Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › 6 dates and still no kissing
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tammy.
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Karina
Went out to 6 dates with a 30 years old man over a period of a month and a half and he didn’t make a move.
He said he is looking to settle and find a serious relationship. I asked him in person what he thinks of me and he only said he has a good opinion.
I am used with guys with a more direct approach so I don’t know what to think about this one.
Is he shy or what ?DD
I’m guessing his interest is low.
Karina
@ DD he is asking me out and contacts me to see how my day was etc. He doesn’t express his feelings that he likes me or anything like this. At the end of the last dates I was the one who kissed him on the cheek and hugged him .
What signs should I pay attention to ?Bee
Perhaps he enjoys hanging out with you as friend but doesn’t have any romantic interest.
Anne
It is very hard to predict the physical attraction, from what you said, I don’t think he is attracting to you in a physical way. You could be in the friend zone already.
Emma
If he asks you out, then he definitely “has a very good opinion of you”. LOL
My guess he is not very sexual LOL
Do you want this in a HB? Another 2 dates without any physical moves and you’d start asking “do you find me attractive”? and then you’d start thinking “maybe I am not attractive enough”, etc etc.
Stop all this and find a guy who has normal libido.
One other possibility is addiction to porn. This is when men don’t try to make physical contact for a long time, one of the symptoms.
Nellie
Or maybe he just want to take it slow?
Lane
I think its good to take the physical out of the equation and just get to know each other first. Keep it out of the sheets a bit longer, like two more dates and just get to know him better. If he doesn’t make a move then take the bull by the horns and lay on on him lol
R
I say give the guy a chance – he could be very nervous to make a move, especially with consent being a hot topic right now. I say that you should make some physical flirty contact with him and build up the touching. This might encourage him to kiss you with more ease. If he still doesnt make a move, you could either kiss him, or simply ask him when he plans on kissing you – at least then you know where you stand.
Tana
It could be a number of things. One possibility is he may have performance issues. Some guys who have these problems really want to date but take things super slow because of that and the baggage that comes with it for them.
That is JUST A GUESS for a possible reason since you asked. The fact is if you like him enough to keep seeing him you will likely find out the reason or get enough information to piece it together.
Karina
Thank you all for your responses.
Right now I am starting to lose interest and I don’t feel I am very attracted to him..I liked going out but I was the one who asked a lot of questions and tried to get to know him better when he never asked me deep , personal questions.Karina
@ Stephen , thanks for your insight .
If I am not supposed to ask question what should I be talking during a date then ? I tried to find out his hobbies but he doesn’t have something particular he spend his days at work and nights at home watching TV or going to the countryside. When he text he only ask me about my day and basic stuffs. When I tried to ask for his opinion or to discuss a subject he doesn’t have to much to say.MTea
I don’t entirely agree with @stephen. Some men who were into me weren’t afraid to tell about their deep fears and stuff like this really early on. I think it depends if they feel comfortable or not with the woman to share these kind of things. It also depends on how the woman bring these kind of subjects. Actually, it creates an emotional bond to spend quality time with the man AND have deep talks about life, experiences, their childhood, etc.
I still think that it’s better for both of them to avoid talking about subjects like exes and money early on, but some men aren’t afraid to talk about these kind of things either. My point is: the right man won’t avoid these subjects and if he’s really uncomfortable with a question, he can just tell that’s he’s not comfortable and then agree to change the subject.
@Karina I was in a situation like your a little bit more than a month ago. I had dates with a guy who iniated them all (but the last one was iniated by me) and we had great laughs and fun times together on our dates, but he never tried to kiss me. He just gave me awkward hugs and we didn’t talk about serious/deeps topics either. He often initiated texts, but it was always about basic stuff (how was my day) or inside jokes that we had. I started to lose interest too and I didn’t want to iniate physical contact either. After 6 dates, he went silent for a week and then he reached out to ask the ‘what are we question’. When I answered (I told him what I want) and reverted the question, he just ghosted me lol
So my point is this: it’s great when a man is respectful towards you by respecting your physical boundaries and taking time before doing something that you might not want, but you have to consider all his actions. If he isn’t consistent, if he doesn’t try to know you on a deeper level, if he avoids talking about other stuff than the basics and if you’re always the one putting efforts to get to know him, then he’s probably not the right man for you. The ultimate truth about dating is that when a man wants a woman, he’ll pursue her and make all the efforts in the world to spend time with her and to ‘lock her down’. He’s not ‘too shy’ to be affectionate with you (like holding your hand, giving you warm hugs even if the kiss comes after), he’s not ‘too busy’ to text you in a reasonable time, he’s not ‘too emotionally unavailable’ to answer your questions.
