5 months of dating, what should I expect from this guy?


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  • This topic has 14 replies and was last updated 8 years ago by redcurleysue.
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  • #586596 Reply
    Nat

    So I’ve been seeing a guy for about 5 months.

    The first 3 months were good as we just do things as casual because we don’t look for a relationship. we just need someone to hang out, to have some fun when we have free time. We still kept seeing other ppl, and even slept with other ppl for the first 2 months. I didn’t expect anything from this casual thing.
    2 months ago, we both joined a festival in 3 days. He was with his friends (his ex gf was there too – they broke up 1 year ago after a 3 years of relationship. But he never told me that she’s his ex gf but she’s a good friend), I was with my friends.I asked him to give me a lift there but he told me that he can’t because he’s going with some friends. So I sorted it out by myself
    I bumped into him for the first night he came to say Hi and ask me if I wanna smoke a joint with him, I just said Hi back and got back to my friends. He was with his friends and ex gf. We bumped into each other on the next day then we were together most of the time. He got back 1 day after me, texted me If I got home safe at that night. then want to meet me when he got back. We had a talk, and he said … we acted like a couple, it’s dangerous. He wants to keep it casual.He doesn’t want me to think he’s ******* or w/e like that after. I was cool. And replied that : I think everything we did was casual. we both had fun, that’s what I was looking for. And we talked a lot. A real talk after 4 months together… We just started getting to know each other better from that day.

    After that, I still play cool. Because of what he said, I still keep seeing 2 other guys. But he doesn’t.. He cares more about me, texts me more, spends more time with me and pays attention on things that I said and so on. He’s slightly changing that may be he even doesn’t know.
    The other day he asked me if I remember that i told him I don’t want him to sleep with other girls and asked me if I sleep with anyone else, I said No. I might still see other guys but I don’t sleep with them. And he said he doesn’t do it either, he even doesn’t sleep with any other girl because he has the best sex with me all the time. And we agreed that we are sexually exclusive.
    He said he likes me but he’s not ready for a relationship because he has a lot of things to do and a relationship may distract him, but he wants to do things to make me happy, he doesn’t want to do things that makes me feel bad. He wants me to feel happy, joyful.

    I feel it very clear or may be it’s just illusion that from then, he’s getting more into me. For now, we meet a few times a week, he’s busy but whenever he has time he always wants to meet me (sometime just for a quick brunch, coffee, lunch). He texted me when he’s sick. He took me out with his friends (also his ex gf was there, they are all still hanging out in the same group and gonna open a new bar so it’s the reason why he’s busy). We danced, we kissed in public when his friends’re around. He asked me to go camping with him and he had everything prepared for me. He makes me breakfast, cooks me dinner, let me get into his place without him staying home, shares more about things he’s doing, takes me out on dates, holds my hands when we’re walking in the street and anything I asked for. To be honest he treats me like a queen. When I plan my holiday, he said he wants me to spend sometimes with him in my long holiday. We also plan to buy couple phones and even bought couple pyjama.

    When my period came early today, I was at his place, and have no tampons. I went to the bathroom then asked him which date is today. Then I said it was early. It took him a while to get it, and he told me to get comfortable and show him the photos or the brand name so he can know what to buy. Then he left and got back which exactly what I want.

    Also he’s very busy atm and I work full-time so our timetable sometimes doesn’t fit well, but he always tries to comfort me by telling me : “I’m very busy now, I can’t spend a lot of time with you for now but we will meet and do things whenever I have time.” and he really does it.


    Now my friends tell me it’s getting serious.
    He acts seriously and still says that it’s casual. I’m cool with the casual thing but I also wonder if it’s getting really serious? And what should I do next, trying to get it back to casual level or carry on with serious vibes? Should I expect something like a relationship from him?

    #586597 Reply
    Nat

    I also told him might still see other guys but I don’t sleep with them. But if I meet someone that i think he’s the one, I will tell him then we will go from there. And he said he even doesn’t talk to any other girl.

    #586601 Reply
    Jen

    Only he knows and can answer the question, we see all too many times a man will act like a BF, but TELL you otherwise.

    He told you recently that he doesn’t want a gf. His excuse is lame, since he said he’s too busy, so that may not be the reason, men can enjoy you in the moment but not see a future with you.

    I think it’s time to just ask, before you get your heart broken, unfortunately, when you agree to casual from the very beginning, that’s what you typically end of getting.

    He told you he didn’t want a relationship and you agreed to that. So now he is relaxed and enjoying your company because there are no strings attached.

    #586609 Reply
    Betty

    I say go with the flow and maintain your social life. Think about it. You have the best of both worlds. He sounds like he really cares about you and treats u with deep respect. Just keep your options open and be grateful for this man while u are still free to date others.

    #586610 Reply
    Jen

    It’s not good to ‘go with the flow’ if you want a real relationship…

    #586617 Reply
    Nat

    He works in the afternoon and evening, sometime in the weekend too while I work from 8am to 5pm. So he always tries to spend time with me whenever he can. We go out or stay in, it doesn’t matter, we just spend time together.
    I wasn’t ready for a relationship when we just met but after months being with him, now I feel like I’m ready to be in a relationship again.

