Home › Forums › Dating and Sex Advice › 8 Signs He's Wasting Your Time…Move On
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star876.
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Phillygirl
One of the biggest challenges women have is knowing when to move on. Here are 8 early signs to avoid wasting your time. Here’s your dating Bible ladies…and NO man is too shy to make a move!
Each sign depends on how long you’ve been involved.
Early on is the best time to keep your eyes open, feelings in check and hormones firmly under wraps—so they don’t interfere with your ability to see clearly.
The more desirable he is, the more you need to pull in the reins and watch for these signs.
First Contact to First Date
Warning Sign No.1: He Emails Endlessly
Once you meet online, the longer he emails you without suggesting a phone conversation or meeting, the less interested he is in moving forward. Each situation is different, but I generally stick to a 4-email rule. If we’ve gone back and forth 4 times, and he hasn’t suggested a phone call, I don’t waste my time.
Men who know what they want are decisive. A phone conversation is not a big commitment. Some men want friends, pen-pals or to have a virtual relationship. Some are already in relationships already and just want the thrill of the flirt. Don’t be that woman.
Warning Sign No.2: He Is Not Eager to Meet You
You’ve spoken a few times, but he hasn’t mentioned meeting in person. Red flag. Even if you don’t live in the same city, a man who is truly interested in you will talk about meeting live. Otherwise, it’s just a virtual relationship—and he’s got a reason to keep it virtual. Beware!
Warning Sign No.3: He Doesn’t Ask You Out, Again—or Drags His Feet (For No Good Reason)
This should be obvious, yet so many women end up texting or phoning days (or weeks) after a date to see what happened. Nothing happened. He’s just not feeling it and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
Before you justify him ‘being busy,’ I once dated a busy CEO. After our first date, he had the courtesy (and invested the time) to phone the next day to tell me he enjoyed the date and would like to see me again—after his business trip that week.
The Next Few Dates
Warning Sign No.4: He Is Vague or Hides Information From You
After a few dates, you seem to know nothing about him—yet he knows everything about you. When you ask him questions, his answers are vague. He just keeps bombarding you with questions. Trying to get basic information out of him is like pulling teeth.
Big. Red. Flag. He’s probably got something to hide.
Warning Sign No.5: You Always Initiate Contact
If you find yourself texting, phoning and sending email first all the time, he’s just passing time with you. A mature, emotionally available man happily lets a woman know he’s interested by pursuing her.
Don’t rationalize that he’s shy either. He’s not. A real man shows interest by keeping in touch. Letting him initiate contact, the majority of the time, is the only way to gauge how interested he is in you.
After 3 to 6 Months Dating
Warning Sign No.6: He Says He Doesn’t Know What He Wants—or He Doesn’t Want Anything Serious, Yet
After six months of dating, both of you should know if you want to move forward—or not. Maybe equals NO.
Don’t make the common mistake of seeing only one man because he’s the one you like most. Once you become psychologically and emotionally attached to him, it’s hard to move on and you get hurt.
Don’t stop dating other men until you both clearly decide and agree you’re in an exclusive relationship. Never assume you’re exclusive.
And don’t rationalize that you’ve put 6 months into ‘it’ and you want to see where it goes. It’s better to stop at 6 months, than waste another 6.
Honey, those years add up!
Warning Sign No.7: He Suggests You See Other People—or He Wants to See Other People
Basically, he’s saying he wants to keep his options open. This means you are NOT an option. If you stay, you will only be wasting your time—and lowering your value in his eyes.
A man will subconsciously gauge your value based on how you perceive your own value. If you continue to hang on after he says he wants to see other people—your value plummets. Oh, he’ll let you stay around…until he meets a woman he truly values. Continue seeing him at your own peril!
Warning Sign No.8: His Words and Actions Confuse You
I think this is the one more women fall for than any other. If a man keeps telling you one thing, but he does something else, IGNORE his words.
Don’t rationalize his behavior with, “But he’s warm, funny, charming and caring.” This is about integrity. Do you want to be with a man you cannot respect?
A man is only as good as his word.
Only continue seeing men who show they value you, respect you and keep their word.
Twinkle
THanks for sharing, a good read.
star876
Your list is great. May I add some items from personal experience? Because it is the opposite of everything you are saying.
Signs you are dating a narcissist/borderline:
1) He is eager to meet you, wants a relationship in a short period of time even though you have the feeling he barely knows you.
2) He is addicted to you, calls you constantly. He pays attention to every detail of your life. Demands gently (you don’t even notice) that you drop everything in your life to pay more attention to him.
3) He says in less than 2 months together that he loves you or that he wants to move in together, and is totally pissed off because you still don’t feel the same.
4) He has pics with kids (so you think he would love to be a father!) and tells you how kind he is/was.
5) After 3 months in a relationship: he says to everyone that he wants to marry you and starts moving forward with planing.
6) He says you are the one, special. His peace, he feels like home with you. He makes you feel like you finally found the one.
