Home › Forums › Texting Advice › A fight with a “friend”
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Anon.
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Lauren
Hi!
So a man that I’ve become close with and I recently got into a fight. We were “romantic” but this year has been so hard on both of us personally that we decided to be just friends for now.However, I was trying to initiate a conversation to tell him where I was at and needing to take the pressure of a romantic situation off of myself, but he kept ignoring me or dancing around the subject. It wasn’t until I put a lot of pressure on that he told me he wanted to be friends, not really letting me say my piece. I honestly was most hurt by being ignored or pushed aside when I was trying to have a mutual discussion (I just didn’t want to hurt him either)
I told him I’d talk to him again but I needed space. 3 weeks later. The thing is: I have absolutely no clue what to say and I’m actually scared to talk to him. He is someone I have gotten close to and I really support, so ultimately I don’t want to lose that connection but I’m lost for what to say.
Do I verbalize what hurt me and tell him I’m here to listen to his needs? Or do I randomly call him talking about our favorite football team pretending I’m not hurt anymore? Haha
Raven
Why do you want to be with someone who ignored & continues to ignore you?
Lauren
Not really “be with” romantically. He’s someone who’s been in my life for a few years now, about 3 or so years. We actually are really good friends outside of anything romantic
Anon
If you want to be friends only- you just check in and say hi. I’m thinking you may still have feelings for him, so you may want to take more space from him until you don’t equate talking with him to feeling scared.
Raven
How do you deal with your girlfriends who behave the same way?
Yeah, you want more than friendship with this guy or you would be posting here… It would not be an issue.
Lauren
I think there’s a level of embarrassment because he assumed I wanted something more without talking to me and I don’t right now. My fear is more out of embarrassment
Honestly, if one of my girlfriends did something like this, I’d talk to them about it haha so maybe you just answered my question
Tallspicy
Honey, please read the room. He already thought you wanted more which means he got that from somewhere and then you tried to drag a man you are not in a relationship with (and never were really friends) into another convo because you want to talk. He clearly doesn’t and honestly, my guess is you are coming on very strong.
Most men hate endless talking, it makes them feel anxious so they avoid it and they dont want to hurt your feelings.
This man is not your friend, not your boyfriend. Please heal your own need for attention and closure. He either does not want to or is incapable. I know that hurts, but take care of yourself and do nothing
Anon
Don’t contact him- friend or not. Time always shows you what’s meant to be.
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