Home › Forums › The Community Lounge › a mistake repeated more than once is a decision
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Xyz.
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Phillygirl
“A mistake repeated more than once is a decision”.
This is a quote from Paulo Coelho I recently stumbled across.
So apropos, so spot on, and so simple.
There has been a rash of nonsense in this forum lately. It drained and frustrated me. It made me angry and sad. Those who witnessed it, know what it is.
But it comes down to some people who are unwilling to spend time in self-reflection, and an inability to change mindsets and effect positive change in their own lives.
It shows a depth of ignorance, a stubbornness, and a wildly exaggerated sense of self-importance. A glaring absence of EQ (emotional quotient), and an anchoring to self defeating and harmful attitudes and behaviors.
It shows an unwillingness to grow, to change, to evolve. Let’s call it “Cavewoman Syndrome” or CS for short.
The common denominator in every bad situation for a person with CS, is themselves. They are the one and only constant. Everything else is a variable. The saddest part of this syndrome is that it is curable-but the patient is both the problem, the cause, and the only one preventing (and standing in the way of) the cure.
That is not only sad, it is stupid and condemns one to a life of misery, that is lacking fulfillment and real meaningful relationships.
I don’t have patience for people who choose to be stupid. Sorry, but I don’t. I am not talking about a moment of stupidity, we all have those. But a mistake repeated more than once is a decision!!
Many of you will get this. But some will sit there scratching their heads, blaming the world at large for every lousy thing that continues to happen in their lives.
If you are unhappy, the best thing you can do is look at the one and only person in your control….Yourself.
What behaviors/thoughts/attitudes/pre-conceived ideas are stale and harmful, and need to change?
It is the only real way to revolutionize your life and how you live it.
Khadija
Well amen to that!!!
Phillygirl
Khadija, LOL <3
Raven
Fantastic post!
celesteannv
Bravo!
Phillygirl
Thanks Raven and Celeste! XO
Stefanie
Tell it like it is! We have CHOICES.
Mimi
I like that! Thanks for sharing.
One tactic that I’ve taken to using with many folks is just to IGNORE behavior that I don’t like. It’s amazing what a lack of attention will do. I will offer a quote that comes to mind often: “Behavior that is ignored tends to be extinguished. Behavior that is reinforced, negatively or positively, tends to be reinforced.”
buttercup
Well said. I actually read that quote somewhere this morning :-)
Mimi
^^ “Behavior that is ignored tends to be extinguished. Behavior that is reinforced, negatively or positively, tends to CONTINUE.” sorry for the typo!
Phillygirl
Exactly Mimi.
Silence is deafening. And anyone paying a little bit of attention will note that I do not respond to certain individuals (ever) on this forum. There is a reason for that.
Stefanie
There’s another thread going on in need of your quote Mimi…
Phillygirl
BC-it may have been my FB page, haha. It’s on there from the other day :) XO
Phillygirl
Steffy
Mimi’s quote is my precise response to the other thread that you are referring to! :)maria
Great quote and post Phillygirl !
Phillygirl
I wish the quote was mine, I borrowed it. But boy did it strike a chord with me. Thanks Maria!
Debby
Both insightful and helpful.
And how true….we are the only ones we can control. If every relationship has failed…you are the common denominator. Time to really give that some thought. You won’t find the man you want until you’re the woman you need to be. Focus on being that woman vs. tryung to change a man.
You freakin’ rock PhillyGirl
LAgirl
Perfect Philly!
Phillygirl
Debs and LA, I love you too!
Serena
This was a great post, thanks Phillygirl. Sometimes ppl need to be reminded that we control our actions /reactions and we have the power to change our lives.
Ivy
“I don’t have patience for people who choose to be stupid.”
If you can’t have patience at least have mercy, for all people are human and flawed and what you lack in patience may be the very thing you- yourself fear most.
I do understand it can be frustrating, to time and time again listen to people who graciously accept abuse or the role of doormat, and I myself have lost my patience at times, given a bit of tough love — but now I look back after reading your comment and I realize wow, I don’t want to be like this, I want to help people and maybe the people who need the most help are the ones who aren’t as you say, acting smart, and as I’ve said too and rather directly. I probably won’t stop giving a bit of tough love and advocating choice. However, I also don’t want to go the other route, which is the opposite direction of loving.
People who do the same thing over and over again usually need real therapy more than they need this forum, otherwise they wouldn’t be in what is often an abusive or just emotionally toxic situation.
I actually am going to remind myself of this more now that I read this post.
Stefanie
Ivy, this is a good point.
There is a difference I’ve noticed on ANM between people willfully choosing to go against good advice and keep banging their head against the wall and post repeatedly to complain it’s bloody yet again and the people who post because they are honestly clueless and struggling. You’ll see that when problems are too severe or the poster is going around in circles either we sympathize and recommend they get professional help because they are beyond the scope of this forum or they get abusive, our patience snaps and they get flamed off here. It becomes easy to tell which kind is which.
I think Philly means the first kind.
Ivy
Stephanie, I do see there is a difference between the two and yes, I myself have been frustrated. I still think it’s a gentle reminder for myself to have more patience than I might have had in the past.
The people who can’t see are those who need the most help. Because logically, we know that someone in their right mind would be able to see what we think we say is clear as light but is not.
They are simply operating under a different set of beliefs that don’t get broken down in one conversation, it can take years and people clench onto their beliefs misguideded or not, like a safety net cause it is all they have.
So I still think even more patience is required, not less. It’s a tough feat, but still worthwhile.
Phillygirl
Ivy,
I am not advocating meanness or intolerance. And when I have nothing to add of value to a certain poster, I try to keep my opinions to myself. Hurting instead of helping is not the idea.
I am referring more to the situations where someone really only wants a battle, rather than any actual help.
And I can be admittedly inpatient at times, in all facets of my life. Something I struggle with and constantly work on. Probably going to be a lifelong battle. But at least a work in progress.
I am seeing in increase of lack of respect and common decency on this forum of late, and that is what I am addressing here.
And I take your rebuke as something to consider.
Stefanie
Ivy, I generally agree with you and I’m glad you contributed your thoughts. Good things to ponder before I click Send on a response to a poster.
There are however some people on whom you are just wasting your time and on this forum where we are not seeing a face or hearing a voice, there is a limit… and I”m not sure how far I’m willing to go to qualify for sainthood, LOL. :)
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