After 6 months: devaluation. You barely recongnize the guy he once was. He is rude, he tries to attack you with words. Once you were his peace, now you are his hell.
I hope you enjoy!
star876
(I forgot some)
7) He is totally monogamous and even gives you access to his phone and social media (expecting you to do the same). He won’t even like any girls pics so you won’t like guys pics either. This is not because he respects you, but because he is terrified of you cheating or valuing other human being more than you value him.
8) He tells you how thin/fat, dumb/poor (insert other insecurities here) he is so you can say: NOOO WAY, YOU ARE SO PERFECT!
9) All his exes were cheaters/crazy gals/did not respect him. So you can be “the different one”.
Anne
Ummm, thank you! both of those contributions were golden and well worth reading.
This one made me really laugh because it is so true and very tiring as it never ends and he will get upset if you don’t reassure him:
8) He tells you how thin/fat, dumb/poor (insert other insecurities here) he is so you can say: NOOO WAY, YOU ARE SO PERFECT!L
Thank you for the information.
I would like to add that sometimes we need to experience something in order to understand and accept the reality. If not we are always asking “what if”.
No man is the same…yes men have certain things in common just as we women do. However not every relationship is the same with every man. You can meet a man who pulls the right strings for days, weeks, months and even years then one day things change. Were there signs maybe there were but as humans we choose to see what we want and as women we also want to fix things or make them work.
So I do believe that seeing some of these signs do help in making decisions early on …..and giving us a better idea on whether we should pursue a relationship with the fellow. I also believe that if we go into a date/relationship with the attitude that I am looking out for myself some of these things will occur less. Men as many have stated on here are simple creatures so trying to analyze their every move is a waste of our time.
I have experienced many different sceneraios with many different types of men and yes some left me hurting more than others but that experience made me stronger.
I can go into another relationship and be the one making the rules…so instead of focusing on the signs from the guys I rather focus on myself.Lane
Hi Star,
Actually I don’t find that to be true at all. Majority of my BF’s occurred the way you presented it but NONE of them were suffering from any mental disorders. These were all men who fell in love, and when they ‘feel love’ they will put out all the stops to win you over and keep someone from swooping you up.
ALL HUMANS have idiosyncrasies, such as jealousy, insecurities, low self-esteem, hyperactive, shyness, and a host of others that some can’t stand but another will. I’m sick and tired of all the ‘labels’ being thrown around, especially “EUM” whereas unless your a PROFESSIONAL who has studied and/or have been with a person for a long enough to understand WHY they do what they do, then I would be hard pressed to slap a label on them and say that’s what they have, because oftentimes they can act the complete OPPOSITE with a different person, which is why so many ladies don’t understand why an ex acted one way with them but the opposite with next lady.
ALL humans can be narcissistic or emotionally unavailable at different times in their lives, just as some people can be extremely shy and then later in life become social butterflies (flip the script or do a 180)…I’ve seen it! All I’m saying is we need to be super careful about JUDGING PEOPLE we don’t know, never met, and don’t have the FULL COMPLETE STORY on.
star876
Yes, Lane, I agree we need to be careful judging people.
I’ve seen a guy who spent 1 year “not interested in a relationship” to suddenly find himself in love with the same girl and giving her the title of girlfriend. Also, another guy who will marry with a girl who cooks for him, cleans his house because “he loves the way she takes care of him”. And oh boy, he has a great career and is handsome.
If we think about this, we are all wrong giving advices here.
Unfortunately in my case I saw many red flags (the ones I mentioned above). I see professional help when I feel necessary (he did too, but I think it wasn’t enough haha). I don’t mean to devalue no one, but these are signs we can pay attention to.
Regarding professional opinion, give it a try and read blogs/books about narcissistic personality disorder and you will see all the signs I talk about. I can give you some suggestions.
star876
Besides, the “devaluation” is an IMPORTANT part of NPD relationships.
Shannon
Yes, every person is different. That’s what makes trying to figure men out and trying to “win” the dating game so difficult. All these “rules” are just guidelines. Just when you think you’ve followed all the rules and so you should “win”…you don’t. And then there are people who break them all.
star876
You are totally right, Shannon. It is exhausting to have a list and test/check all of the items one by one. Actually, we need to go with the flow and trust our instincts more, getting to know someone and the most important, see how he is as a person in all areas of his life.
Lane
Like I said, I don’t waste my time analyzing someone I don’t know well enough, nor do I have the desire to do so. I have STRONG BOUNDARIES and when you have strong boundaries you don’t allow these type of people into your life, or keep them at ‘arms length’ because I don’t allow people to use or abuse me.
I suggest you work on yourself and set some strong boundaries. When you have boundaries these types of men/people wouldn’t get away with what they do if you didn’t allow it. Need to take ownership and spend more time getting to the root of your own issues/problems because those are the only one’s you have control over, and the power to change, not anyone else’s.
star876
I couldn’t agree more, Lane! We all have to work continuously in our boundaries.
I just posted here to show that balance is the key. One extreme is not good and the other is not good either.
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