Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › 26 and never had a boyfriend
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Elizabeth.
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Linda
Hi, so im 26 years old (going to be 27 this year) and i never had a boyfriend. Most people my age i know are getting married and have children and i still live with my parents. My parents and sisters are asking me all the time when im going to get a man. I feel so sad because i feel like i cant change anything about my situation. Im getting older and i feel like im never going to meet someone. I rarely go out and i just dont know what to do.
Emma
Linda, you need to start going out.
Buy some new clothes, do a new hair, and start going out. To the gym, to some other activities, join some clubs, swimming, cycling, skiing, soccer, etc. Crowd team activities where you can meet people, make friends, get invited to dinner parties, get introduced to other people.
If you don’t take any action, you’d be 37 and still single. A man will not walk into your living room all by himself offering you marriage. You have to work to get it.
Before you join a dating site, make sure you read articles on his forum and keep an eye on the advice given here by experienced women. You can save yourself a lot of trouble this way. Online dating is a wild jungle, just as dangerous. You really need to learn and prepare and know what to expect. Tons of garbage out there, people are rude, crude, inconsiderate and plain cruel. So you need to be careful, equip yourself with knowledge and proceed slowly.
But it is better to try in real life, meet someone in real life and gradually build it up from there. You still have 5-7 years of your prime time. Do not waste any more of it, get it work and good luck!
My advice
Emma has good advice but do something like “meetup.com” before you try online dating. You meet up with people in real life who have the same interests as you.
Is this a family/cultural thing? I’ve a few friends who were in your position when they were younger but it was because it was accepted in their family.
April
Hi Linda,
Being single around your age is one of the best things in life! You have freedom to focus on yourself and grow. You don’t live your life just to ‘get a man’ and youd rather be single than get married early then get a divorce. Im in my late twenties as well, happily single, enjoying life because I know that the man I will marry someday is out there already! Im taking my own sweet time to enjoy what I have in the NOW. And never compare your life to others, we all have our own timelines. You are having your own unique journey – so what if you haven’t had a boyfriend yet? You’ll meet yours at the right time. Everything happens for a reason. So if your family asks you why you dont have a boyfriend yet tell them – “ I know, right?! Im taking my time because I want to enter a relationship for the right reasons and with a man I truly like/love.”
So many people are entering relationships based on fear, loneliness, pressure – if there’s one thing I’ve learnd the hard way, it’s to never settle in a lukewarm or mediocre relationship.
Junior
I was in my mid 20’s when I had my first boyfriend. Before him I had a ton of adventures. I was having so much fun I didn’t want a boyfriend.
Start off focusing on going out and find a hobby. Do things you like. Try making new friends by doing meetup.com, by joining a co-ed sports team, and by going to trivia nights at local breweries. That gets you to practice getting out of your comfort zone. Focus on enjoying life. Don’t let your focus become about finding a man. I had friends whose only goal in life was to find a husband. She was depressed.
It’s true that being single is so much better than being in a relationship with the wrong man. Take your time and focus on being happy. Good luck!
Amber Rosa
Hi Linda!.April & Jr are spot on!.I was 14 when I got my first boyfriend.We dated for 8 years.I went through PURE HELL with him hunny but I thank him for the life lessons but i also wish i wouldve waited.I’m 32 now single,no kids,and I have a great life!.Relationships are overrated.A good friend of mine got her first boyfriend when we were about your age and she wishes she could take it all back.Hunny go back to school,get yourself a degree,and make money.Relationships aren’t easy but I wish you luck in your journey!..
Linda
One time I was in love with that guy and i thought he was the love of my life but then I found out that he was married and i broke down. Sometimes i think maybe i should move out of this town and start a new life. It is so frustrating.
Kim
There is nothing wrong with not having a boyfriend before at your age. I didn’t start dating properly until
I was in my mid 20’s either. I was studying and focused on other things so I actually didn’t have time to commit myself to a relationship and I have never been the type of girl who was into casual flings.If you make an effort to be social first before actually trying to meet a potential partner it might help. Maybe find social groups with the same interests as you such as church groups, sporting groups etc. As others have mentioned a man is not going to magically walk into your living room and want to marry you. You need to put in the effort. Once you start actually going out and doing things you enjoy doing you will have more confidence. Confidence is a very attractive quality.
You will meet someone who appreciates you for who you are. Don’t settle for mediocre men for fear of being lonely. Everyone has their time for these things.
Trish
Linda you have been given some great advice by these wonderful ladies here. But I will go one step further. I believe being forewarned is being forearmed. I suggest you download and read :Red Flags How to know he’s playing games with you” by Brian Nox. Its a good read for any woman at any age, but I think especially for you because you have no experience and trust me there are plenty of game players out there and you need to know how to spot them, because they will be out there looking for someone like you who is inexperienced and naïve. Go out have a good time but don’t get caught in the traps of the players out there and men with ill intent. Don’t rush into anything! Do you first, and when the time is right you will hopefully meet the right guy and have a family. I didn’t get married and have kids til I was 36. I thoroughly lived nd enjoyed my life and do not regret one minute of it because when my children came I had done all I wanted to do. So get to know you, have fun, live life and read that book it will save you some time and headache trust me!
Trish
Catherine
“If you don’t take any action, you’d be 37 and still single”
“You still have 5-7 years of your prime time.”
Wow, I’ve never read so many messages by a person that life for women is over in their 30’s. Try a big City. This would be looked at as ridiculous. Does the poster liver in some rural midwest town? I’ve never heard such doom and gloom for women. I guess because I am in New York City.
Kenzie
Catherine- that struck me too. What is wrong with being, say, 35 and single? If you want kids then I guess it matters but if not….your 30s are also prime! I also live in a bigger city and know many many people who didnt meet their life partners until their late 30s. When you date with this pressure of time, I think your odds of finding someone become less.
Linda
Im thinking about moving to a bigger city. I feel like its my only chance.
Elizabeth
I live in the DC area and am 33 and have never had a boyfriend (or been out on a date). I had never even touched a guy until I moved here 5.5 years ago from a mid sized town. When I moved here in 2013, I did some not so smart things out of pure loneliness, including hooking up with a married guy (didn’t know it at the time/wouldn’t have done it if I knew). I was really vulnerable, but it made me strong enough to say no to the next guy who openly admitted that he married.
But I’ve definitely learned to be more comfortable with myself and I agree with the people above who have mentioned that it is important to have a sense of self and that being single is ok. And there is so much crap and cruelty out there. You need to have a strong sense of what you want. I have considered FWB, but for me, I tend to get emotionally attached so I realize it isn’t the right choice. I still struggle with not taking every rejection personally and I’ve still never been on a real date (though I have met some guys who are friends).
But you have plenty of time. Just don’t rush into things and get overly engaged too early. And be prepared for the loads of crap out there. And do things to invest in yourself, as you are the one person who can count on yourself. But moving to a new place is exciting. And the late 20s and 30s can be great times as well (as can any period).
Good luck. I still have hope for me and for everyone else and you have plenty of time!
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