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- This topic has 7 replies and was last updated 4 years, 9 months ago by
Tallspicy.
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Helen
So, Last weekend, feeling a little flat in the midst of all this COVID-19 business, I found myself back on social media, searching for mates who I once hung out with, 40! years ago.
My childhood, was very happy and these mates were very much a part of it. Needless to say we all grew up, each took our paths and back then, no mobiles, social media, as a means to stay in touch, so we didn’t.
I managed to find 3 guys, who in turn I messaged individually. Admittedly one guy, I had a big crush on back then. 1 guy, had not changed, still the little annoying brother type :) The 2nd, the crush back in the day, has been happily married for 30 years!) Now we come to the 3rd.!!!
It is this guy, who now, I can not get out of my head. He gave me his number saying stay in touch. We both were overwhelmed, the fact, that I reached out and why had I left it so long, to which I had no real answer too. He gave me his mobile number and the Sat, Sunday, we texted constantly, much banter and catching up with what happened in our lives over the years.
Monday came, he messages me that night, pleasantries asked about my day. Tuesday no texts, Weds I text him, and that where it stops. Today is Saturday so no contact for 3 days.
I have to be honest I am single, so is he. We had stuck a date in the diary to meet up, after my holiday and his plans, for in a months time. However how this virus is playing out, I don’t doubt that we will be cancelling it, in the wake of this social distancing and isolation situation.
I do have to say, yes, I reached out to them initially, yes I am sure it was a shock, a blast from the past 40 years ago!. However, having seen his picture, I have to say, yes, I am attracted to him, he is attractive, but his chat even made him moreso. Obviously he does not know that!, it is my secret:). So given all of this, I do not see the harm, in me messaging him. There really is nothing to loose is there. We are not dating, we did not meet on a date site, he is not a total random guy.So, I am saying, being adults, surely texting a guy in these circumstances can not be construed as anything other than a mate texting a long lost mate. Or is there ? Just wondered your thoughts on it…… cheersSs
Well the issue is that you aren’t texting him as a friend but as someone you see romantic potential with. You don’t actually know him – 40 years is a long time and people certainly change in that time.
If you are pursuing him romantically then that’s your choice but don’t be upset if it doesn’t work out the way you are fantasizing it will … if you are genuinely ok with it not turning romantic then that’s fine but i suspect you are not going to be happy with that outcome…
Helen
Thank you.
That reply was a level headed one and I would have to agree with all you said.
I am a half glass full person and do believe now, being older, not necessarily much wiser, that sometimes, we have to put ourselves above that parapit and take a little chance/gamble at times.
Obviously I am not going to inform him of this little crush! and who knows, if we do continue to message as mates, I am sure, I will find out more about him. I might find or get the vibe that he is not as attractive as I initially thought. However, can not deny I am curious enough to maybe find that out.
But you are right I need to have in the back of my mind, that often the fantasy is far better than the reality ! I will label him my fantasy only and lock it away, treating him as the mate he once was and put the idea of any unrealistic idealistic ideas of romance out of my head. :)
Writing things down and out loud, does, often bring clarity.Newbie
Just dont fall in the pit seeing intimate texting as meaningful and you will stay fine. I know its harder now when most of us are more isolated but just keep a clear head. Thats all you have to do
Tallspicy
Please stop chasing him. You don’t want him as a friend, so stop using friend as an excuse for initiating almost everything.
If you must, reach out when people can meet and connect for real. Just leave it till then,
Helen
As regards to the actual texting, itself, I have no intention of sexting him at all, that, is reserved for when in a relationship with someone. I can’t abide sexting, for the sake of it with someone I have not or might not met yet. Definately a time and place for it, but this is not it.
As for chasing him?, I really do not like that turn of phrase, in this instance. We were friends moons ago, agreed, we have only just got back in touch. He, does not know my thoughts on him, none of our texts have even been flirty either way, just straight chat, about good times back then and what has happened over the years to both of us. so me dropping him a text at some point, to me would only seem natural. If a guy gives you his number, and says do stay in touch, whether irrespective of what my feelings are, should I not be allowed to take that at face value.
Tallspicy
You like him as more than a friend, you want him to like you. When you reach out to men who are not your friend hoping something romantic will happen, that is not mirroring a man, it is pursuing. When you pursue men romantically, it decreases their hunting because they know you will do the work and then they lose romantic interest.
If you want to know if a man likes you, let him do the work. That is how he invests and gets more interested or decides he is not and he fades.
If he were just a friend for real, initiate away. But he is not.Tallspicy
And if a man gives you his number and says stay in touch, he is not that interested. Men who like you ask for your number and call you. I stand by reaching out when real life is started again.
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