a big deal and got on with my work.

I think as it was more or a race aspect. I was embarrassed. Felt he wouldn’t understand. As he is white and so are a lot of my friends. I’m half Indian and half south American. My manager made a massive deal about the Indian side of me. She also didn’t like the fact I was dating a white guy either. She dug into what guys I had dated in the past and made reference to the fact they were all white.

It was not easy at the time to talk to anyone about it. I have never had to deal with that sort of racism in the work place.

Looking back I should have been more open about it. Talking to a my white friends they are disgusted with my manager. Finally talking to my cousin meant I could go forward with the proper channels.

So at least I’m not in that place anymore.

I’ll try and call him. Even if I just say sorry for the way I acted. I should have never made him feel like he was the only one “giving us a chance”

Thanks for you advice x

OMG – thank you for your advice.

I am naturally a very private person. I genuinly would never dream of discussing things with my manager or my HR team to be fair as they are not friends and just colleagues.

It was just I do have actual friends in another department of my company. I was nervous with the first date. They had come to my desk before I left and wished me good luck. Said I looked nice and to fill us in on your way home.

It was then the rest of my team found out. To be fair the women I sit next to has always been nice and encouraging and would never pry into my personal life just ask how it was going.

She asked about him and joked to my manager about how he is her “type”. It was then she was like let me see a picture of him. Wouldn’t it have been rude to say no?

Obviously she saw he was white and questioned about my exes and stuff. Yes it made me feel very uncomfortable but again she was my manager and I didn’t want to make things more uncomfortable than they were already.

Knew it was a big deal to her as one of the recruiters came to the office to visit me. All the receptionist where falling over him as he is a good looking man. Came back to my desk and referenced that he was good looking.

She pulled a face and said “oh but he is black!” As it if was a bad thing to reference a black man as good looking.

She did things like this constantly while other people was not around.

Personally I wouldn’t have ever told her. As it made me feel uncomfortable. She asked me if I had sex with him during the first couple of dates. I said I do not feel comfortable to talk about that with you. She was like I take that as a yes then.

I tried keeping it all as a secret. But she could tell when I was off out on dates as I would make a little bit if an effort with my hair and wear heels. She would always be like oh so are you off to see him tonight? Again I would just smile and nod. Keeping it simple. Next day she would question about my date and I would reply it was nice. Left it as that.

The more frequently I went on this dates and she would catch on it would be that day she gives me extra work to do. To finish late. Or the next day pile me up with loads more.

This is why in the end I even stopped making an effort with dressing up for dates. Wearing my flats. Just so she didn’t know.

To him I can see why he must have thought I wasn’t interested in him.

I now know this is not normal for the work place. I’ve worked in offices before where I would keep my personal information to myself. I have never had someone go out their way to dig into my life before.

I’ve tried to keep things to myself. They were all talking about middle names. I said I really hate mine. She was like tell me! I was like no I really don’t like it. She said I will just go on the database and find out. So guess what she did and exposed it to everyone in the office. Seems so silly and childish. What I am getting at she is a hard person to say no to.

Guess that was why when she asked about my dating life I would answer but very vaguely. I think because of my short answers she snapped once and said it’s obviously going better than just “alright” as you’ve been really happy day after dates. It got to the stage it was hard to lie.

I know to literally keep everything to myself from now on.