29 and never had a boyfriend

This is a challenging place to be emotionally.

My guess here is that you’re not happy in general.

You don’t feel good inside.

And you fixate on not having a relationship, which you feel bad about, which feeds the unhappiness.

If you look at this like a mechanical system, this is not going to get you to a good place.

You can talk to people here about this sort of thing. And people will give you sympathy and compassion, but it won’t solve the problem if you’re feeding a bad system.

So… if you’re already unhappy and feeling desperate… and that hasn’t brought you good results…

Give up on all of those feelings!

Give up on feeling bad about not having a relationship.
Give up on feeling desperate.
Give up on feeling lonely.
Give up on feeling like you need to be something or have something in order to feel OK.

Your mind and emotions are telling you that you feel bad because you don’t have something.

But you know what’s really happening?

You’re just feeling bad about ideas in your head.

And what is feeling bad getting you?

Nowhere.

It’s not bringing you closer to getting into a relationship.
It’s not bringing you hope.
It’s not bringing potential guys to you.

It’s not working! It’s OK to give up on that process. It’s OK to let go of feeling this way and caring about it.

You feel miserable about the idea of not having a relationship at 29? You fear that it’s a miserable future?

You’re feeling miserable right now! You’re “doing” misery as a process.

You don’t have to though…

We “feel bad about things” as if it does us some kind of good.

It doesn’t. It distracts us and takes us out of our clarity.

Maybe the relationship that works for you isn’t typical. That’s OK.
Maybe the guy that works for you isn’t typical. That’s OK too.

But if that opportunity appears, they’re going to be attracted to you if you’re shining and feeling good.

And you don’t know when the opportunities will appear! So the only choice we have is to live a life where we shine so we’re shining when opportunities happen.

Counterintuitively, that means you have to give up on perspectives that make you unhappy.

Yeah, maybe other people are married and having kids at 29. Who cares. That’s not for you, that’s not the perspective for you.

Instead of having the perspective that you need to measure up to some kind of standard, what if you started from a clean slate.

What if the game of life really is to find the perspectives and lifestyle that bring out your personal unique shine.

It doesn’t matter if what brings you joy is different than most people.

What matters is that it brings joy to you. You bring yourself to it, it brings you joy, purpose and satisfaction.

But see… while that’s true… right now more than anything you want RELIEF.

You want relief desperately. So much that you said you’d even take a narcissist or sociopath if it just meant having someone. (Trust me, you don’t want this, I promise you.)

When you find yourself craving relief more than anything, it’s because you’re making yourself feel bad about your life based on your perspective.

If it’s making you feel that bad, then it’s time to let go of the perspective!

If it means you’re an XYZ kind of person, then fine, you’re an XYZ kind of person… and you’re going to be happy anyway.

Think about this…

Think about how many things in your life you didn’t choose.

There’s just so much that we have in our life that was never a choice and yet it’s part of our life.

So how does it make any kind of sense that you should have to measure up to some kind of standard for how your life should look or what you should or shouldn’t have.

Having a relationship isn’t the real problem here.

Feeling bad about not having a relationship is!

You’re feeling bad as if you “should”. As if you’re supposed to, as if it makes sense for you to…

It doesn’t.

The truest teacher of life is discovering what makes you feel joy, purpose and inspiration.

That’s much different than the rollercoaster of fear and excitement that the mind will have you on (really the excitement is the hope that you’ll finally get relief from the mind… and it’s your mind generating all the negative feelings to begin with).

Forget about relationships or finding a guy. Give up on all of it so you can access a clean slate inside and peace.

Give up on it all, be OK with all the supposed “bad things” it will mean if you don’t get a relationship or find a guy.

I know that’s the last thing you want to think about, which is exactly why you must! The mind is treating it like it would be the end of the world, when really, if you could envision even that with a sense of OKness in your heart, then you unplug the suffering-generating machine.

When you’re not suffering… when you’re clear and simple… that’s when you can start feeling the quiet, natural feelings of joy, purpose and inspiration. You can let that be a guide into a life that makes sense for you.

Will you meet a guy and get into a relationship? You may.

If you do, it will be because it fits and makes sense as part of the overall flow of your HAPPY life.