3 months mark advice please

Did you already talk about in general what you are looking for? Did you already sleep together?

I always have the what are you looking for convo around date 3-4 and make it clear no sex without exclusivity and no one else in the picture.

Men who want go be boyfriends make it clear in actions and words pretty early, usually by month 2, but usually no later than 3

We are exclusive we discussed it pretty much straight away after we had sex and I am more than sure than he is not seeing or sleeping with anyone else as if he is not with his friends , working or seeing his family he is seeing me .
Like I said earlier I am not obsessing with us being together as I know you shouldn’t really get invested in someone if you’re only seeing this person for less than 4 months but I feel like if it goes past that mark then I might start getting attached and then it will be harder and harder to leave .

I’m still very leery about the woman bringing the topic up as it could ‘trigger’ a man into thinking she’s already envisioning the wedding lol.

I am still a firm believer that the man needs to lead in the relationship department. I learned its BEST to allow the man to naturally (key word) come to that decision, on his own, without any external forces or pressures but because he wants to. Its very different when the man starts the convo v. the woman, whereas, when the man starts it you at least have an inkling as to what he’s thinking and feeling but when the woman brings it up, its usually a pretty good sign he’s not feeling it.

I do know that when the man brings it up first, such as saying “I love you;” introduces or calls you their GF for the first time, without any prodding or pressure from you, the relationship has a very different feel, and dynamic to it—feels like a comfortable pair of slippers where you just slide into a relationship effortlessly, and easily.

I know some women have had success bringing it up, like Liz did but if you read a lot of the posts on here, it fails about 99% of the time because the man never had any intention of taking it further, and just enjoying the present (now). Always seems to be when those three BIG words “what are we” are finally asked by the ladies who post here, the guy suddenly backtracks, fades, or disappears.

Based on what you stated, I would ride it out for another month to see if he brings it up on his own. If he say’s “I really like you” you say “I really like you too.” If you see him pulling back, you pull back, as he could be seeing how much he ‘misses you’ which can be good or bad based on your timeline. If he really misses you, that convo won’t be far behind, if not, then you can stop wasting your time. That’s about how long it took my current partner of over 4.5 years who was very consistent too btw. He was telling me about a conversation he had with his friend when he blurted out “I told him my girlfriend and I…”—this is how I found out I was his GF lol.

Up to you but if you feel compelled to bring it up, I would follow Liz’s advice.

I agree with lane that they should bring it up, that is why you learn early what they are dating for, not with you specifically and you tell them the same and no sex before commitment, but ok to fool around slowly until that happens. Then they are on notice of your wants and expectations.

so I did bring it up last night as I just wanted to see if we are on the same page , bear in mind it has only been 2 months so I am not expecting him to make me my gf or commit to me.
He said he wants to have gf and I am the only girl he is seeing but his previous relationship was a bit rushed and it failed and he doesn’t want to make the same mistake , that he is enjoying getting to know me, my company and texting me etc and like some of you ladies said he just needs some more time.

I don’t really know what to think about it, I have read the 7 stages men fall in love and it said that men don’t really think of relationship that they enjoy the process first and then they start to think oh do I want to commit to this woman. So maybe he has not reached that stage yet? He has also been busy with buying a new apartment, moving to a different town , but we still see each other 2 times a week .

last night when he left he messaged me when he got home and we had a light conversation before saying goodnight so I will see if his interest is going to shift after that conversation or if he is still going to be as consistent as he was until now.

I was skimming through the comments and I think this one from T from NY is gold for all of us:

“If everything is wonderful and he’s being consistent – enjoy the sensation of that while also remembering to date yourself – not lose yourself in the relationship.”

I cannot stress enough how important this is in the beginning and in long term relationships. The most important relationship we have is the one with ourselves.
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To the OP, I think you are doing well with everything you’ve been doing — but keep in mind many of the timeline-related advice is meant as a guide, not a black and white list of rules. You have to read the room so to speak.

Just keep being you. And enjoy your time with him. You had the discussion so let it go now and give it another couple of months to see what his actions tell you and if you need to have the conversation, wait to see if he brings it up first. If he doesn’t after another few months, then talk to him.

I only say the previous about bringing it up yourself because you’ve mentioned in your original comment that “previously I probably stayed for longer than I should have.”

Watch what he does, listen to what he says, see if the 2 match up, and then decide. Those 2 things will help you make that decision for yourself, especially based on your comment.

You’re really doing great though — enjoy your new relationship and have fun. :)

I think you are handling this very well. Please keep it up in actual practice, not just writing the words here.

I have a gut feeling this is going to be a solid relationship for you so I’d like to offer one piece of advice.

Let him say I Love You first.

I have the memory clear as day of the first time my boyfriend (who turned into my husband) said it to me. I was driving us somewhere and we were laughing over something and he just turned to me and said “I love you”

It just rolled out of him so naturally it even surprised him! I got flustered and started another conversation, but in the next quiet moment I said I love you too.

It was very special. And mattered so much more because it came from him first.

Anna, I really wish you hadn’t said anything. At four months yes, before that is too early.

Dating is a risk, and one of the biggest risks is that it doesn’t evolve into anything. That is part & parcel of dating, and if you are going into for the sole purpose of getting into a relationship, then you are dating for the wrong reason.

Yes, a relationship would be nice, with the RIGHT PERSON but that takes time to sort out. Anyone can be on ‘good behavior’ for a short bit (2 – 3 months) but the time after that will ultimately determine if they are really are a good guy or not. There’s a saying “only fools rush in” and its so true! Rushing into a relationship is a bad dating strategy, whereas if you took your time, you might see their flaws, warts, flags, or other indicators that he may not be who he is representing himself as.

I did the rush thing once in my early 20’s. We were engaged in 4 months, and he turned out to be a cheater…thankfully before we married! Hard lesson learned! After that experience I became a turtle, as I wanted to make darn sure the guy was truly genuine (a good guy) before I gave him my heart. Took me 5 months to say “I love you back” and waited 2.5 years before I married my (now ex) husband because I need to be sure. Took me about 6 months with my current partner of over 4.5 years where we are solid as a rock, and still enjoying the honeymoon phase. It takes a lot of time to truly get to know someone, so let go of the ‘relationship mentality’ out of the gate, and learn how to be a turtle :o)