    He’s treating me really well with deep respect as Betty said.
    Also, He cares about other guys that I meet and seem to be jealous when he sees the texts I get from them.
    A few days ago, there was a guy, who is our mutual friend and also likes me, texted me and asked about the football schedule. He saw it then when I replied to that guy he went quiet, taciturn. It took him a while to get back to normal mode.
    Another time, he knows that there’s a guy who’s after me, then he kept asking me about that guy..
    Also, after he knows that there’re some guys are after me, he seem to show off “us” in public more.
    I don’t wanna push him or have a convo atm because we’re feeling good and I don’t wanna ruin it. May be it’s gonna happen at some point soon.
    Just confusing that if it’s a waste of time sice my options are still around. I did went out with them but it doesn’t feel right.

    #586623 Reply
    Newbie

    He has you, like he wants to have you. He has no inventive to take the next step. Besides him and you agreed to be casual. So the one thing i wouldnt do is act like a gf. Just act as a friend and do keep on dating other guys.
    Or: think about what you want and if that is a relationship, then tell him that. Say your feelings have changed and you would like to try and how he feels about that

    #586627 Reply
    Sarah

    When will the ladies get a clue?! It’s a casual f* buddy situation. He will never make you his girlfriend. Stop wasting your time!! And STOP reading into things. It’s as plain as day. He just wants the benefits. It’s so frustrating to read these stories of girls analyzing things. He said he doesn’t want a relationship – WITH YOU.

    #586630 Reply
    Jen

    Please stop trying to read into this..l ask if you want him as a BF… otherwise you are just a glorified fwb.. and you will be really hurt when he finally falls for the woman he wants to have a real relationship with.

    #586632 Reply
    Jamie

    I have to agree with Sarah. Five months and still no sign of nailing things down? All my successful relationships (we made the leap from “seeing each other” to boyfriend/girlfriend) we committed to a relationship within a month.

    Five months on and there’s no sign of that….it’s not happening.

    You can analyze things to the moon and back and see all the signs you want to, heck I’ve been there too and so has most of these ladies…it’s just going to be a waste of time. Next thing you know he ends it because he thinks you’re too into him, or he starts dating someone else.

    He’s not treating you that great when he’s keeping it casual.

    #586638 Reply
    kamila

    yeah i agree as well – if 5 months in and NO SIGN (in other words, action) of him moving things further, or progressing – you’re just gonna get caught in a dead-end situation where you’re hoping to hope.

    in situations like these, i’d say — although it SEEMS like he’s getting “more serious” his words and actions ultimately don’t match up, and really just want the casual benefits of being with you. if he wanted to make it happen, trust me – he would’ve made it happen relatively soon. but also, if you’re simply looking for casual, then DON’T look too much into it. if he’s dating other peopel, then you should too. put your focus more on the other guys who want an end goal that aligns much more with yours.

    i’d say have an honest talk with him – “i’ve been seeing you for quite some time and i just wanted to know where you see this going – would you wanna keep it casual? because i’m seeing other people too and if this isn’t what you want or you don’t want a relationship ever, i don’t want to invest too much time into this, and we should just see each other less.”

    have a talk first. although it seems like he simply wants to keep it the way it is. There’s far too many situations where the girl thinks she;ll be okay with just casual – but truth isl, once there’s emotional attachment involved, you start to want more. so, talk asap and then if he doesn’t ever wnat to progress more than casual hangout buddies, i’d say back off and hang out w/ your other dudes and see if he steps up (which, i doubt). or, simply say- well this isn’t working out for me, let me know if you’ve changed your mind. be honest w/ yourself, becasue these are muddy situations in which you might never get out of, if you’re not clear w/ one another. don’t overanalyze. the one thing you should be analyzing is taking his words and determining if it matches w/ his actions. if not, it’s a no go.

    #586663 Reply
    cataline

    i;ve always followed this phrase when dating:

    “ignore the good, listen to the bad” — it’s really what you need to do when you’re filtering through guys and seeing if they’re a match for you / if there’s potential.

    #586667 Reply
    Nat

    A different Nat.

    #586673 Reply
    Hannah

    I had a FWB who I had a similar thing going with. We were totally exclusive, he took me out on dates, he made me a priority, did things for me, etc. But it was still a FWB and never turned into something more (neither of us wanted it to).

    My situation sounds a lot like yours. I think he’s growing fonder of you and likes having you in his life, but it’s not likely he’s going to fall in love it want a relationship. Your FWB can cope with the thought of you seeing other men. Mine absolutely couldn’t but still it didn’t turn into a relationship.

    If you have doubts, ask him where you both stand.

    #586710 Reply
    redcurleysue

    I am sorry but if you want a relationship this is not the guy. He has made it plain that he wants to live for today.

    So, where does that leave you? It leaves you to find a man who wants a relationship.

    If you want casual, this is your man….if you want more then it is another man.

    It really is that simple.

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