My advice is: date other men. Seriously, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. You’ll soon realize how a man who’s into a woman behaves. The right man won’t make you wonder if he likes you or not. He won’t make you wonder if he’s attracted to you (even when a man waits before kissing you, he can still give you compliments to manifest his attraction towards you).
Be smart and learn to never settle for mixed signals and guys who aren’t obvious about their interest for you. Keep on going on dates with other men until one step up and asks for the commitment that you deserve and that you seekMarci
I can understand you questioning things. It is great when a guy respects the physical side but there is a time when that changes from thinking it is respect to wondering what is going on.
I met a guy who was fantastic with contact, sharing emotions, wanting to spend time with me, not hesitant about integrating our lives in appropriate ways for newly dating, and put out he was attracted but he still held back. This was a nice change from other guys but there was a point it became apparent it wasn’t just waiting out of respect. Tana’s post was the story for me.
I don’t want to subject myself to the frustration of an unsatisfactory sex life but there are more medical ways to treat that now than there were in the past. He admitted he could have a problem that seeing a doctor may fix but put it more on he adores me as a person, is attracted to me and thinks I’m beautiful but maybe not attracted enough. He knows men find me attractive and has shown jealousy (not in a destructive or mean way though). He claims to not have had sex for several years. Maybe it’s that he isn’t attracted enough to me or maybe he just isn’t ready to fully own this is his issue and it would be the same no matter who he was with.
Even if he was confused or not feeling like a man, he still friendzoned me. I friendzoned him back. He continues to text and call daily though. I don’t know if this supports him wanting to be friends or wanting more but being unsure of himself.
What I do know is that he’s someone whose company I enjoy with or without sex. I like knowing him but he isn’t going to have the benefit of me being available or giving him the kind of time reserved for a guy who isn’t unsure. I would consider starting again to see where things went if he was willing to do full disclosure and seek a medical opinion. I don’t think he’ll do that for fear he will hear nothing will help. Then he couldn’t have other reasons to pin it on.
So, if you aren’t interested in this guy any more then it doesn’t matter his reasons. If you are then there could be reasons he doesn’t want to admit but have nothing to do with you. Either way, it’s up to you to decide what you want or don’t want and how much energy you spend on it.
I wish you well.Karina
@ Marci ..Oh ok I was never thinking and never encountered that kind of situation with a man but anything is possible. I am ok with taking things slow with a man , but I need to feel that he is attracted or that he has some feelings. I am feeling that our situation is not progressing at all and that I should give up.
tammy
I think probably you tick many boxes for an eligible partner in his books. but the thing is what may look good on paper may not work in real. if there is no attraction and chemistry in person, how can this work? he may be going slow. but no attempts at all to hold hands or kiss in 6 dates is a little strange.
tammy
I think probably you tick many boxes for an eligible partner in his books. but the thing is what may look good on paper may not work in real. if there is no attraction and chemistry in person, how can this work? he may be going slow. but no attempts at all to hold hands or kiss in 6 dates is a little strange.
Karina
Update
So I went to another date with him but I didn’t feel a spark or something and there were also moments of silence between us.
At the end he still didn’t kiss me or anything instead he asked me if I want to try a relationship. My answer was that I am not sure because I started to see him more as a friend. He was a little bit upset which I understand.
I think he is a good guy and I want a relationship but again I am not sure if I should give it a try and hope that feelings or attraction will grow over time.
The only reason why I am thinking if I should give it a try or not is because he seems serious.Dee
Awww he sounds inexperience and respectable.
I think when he said “do you want try for relationship”
Should be have been your queue to kiss him and see.Ask him out and just kiss and see if you feel anything.
Do you quys even held hands yet?Karina
Maybe I didn’t get the hint and also I didn’t feel any urge to kiss him.
No , we didn’t hold hands yet.Lurker
If you don’t feel any urge to kiss him is there any spark? Just because he seems ‘serious’ won’t make a relationship work if the attraction isn’t there.
tammy
he seems to be shy and inexperienced. that’s fine. what do you feel about him? if you don’t feel any physical attraction nor that spark between you guys than this relationship doesn’t make sense.
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