2 years too early for long-term commitment?

I dont really understand why covid gets in the way of you starting to life together. To me that makes zero sense. I think that when both of you are committed but are not on the same page timeline wise, moving in together first could work for you. At least thats what all european couples do and my family and friends as well.
I dont know what your timeline is, but i do understand your bf’s better. He is on a professional track that will get him a long way and will take a few years to get the full profit. That makes perfect sense at 25. So i dont think he is not committed to you but is not into starting a familly now. Thats the main issue. Couples get kids later and later, thats a known fact. Not necessarily good but its a fact. I think both of you need to talk but you got to stop using ehat he says as a barometer for the relationship. Takes what he says serious and not make it into a we want different things, what if he never commited. He is commited. But not ready for a family. If you feel you are ready and want to start trying lets say next. Yeah might not work with both your timelines. So have calm talks about both your timelines. Dont start right away. I would go back to the plan of moving in

Our goal was to find new jobs so that we could move city and travel a little while we’re young. We both agreed we didn’t want to live in this city forever. I agreed that it wasn’t the right time to do this right now because of covid-19.

As soon as we agreed on that my bf enrolled himself onto more exams and said he wanted to save up to buy an apartment nearby. That all just says to me that he wants to stay here. And even if he does want to stay, with the exams and saving up for a deposit he can’t afford to rent out with me (currently we both live at home with our parents). If he buys the apartment, then we can’t really travel and live in different cities. He still insists that we can but I dont see how if most of his salary is spent on the mortgage repayments.

I agree and understand that he wants to focus on his career, so do I. But I don’t see how I fit into his current plans at all. Am I supposed to carry on dating him while waiting to move in with him without knowing when that will be?

I don’t know where you live but in England for example mortgage repayments are usually cheaper than renting and a lot of people can afford to pay and travel at the same time. Even more so after buying a house.
How often do you see each other ? Do you think your relationship will be stronger when you two move in together?

Having joint life goals and plans is one thing, but you seem to have your live rigidly planned out for the next decade. You are still so young. Youu are only just starting on your careers and life. There will most likely be a lot of twists and turns for both of you before you can be properly settled. I don’t think it benefits you to look at your relationship and goals in such a rigid way.

Why do you nee to be married and have children before 30? I mean if it works out that way then great. But if it turns out it’s not the right time, that shouldn’t upset you either. Life is full of surprises and can throw you hard curve balls.

I can totally understand your boyfriend, who doesn’t want to promise marriage and kids in 5 years time when neither of you know where you are at that point. Especially since you seem to be very inflexible when it comes to a change of plans. I wouldn’t promise anything either if i had someone be so controlling over my/our life plans.

Having said all that. I think 2 years is penty enough to move in together and progress the relationship further. Not by making elaborate 5 year plans, but rather just taking it step by step.
If you still are unhappy were things are going in a year or two. Or the relationship and life looks completely stagnant, then it’s time to move on.

We currently only see each other once a week because we’re working from home and its harder to go out now that the weather is colder especially with the virus restrictions. But before this we met up around 3 times a week.

The apartment would be just for him for now. No mention of me at all for now except that I can stay over his if I wanted to sometimes.

I do agree with you cupcake, maybe my life plan is too rigid and maybe I need to focus on my own goals for now.

Yeah ok, that appartment thing would absolutely be an issue for me as well. I mean not jumping into kids, marriage or buying a house is one thing. And i am a huge supporter for being flexible in planning your life together….BUT it seems like he basically decided to just move ahead with buying a property for himself? Without talking about it to you? Or discussing to move in together at any point in the near future?

That would def. make me upset too and question where this is going.

Just like Newbie, i am European, so for me living together absolutely comes (wayyyy) before buying a property, having children or getting married. It’s like one of the first steps towards a serious commitment. Another step would be to see each other on pretty much a daily basis. After two years you shouldn’t be at a point where you are fine to just see each other once a week. Even 3 times a week seems…well, not that much for an established relationship of two years.

That’s exactly what makes me sad – I’m ready to spend more time with him but I feel like its not the same for him even after 2 years. He used to reach out to spend a lot more time with me when we first started dating but now our plans on seeing each other revolve around how much work he needs to do and even what video games he wants to play…

Yet despite that I do all the committed relationship stuff for him and he expects that from me..

Yeah seriously stop the kids and marriage talk and replace it with a how you both want to proceed talk. Your last posts are far more telling at where his head is at compared to the first. Yeah i mean i get he doesnt want to talk kids/marriage now. But your last post seems you got replaced by video games. Thats not good. But you also have to look at yourself for the answer here. Not to blaim but to find the source. Guys gravitate to what makes them feel good. And they feel extra happy when they can make their girl happy. If that doesnt work they tend to back off. Lets assume Corona lockdowns and stuck at home made lives more difficult and your simple goals (move and travel a bit) became unachievable. So bf wanted to get more grip with career goals and you wanted more security from him. Instant potential source of trouble. You nag about kids and are suddenly not happy anymore. He pulls back. Im not saying you did this, im just writing out a scenario. So you pretty much have 3 options:
1 go do more stuff for yourself. Dont pamper him, pamper yourself. This is a scenario to reclaim your independance
2 be light bubbly and happy next time you meet. This is a scenario to bond again, to make him realize you are a cushen not adding to his stress.
3 have the how about next year talk (and now that i think of it i dont think its the best choice)

I realize im making this complicated but that has a lot to do with the fact that i think this is not a whole black and white thing.

I agree with a lot that’s been said, but you’ve been together 2 years but only see each other once a week? They does NOT seem like a guy interested in progressing a relationship. And if his apartment is only for him, and he doesn’t bring up you two living together very soon I would also feel that’s not a man progressing a relationship. I agree completely with your concerns that you could support him for years and then he could turn around and be like – thanks I’m out.

I would definitely follow the advice of re-focusing on you, letting go of the timeline (for a hot minute while you refocus), see if he’ll step up once he notices your not clamoring after him. But I’m sorry to say it sounds like he’s taking you for granted. Again. I like a lot of the advice that’s been given, but validate you that I don’t think 25 is too young to start thinking about having a family and wanting someone who talks about a future with you. Best of luck